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Active: 1290 users

Protoss Short Story Part 3: Graduation Ceremony

Blogs > Selendis
Post a Reply
Selendis
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Australia509 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-12-06 05:55:19
December 06 2011 01:22 GMT
#1
So I felt like procrastinating this morning instead of laddering. Hence the new installment in the series.

I added a gag in this one. See if you can spot it. It's a terrible one but you might just find it funny.

Oh and If you haven't read my previous two short stories then I highly advise that you read them in chronological order before you read this installment. I introduce no more than one character each story so it's a lot easier to keep track of the characters if you read them in order.

So without any further Adun, I present to you my third work of the Templar Archives:



Judicator Hephaest glared at his compatriot.

"You had best use more subtle means with your Executor."

Judicator Salarus replied only with stoic silence.

"Aiur's hopes rest upon your shoulders, you have to rein him in before his willful defiance jeopardizes the expedition. Blunt manipulation of the Khala will not be enough."

Again Salarus was silent, deep behind his psychological fortress he was aware of Hephaest's true motivations. Both Hephaest and Salarus were aligned with the progressive Auriga faction, the difference between them was that Salarus would not be returning to Aiur if unsuccessful whereas Hephaest would endure a lifetime of shame and dishonor.

"I am well aware of what is at stake. My Executor will learn his place soon enough."

"I also notice that you have delayed the warp jump..."

Salarus replied, "Yes it is set for 8 hours and we will make the last 30 minutes in real time."

Hephaest smiled, "I know what you are doing, Judicator... Do you think it will work?"

"Nothing is so pleasant as awakening slowly to the Khala. I will catch Executor Aeolus with honey*."

Executor Aeolus awoke to a honeyed whisper. His thoughts were slow at first as he tried to discern the speaker. He couldn't. He fell back asleep to the lullaby.

And awoke minutes later, this time the whisper was a chorus. It was gospel music, not sung by one but by millions of billions. The distance had muffled the voice but it was clear enough that his sleepy head knew the source.

Aiur... The Homeworld. His home. Where he grew up. A planet where everyone was empathically linked via the Khala, much like in the ship but on an incomprehensible scale. The emotions flowed in symphonic resonance, the Judicator Caste were the conductors, but all he could hear were the musicians. He surrendered to it and found himself swimming in it.

He completely forgot about yesterday's anger at the Judicator Caste for their manipulative ways. He was Home.

20 minutes later he stopped laughing and composed himself. Judicator Salarus was nearby, he felt him. No doubt Salarus was here to tell him the Ship had landed. He already knew. He felt it. The choir had been growing louder with their approach and now he knew that he was no longer a listener but just another choirboy.

"Executor, your Graduation Ceremony starts in.. well it is starting now. I did not want to disturb your meditation but our Patriarch has almost finished his speech. All of Aiur is waiting for you."

The Executor nodded and approached his wardrobe.

"Oh yes, I had our armourer synthesise something more appropriate for the occasion," Salarus advised as he politely left the room.

The armour with it's gilded golden lustre was nowhere near as boastingly decorative as the ceremony. Salarus had even landed the ship behind the stage, so that the crowd could watch as they disembarked.

Executor Aeolus walked nervously on stage. Behind him to his left were the Patriarchs of the tribes of the Templar Caste, grizzled ancient paternal warriors and masters of war. Behind and to his right were Judicators of the Conclave, their faces expressionless and their age disguised as wisdom. All of them, he knew, could break his very mind in a millisecond with sheer psionic power.

Aeolus was beginning to feel impotent in the midst of these powerful figures until he saw the Patriarch who was at the podium. The Master of Ceremonies for this event was none other than his tribal Patriarch. The Patriarch of the Auriga Tribe, encrusted in emerald green armour with decorative golden spikes. He served as an anchor point in the Khala. As the Master of Ceremonies finished up his speech he glanced at Aeolus. Aeolus's nervousness disappeared as he could almost feel the Patriarch psionically shove confidence into his head.

".... Executor Aeolus"

Suddenly he realised that the Master of Ceremonies HAD finished his speech.

"Don't worry you don't have to say anything, just smile and wave to the crowd," Salarus consoled him telepathically.

And so he did. He was enthralled in the moment. But then a troubled thought raised it's head and whisked him away from the giddying Khala the crowd emanated. Every time he had seen the Aurigan Patriarch in the past he always wore the same piece of jewelry. Always. But not today it seemed. Despite all of his attempts to look handsome in his emerald-green armour, the MC was missing his Khaydarin Amulet...



*Protoss don't have honey, but the transdermal extract of Hastati Beetles could only be described "as sweet as honey", which is the literal translation of the Judicator's words


PS:Also.. As always, don't hesitate to give me feedback. IT'S ONLY 50 ENERGY!

**
Probes are sooo OP
andiCR
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Costa Rica2273 Posts
December 06 2011 01:35 GMT
#2
Im sorry for jumping off topic, but, are u camilla the girl that travels to peoples houses all over the world?
Nightmare1795 wrote: I played a guy in bronze who said he was Japanese. That was the only game I ever dropped a nuke, which was purely coincidental.
Probulous
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Australia3894 Posts
December 06 2011 01:47 GMT
#3
On December 06 2011 10:35 iPAndi wrote:
Im sorry for jumping off topic, but, are u camilla the girl that travels to peoples houses all over the world?


I assume not
Selendiis was just banned by Jibba.

That account was created on 2011-11-04 12:36:01 and had 7 posts.

Reason: You're human filth. You are no longer welcome in this community. I hear NASL is picking up Tribes, maybe you can whore out your clammy pooch to a professional Tribes player.


Clammy pooch. Gets me every time

Sorry, this is off topic but it is better to nip it the bud before it gets to far.
"Dude has some really interesting midgame switches that I wouldn't have expected. "I violated your house" into "HIHO THE DAIRY OH!" really threw me. You don't usually expect children's poetry harass as a follow up " - AmericanUmlaut
Warfield
Profile Joined November 2011
United States49 Posts
December 06 2011 02:02 GMT
#4
I like it!
Starcraft is a way of life. Playing it disciplines the mind and trains the soul. I think.
Selendis
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Australia509 Posts
December 06 2011 02:09 GMT
#5
On December 06 2011 10:47 Probulous wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 06 2011 10:35 iPAndi wrote:
Im sorry for jumping off topic, but, are u camilla the girl that travels to peoples houses all over the world?


I assume not
Show nested quote +
Selendiis was just banned by Jibba.

That account was created on 2011-11-04 12:36:01 and had 7 posts.

Reason: You're human filth. You are no longer welcome in this community. I hear NASL is picking up Tribes, maybe you can whore out your clammy pooch to a professional Tribes player.


Clammy pooch. Gets me every time

Sorry, this is off topic but it is better to nip it the bud before it gets to far.


You are referring to a different selendis. My name only has one "i" in it. She has two i's.

I actually haven't gotten banned yet. Plenty of warnings though. TL bot doesn't seem to like my views on balance
Probes are sooo OP
Selendis
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Australia509 Posts
December 06 2011 02:10 GMT
#6
On December 06 2011 11:02 Warfield wrote:
I like it!


Thanks for the feedback! feel free to rate my blog (just click on the stars at the bottom of my post).
Probes are sooo OP
Probulous
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Australia3894 Posts
December 06 2011 02:11 GMT
#7
^^ One day the bot will take over. It is only a matter of time. It is only R1CH who can hold back the tide.
"Dude has some really interesting midgame switches that I wouldn't have expected. "I violated your house" into "HIHO THE DAIRY OH!" really threw me. You don't usually expect children's poetry harass as a follow up " - AmericanUmlaut
Selendis
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Australia509 Posts
December 06 2011 03:12 GMT
#8
one star huh? well mr one star? what didn't you like about my writing. please do tell, I care about my quality of writing.
Probes are sooo OP
Probulous
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Australia3894 Posts
December 06 2011 04:01 GMT
#9
On December 06 2011 12:12 Selendis wrote:
one star huh? well mr one star? what didn't you like about my writing. please do tell, I care about my quality of writing.


I'll give you a three, how about that

If you seriously want feedback I will say that you need to prune your work. It comes across as a little clumsy and in need of refinement. Take this for example

Again Salarus was silent, although deep behind his psychological fortress he was aware of Hephaest's true motivations. Both Hephaest and Salarus were aligned with the progressive Auriga faction, the difference between them was that Salarus would probably not live if he failed his mission. Hephaest however, would live well long enough to suffer the shame and dishonor of his tribe's failure.

Salarus broke the silence "I am well aware of what is at stake. My Executor will learn his place soon enough."


You could halve that paragraph and just tighten up your word usage. I guess it depends on the style of writing but personally I much prefer stuff be implied rather than straight up said. Simple things like "the difference between them was that Salarus would probably not live if he failed his mission. Hephaest however, would live well long enough to suffer the shame and dishonor of his tribe's failure". If Salarus won't live and this different for Hephaest, no need to explain that Hephaest will live. I know it is pedantic but this can be tightened up. Here is a slightly different working

Again Salarus was silent. Despite being aligned with progressive Auriga faction, Hephaest's motivations were clear. A Salarus failure would mean certain death, whilst Hephaest would suffer dishonour.

"I am well aware of what is at stake. My Executor will learn his place soon enough."


I know I am being wordy (how ironic ) but it is hard to explain. I always feel the less you say the more you communicate. Trust your reader to follow. Urgh, what an ugly comment. Hope you understand.

Nice work!
"Dude has some really interesting midgame switches that I wouldn't have expected. "I violated your house" into "HIHO THE DAIRY OH!" really threw me. You don't usually expect children's poetry harass as a follow up " - AmericanUmlaut
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