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//This is a stupid "blog" post, maybe I will read it in a few years, to see what's changed.
Hi
Recently I changed high schools. At first I thought "Oh yay, now my life will get better!". Nope. If anything, it seems it's gotten worse and made me even more depressed. I feel as if I don't belong anywhere.
As I idiotically changed schools after the schoolyear had started, I'm behind in my studies, more precisely in physics and maths. My grade's are now very bad(1-2's/F's). At the moment there are 7 test/task papers, in which I have bad grades, and which I need to fix. But that seems impossible, as it they just seem to be piling up. When I try to fix my mind on a specific task, such as studying for a test, I can't seem to concentrate. The maximum I can focus for is 1 minute, the next 5 minutes my mind is just wandering off. And that may repeat for the whole day.
The thoughts which are wandering in my mind, often involve dropping out of the high school. I don't like most of the teachers as well. Maybe I should do it and try my luck without a high school diploma? Or perhaps I should go to a vocational school? At the moment I have very little motivation left and don't know what to do.
+ Show Spoiler +
sigh..
Sorry for my bad English
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It's possible to succeed without a high school diploma. You need an incredible drive to build something for yourself or a brilliant mind that just doesn't work in the normal school setting and has to "fly free" in a sense.
You don't really seem to strike me as either.
A highschool diploma only has value in obtaining a follow up education. A highschool diploma in and of itself actually has no value job-wise.
So without a follow up education you will be stuck doing manual labour. If that is something you want to do, go ahead. Despite what people here might say there is nothing shamefull or bad about doing unschooled work. Each does what he is capable of.
Just answer the question "what would make me happy". That is really all there is to it. Just do whatever makes you happy. You sound like you are in short supply of that.
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If your mind tends to wander a lot you should talk to a teacher you like or a school counselor about it. Maybe you need some help forming better study habits to get things under control for yourself. Possibly some meds (but idk the whole of things obviously so talk to your doctor about it).
The further behind you get the worse you will feel and the less likely you can catch up. Ask the teachers you like for help. Maybe the teachers you dislike will be nicer if you explain to them how you are feeling. They might just think you don't give a shit without realizing you feel so discouraged and behind after switching schools and having all your work piling up.
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See a doctor. Attention disorders are real and can/should be dealt with medically.
I pray for your success and perseverance.
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Just answer the question "what would make me happy".
Sorry, but that in my eyes seems just very stupid. How can I answer that question, when I can't possibly know what makes me happy? There are many things which in my mind would make me happy, but until I actually try everything out, I don't know the "true me".
Attention disorders are real and can/should be dealt with medically
I don't think I have an attention disorder. I mean when the stuff I do is interesting, I can focus on it.(reading some interesting books for example). After thinking about it, I think I may actually have it. Only book in recent months I could finish was a short story(~60 pages). Most of the pc games I've finished are short ones such as Portal 1,2, HL Ep2. There have been some expectations such as ME1,2, but besides those, no other games are usually finished, even when I'm interested in them. Everytime I've tried to learn something such as a programming language or music producing, I can focus on it maybe for 1 day, 2 when lucky. Then after few months that occurs again(wanting to learn those things, and failing). In lessons I find it hard to focus and get carried away in my mind.
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Well for starters, your English is pretty good for someone from Estonia.
But I think finishing high school should really be the minimum education you aim for. Any lower would just be absolutely detrimental to your development as an intelligent person. A high school education offers much more than just a diploma. The general knowledge you gain allows you to converse and function in far more intelligent ways for the rest of your life than if you didn't go to school (for most people). Even if you forget most of what you learn in high school, you will still retain that sliver of basic learning discipline that will help you later on in life.
Keep at it, and earn that diploma at the very least.
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EPT
