Hello World...

That is quite a sad story I hear there.
You are writting here because you're looking for help, and that is a good thing considering the facts.
Listen what I have to say even though it sounds weird :
You were depressed because you had a problem with yourself, nothing to be ashamed we all have ups and downs. Problem with the concept of depression is giving a name to a state of mind that will always fluctuate.
You might had some great difficulties you couldn't overcome but those might seem totally irrelevant now that a bigger burden affected your life.
Please realize now that you really had no real good reasons to be depressed in the first place because as you can see at least the greatest things went well (beloved and alive girlfriend). Ask yourself if you had any reasons to inflict so much pain to yourself considering the events.
Now you have a reason to be depressed, and a good one but I know you're gonna bounce adn you're gonna get strenghten by your history. I wish I could offer real help for you but I can't. You'll have to deal with it on your own. Stay strong because this isn't gonna be easy but remember how your emotions fluctuate, one day you'll be fine and even more fine than most people because nobody really realise how lucky we are to be alive.
I feel your pain bro, I really do. Give yourself some time and don't be afraid to express your feelings with people surrounding you.
You can watch any VODs you want for as long as you want, there is nothing wrong with that, just do whatever you do, nobody will ever blame you for that. Erase "depression" definitly from your vocabulary because you're dealing with mourning now and that ain't a self-inflicted feeling.
May your gf rest in peace. Remember you're the lucky one in dat story.
You're strong and awesome, you'll be fine in a distant futur.
My speech isn't very good so just pick what you like and fuck the rest.

I used to be a topgrade student, I already passed my BA thesis and have only one semester left (easy course) before I've finished my BA degree. I've not been to the university for a year - my life has been standing still. To top it off, I was recently diagnosed with schizotypical personality disorder, which, combined with depression, makes doing anything very difficult - I simply cannot summon the energy or motivation. Picture this; I've caught myself procrastinating gaming (League of Legends) because I couldn't find the energy to set up rune/mastery pages, chat with team and wait for minions to spawn - or even play the game. I'd litterally sit there and try to find the energy to play a damn computer game, and oftentimes I've failed and just browsed random stuff or watched streams instead.

So naturally, I've seen a psychiatrist and tried loads of different medicines, primarily for the depression as the schizo doesn't interfere too much with my life (and, I get cognitive therapy for that instead). For a long time, I was under the impression that meds couldn't help me; it didn't matter which brand I tried, it just didn't do anything for me. Until a month ago, when I finally found the meds that work for me (Cipralex).

So lately, I've gotten the energy to slowly start doing things. I bought a bench and some weights, and a bike, and I try to get exercise every day, or at least every second day. I've found that if I keep my apartment neat and clean, doing things gets easier. I'm still struggling with getting to bed and waking up at proper hours, but when I am successful in this my days get a lot better.
I try to do meaningful things every day; recently I helped my brother-in-law move, and I helped another relative by proof-reading her essay. I often help my dad with garden work. Doing these things makes me feel of use to people, which cheers me up a lot. My closest friends know of my condition, and they are very helpful - since I live in the city center, they often drop by for dinner, or bring their lappys for a few games. As the days go by, I can feel my situation slowly improving, and while I'm not a jolly Peter Pan yet, I feel that I'm on the right track.

On a side note; I never, myself, sought out a psychiatrist and would never have thought of it nor had the ressources to find one. A relative who works in therapy recognized my symptoms and immediately hooked me up with a professional; to a large degree, I attribute my recovery to her being there and spotting my problems for me, when I couldn't see them myself.


In the end, you've suffered from depression way longer than me, and the loss of your girlfriend is worse than anything I can imagine... yet I hope that my story can bring you some hope that one day things will lighten up, maybe by finding the right meds, maybe by having a friend or relative pull you out, or maybe something else.