EPTRecently I switched schools, my reasons being that people in my old school didn't talk much Estonian, and even some teachers were unable to speak Estonian on an understandable level.
The new school has definitely more people than my old one, my class is also bigger(~20 girls, 3 boys, with me included). First day went okay, it turned out that all my creepiest and most horrible fantasies just stayed fantasies.
Some things got worse. The teachers. They all speak Estonian, but some of them are rather boring, which makes their lessons boring. The biggest problem is that the boring teachers are the teachers of the subjects of which I am interested in. Maths and physics teachers are some old slow hags. They know what they're talking about, but there's just no "excitement" in their talk. The maths teacher in my old school wasn't exactly young either, but at least she spoke about it with excitement in her voice, and wasn't so passive. English, which was my main concern at the old school, isn't actually better. I'd say that the teacher in my old school, who didn't speak Estonian, at least was more active, and something at least happened in the lesson. Here, the class is given some stupid ass paper, which can be fullfilled in like 10 minutes. But it wasn't completely checked even by the time the lesson had ended, 1h 50 minutes after the lesson had started. Oh, others used laptops and dictionaries, and took longer than me to finish(not trying to sound elitist). At my old school, with that time we could've complete at least 2 different papers, and check them, and do even more. Without laptops and dictionaries. Also, the students, at least in my class, are very passive. There's almost no activity. It seems like all their energy has been sucked out.
Also the classrooms are cold. I'm not sure if the rooms are vented all day long, there are heat leaks, or no heating at all. It's 8° C outside.
Overall, my expectations were hyped up a lot. And then when I changed, almost all of them were crushed. At least there's no swimming this quarter of the year, and the food is better, as promised.
I don't regret the decision of actually making the change, because otherwise I would've, probably, regretted it for the rest of my life. However, at the same time, I'm not happy at all with the change. My expectations were a bit higher, and now they have been demolished. When thinking about it, I think I were a bit too critical about my old school. Also, I was blaming everything on others, which was very unthoughtful of me. After the change I realised that it was actually me just being depressed.
Now that I've changed the schools, I'm feeling empty. I'm not feeling happy, nor am I feeling very sad. Just depressed or unmotivated(don't know which one to choose). There are still no changes for the better, and I still don't have any certain goals in my mind. I did realise however, that going to a university is not something which I have to definitely do. The last few years I have thought that if I don't go to a university, I'll be worthless, won't get a job and can go die in a crowded place, because no one would care anyways. I've thought about it, and realised that there's a really slim chance of getting in to a university, when there's no money. I could possibly get a free spot in a university, but then I wouldn't have the money to pay for an apartment. The university on which I've had my eyes on for the longest time, offers curriculums on things which I'm mostly not interested in, technical subjects such as computer science, genetics engineering, electro energetics etc. Of course there are some things which I'm interested in also, otherwise I wouldn't have had my eye on that university.
Although I don't have anything against those technical subjects, I just don't see myself doing those things. I'd rather study psychology, cultures, or write books, because writing somehow comes out naturally for me(unless there's a book report which I have to write). Writing books seems like an option, but that seems too risky for me.
I've also, for the last 6 moths, been thinking of dropping out high school entirely. I don't have problems with my grades, but problems with motivation. As I wrote before, I'm feeling empty, and without certain goals. I've thought that after I'd drop out of high school, I'd go to the compulsory army service, and after that go to a vocational school, where I could get a skill, which is required in the job market, but doesn't certainly make a lot of money. After that when I could get a job, I'd try to get my high school diploma, from a specialized school, and try doing something useful with it. Dropping out of high school is definitely a bad idea, because so much of our life depends on that little paper. But I just don't have any will to continue. I'd probably be kicked of the house as well(or maybe not). Of course there are some individuals who haven't finished high school, and are successful, but they're definitely rare.
I think deep inside I know that I don't want to drop out of high school, but at the same time I don't want to continue in the current school, or go back to my old one. If I'd drop out I'd probably try to get a shitty job and build my way up from there, try to get my high school diploma, and do something useful with it.
Or die trying, hungry.
Don't know what to do anymore.
PS! Sorry for my English.
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Some songs 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihpcN_vns0k
