Gah. The advice on TL is good (generlly), and tonight I've realized that.
I've come to like her a lot. Basically, at first I thought it would be us not getting back together, and us just being friends with benefits as it goes. But I came to like her more and more, and even blogged about her here on TL. As I came to like her more, I didn't say anything about it- she was going to be leaving for Ecuador for three months, and when she got back, she'd be in college while I still had another year in high school. So she'd be too cool for me when she got back anyway, starting anything now would end as soon as she left. Just have it be cuddling and superficial things. If I said anything, it would just make things awkward and I wouldn't get to enjoy her anymore.
But when I blogged, I got this advice:
On June 06 2011 10:13 Fallen33 wrote: Agreed; Cuddling is the fucking best, sometimes better than sex. As for the whole her leaving thing... Tell her how you feel, if you don't you'll regret that forever...
And I didn't tell her. I read this, and thought, "Meh, that'll probably just ruin things." Today is her last day. I still hadn't said anything when we hung out. I still didn't. When we said our goodbyes, I just left her like nothing had ever happened. And when I got home, I realized how big of a complete retard I am. It's the worst feeling in the world, or near to it. Just leaving it hanging like that, what could have been if I said something.
I decided to act on that feeling, because I couldn't leave with it. I called her and asked if we could talk again, but she had family stuff, so we had to talk over the phone. I told her how I felt finally, and she basically said "What the heck, I've been waiting for you to say that for months." What a terrible freaking feeling. Talking to her went much better than I could have hoped though, and better than I deserved. She said that we could still e-mail when she was in Ecuador, and even told me to text her later tonight when we got off the phone. She said that when she got back, we'll see how we feel and act from there. Now it's just a bunch of finger crossing, whereas if I had followed Fallen's advice everything would have been basically solidified and I wouldn't even have to worry. I can take this for something though- Don't overthink things, and just say what needs to be said. Don't worry about the repercussions.
Tell her how you feel. And yes Chef, advice in girl blogs is pretty good sometimes.
Honesty always wins out in the end. Now come's the real challenge. Enjoy the happy feeling, there will be tough times ahead and you cannot know how things will be when she comes back. BUT there is a chance things will work out.
Hope for the win!
Have a great day mate
Edit: Forgot to say that honesty, is being honest with yourself. It actually does not matter how she responded in the end. Even if she didn't reciprocate at least you know you gave it your best shot and took the risk. This is what being true to yourself is, doing what is best for you.
when I broke up with my ex I didn't have the courage to tell her how I really felt. I missed her a lot, and wanted to fix the things between us and ask for another chance. But I guess I was too hesitant and didn't do anything. It's been almost a year now, and she's with someone else and she's pretty happy, so I missed my chance.
Oh no, this was a bad move. She liked you already, telling her how you feel didn't make her like you any more. Now she will expect you not to fool around with anyone else for the next 3 months.
Communication is the most important thing for a relationship to work, whether it be a girlfriend or a friend. If she didn't like you back, you could've communicated how you both felt and just understood the others' POV, and if your friendship was truly strong, you guys would've come out of it still great friends.
@zigguarat: That's the best I could hope for, I don't mind waiting.
@Clysmic: Exactly what I've realized, and it's a good lesson learned. I wouldn't change it because of the lesson I've learned, but I also would have really liked to already have known that. =/
@Clysmic: Exactly what I've realized, and it's a good lesson learned. I wouldn't change it because of the lesson I've learned, but I also would have really liked to already have known that. =/
Well, our struggles make us stronger. It's a good thing that you realized your fault and are thankful for the lesson. Less wise people would repeat the same mistakes ^.^
yes, torte de lini is right; I know this advice because I am one of those people suffering from "what ifs". What if I had said what i felt? What if I never let her leave. It will haunt me forever. Congrats bro, hope it all works out ;D
Yeah, the feeling of love before actually got accepted by a girl is quite cool esp when she let you know that she likes you. Now when shes gone for 3 months, you go do something that you really want to do but didn't have the motivation for it, since this is the time you are the most optimistic and can do alot of thing that you normally don't even bother doing.
On June 15 2011 13:36 ziggurat wrote: Oh no, this was a bad move. She liked you already, telling her how you feel didn't make her like you any more. Now she will expect you not to fool around with anyone else for the next 3 months.
On June 15 2011 13:36 ziggurat wrote: Oh no, this was a bad move. She liked you already, telling her how you feel didn't make her like you any more. Now she will expect you not to fool around with anyone else for the next 3 months.
And if he never says anything to her then there's the possibility that she just gives up on him and moves on. It's much worse to think "man, if only I had said something" for forever than to know you went down without a fight and at least tried.
Props to you and hope everything goes well! Although I will say, don't just sit and wait around for her. Go out and do something with your life. You could end up finding out that you feel she's a perfect fit for you or maybe you'll just find a more amazing opportunity.
On June 15 2011 13:36 ziggurat wrote: Oh no, this was a bad move. She liked you already, telling her how you feel didn't make her like you any more. Now she will expect you not to fool around with anyone else for the next 3 months.
Well if he truly likes her, hopefully he won't have the desire to fool around for the next 3 months.
I think telling her how you feel isn't just for the better or for worse as to how things will work out between you guys but also good for yourself. Better knowing that she didn't feel the same way, didn't like you or didn't even bother from the start than to always be looking back and wondering what things would have been like.
Lol, I don't even come to TL anymore for the starcraft >.< I didn't even remember what you'd written about in your previous blog, but I knew that I'd read it. I don't think I've missed a girl blog in like a month.
On topic. I was told that being brutally honest can backfire. It can, doesn't bother me as much as not saying anything though. You're more successful than I am with women, so I didn't want to give you any advice (it might be bad).
I'm not so knowledgeable on the girls department unfortunately but i do have to say gl hf yo ^_^ i hope everything works out for ya. let us know what happens.
Well I guess good thing she is only gone for 3 months. Just think if she left for a couple years. Honestly even if she said I don't see us getting back together, atleast she knew how you felt and you didn't kick yourself in the ass for the rest of your life with the what ifs. Glad to hear that she is going to give it a chance. Good luck, and keep us up to date.
that feeling of not having done anything, and the bitter aftertaste... i understand :< good job telling her how you feel! all the best during and once she returns :>
i hope everything works out for you man. my situation is not completely different from yours right now and i'm glad you made the right decision thanks for sharing.
Nice one! Reading and giving advice on girl blogs is fun, but it's so much BETTER to read success stories. I mean, most the advice centers around "do something", and you sure did!
Now, about the waiting. Been there, done that, it sucks. Take care to see...whatever it is you guys have...as it is in reality. It's easy to start believing a fantasy world when you're apart.
I'm also going to start linking this to all the girl blogs where someone says "I don't know if I should act or not..." to give some inspiration!
Glad it worked out for you. You should act on your own instinct and go for what you want; thats all the confidence and determination you need. You are the one who knows the situation best, so its only appropriate that you make the decisions. The best relationship advice is to be yourself. The best confidence motivator is to take what you want. So if you want to tell her how you feel, tell her how you feel. Don't listen to the other relationship advice 'gurus', they don't know anything about the girl you're with or the relationship you've produced. You'll know whats right and wrong; just trust yourself.
EPT
