So next weekend I'm going to visit my friend jowls from high school in baltimore next friday. I call him jowls cause a) we were fat in high school and he had jowls b) he had the same name as like 10 of my friends so they alll got nicknames and his was jowls. He's helping put on a show with the baltimore rock opera society and is the stage director or acting director or something i dont fucking know i wasnt really listening. It should be... uh... interesting... to say the least. Why is this important? There will obviously (i assume) be a crazy party afterwards with drugs and sluts.
I love theater girls. I like all types of girls, but theater girls hold a special place in my heart. They're easy, usually somewhat fit, dress slutty, and will do anything. I can tell a theater girl I want to stick it in her butt and she'll laugh. So this trip will mean I'm getting at least 5 girls naked (a conservative estimate) over the weekend.
I've been trying to prepare physically for the ladies by exercising and lifting weights and shit, but with the witcher 2 and terraria coming out, rainy weather, and my dad being bored and stopping by, I haven't put in as much time as I'd wanted to. I did get some awesome chili from my dad though. ^_^ Plus I don't have much motivation because fitness seems so abstract to me. It's not like starcraft where its like, practice macro, stomp noobs next random ladder game. There's no real tangible, quick result to it. I'd like to get to the point where its like talk to girl, randomly take my shirt off, gg, but I don't have the motivation to do that. I'd post some pictures but we all know there are no girls on TL so what would be the point of that. Besides this is sort of written as like me to the dudes, so shirtless pictures would sorta change the tone in a bad direction, if you know what I mean.
I like shy girls too. It seems like I get direct results by focusing my attention on them, like I mean that I can tell if i'm getting somewhere. I like to know where i stand quickly so i know how to change my build. (hey its a starcraft forum i can talk about sexing girls like its a build order) With a shy girl they don't have all that much experience with boys, so its easier in general, just like cannon rushing a bronze leaguer.
I don't like challenges when I'm dealing with girls. With starcraft I'd rather play a game I might not win to test myself and see where I stand, because I actually have some kind of understanding of starcraft and some measure of skill. With girls I want it as easy as possible. Ideally a conversation with a girl would be like, "hey, youre really cute, want to go get naked asaply?" "OKAY " (this is pretty close to most of my actual openings with girls btw lol). I don't understand girls and therefore I don't want any kind of challenge. I just tell them what my intentions are and hope they go for it. I also don't understand fitness, which is why i'm bad at that too.
Some people don't understand the difference between meeting girls for fun and girls for marrying. There's a huge difference. I'm not going to meet a girl I'd marry on my trip. This is because to marry a girl she'd have to have a list of features which i will now provide in bullet point list form for you.
- pretty face, beautiful eyes, lips etc. dont care about ur nose as long as it isnt totally awful
laughs at all my stupid comments and/or jokes
super awesome butt, so she has to like go running or do squats or something lol
isnt very serious, so she wont mind that i have no ambition and spend 16 hrs a day doing zip
amazing in bed
smart and interesting, maybe a writer or an artist or something
Here's the list of features for someone id fuck for fun:
- willing to have sex with me
Notice how list #2 is much smaller than list #1. I'll have sex with pretty much anyone who isn't diseased and asks me nicely enough, boys included (oh snap yeah i went there). Don't really think that matters all that much, if you got this far and decided you didn't like me here, theres probably something strange going on. Some people have really odd ideas about that sort of thing, (they're probably all wrong), you're probably not good looking enough to have to worry about them... but that's a story for another time.
My gameplan with girls at social gatherings is pretty simple. I let them know I'm interested in seeing them naked. Then I talk about sex with them and make silly comments. Optional: make sure they're drinking (the more the better lolol). I avoid mentioning what I do for a living, starcraft, and video games, because no girl who wants to have sex with me is going to want to hear about how im about to cannon her ramp.
So yeah... those are my random thoughts on boobies. I know I probably missed a few details that will make this whole thing make sense, so feel free to ask. I coulda swore I had more things to write about but if I did they're escaping me. I'll close with some sagely advice and comments for my young nerds who want to get with the ladies but haven't figure the whole thing out yet.
Put some effort into looking nice. Girls won't care what the fuck you are interested in or how good your micro is, if you look good none of that matters. Its not that girls dont like nerds, they just dont like ugly people lol. So put some effort in.
Make your intentions clear right when you meet a girl. You don't have to be rude like me and be like DAMN BITCH I WANT SOME OF DEM TITTAYS, but you do need to let her know you wanna get her naked. Think of family tv shows, they don't ever say the dirty words, but you know what they're talking about. You can be polite and nice and still let a girl know you want to hump her. You hear girl blogs about people screwing this one up all the time.
That's about it so... yeah. Hope you enjoyed this random look inside my head. I'm sure theres one person who went YEAH THIS WAS GREAT I LOVED IT. Well thanks dude, I wrote this for you. Also if there's anyone cool, female, or otherwise in baltimore that maybe wants to do something saturday 28th afternoon with a random stranger from the internet, pm me or let me know in thread or something and maybe you can have a beer with me and jowls and talk about starcraft and video games and shit, i'll buy you a beer if you're over 21. I don't know what I'm actually doing or what my friend has planned if anything so none of it is concrete aside from my plane ticket. Or you could go see the opening show friday night, im sure there will be lots of blood and random songs about dicks and stuff.