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I'm just here to blow off some steam. Feel free to flame me and troll me and criticize me I don't really care.
I feel like everything I do is in vain or just not enough. I'm in HS, though I attend HS at a university. Anyway I just got my Bio Lab practical and I got a 80. Thing that pisses me off is that I studied for 10 hours and I got this grade. My friend studied for 1 hour before class for the damn test and he gets and 84, and describes his grade as "getting rapped."
I don't know I just feel so fucking inferior to everybody, like everything I do is in vain. Like am I not doing it right or am I just dumb? And all my friends are getting into Ivy leagues, MIT, Stanford, the whole 5 yards, and as a junior I feel so much pressure and discouraged. I really fucked up first semester of my time at this "high school college hybrid." I got a low ass GPA (3.3) while all my friends around me all have 4.0s and 2200+ SAT with a few 2400, olympiad finalists, intel and seimens finalists, and even little things like getting into research labs at universities.
There is the saying "no regrets" but all I have is regrets. I just wished I pushed myself harder in middle school and even in my freshman and sophmore year of HS. I wish I read a lot more books. I wish I studied harder and got better grades. I wish I studied SAT. I wish I didn't waste all my time doing who knows what. Yadada, all this wishing but whats the use. I got a lot of catching up to do but the mountain appears to be insurmountable.
Also I wish I could motivate myself. I desire to do well, but I am just so apathetic. I tried earlier this semester to fix this. I began studying hard and devoting most my time to studying for like 5 hours a day, finishing my homework earlier and sleeping early but after getting a 70 on my English essay, and a 79 on my chem test, I'm back to my apathetic self, and I hate it. I feel like a 500 pound overweight guy sitting on his couch hating himself, but feeling like there is nothing that can be done about it.
And I also get knocked down so easy. When a whole bunch of bad stuff happens, I stay down. I find it hard to get back up and keep on fighting. A lot of you may say "oh your just a lazy wimp, grow up." I guess thats right, I need to man up and accept my current situation, and make the best of it, but I feel so fucking lost. I feel like I fucked up my life so bad, I can't take it anymore. My self-asteem is pretty bad as you can probably tell. I don't have much confidence, and I try to cheer myself but i feel like such a fucking wimp. Ugh.
I know this is a whining thread, but It feels a lot better to get that off my chest. I'm not in the mood to proof read this thing so excuse my Engrish.
 
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Holy shit, today is all about reading parts of my life that I've been through.
One thing I tell myself when I get a grade is 1. never compare it with other people. There are many reasons why your friend got a better grade and all of them have nothing to do with you nor is it your fault.
2. You get what you deserved. So don't feel regretful or annoyed, it just means exactly what you know: you can do better. Does it matter if you study for 20 hours if the way your studying is terrible?
Here's what I did and despite it not helping me, it boosted my confidence in feeling proactive of my stuff.
Whenever I get a good grade or a decent grade, I always ask the teacher if we can go over my work. Even if I got one question wrong, I go there anyways because not only does it make me feel more comfortable about my progress, it may tell me something that I didn't know.
Honestly, you're doing fine. Not great, not amazing, not terrible, not mediocre. It's just a question of improvement and seeing the outlook of things. You won't get the best of what you want if you don't see how these are signs of things to improve and work on.
Chin up mate, it's high-school.
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Wow, this is exactly how I feel. I was so apathetic in my gr 10, gr 11 year, scraping by with mediocre grades (75-80) and going to an academic school, this was pretty pathetic compared to all my friends. Like you, I motivated myself studying 4-5 hours a day earlier this year, but when i got my first tests back, I was so disappointed with my high 70's low 80's. I felt like i deserved a higher grade for the effort I put into studying and i became apathetic once again. I thought, what's the point of studying if i get the same grade as if i hadn't studied? Bleh. And here I am, procrastinating once again.
I wish I could somehow motivate myself too... somehow. Need to fix my studying habits before going to University. Sigh..
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Wtf, 75-80 is mediocre?
I got 60s and I felt amazing!
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lol inb4 a bunch of sympathetic posts...
Life: if you're not a genius, there's always going to be someone better than you. Why do you think i'm sitting on my computer reading comics and have missed the last 10 frisbee practices, even though it's a sport i honestly enjoy?
I'm in college and i feel the same thing man.
I don't know i could go on but then i would just depress myself.
Last thing, just know you're not alone, a lot of us feel like this.
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Life is something that shouldnt be spent be spent benchmarking to your peers. What makes your life important and meaningful is yourself. Don't compare yourself to others. There's simply no point. Live life the way you want to live and don't make it a chore for yourself. Life isn't suppose to be a chore it's supposed to be a wonderful gift to enjoy. And right now you aren't enjoying yours.
So first off, get this through your head. Your relevance on this Earth has absolutely no correlation to your academics. There has been plenty of great people that came from a background of little to no education.
Secondly, the confidence issue is a tough trek to pass but its possible. A lot of people out there are insecure and ashamed of what they perceive as their own incompetence or worthlessness. You feel lost because you are pressuring yourself to much to find a means to an end. And let me say this right now, under no circumstances is taking your own life a solution of any kind if that has even crossed your mind. Just wanted to throw that out there. Because whether you think so or not, no mater how worthless your insecurities may have conviencd you to believe, people will miss you if you are gone.
Finally, I understand how it feels when for one shineing moment you feel inspiration and a push. But then at the slightest sign of adversity your crumble to the pressure and bad news. It's called durrability. Once you have that, you will be able to stand up to adversity and what you may believe are 'short comings' (when in reality are actual learning experiences that we all go through, and nothing more) and bounce back. If you talk to a family member, or close friend and ask for their support after talking to them about this I'm sure they can help you.
Remember: Don't be afraid of moving slowly forward. Be afraid of stopping from fear of a fall along the way.
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I ask for my friends' and enemies' marks only to see if they beat me, and to motivate myself to work harder to beat them. It's essentially a game. More like friendly competition.
My confidence was nil four years ago. My confidence is high now. Why? Because I realized I'd rather say something false with full conviction and learn that it's wrong than speak partially and get it partially right. That's the correct way to learn. Don't second guess yourself. Just do. I think I watched the Star Wars episode where Yoda said, "Do or do not, there is no try." And that just makes sense.
Some people will be better than you in life. It's a fact. But few are naturally talented. You can't beat natural talent. But you can beat work hard ability. How? By working harder. Take control of what you can. Meaning control what aspects of your life you can.
I always think I do shit on tests. That's the correct mentality. Never go into a test thinking you'll do perfectly fine. That's ignorance. Study. Study. And study some more. Study until the last moment before the test. Because then you're determined, and you know you've given it all you've got.
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On March 25 2011 15:23 Sigh wrote:
Wow, this is exactly how I feel. I was so apathetic in my gr 10, gr 11 year, scraping by with mediocre grades (75-80) and going to an academic school, this was pretty pathetic compared to all my friends. Like you, I motivated myself studying 4-5 hours a day earlier this year, but when i got my first tests back, I was so disappointed with my high 70's low 80's. I felt like i deserved a higher grade for the effort I put into studying and i became apathetic once again. I thought, what's the point of studying if i get the same grade as if i hadn't studied? Bleh. And here I am, procrastinating once again.
I wish I could somehow motivate myself too... somehow. Need to fix my studying habits before going to University. Sigh..
Literally laughed out loud when I saw your nick :D
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"- Eleanor Roosevelt.
I understand how you feel. I didn't do so well during HS and I got rejected from the University I wanted to attend. It was my own fault. I hardly studied and seldom took interest in homework. I procrastinated and didn't study for the ACT and received a way lower mark in comparison with my friends, even though I knew I could of done way better. However, I didn't let the failure get to me. I went to a community college and applied myself. Now here am in that university and doing well may I add.
Basically, blaming yourself isn't going to get you anywhere. Focus on what you can do now. From reading it's clear you put a lot of work, yet didn't receive the marks you wanted. As people have mentioned talk to your instructors and ask them where you need to focus to improve your grades.
Explain them how you feel and I'm sure they would be even willing to give you some extra work to boost your grade. Also, don't let your youth slip away! I regret doing so much in HS. Focusing on your grades is important, but you also need to develop yourself.
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EPT
