EPT+ Show Spoiler +
Well TL I lost part of my internet innocence today. I ventured into /b/. Now you may ask me, why would you do this? And my only answer is curiosity killed the cat. I have decided to write about my experiences as a way of helping the trauma.
It all began as a normal Friday. I visited liquivania, the mafia suburb of liquicity; I hurried past liquighetto, the sc2 strategy section (I hurried because I didn’t want to be mugged by some liquitroll). I checked my FPL and LB at liquivegas, waded my way through liquistadium where the fans scream at one another during the adrenaline rush of a televised match before finally coming to rest at liquibar and took in the latest girl blog with a shot of fanart.
As I relaxed here I reflected about how truly lucky we at liquicity are. If I wanted I could run down to liquiprison and see all the miscreants and read their misdeeds. Though the crime rate has risen slightly over the years, this can only be expected with a rise in population. The more I reflected the more I wondered what life is like outside the protective reach of the liquicity public safety force. I wondered if I was taking this protection for granted. I’ve visited the liquicity graffiti wall so I know what it can look like but the graffiti wall is closely monitored so that it is funny without being too offensive. After a while of thinking I decided I would go on an adventure. An adventure to 4chan.
The first thing to do was put my affairs in order in case I did not return. I answered several PMs and updated my profile with my last mafia information. Then I took out my TL power medallion. Mine’s only a dragoon so it’s a little dumb but it’s still a powerful component of any protoss composition. Armed with my medal and blind innocence, I climbed into my browsership and set out on my journey to discover the bad side of the internet.
I first began by checking the ancient archives of urban dictionary and encyclopedia dramatica. I Poured over literally month’s worth of information compiled by highly skilled researchers as they copy paste their “research” with one hand and masturbate with the other. After a long and exhaustive search I learned of a mysterious board called /b/. Now the descriptions used for /b/ are much to foul to bring to our fair liquicity but these descriptions gave me the confirmation I needed. I had found the black hole at the center of the universe. Now that I had a destination, I turned my browser towards 4chan and headed into the unknown.
Almost immediately after I left the archives my browsership lit up with dozens of alarms warning me of impending danger. Undaunted I silenced the alarms and soldiered on. After about 0.00027 seconds of traveling I arrived at the gates of 4chan. Gazing across the unknown vista of chat rooms and IRC channels a lump came to my throat as I thought of fair liquicity. I pulled out a picture of the TL HQ out of my pocket and blew it a kiss. After wistful look I put my emotions behind me and entered the beast itself.
I was overwhelmed. I was bombarded with shit both literally and figuratively. My browsership flashed constant warnings of different system failures. My situation was rapidly turning bad. However I was unwilling to leave without accomplishing my objective. Barely able to see through the garbage, I managed to steer my browsership towards /b/. Upon entering /b/ my browsership crashed. I don’t know if this was pilot error or simply my faithful browsership just couldn’t handle the constant attack of /b/ shit. I barely had time to pull on a hazmat suit and grab my psi blade before the hull ruptured and the full force of /b/ hit me.
It was unimaginable. Boobs, dicks, shits, decapitated animals, humans undergoing major medical operations. All these things attacked me like a wave of derpzombies. My psi blade sang true and I cut back aberration after aberration but there were simply too many and without my browser ship to save me I was surely doomed. Slowly but surely I was forced back into a corner, wedged against the control panel of my browsership I desperately tried to jumpstart it with one hand and fought of the horde with the other. A shit hit me in the side, jizz splashed onto my leg; blood from a thousand failed medical operations splashed through the interior of my browsership and soaked my shoes. All of these things appeared to have acidic properties and they began to eat through my skin. I could feel myself slowly turning into one of them.
I could tell that the end was nearing. I looked up at where the sky should have been but saw only the dull red of 4chan. I longed for the peaceful blue of liquicity. An image flashed before me. It was Stork winning duel golds in the individual leagues. A tear came to my eye as I realized I would be unable to see it. However this image gave me strength. I vowed to face my end like a true protoss. I could bairly stand but I managed to remain upright by bracing myself against the control panel. MY LIFE FOR AUIR I bellowed and submitted myself to the Khala.
But at that instant the dragoon medallion on my chest began to glow. My body felt incredibly light. I could see things in an amazing new clarity. A wave of energy blasted from my medallion immolating millions of depraved /b/ creatures. My browsership roared to life and blasted away from the twisted world. The medallion healed my injuries and sped my browsership home. Upon arrival I raced to my favorite threads. Everything was normal. The EVE onliners were conducting another war so I read the kill boards. Nadas body had been bumped and to my joy I found a pic of stork (no homo). I read a quick girl blog, checked mafia XXXV and read the NFL thread.
It feels good to be home.
It all began as a normal Friday. I visited liquivania, the mafia suburb of liquicity; I hurried past liquighetto, the sc2 strategy section (I hurried because I didn’t want to be mugged by some liquitroll). I checked my FPL and LB at liquivegas, waded my way through liquistadium where the fans scream at one another during the adrenaline rush of a televised match before finally coming to rest at liquibar and took in the latest girl blog with a shot of fanart.
As I relaxed here I reflected about how truly lucky we at liquicity are. If I wanted I could run down to liquiprison and see all the miscreants and read their misdeeds. Though the crime rate has risen slightly over the years, this can only be expected with a rise in population. The more I reflected the more I wondered what life is like outside the protective reach of the liquicity public safety force. I wondered if I was taking this protection for granted. I’ve visited the liquicity graffiti wall so I know what it can look like but the graffiti wall is closely monitored so that it is funny without being too offensive. After a while of thinking I decided I would go on an adventure. An adventure to 4chan.
The first thing to do was put my affairs in order in case I did not return. I answered several PMs and updated my profile with my last mafia information. Then I took out my TL power medallion. Mine’s only a dragoon so it’s a little dumb but it’s still a powerful component of any protoss composition. Armed with my medal and blind innocence, I climbed into my browsership and set out on my journey to discover the bad side of the internet.
I first began by checking the ancient archives of urban dictionary and encyclopedia dramatica. I Poured over literally month’s worth of information compiled by highly skilled researchers as they copy paste their “research” with one hand and masturbate with the other. After a long and exhaustive search I learned of a mysterious board called /b/. Now the descriptions used for /b/ are much to foul to bring to our fair liquicity but these descriptions gave me the confirmation I needed. I had found the black hole at the center of the universe. Now that I had a destination, I turned my browser towards 4chan and headed into the unknown.
Almost immediately after I left the archives my browsership lit up with dozens of alarms warning me of impending danger. Undaunted I silenced the alarms and soldiered on. After about 0.00027 seconds of traveling I arrived at the gates of 4chan. Gazing across the unknown vista of chat rooms and IRC channels a lump came to my throat as I thought of fair liquicity. I pulled out a picture of the TL HQ out of my pocket and blew it a kiss. After wistful look I put my emotions behind me and entered the beast itself.
I was overwhelmed. I was bombarded with shit both literally and figuratively. My browsership flashed constant warnings of different system failures. My situation was rapidly turning bad. However I was unwilling to leave without accomplishing my objective. Barely able to see through the garbage, I managed to steer my browsership towards /b/. Upon entering /b/ my browsership crashed. I don’t know if this was pilot error or simply my faithful browsership just couldn’t handle the constant attack of /b/ shit. I barely had time to pull on a hazmat suit and grab my psi blade before the hull ruptured and the full force of /b/ hit me.
It was unimaginable. Boobs, dicks, shits, decapitated animals, humans undergoing major medical operations. All these things attacked me like a wave of derpzombies. My psi blade sang true and I cut back aberration after aberration but there were simply too many and without my browser ship to save me I was surely doomed. Slowly but surely I was forced back into a corner, wedged against the control panel of my browsership I desperately tried to jumpstart it with one hand and fought of the horde with the other. A shit hit me in the side, jizz splashed onto my leg; blood from a thousand failed medical operations splashed through the interior of my browsership and soaked my shoes. All of these things appeared to have acidic properties and they began to eat through my skin. I could feel myself slowly turning into one of them.
I could tell that the end was nearing. I looked up at where the sky should have been but saw only the dull red of 4chan. I longed for the peaceful blue of liquicity. An image flashed before me. It was Stork winning duel golds in the individual leagues. A tear came to my eye as I realized I would be unable to see it. However this image gave me strength. I vowed to face my end like a true protoss. I could bairly stand but I managed to remain upright by bracing myself against the control panel. MY LIFE FOR AUIR I bellowed and submitted myself to the Khala.
But at that instant the dragoon medallion on my chest began to glow. My body felt incredibly light. I could see things in an amazing new clarity. A wave of energy blasted from my medallion immolating millions of depraved /b/ creatures. My browsership roared to life and blasted away from the twisted world. The medallion healed my injuries and sped my browsership home. Upon arrival I raced to my favorite threads. Everything was normal. The EVE onliners were conducting another war so I read the kill boards. Nadas body had been bumped and to my joy I found a pic of stork (no homo). I read a quick girl blog, checked mafia XXXV and read the NFL thread.
It feels good to be home.
Ok I was bored, sue me.
