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Smix
United States4549 Posts
Whenever I think of you, I try to discern what it is I feel whenever I do - pity? Because of the impossible things that were thrown at you at such a young age? Respect? Because of how mature you seemed to be despite your age? Yearning? I really, really wanted to get to know you… for all those reasons listed above and because I felt maybe, maybe I could help ease… everything you were dealing with. The desire to play superman always there… and yet I could never approach you because you seemed so cold - well maybe that’s not the right word, more like, respectfully distant? I think maybe, because of all the crap you’d seen, you learned that the best way to deal with things was to just be very, very mannered and to keep to yourself. To protect yourself within a shell that behaved properly so that you’d never have to deal with any sort of scolding or anything of the like.
She said that she was scared of you, because you seemed so robotic, so emotionless. But it was the opposite for me… I wanted to cry, scream, yell for you - express all that you wouldn’t, couldn’t. I wanted you to be able to react, feel as humans do - as they should… but no matter what ridiculous words were thrown at you, you would just stand there with your head bowed until it was over before retreating to the safety of your room. Sometimes I would hear her egging you on, as if she was trying to provoke some actual emotional response out of you - but you never wavered in your resolve to stay silent until she was done. I think that pissed her off more than anything, but it only made me hurt for you even more. What kind of emotional turmoil was going on within? How were you dealing with it all? Were you okay?
And all I could do, all I did was try and smile at you whenever we greeted each other, try to convey all that I felt for you through one smile, through one, genuine hello.
I probably won’t see you so personally ever again but… I hope you’re finally feeling, expressing, living as you deserve.
 
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sounds like you just met a handsome (emotionless) nerd...
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On September 20 2010 23:27 YPang wrote:
sounds like you just met a real man...
An emotionless colossus that strides across this burning world. Surviving.
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don't worry I just went to McDonald's, I'll be back in like 5min kk?
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Very nicely written and powerful Smix. Haunting.
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On September 21 2010 00:03 Subversive wrote:
Very nicely written and powerful Smix. Haunting.
Very nice read. Thank you for posting this.
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United States4796 Posts
Well written, although I admit I like mOnion's comment.
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I'm really curious who you wrote that about, that was fantastic :O
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Your stories are very well written but always so sad! T^T
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Wow.. That's deep.
Monion's comment is funny, I like it.
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Nicely written even though it's sad 
+ Show Spoiler +when I started reading it, I thought you were talking about me lol
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good stuff.
i've never actually bothered to read your other blogs because your last one was so long ;;. gonna go back and read them!
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Beautiful little piece. When I first started reading it I thought about exactly what Xsebt suggested, Effort. A bittersweet tale.
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I felt empty after reading this. It's haunting, in a beautiful way...
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I love reading your writing.
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Whenever I think of you, I try to discern what it is I feel whenever I do - pity? Because of the impossible things that were thrown at you at such a young age? Respect? Because of how mature you seemed to be despite your age? Yearning? I really, really wanted to get to know you… for all those reasons listed above and because I felt maybe, maybe I could help ease… everything you were dealing with. The desire to play superman always there… and yet I could never approach you because you seemed so cold - well maybe that’s not the right word, more like, respectfully distant? I think maybe, because of all the crap you’d seen, you learned that the best way to deal with things was to just be very, very mannered and to keep to yourself. To protect yourself within a shell that behaved properly so that you’d never have to deal with any sort of scolding or anything of the like.
Reading this part, for some reason I thought you were talking about
It all fits!
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konadora
Singapore66358 Posts
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EPT![[image loading]](http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/4283/effort1ot4.jpg)
