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Blogs > Smix
Post a Reply
Smix *
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States4549 Posts
September 20 2010 14:07 GMT
#1
Whenever I think of you, I try to discern what it is I feel whenever I do - pity? Because of the impossible things that were thrown at you at such a young age? Respect? Because of how mature you seemed to be despite your age? Yearning? I really, really wanted to get to know you… for all those reasons listed above and because I felt maybe, maybe I could help ease… everything you were dealing with. The desire to play superman always there… and yet I could never approach you because you seemed so cold - well maybe that’s not the right word, more like, respectfully distant? I think maybe, because of all the crap you’d seen, you learned that the best way to deal with things was to just be very, very mannered and to keep to yourself. To protect yourself within a shell that behaved properly so that you’d never have to deal with any sort of scolding or anything of the like.

She said that she was scared of you, because you seemed so robotic, so emotionless. But it was the opposite for me… I wanted to cry, scream, yell for you - express all that you wouldn’t, couldn’t. I wanted you to be able to react, feel as humans do - as they should… but no matter what ridiculous words were thrown at you, you would just stand there with your head bowed until it was over before retreating to the safety of your room. Sometimes I would hear her egging you on, as if she was trying to provoke some actual emotional response out of you - but you never wavered in your resolve to stay silent until she was done. I think that pissed her off more than anything, but it only made me hurt for you even more. What kind of emotional turmoil was going on within? How were you dealing with it all? Were you okay?

And all I could do, all I did was try and smile at you whenever we greeted each other, try to convey all that I felt for you through one smile, through one, genuine hello.

I probably won’t see you so personally ever again but… I hope you’re finally feeling, expressing, living as you deserve.

****
TranslatorBe an Optimist Prime, Not a Negatron // twitter @smixity
XsebT
Profile Blog Joined June 2009
Denmark2980 Posts
September 20 2010 14:27 GMT
#2
+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]
화이팅
YPang
Profile Blog Joined April 2007
United States4024 Posts
September 20 2010 14:27 GMT
#3
sounds like you just met a handsome (emotionless) nerd...
sMi.Gladstone | BW: B high| SC2: gold T_T
jodogohoo
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Canada2533 Posts
September 20 2010 14:28 GMT
#4
On September 20 2010 23:27 YPang wrote:
sounds like you just met a real man...

An emotionless colossus that strides across this burning world. Surviving.
mOnion
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States5657 Posts
September 20 2010 14:29 GMT
#5
don't worry I just went to McDonald's, I'll be back in like 5min kk?
☆★☆ 7486!!! Join the Ban mOnion Anti-Trolling Initiative! - Caller | "on a scale of machine to 10, how bad is that Zerg?" - LZgamer | you are the new tl.net bonjwa monion, congrats - Rekrul | "Cheeseburgers dynamite lilacs" - Chill
Subversive
Profile Joined October 2009
Australia2229 Posts
September 20 2010 15:03 GMT
#6
Very nicely written and powerful Smix. Haunting.
#1 Great fan ~ // Khan // FlaSh // JangBi // EffOrt //
quirinus
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
Croatia2489 Posts
September 20 2010 15:07 GMT
#7
On September 21 2010 00:03 Subversive wrote:
Very nicely written and powerful Smix. Haunting.


Very nice read. Thank you for posting this.
All candles lit within him, and there was purity. | First auto-promoted BW LP editor.
DivinO
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States4796 Posts
September 20 2010 15:15 GMT
#8
Well written, although I admit I like mOnion's comment.
LiquipediaBrain in my filth.
MutaDoom
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
Canada1163 Posts
September 20 2010 16:05 GMT
#9
I'm really curious who you wrote that about, that was fantastic :O
san-tokie
Profile Joined May 2007
Korea (South)185 Posts
September 20 2010 16:14 GMT
#10
Your stories are very well written but always so sad! T^T
ISighZ
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States270 Posts
September 20 2010 16:31 GMT
#11
Wow.. That's deep.
Monion's comment is funny, I like it.
There is no one to help you unless you help yourself
VelkanKnight
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States69 Posts
September 20 2010 17:02 GMT
#12
Nicely written even though it's sad
+ Show Spoiler +
when I started reading it, I thought you were talking about me lol
Member of Konadora's "Loli is not a crime" Brigade! ^-^
Versita
Profile Joined February 2010
Canada1032 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-20 18:08:00
September 20 2010 18:07 GMT
#13
good stuff.
i've never actually bothered to read your other blogs because your last one was so long ;;. gonna go back and read them!
Chimpalimp
Profile Joined May 2010
United States1135 Posts
September 20 2010 21:57 GMT
#14
Beautiful little piece. When I first started reading it I thought about exactly what Xsebt suggested, Effort. A bittersweet tale.
I like money. You like money too? We should hang out.
Archas
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States6531 Posts
September 20 2010 22:08 GMT
#15
I felt empty after reading this. It's haunting, in a beautiful way...
The room is ripe with the stench of bitches!
Wolf
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Korea (South)3290 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-21 01:29:57
September 21 2010 01:29 GMT
#16
I love reading your writing.
Commentatorhttp://twitter.com/proxywolf
TL+ Member
TheAntZ
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
Israel6248 Posts
September 21 2010 01:51 GMT
#17
Whenever I think of you, I try to discern what it is I feel whenever I do - pity? Because of the impossible things that were thrown at you at such a young age? Respect? Because of how mature you seemed to be despite your age? Yearning? I really, really wanted to get to know you… for all those reasons listed above and because I felt maybe, maybe I could help ease… everything you were dealing with. The desire to play superman always there… and yet I could never approach you because you seemed so cold - well maybe that’s not the right word, more like, respectfully distant? I think maybe, because of all the crap you’d seen, you learned that the best way to deal with things was to just be very, very mannered and to keep to yourself. To protect yourself within a shell that behaved properly so that you’d never have to deal with any sort of scolding or anything of the like.


Reading this part, for some reason I thought you were talking about

On September 20 2010 23:27 XsebT wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]


It all fits!
43084 | Honeybadger: "So july, you're in the GSL finals. How do you feel?!" ~ July: "HUNGRY."
konadora *
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
Singapore66155 Posts
September 21 2010 02:33 GMT
#18
*hug*
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