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Active: 27328 users

How to (not) Write a Poem

Blogs > Saracen
Post a Reply
Saracen
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United States5139 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-02-15 09:09:03
July 08 2010 20:36 GMT
#1
Bored, reclined atop your bed,
You read the forum prose
A thought congeals inside your head
"A poem I will compose."

And anxiously, your brain works hard
With fingers now atwitch.
Envisioning yourself a bard,
You scratch that rhyming itch.

With vibrant flair, you type a storm,
It grows before your eyes
And slow emerges, takes its form,
A sweet and happy guise.

So proudly you present to us
Your child as you click "post."
Surprised to hear a wretched fuss
Of what you lacked most.

You see, you think a po-em's just
A clot of words that rhyme.
Alas, far more exists, you must
Consider beat and time.

For when you take "bent, dent, and spent"
And throw them in a slew.
It's sad to say that 50 cent
Is twice the poet as you.

"Ok" you think. "I understand
A rhyme's just not complete
Without its counterpart at hand:
A rhythm and a beat."

And happily you start to spew
A sad and graceless song.
So bold, you really have no clue
How you again went wrong.

For rapping's fine when audible
With instrumental flings,
But something not applaudible
When read from laptop screens.

The problem's there for all to see
You lack a steady beat
For though you say your "style" is "free"
You'd better take a seat.

You lack a structure, lack a flow,
A "meter" is it's name.
It's better off to take it slow
To start this rhyming game.

You organize your mess of words
It comes so painfully.
"The work is hard and slow - absurd"
You think disdainfully.

Don't give up! You're almost there
You sad and poor recluse.
Just hop this hurdle - then you'll bear
A name like Dr. Seuss.

Sweat is dripping twixt your brows
Of furrowed contemplation.
But then your efforts fast arouse
A roar of great frustration.

"It's not possible!" You say
"To write something so terse."
And look to screen in sad dismay,
Your sorry, butchered verse.

But o fear not, you man of wit
There's much more you can do.
For there exist some easy shit
Called free verse and haiku.

But please, before you dare bestow
A rhyme you might compose.
Consider proper form, or go
With simple, classic prose.

http://caltechrankmaniac2012.wordpress.com/

*****
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-07-08 20:52:59
July 08 2010 20:43 GMT
#2
Curse you iambic pentameter! There is no gayer or more pretentious form. (Okay, not pentameter exactly, but it really makes the reader's brain shut off when he has to read more than three verses in this rhythm)
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
ella_guru
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada1741 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-07-08 20:55:00
July 08 2010 20:54 GMT
#3
LOL so glad you did this after seeing the other thread.

Shamed the wannabes

On July 09 2010 05:43 Chef wrote:
Curse you iambic pentameter! There is no gayer or more pretentious form. (Okay, not pentameter exactly, but it really makes the reader's brain shut off when he has to read more than three verses in this rhythm)


three has nothing to do with anything~!
Each day gets better : )
NevilleS
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
Canada266 Posts
July 08 2010 21:04 GMT
#4
Truer rhymes you have not ever spoke
But be that as it may
I fear you won't silence those folks
Until their dying day
Yggdrasil Leaf
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
221 Posts
July 08 2010 21:06 GMT
#5
Awesome

Discipline achieves better results, and, hey, you also need discipline to develop good "free" verse skills...
"A person hears only what they understand" - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
flamewheel
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
FREEAGLELAND26781 Posts
July 08 2010 21:09 GMT
#6
Saracen I want to sex you.
Writerdamn, i was two days from retirement
SonuvBob
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
Aiur21549 Posts
July 08 2010 21:49 GMT
#7
On July 09 2010 05:36 Saracen wrote:
But o fear not, you man of wit
There's much more you can do.
For there exist some easy shit
Called free verse and haiku.

Am I mistaken?
Did you just knock on Haikus?
Oh no you didn't!

Oh snap! Oh snap, sir!
You have called down the thunder,
Now reap the whirlwind.

Though you show no fear,
I am but a messenger,
Here to spread the word.

Show disdain, will you?
You will know the name of Trozz,
Master of this craft.

Five's King he's become;
Lord of all that is Seven.
Five's Queen too (don't ask).

Hm.. actually,
These things are pretty easy,
lol Trozz you got served.
Administrator
s.a.y
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
Croatia3840 Posts
July 08 2010 22:59 GMT
#8
5/5
I am not good with quotes
Skvid
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Lithuania751 Posts
July 08 2010 23:04 GMT
#9
[image loading]
flamewheel
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
FREEAGLELAND26781 Posts
July 08 2010 23:12 GMT
#10
On July 09 2010 06:49 SonuvBob wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 09 2010 05:36 Saracen wrote:
But o fear not, you man of wit
There's much more you can do.
For there exist some easy shit
Called free verse and haiku.

Am I mistaken?
Did you just knock on Haikus?
Oh no you didn't!

Oh snap! Oh snap, sir!
You have called down the thunder,
Now reap the whirlwind.

Though you show no fear,
I am but a messenger,
Here to spread the word.

Show disdain, will you?
You will know the name of Trozz,
Master of this craft.

Five's King he's become;
Lord of all that is Seven.
Five's Queen too (don't ask).

Hm.. actually,
These things are pretty easy,
lol Trozz you got served.

Best poster ever.
Writerdamn, i was two days from retirement
ella_guru
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada1741 Posts
July 08 2010 23:13 GMT
#11
He is best poster and I was sort of disappointed

UNTIL I GOT TO THE TWIST!

Trozz did get served. x 2
Each day gets better : )
RumZ
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States956 Posts
July 08 2010 23:26 GMT
#12
ITT: Saracen dunking on poems as usual.

Nice job.
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
July 09 2010 01:01 GMT
#13
On July 09 2010 08:13 ella_guru wrote:
He is best poster and I was sort of disappointed

UNTIL I GOT TO THE TWIST!

Trozz did get served. x 2

Pff, are you insane? Writing in rhythm is easy too. It's originality that counts. What makes Trozz so amazing is that he randomly started posting in haikus everywhere, when there was no precedent to do so. That's what makes him a legend among us mortals.

Similar to MyDigitalToss. Anyone could scour the internet for random, yet awesome StarCraft photos. What makes him amazing was that he is the first to do it consistently. A beautiful idea that had not yet existed in our world.

HAVE YE NO SENSE OF THE MAGIC THAT SURROUNDS?
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
Saracen
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United States5139 Posts
July 09 2010 02:34 GMT
#14
On July 09 2010 10:01 Chef wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 09 2010 08:13 ella_guru wrote:
He is best poster and I was sort of disappointed

UNTIL I GOT TO THE TWIST!

Trozz did get served. x 2

Pff, are you insane? Writing in rhythm is easy too. It's originality that counts. What makes Trozz so amazing is that he randomly started posting in haikus everywhere, when there was no precedent to do so. That's what makes him a legend among us mortals.

Similar to MyDigitalToss. Anyone could scour the internet for random, yet awesome StarCraft photos. What makes him amazing was that he is the first to do it consistently. A beautiful idea that had not yet existed in our world.

HAVE YE NO SENSE OF THE MAGIC THAT SURROUNDS?

Exactly. Trozz is awesome, and I didn't mean to rail on him with the poem. Even though he always ignores me on IRC
ella_guru
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada1741 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-07-09 02:48:48
July 09 2010 02:48 GMT
#15
It's too late. The Feud of Poets begins now. Only then will you come to learn just how dangerous your words can be.

THIS ISNT A FUCKING GAME
Each day gets better : )
YejinYejin
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States1053 Posts
July 09 2010 03:40 GMT
#16
So we got people who write in sonnets, haiku, and limericks.

I, then, will become the TL poster who writes in nothing but...
DACTYLIC HEXAMETER!!!!!!

Wait, never mind, English dactylic hexameter is hard.
안지호
Risen
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States7927 Posts
July 09 2010 03:55 GMT
#17
I can sense the foreboding beatdown coming from Trozz... I'm scared >.<
Pufftrees Everyday>its like a rifter that just used X-Factor/Liquid'Nony: I hope no one lip read XD/Holyflare>it's like policy lynching but better/Resident Los Angeles bachelor
A3iL3r0n
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
United States2196 Posts
July 09 2010 04:59 GMT
#18
On July 09 2010 10:01 Chef wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 09 2010 08:13 ella_guru wrote:
He is best poster and I was sort of disappointed

UNTIL I GOT TO THE TWIST!

Trozz did get served. x 2

Pff, are you insane? Writing in rhythm is easy too. It's originality that counts. What makes Trozz so amazing is that he randomly started posting in haikus everywhere, when there was no precedent to do so. That's what makes him a legend among us mortals.

Similar to MyDigitalToss. Anyone could scour the internet for random, yet awesome StarCraft photos. What makes him amazing was that he is the first to do it consistently. A beautiful idea that had not yet existed in our world.

HAVE YE NO SENSE OF THE MAGIC THAT SURROUNDS?

Ironic coming from the guy who included Shakespeare's sonnets as being gay and pretentious.

Just sayin' :D
My psychiatrist says I have deep-seated Ragneuroses :(
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