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Everyone has a first date horror stories, some even claim to be the "Master of Disaster" when it comes to first dates. They are wrong, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, I am the worst first dater the world has ever seen.
An Example of My Ineptitude:
I got this date with my biology TA, who I've been casually chatting up the past two semesters. She's a little bit older than I am, and way above my paygrade in terms of sexual attractiveness (A recent survey of sexual attractiveness put me somewhere between "public masturbater" and "plague victim"). Needless to say, I got to hit this one out of the park. My plan is to come off as worldly and intellectual, two things which I most certainly am not.
To pull off this grand deception, I bribe the owners of a local Chinese restaurant to interpret Chinese-sounding gibberish as actual Chinese; the date would think I'm actually speaking Chinese, and the illusion would be complete. So, I pay the owners 20 bucks and later that night me and my date walk in, and I dive right into my fake Chinese routine, "Nao poing, Xing-chao" I command authoritatively. My date immediately breaks into the most hysterical laughter you have ever heard. The kick in the pants is that she spent a year studying in Beijing as part of an exchange program, and was fairly well versed in the Chinese language. There wasn't a second date. 
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LOL can i see that survey ? 
man that was bad luck but i dont understand why you did that just act cool, hit on her a bit and show her a good time
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lololololol That is impressive. I'm kinda surprised there was no 2nd date, that sounds like a hilarious start to an evening 
Take her out to sushi for 2nd date imo. She can't know all languages, right? :DD
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At least you got a great story out of it :D
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PLAGUUUU victim? ^^.
Honestly is the best policy =]. You can also apologize and ask for a second date - just tell her you were trying to impress her..
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hahaha so many levels of fail here.
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That's an amazing story, thanks for sharing! :D
But why would you act as if you were not yourself?
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Wow hahahahaha, great story. there there..
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Usually, if I reckon that the girl is more outgoing type than me, I just flat out say that I can be a bit shy/awkward on new situations. Helps to break the ice. 
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hilarious man, I would have just died right there. But dude, if you've been chatting her up for awhile and she accepted a date, surely she was into you to a certain extent. All because you were being yourself right? Just be yourself man.
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Hmmmm.. stick to starcraft. You can't go wrong with that : D srsly though, that is the worst first-date i've heard in a really long time
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Won't be the last time she dates one of her students...
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Holy shit, that would actually be the most embarrassing thing ever. I hope you stayed cool and shrugged it off and had the balls to laugh at yourself for it and still had a good night
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Couldn't you have just asked one of the restaurant owners, or any Chinese friend you may have, to teach you how to say something that would make sense? Though the story is certainly funnier this way lol.
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Hahah thats one of the funniest stories I've read :D
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hahaha enjoyed this brog 5/5 would read again!
oh...and Hoh xiao ping ping to you too!
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Haha, I think you're pointed out the reason for your epic failures right there. Just don't lie and make up bullcrap and try too hard?
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lol you should interpret that as a fail on her part, any guy who goes through such an elaborate charade to get a girl is deserving of at least another date, and possibly anal.
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EPT
