EPT
There's still tons of no-no's happening out there in the forums and I cry every single time I see a bad post. The water's already up to my neck and it's all warm and salty. Sort of like being in the womb but with a lot more desperation.
CHAPTER 4: FLAMING
Flaming is an interesting phenomenon. The Wikipedia Nerd Hive Mind defines it as "the act of sending or posting messages that are deliberately hostile and insulting, usually in the social context of a discussion board on the Internet". It's to forums what those tiny umbrellas are to cocktails: not really necessary, but still a fundamental part of it and just so darn neat.
Performing the act of flaming is a lot like having anal sex: if you do it right, you're a hero, but if you do it wrong, you're in all kinds of shit. In the hands of a Posting Guru, a burn becomes the deadliest of internet weapons.
+ Show Spoiler [Part 1] +
Part 1: Rules of Engagement
First of all, it's important to know when it is an appropriate time to flame. You probably shouldn't even attempt it unless you're a somewhat established TL poster, unless you're really hellbent on visiting Disneyland (Trust me, it's not worth it. Mickey is a total dick.).
+ Show Spoiler [BAD] +
Make sure the person you're flaming is actually deserving of it. Don't flame because of a difference in personal opinion or because he said your butt looks big in that FE build order. Flame only when faced with grave infractions against Posting Etiquette or when the poster is exhibiting a particularly appalling general demeanor.
+ Show Spoiler [GOOD!!!!] +
There's your shot at getting in a sweet, righteous burn right before the thread is closed. Maybe it'll give you enough self-confidence for a while so you can finally look that clerk at the grocery store square in the eyes when you're buying yet another bottle of hand lotion.
First of all, it's important to know when it is an appropriate time to flame. You probably shouldn't even attempt it unless you're a somewhat established TL poster, unless you're really hellbent on visiting Disneyland (Trust me, it's not worth it. Mickey is a total dick.).
+ Show Spoiler [BAD] +
On June 05 2007 08:15 moop wrote:
wtf?? fUCK YOU!!! u are the gayest i ever seen... i went around all over town and asked who is gayest?? and they all said U ahaha ur mom had a gay baby and it was u and now u r a big gay son
dont ever talk 2 me again u disgus me........
wtf?? fUCK YOU!!! u are the gayest i ever seen... i went around all over town and asked who is gayest?? and they all said U ahaha ur mom had a gay baby and it was u and now u r a big gay son
dont ever talk 2 me again u disgus me........
Make sure the person you're flaming is actually deserving of it. Don't flame because of a difference in personal opinion or because he said your butt looks big in that FE build order. Flame only when faced with grave infractions against Posting Etiquette or when the poster is exhibiting a particularly appalling general demeanor.
+ Show Spoiler [GOOD!!!!] +
On June 05 2007 08:15 sandy the funky lizard wrote:
I..I can't even begin to describe all of the things that are wrong with this post. It's like you're going out to see a Broadway musical, and when you arrive there's nothing but a burning pile of wood and a bunch of men dressed up like Santa beating an old dog into submission. Layer upon intricate layer of pure, condensed faux pas. My mother just glanced at my screen for a second and accidentally read a part of your post. She's vomiting blood now and I'm pretty sure she won't make it. Fuck you.
I..I can't even begin to describe all of the things that are wrong with this post. It's like you're going out to see a Broadway musical, and when you arrive there's nothing but a burning pile of wood and a bunch of men dressed up like Santa beating an old dog into submission. Layer upon intricate layer of pure, condensed faux pas. My mother just glanced at my screen for a second and accidentally read a part of your post. She's vomiting blood now and I'm pretty sure she won't make it. Fuck you.
There's your shot at getting in a sweet, righteous burn right before the thread is closed. Maybe it'll give you enough self-confidence for a while so you can finally look that clerk at the grocery store square in the eyes when you're buying yet another bottle of hand lotion.
+ Show Spoiler [Part 2] +
Part 2: Dishing out a flame
Now, on to the construction of a decent flame. You'll want a solid, concise and powerful fireball to hadoken right in that jerk's face. Use low blows wherever possible to create a powerful bandwagon rolling against him. Got any embarassing personal info? Use it. There is nothing more precious you can take from a man than his Internet Pride (IP).
+ Show Spoiler [The Non-Right Way] +
I'm actually gonna use a non-fictional quote for a change, because this burn was so bad, it was actually cold. This is the PM orionClan sent to Mani when he was warned about posting "First!" in threads.
From: orionClan
Subject: Re: Warning!
Date: 6/5/07 06:37
how about.. you fuck off ahaha go get laid or even a job. or even some outside life regardless im better than you at all things in life because i dont rag on people for posting humor. Seriously u have no friends with that attitude good fuckin day ^^
Yeah, tell the married English teacher to get laid and to get a job. Way to hit the nerve endings there, slugger.
Other items on the NO-list:
- u dont have a life lol
- u have no sense of humor ^^
- u have no friends.. i do have friends.. i dont have to waste my time on u im wayyy too important
+ Show Spoiler [The Non-Wrong Way] +
To the point, relevant and hurtful. We could all gather around this burn and bask in its warm glow. Everybody wins, except some faggot Peruvian, and if there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the Internet, it's this: nobody cares about Peru.
Now, on to the construction of a decent flame. You'll want a solid, concise and powerful fireball to hadoken right in that jerk's face. Use low blows wherever possible to create a powerful bandwagon rolling against him. Got any embarassing personal info? Use it. There is nothing more precious you can take from a man than his Internet Pride (IP).
+ Show Spoiler [The Non-Right Way] +
I'm actually gonna use a non-fictional quote for a change, because this burn was so bad, it was actually cold. This is the PM orionClan sent to Mani when he was warned about posting "First!" in threads.
From: orionClan
Subject: Re: Warning!
Date: 6/5/07 06:37
how about.. you fuck off ahaha go get laid or even a job. or even some outside life regardless im better than you at all things in life because i dont rag on people for posting humor. Seriously u have no friends with that attitude good fuckin day ^^
Yeah, tell the married English teacher to get laid and to get a job. Way to hit the nerve endings there, slugger.
Other items on the NO-list:
- u dont have a life lol
- u have no sense of humor ^^
- u have no friends.. i do have friends.. i dont have to waste my time on u im wayyy too important
+ Show Spoiler [The Non-Wrong Way] +
On June 05 2007 15:48 coolio wrote:
Nigga, you got more accounts than a corporate fraud artist. Your infatuation with progaming and all things Korea is bordering on creepy obsessiveness and your persistence is more annoying than that butt itch
that just won't go away. Why don't you just do everybody a favor and attempt to couple
with the business end of a .357?
Nigga, you got more accounts than a corporate fraud artist. Your infatuation with progaming and all things Korea is bordering on creepy obsessiveness and your persistence is more annoying than that butt itch
that just won't go away. Why don't you just do everybody a favor and attempt to couple
with the business end of a .357?
To the point, relevant and hurtful. We could all gather around this burn and bask in its warm glow. Everybody wins, except some faggot Peruvian, and if there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the Internet, it's this: nobody cares about Peru.
I was proud to present you this fourth installment. I'll probably do only one more chapter because I'm pretty much running out of material to cover. I'm tempted to say that this has to mean posting must be pretty damn easy, but then I remember just how dumb everybody is.
Adios, chumperinos! *rides off into the horizon on a segway*
