The Letting Off Steam Thread - Page 114

college chicks are hot and im a junior in high school

I have a girlfriend and hot girls are hitting on me! WHY WON'T THEY HIT ON ME WHEN I'M SINGLE

The worst thing about being rejected from all those colleges you wished you could have attended isn't that feeling of rejection, of being "not good enough," of being unwanted.

The worst thing about rejection isn't the moment when you click the link and watch as, in the milliseconds it takes for your brain to process the fact, all the wishes and hopeful thoughts and wild naive dreams crumble one after the other.

It's also not the mixed feelings you have, caught between "I should have worked harder...I didn't put in enough" and "I feel like the work I did put in went to waste--I should have enjoyed life more, should have spent more time with friends."

It's not watching all of your friends getting into their dream schools, whether it's a small liberal arts college, a nearby public school, or one of the best universities in the world. That is, it's not watching as your hyper-qualified, highly deserving friends get into HSYPMCWXYandZ and God knows where else, as they continue on their path to happiness and personal fulfillment; nor is it watching a friend get into a dream school of his or hers and brighten up with pure, unadulterated joy, even though you're actually disappointed that it was "all" you got. That sucks, but it's not the worst.

For that matter, it's also not watching the liars, cheaters, and people who have evidently bullshat their way through life do fantastically with admissions. Not to mention all the people you maybe just don't really like, but can't actually admit to not liking. I know, I really do know: "It's just life, shit happens," but it still hurts, dammit.

Nope, not the feeling that you've let all your family and all the mentor figures you've ever had down. Truth be told, your parents have been really nice to you and they've been really supportive through it all. Maybe you've been a bit too hostile and mean toward them lately. Alright, for the past few years. Yeah, that just makes it worse. But no, that's not the worst part.

No, it's not comparing yourself with others and immediately regretting it, even though you tell all your friends not to do so and that college is just a crapshoot anyway so they shouldn't worry.

And no, it's not the guilt when you attempt to be humble (even though your ass has been humbled enough already, thank you very much), knowing that you're already being an arrogant asshole merely in making that comparison, in even having the thought, "man I feel like I was...BETTER, but I did only as well or worse," in having the audacity just to think for ONE MOMENT about using scores or stats or activities to draw meaningless comparisons.

It's not even that godawful feeling of knowing that you're actually so much luckier and better off than many others, and that you didn't use all the opportunities you've had in life just by virtue of being born the way you are and into your family. It's also not that horrible, horrible feeling of knowing that, even now, you're actually VERY well off, yet you somehow can't get over your fucking useless self and stop whining long enough to be grateful.

No.

The worst part is knowing that you can't tell anybody, for all of those reasons. You're alone, period, end, full stop, get-the-hell-off-of-my-lawn-you-stupid-teenager. Somewhere, somebody is going through something similar to what you are, but for now, as far as you can tell, you're alone. Or at least that's how it feels.

You can't celebrate with others because your own standards are so fucking high (and because, well, you got rejected from most everywhere). You can't relate to those who truly have it bad, who can't afford college or suffer daily abuse or are struggling just to make ends meet. You can't talk about it with your peers because they're fine, you can't talk about it with those who are older and more experienced because they can't stand your whining ass, you can't talk about it with those who are younger than you because they can't truly empathize. You try to talk anyway, but you FUCK UP, just end up pissing everybody off...you seriously try their patience, maybe even burn bridges (but you earnestly hope you managed to hobble out of the conversation before then). Perhaps it's who you are. A fuck-up. At least that's how you feel at the moment.

No, all you can do is be is you. Poor, humbled, arrogant, manic, depressive, hopeful, disappointed, disappointing, lazy, stupid, useless, inadequate...you. You, the perfectionist. You, the failure. You, the loser.

Well, me.

I know and I never have and I'm not planning to. But I would've had so much fun with these girls a few months ago. But I guess I just randomly got 500 times sexier the second I got in a relationship -_-