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I'm really depressed now. I got my equity out of the firm but none of my former workmates will talk to me now. They all figured out my boss's little trick, I guess, or they're jealous about not getting out first.
We're going out of business the end of this week.
I packed my stuff today, going to head on a trip back to see my parents. Maybe they'll have some words of sympathy for me.
I have enough savings to live for on my own for about three to five years, but at this moment I really want to see my mom and dad, and just talk to them.
The funny thing is, I was never that close to them as a kid. They were always such demanding Chinese parents. I remember once my dad, standing there in nothing but underwear and a bathrobe, holding up my report card (which had two B's on it out of six classes) and screaming about how I was just an academic failure and I should just get out of the house.
The thing is, they never were there for the process, only the result. When I studied hard, when I was up all night trying finish some retarded history project, they wouldn't care, they'd just shut the bedroom door and sleep and watch TV or whatever.
Sure we'd have our ups too. The one time I took 5A state in LD debate, they got really happy and took me out to dinner the day after, where they told me that I could finally get a car because they said I was "responsible". Yea fuck that, I won because my coach was a nutty philosophy freak and I could repeat what he said with fresh breath and without obscenities.
But as I grow older, I realized that they had a point. Really, all this world cares about is results, what we've accomplished. And it hurts so much to have your results drive a wedge between you and your peers, or even more so when you're at the top and you're lonely because you have no peers.
I realized for the first time in a year that my job and new city have cost me my college friends. I just phoned one of them a day ago and we had the most dead conversation ever. No, they've all gone through the shit together in NYC, no chance for this weak little Chicagoan to actually join in on their bitch sessions.
And frankly, I hate them now too. I was on this guy's facebook page the other day, and his profile pic was of him, with his arms around two strippers, wearing sunglasses indoors in a club, w/e. And I know that he's been laid off already so I know his baller lifestyle is just a sham, that he's probably about to default on his credit cards soon. So wtf? Why pose? What a bunch of losers, I hate them now.
And I have no friends here. Just sit in the apartment and maybe play Starcraft when I get home, or eat with the co-workers (who now ignore me) or try to get to know that pretty asian waitress at the Chinatown hot pot place. (Hint: she has a boyfriend. Fuck.)
I'm thinking of getting out of this city, getting away from all the financial centers, away from all the bright lights.
I'm no longer that dick trader that I used to be. I'm broken right now.
And to think I was writing interview guides two months ago.
-sleep-
 
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Darkness before the dawn.
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United States42691 Posts
Suicide probably isn't plusev long term.
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Hey man, it sounds like we are in different situations and social standing, but I know how you feel. Recently the thought of death and sucide have been prevalent on my mind. It's tough to keep going when you feel like there's no point, but, I stay strong knowing that I'm a nice guy, that people like me, and in hope that eventually things will get better.
I think your idea about moving away from the big city may be a good idea, but it's hard to tell. I don't know your age, or what you want to do, but maybe (since you have some financial savings) you should work part time while going back to school or something and find another profession you enjoy?
I don't know. I am younger, so it's hard to give solid advice, but know that there's people around you who feel the same way and that they are trying hard to get by in seemingly hopeless times too. Try and be a positive influence in other people's lives. Find a social center of some kind. Even a church or something can be good to meet others... :/. I don't know man.
Feel better either way.
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Start over in a new city, get a new job, new co-workers, new friends, basically, get a new life.
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It's always cold being on top.
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motbob
United States12546 Posts
On December 08 2008 20:51 Kwark wrote:
Suicide probably isn't plusev long term.
This is solid advice.
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the pursuit of endless wealth leads to the pursuit of endless happiness, which is merely an illusion. seeking to please the world will only end up in you displeasing yourself. Find your ethics again, and find the peace within yourself. cities probably aren't the best places to do so.
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The more I read these forums the more I start to hate Asian parents.
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On December 08 2008 20:51 Kwark wrote:
Suicide probably isn't plusev long term.
Cheeky bastard... 
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United States42691 Posts
On December 08 2008 21:18 t_co wrote:Show nested quote +On December 08 2008 20:51 Kwark wrote:
Suicide probably isn't plusev long term. Cheeky bastard...
Well I didn't want to do a 4chanesque "lol, do it rofl" reply but equally I didn't want to take it seriously. Pointing out the health risks of suicide seemed a good compromise.
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I didn't' read, but does any else know what happened to the other suicide thread we had a really, really, really long time ago? I think the guy stopped posting shortly after...
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I know what you mean. There is rumors of layoffs at my job which I thought I would have forever. Things are getting bad. More and more people are getting laid off and that just makes everything go in a downward spiral as people buy less, and use less services and invest less. I don't think suicide is a good choice.
I really think that things will change. I do believe that it won't be in the next 6 months or maybe even in a year but they will. We just have to have patience. I do feel and worry for those people who didn't save money or just bought houses. A lot of people at my work just bought $300,000+ houses. Yes, they have been here for 10+ years but other places have shut down. If they were to lose their job then they would go bankrupt and lose their houses and the spiral continues downward.
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On December 08 2008 21:39 BuGzlToOnl wrote:
I didn't' read, but does any else know what happened to the other suicide thread we had a really, really, really long time ago? I think the guy stopped posting shortly after...
Sorry for the double post but where is this suicide thread? Is it in the blog section and would you know the thread title so I could find it?
edit: Nevermind, I found it. http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=51225
So does anyone know what happened to Ethenielle? Did he really stop posting. I am sure an Admin can find out his last post/last visit. I would really like to know.
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On December 08 2008 21:49 Yaqoob wrote:Show nested quote +On December 08 2008 21:39 BuGzlToOnl wrote:
I didn't' read, but does any else know what happened to the other suicide thread we had a really, really, really long time ago? I think the guy stopped posting shortly after... Sorry for the double post but where is this suicide thread? Is it in the blog section and would you know the thread title so I could find it? edit: Nevermind, I found it. http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=51225So does anyone know what happened to Ethenielle? Did he really stop posting. I am sure an Admin can find out his last post/last visit. I would really like to know.
If you look at his profile he posted once last week, so he should be still alive and kicking.
His last post that I could find was 11/30/08 here: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=83102. Yeah he's still around. Turns out his thread gave him enough support to keep going.
To the OP, it seems hard sometimes, but keep it kicking. I'm shitting up my life too, not studying hard enough and getting raped by Asian parents, but hey it's okay, there's always someone who's worse off than you. Just appreciate what you have, keep playing Starcraft 
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Spenguin
Australia3316 Posts
If you can live for the next three to five years because you worked so hard and got all that money then why are you considering this?
If that sounded harsh or anything of the sort then it wasn't intended to be, just keep moving forward because you have the means to.
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just jump, life wont get better
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On December 08 2008 22:19 Geo.Rion wrote:
just jump, life wont get better
That is some really stupid advice.
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3 Lions
United States3705 Posts
On December 08 2008 22:19 Geo.Rion wrote:
just jump, life wont get better
.....
there's always something worth living for in life. find yours.
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EPT
