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PROLOGUE:
I wanted to write about my brothers. While I only have one actual sister, I have three friends that I consider my brothers. One of them, who we will call Jay for this story, is someone that while we were not always the closest of friends, we always did things together and were always there for one another. While most of these essays encompass my journey with a particular person, Jay has been so ingrained in my life for so many years that I decided to split his story into a number of writings, each one about a particular time.
A tiny bit of background on Jay: he and I were the big men in our group. We were both quite tall and a bit overweight. Whenever we would ride in the car, we used to call "Power to the Fat Man," which meant that he and I were always in the front seat as neither of us fit in the back seat of any car too well. We had various tastes in music, but overall we were into the same things and loved writing songs together during our band days, which is an entirely different story all together. We were also the two that smoked cigarettes. Having a good smoking buddy is always important. He was a year younger than me, so in a way I got to watch him grow up from a very close proximity, and this story is about one of those pivotal moments between being a child and being a man.
MY BIG DOG (Vol. 1):
Jay and his brother who we will call Sam grew up in somewhat strange circumstances. His parents were sort of reclusive folks that did not really appreciate people coming over much. Jay was open to admit to us that it was because they were both huge stoners and did not like people to know this about their drug abuse. He used to say he loved it when his uncle would call because it meant a new stash for his parents, which meant his Dad was not nearly as mean. His parents were nice enough when you would talk to them, but his father, while not too physically abusive, was a mean and forceful man and kind of a scary when he was not stoned.
We all knew about the parent's drug habits and we also knew that they fought quite often. There had been many a night, Jay would tell us, where they would seperate and one of the parents would stay away for a day or two, but would always return and the cycle would continue. Humans are sometimes funny in that way. Jay and Sam would always take the side of their mother as their father was the force to be reckoned within the house and, as stated before, could be quite mean to them all.
His parents would occasionally go out of town, leaving the house to the boys. We loved these weekends. Not only did they get some time away from their parents fighting, but we all camped out there for the time they were gone. We were not much into parties with tons of people and dirnking and all that, but we did have good times pigging out on pizza, holding Smash Bros or Mario Golf tournaments between us, playing music, and having a cool bachelor pad to have our girlfriends over for sexy times.
We would talk to Jay about his parents often because he was rather afraid of them. It was not always the best advice, but we would tell him that he needed to stand up to his father when his dad went on tirades. While Jay was afraid of him, I think he was more afraid of getting kicked out, and since we were mostly poor college kids is why I say that in hindsight it might not have been a good idea at the time.
This all built up until a weekend came when his parents were supposed to be going out of town together on a trip. The night before though his mom and dad got in a huge fight which spoiled our plan of games, sex, and music at his house all weekend. His father decided to go on the trip alone and his mother told him that they would be gone when he returned. This led to a frantic weekend of all of our family of friends gathering together to get the house packed. If the mom was leaving, it meant the boys were leaving as well because they were not going to stay in the house with just their father. No way. Needless to say, there was quite a bit of work to do with only a couple of days to do it.
Friday and Saturday consisted of us working on the house, talking with Jay's mother, who was really quite nice now that we finally actually got to know her some, and chilling together. On Sunday though the fireworks happened and in my eyes, Jay really started on a path to becoming who he is today.
Jay left early that morning with one of our buddies to run a couple errands and pick up the moving truck to haul everything away. This left Sam and his girlfriend in the house with their mother and myself. While we were working on Sam's room, the phone rings. It is their father. We were in the bedroom while his parents got in a huge fight over the phone. We heard things during this time about their private relationship that left us three in the bedroom, bugged eyed, mouths hanging open, and thinking "We really should not be hearing this." Sam later confessed to me that he does not even remember what we heard his mother talk about. He blocked it out and wanted to keep it that way.
After some time of yelling on the phone, she moved into the back bedroom for a bit of privacy, but we could still hear her basically giving him another chance. It was at this time that Jay came home. As soon as they walked in, Jay said "Where's Mom?" to which I told him that it sounds like she in his bedroom making up with his Dad. He turned red and ran back there, almost faster than I have ever seen my big dog move.
We just stand there in the front room while he barges into his bedroom, slams the door, and just starts screaming at his mother something along the lines of "What the fuck Mom?! Do not let that asshole back into our life!" We were all frozen there, looking at one another with our jaws agape. Jay grew some balls that day. Never had I heard someone talk to his parents that way, and it went on for quite awhile. He chewed out his Mom for what he saw as weakness after years of mental abuse, and he chewed out his Dad on the phone for that abuse.
None of us were sure what to do next. Did we start packing everything onto the truck or not? Should we leave and give them privacy? We were all secretly hoping that they would still be moving out to get away from the man, but no one would say it. We just had to sit there until we got orders on what steps to take next.
After about an hour or so of arguing, they calmed down and we heard Jay talking to his father and mother, almost laying down a set of rules or stipulations. If they were to stay and he was to come home, things would NOT be as they were.
Jay had become a man on that day and was finally standing up to his father. It helped that he had the support of us, and finally his mother on this, but I think after seeing how we all pulled together around him over the last few days, that he knew he had nothing to worry about. If his father became too mean or anything, we would be there to take care of him, give him a place to stay, help him pack his stuff, and protect him from his father.
EPILOGUE:
Jay and I never really talked about that day afterward. It only came up once while I was around and I was barely able to squeeze in that I was proud of him for finally being able to stand up to his father. He just nodded, and changed the topic. I am still not sure about all of his emotions during that weird and trying weekend.
It did not take long for Jay to finally move out with one of our friends and get away from his father. Also, it did not take much longer for his parent's marriage to finally end. While it is sad to see a friend's family fall apart, in many ways it was much better and now, today, the boys are much closer to both their mother and father. Their Dad even lives in China now and so they have gotten to travel around to visit him.
When I think about times and stories envolving Jay and me, this is one that always travels to the surface. He was never able to tell us, but I know it meant a ton that he had people in his life that cared for him like a brother. There are other stories that I will eventually tell where his actions back up this claim.
This is just one story telling why I think the high school time of our life, that time between childhood and adulthood, is when we imprint most of our friends. The people that were there with me during this time are the ones that I hold closest, even though we now live far apart and lead much different lives from one another. While I have no doubt that we would hang out often if we lived near one another, there is a certain something to be said for loyalty in a friendship. I can't claim to know much about his day to day life, but I know if something happened we would be there for one another.
For those that are still living in this period of their life, please remember to use your friends if you need them. That is what they are there for. It is these times that seperate the wheat from the chaff. Once those friends are there for you, remember to be there for them when they need it as well. These are the moments that mold us into the people that we become.
I am so proud of Jay for the man he has become and for many of his choices in life. I feel priviledged that I was there for one of his major steps into adulthood. I am sure he will never forgot that day and it means a lot to me that he allowed me to be by his side.
