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Time is something we all take for granted
Getting up everyday, doing the same routine
Seems like forever until the brief recess
The time to get off of the vicious cycle
And take rest
Then the next week arrives
Getting up everyday, doing the same routine
Again, waiting for that time
Turning apathetic towards life
Not much to do now
Staring at the clock to pass a certain time
It seems like we waste our time to get to another
But time it not infinite
One day, we will wake up and ask ourselves
What we did in our youth
The second, minute, hour, and day
That was, is, and is to come
Will appear and disappear swiftly
So what are you going to do
To make the most of your time?
I always believed time was precious and it was something we don't think about too much so I wrote this. I'm going to present it tomorrow in class, it's our final in AP English. Hopefully, I can think about what I wrote and reflect it over summer break and not play SC the whole time 
The format is free-verse so there aren't any limits. Please criticize, I'm not very good with poetry
  
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Deep, yet so true. Instead of living life using the time that we have, we ignore time, waiting solely for arbitrarily set times to do things. For example, we don't freestyle what we do in a day, and just let the fun be the fun we have; we say "The fun starts at x:00," and we focusing primarily on that point, while the importance of the time in between is left moot.
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Whats the title?
The lack of literary devices kinda bugs me.
Some of your lines are very shallow and could use some more expression. "Turning apathetic towards life" , "What we did in our youth" and "Not much to do now" are very shallow, and i think adding some personification or symbols would really help.
Its very hard to analyze because i can only infer what your subject is. If your talking about school, then its golden. If your talking about identity or something, then it definitely could use some brushing up.
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Reminds me of a quote from the anime Yu-yu-hakasho
"The two things I hate most: waiting and being rushed. And what do you know, thats all I've been doing!"
(paraphrased)
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Yeah getting into a grind is one of the most dangerous things in life! Unless it's a grind for like a musical skill or proper advancement in life.
Good poem btw. Not laboured with pointless literary devices, a good, engaging essay.
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Ok thanks for your comments!
On June 03 2009 07:13 imBLIND wrote:
Whats the title?
The lack of literary devices kinda bugs me.
Some of your lines are very shallow and could use some more expression. "Turning apathetic towards life" , "What we did in our youth" and "Not much to do now" are very shallow, and i think adding some personification or symbols would really help.
Its very hard to analyze because i can only infer what your subject is. If your talking about school, then its golden. If your talking about identity or something, then it definitely could use some brushing up.
What are some ways I can personify those? I've been thinking of some ways but I can't come up with any.
Btw I plan to dress as Flavor Flav because he has a clock necklace and we have to have props so yeah.
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Hey, I also had to do a poem for my AP English course which I had to present in Beat Nite.
I don't want my poem to be deeply analyzed, I just hope to help il0seonpurpose with an example in punctuation (although I am sure I'm not the best and you will probably find errors and laugh at me).
Lie
So mysterious, so provocative;
Rain thunders about Day's work;
and blindly following,
Night scorns in disgust;
visiously awaiting for their meet at the DMZ.
Unknown of Night's presence, Day lives
careless and carefree while
the uncultivated force treats Day's fruits.
Yet Day remains;
classy and carefree.
Unrestricted access to the Regional DMZ
shines overwhelming power at Night-
the possibility to fly to the moon
or sleep into darkness-
instead manifests itself into a single stare
into the Devil's eyes that reveals no evil.
So mesmerizing, so contradicting;
there was no hidden threat behind a brilliant mind,
only the single smile,
of an Evangelion side.
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On June 03 2009 07:48 il0seonpurpose wrote:Ok thanks for your comments! Show nested quote +On June 03 2009 07:13 imBLIND wrote:
Whats the title?
The lack of literary devices kinda bugs me.
Some of your lines are very shallow and could use some more expression. "Turning apathetic towards life" , "What we did in our youth" and "Not much to do now" are very shallow, and i think adding some personification or symbols would really help.
Its very hard to analyze because i can only infer what your subject is. If your talking about school, then its golden. If your talking about identity or something, then it definitely could use some brushing up. What are some ways I can personify those? I've been thinking of some ways but I can't come up with any.
I can't really change the poem cause it throws off all the rhythm you got there. Take what you like and implement it into your poem.
As a side note, my style of poetry is romantic at best, and it clashes with the style of your poem. Most of these probably won't work cause i don't think in that style...
When you want to change my style to yours, you probably want to change some of it into metaphors and symbols rather than figurative speech.
Lets see...
I could change "Seems like forever until the brief recess" into "Walking alongside Time, dragging an incipient child" - Time is with you , and it wastes time like a kid
"Then the next week arrives" could be "Someone opens the shattered door" - someone being Time, and the door being your future, your life, etc etc.
"Time is something we all take for granted" could be "The angel on my right, the devil on my left"
-implying that time can be wasted or used properly
"What we did in our youth" could be "Did we do anything at all?" - saying that time flew by, and it leaves the reader thinking about if the speaker did the right choice or wrong choice
"Will appear and disappear swiftly" could be "Is a flash of lighting, come and gone" - I think this i the first one that stays true to ur original intention with some flair.
"Turning apathetic towards life" could be "Feeling betrayed by anguish and lust" - expanding the word "apathetic" into the extremes of emotions (in my opinion) and turning "Life" into "Time" by referring the reader to the previous sentence.
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On June 03 2009 07:14 RoieTRS wrote:
"The two things I hate most: waiting and being rushed. And what do you know, thats all I've been doing!"
You need to play ZvP
@ Poem
I felt the lines a bit lengthy, but that's me.
Time flies by, blink of an eye,
Greeted by people, I see all their years
Go up in flames, miserable dames.
Play your games;
they are but imitations,
of a main.
Thus life is so;
Please tell me why
Will I stand, or will I lie,
the fateful day
that I die.
Oh man i'm crud. came up with it on the fly.
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You're better at poetry than the other people on this blog...don't take their advice. The only thing you should change is the sentence 'But time it not infinite', because it's not correct English, you should put *is* instead of *it*.
Although leaving it as it is would be quite artistic. The good thing about some foreigners like you writing poetry is they tend to get to the heart and guts of the matter, and their romanticism is unindulgent. It's refreshing. Which is why you shouldn't try to be more abstract or use rhymes in this work.
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EPT
