• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 18:59
CEST 00:59
KST 07:59
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Serral wins HomeStory Cup 2915Serral wins Maestros of the Game 243ByuL, and the Limitations of Standard Play3Team Liquid Map Contest #22: Results and Winners7Code S Season 2 (2026): RO4 and Finals Preview12
Community News
GSTL Returns in 2026!13Weekly Cups (Aug 3-9): Protoss get shut out7RSL goes to London! 2026 Offline Finals Nov 21-2212Weekly Cups (July 27-Aug 2): SHIN's big week0SC4ALL II: Brood War - $2500 - Dec 5-611
StarCraft 2
General
GSTL Returns in 2026! SC4ALL: II Talent Announcement! Balance hotfix patch 5.0.16b (July 16) Protoss AoE skill expression Weekly Cups (Aug 3-9): Protoss get shut out
Tourneys
PIG STY FESTIVAL 8.0! (13 - 23 August) 2026 KungFu Cup Announcement Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament RSL goes to London! 2026 Offline Finals Nov 21-22 RSL Revival: Season 6 - Qualifiers and Main Event
Strategy
[G] Having the right mentality to improve
Custom Maps
Nexus Wars 2021 GUIDE [M] (2) Industrial Park
External Content
Mutation # 538 Media Blackout The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 537 Hostile Territory Mutation # 536 Railroad Switch
Brood War
General
BW General Discussion StarCraft 64 is coming to Philly at SC4ALL II ASL22 General Discussion [Personal Project Share] Terran Defense v0.60 BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/
Tourneys
Small VOD Thread 2.0 [Megathread] Daily Proleagues SC4ALL II: Brood War - $2500 - Dec 5-6 KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 3
Strategy
Odyssey Mineral Stack Saturation Fighting Spirit mining rates Any training maps people recommend? Simple Questions, Simple Answers
Other Games
General Games
Anyone here play Quakeworld back in the day? Nintendo Switch Thread Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread EVE Corporation General RTS Discussion Thread
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
[TL LoL EUW IHs] Teemo shall perish TSM pausing esports and CLG Dead
Heroes of the Storm
Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Power Rank TL Mafia Community Thread NeO.D_StephenKing vs This Guy From 1 Million Dance
Community
General
European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread US Politics Mega-thread The Letting Off Steam Thread Iain M Banks Says He Has Cancer And Months To Live Russo-Ukrainian War Thread
Fan Clubs
MarineLorD Fan Club The ShoWTimE Fan Club The herO Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Movie Discussion! Anime Discussion Thread Series you have seen recently... [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books
Sports
Football (Soccer) Thread TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 NBA General Discussion Formula 1 Discussion MLB/Baseball 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread Simple Questions Simple Answers FPS when play League Of Legend on laptop
TL Community
The Automated Ban List Northern Ireland Global Starcraft
Blogs
Chinese Gen Z: Between Dream…
TrAiDoS
Cathedral Of CS And NY pizza a…
FuDDx
Please support my new stand…
Peanutsc
Hello guys!
LIN1s
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 5695 users

Some poems I wrote

Blogs > crazie-penguin
Post a Reply
crazie-penguin
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
United States1253 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 02:22:01
January 21 2008 02:19 GMT
#1
Okay so I just collected all my poems and was hoping if you guys could critique/comment, enjoy, or whatever.

-----
Snow,
I always wished to see.
Isolated to the North
Far, Far away from me.
I wished at length
To be a cloud
And let the wind's strength
Carry me around to you.

I wondered and wandered, hoping for your touch.
And finally,
the whimsical wind blew
me from my home,
all the way to you

I saw you, after so long
Falling down to the earth like an
Angel
With soft, white wings

I reached out, releasing all the tension.
I shivered excitedly, with you about to land
In my hand.
But, unlike I wanted.

You melted in my arms, unwarranted
Your wings, like wax, collapsed in my passion.
And soon, you became one
With my tears.

Then along came the whimsical wind
And dried up my tears.
I searched the traces of my palms
But it as all in vain.
You were gone.

Snow
I wonder if you're still up there.
I wish someday, maybe,
That you'd come back down,
Just for me


-------
Time passes quickly by
And no matter how hard I try.
I can never finish this poem, only sigh
As, once again, time quickly passes by.
There are so little rhymes
And I'm wondering why
That no matter how hard I try
Time quickly passes by.


---------
To write poetry is like
looking into a mirror.
And describing what one
sees or saw.

To write poetry is to take
a sun's warmth and put
it into paper
for everyone to feel.

To write poetry is to freeze
a moment and then
keep it forever
for all to remember.


-----
Sun,
I want to see again.
Always hiding now,
behind a blanket of gray clouds

Where are you,
You're getting too far.
It's no longer fun without you,
My little sun.

The drumming rain is getting old
and the white snow is too cold.
The warmth is gone,
only a chill remains.
The light is gone,
only shadows are around.

It's hard to see, but
What must I do
To have you,
Once more.

-------
The orange sun sets,
once again.
The clouds gather above,
one more time.
And another day
goes to waste.

The sigh of trees
above the dusty desk
brings my attention
back to drying pens and
unopened books.

With each tick and tock,
the clock throws another second
out the window.

***
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 07:16:14
January 21 2008 07:16 GMT
#2
This is critique (try to not to take it personally):

+ Show Spoiler +
To write poetry is like
looking into a mirror.
And describing what one
sees or saw.

To write poetry is to take
a sun's warmth and put
it into paper
for everyone to feel.

To write poetry is to freeze
a moment and then
keep it forever
for all to remember.

IMO this is not really poetry. This is three sentences you broke up into lines, with no apparent logic. Your use of literary devices was almost completely absent (half the reason anyone should ever write a poem is for an excuse to pile up on literary devices).

As for everything else... I dunno. Try to write about more profound emotions. I found them pretty boring (maybe others would enjoy them more).

Sorry :X At least I commented though!
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
micronesia
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States24788 Posts
January 21 2008 07:19 GMT
#3
On January 21 2008 11:19 crazie-penguin wrote:
1: The orange sun sets,
2: once again.
3: The clouds gather above,
4: one more time.
5: And another day
6: goes to waste.

7: The sigh of trees
8: above the dusty desk
9: brings my attention
10: back to drying pens and
11: unopened books.

12: With each tick and tock,
13: the clock throws another second
14: out the window.

4: You are implying that there is a correlation in between the sun setting, and the clouds 'gathering above' even though I'm not aware of one.

6: Why did you choose to make the day ending so negative? This theme seems to be carried throughout the poem, and yet I see no explanation for why you would do that, unless there is an implication that work regarding the unopened books has not been completed.

8: How do you see trees above the desk? Are you outside? Is there a window over the desk overlooking trees?

10: What are drying pens? You using a quill or something?

14: Once again I'm wondering why the negative spin is being placed on the passage of time.
ModeratorThere are animal crackers for people and there are people crackers for animals.
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 07:30:07
January 21 2008 07:28 GMT
#4
--Deleted by user.--
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
prOxi.swAMi
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
Australia3091 Posts
January 21 2008 09:22 GMT
#5
About micronesia's reply, I don't see why he needs a reason for it to be negative any more than he would need a reason for it to be positive.
Oh no
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
OSC
20:00
Mid Season Playoffs
SteadfastSC232
Liquipedia
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
SteadfastSC 217
ProTech81
StarCraft: Brood War
Britney 11237
GuemChi 262
Artosis 126
Dota 2
XaKoH 278
League of Legends
Doublelift5717
Counter-Strike
summit1g6947
minikerr54
Super Smash Bros
hungrybox1
Other Games
gofns14844
Grubby1719
C9.Mang0282
shahzam251
ToD189
NeuroSwarm74
ViBE42
JuggernautJason36
Nathanias33
[ Show 14 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Hupsaiya 120
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• Migwel
StarCraft: Brood War
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• imaqtpie3851
• Scarra1338
• Shiphtur625
• Lourlo475
• Stunt210
Upcoming Events
Replay Cast
1h 1m
Escore
11h 1m
PiG Sty Festival
13h 1m
ByuN vs HeRoMaRinE
ShoWTimE vs Zoun
Big Brain Bouts
17h 1m
Nicoract vs Neeb
TriGGeR vs ShoWTimE
CranKy Ducklings
1d 11h
PiG Sty Festival
1d 13h
herO vs Krystianer
Solar vs Cure
IPSL
1d 17h
Sparkling Tuna Cup
2 days
PiG Sty Festival
2 days
Maru vs Shameless
Reynor vs TriGGeR
IPSL
2 days
[ Show More ]
OSC
3 days
Afreeca Starleague
3 days
Rush vs Hm
Bisu vs Shuttle
WardiTV Weekly
3 days
The Patches Monday
3 days
Afreeca Starleague
4 days
Sharp vs Shinee
Action vs Shine
PiGosaur Cup
5 days
Replay Cast
5 days
Afreeca Starleague
5 days
BeSt vs Paralyze
Jaedong vs Speed
Kung Fu Cup
5 days
The PondCast
6 days
KCM Race Survival
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-08-12
CranK Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League
Eternal Conflict S2 Finale

Ongoing

KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 3
K-JUNGMAN
Acropolis #5
RSL Revival: Season 6
PiG Sty Festival 8.0
Esports World Cup 2026
Esports World Cup 2026: LCQ
BLAST Bounty Summer 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer Qual
Stake Ranked Episode 3
XSE Pro League 2026
IEM Cologne Major 2026

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S3: W7
CSLAN 4
ASL Season 22
Escore Tournament S3: W8
Acropolis #5 - TRS
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
Acropolis #5 - GSA
HSC XXX
SC4ALL II: StarCraft II
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
RSL Offline Finals
Big Dog Cup 2026 Div 1
META DYMY #4
PGL Masters Bucharest 2026
Thunderpick World Champ.
ESL Pro League Season 24
Stake Ranked Episode 4
1win Private Club #1
Logitech G Connect 2026
SL StarSeries Fall 2026
FISSURE Playground #5
BLAST Open Fall 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.