• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 00:30
CEST 06:30
KST 13:30
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
[ASL22] Ro16 Preview: Rough Waters5[ASL22] Ro24 Preview: Siren's Call8[ASL22] Ro24 Preview: Summer's End9Serral wins HomeStory Cup 2915Serral wins Maestros of the Game 244
Community News
Official StarCraft website teases new content ahead of BlizzCon?85Stellar Fest TWO the Moon (Dec 16-20)9Weekly Cups (August 24-30): Patches' balance mod takes over3New 3v3 BGH Ladder (and more) on ShieldBattery!42Weekly Cups (August 17-23): Zerg dominate the week6
StarCraft 2
General
Balance hotfix patch 5.0.16b (July 16) Nexon wins bid to develop StarCraft IP content, distribute Overwatch mobile game SC4ALL: II Winner Will Earn a Spot at HSC 30! Weekly Cups (August 24-30): Patches' balance mod takes over September World Ranking: herO leads, Serral climbs
Tourneys
2026 GSTL Announcement Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament Stellar Fest TWO the Moon (Dec 16-20) IntoTheTV X SOOP SC2 League : Weekly & Monthly SC2 INu's Battles#20 [BO.9]
Strategy
[G] Having the right mentality to improve
Custom Maps
Nexus Wars 2021 GUIDE [M] (2) Industrial Park
External Content
Mutation # 542 The Ascended Mutation # 541 Binary Choice The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 540 Dodge This
Brood War
General
Gypsy to Korea BW General Discussion [ASL22] Ro16 Preview: Rough Waters New 3v3 BGH Ladder (and more) on ShieldBattery! BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/
Tourneys
[ASL22] Ro16 Group A [ASL22] Ro24 Group F [Megathread] Daily Proleagues Brood War in Budapest ! WORTEX 2026 BW Finals
Strategy
Odyssey Mineral Stack Saturation Replay Review Process - What do you do? Game Theory for Starcraft Fighting Spirit mining rates
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread Diablo IV EVE Corporation [Maplestory Hardcore] Let's Play~!! General RTS Discussion Thread
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
[TL LoL EUW IHs] Teemo shall perish TSM pausing esports and CLG Dead
Heroes of the Storm
Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Power Rank TL Mafia Community Thread NeO.D_StephenKing vs This Guy From 1 Million Dance
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread UK Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Artificial Intelligence Thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine
Fan Clubs
MarineLorD Fan Club The Creator Fan Club The ShoWTimE Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Movie Discussion! Anime Discussion Thread
Sports
Football (Soccer) Thread TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 MLB/Baseball 2023 NBA General Discussion
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List Northern Ireland Global Starcraft
Blogs
F* the Children and Get Off …
TrAiDoS
Dreaming of BW patches (mod…
c3rberUs
Regacy Esports: The Bh…
regacyesports
LOCKPICKING NOOB
LUCKY_NOOB
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 5300 users

Some poems I wrote

Blogs > crazie-penguin
Post a Reply
crazie-penguin
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
United States1253 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 02:22:01
January 21 2008 02:19 GMT
#1
Okay so I just collected all my poems and was hoping if you guys could critique/comment, enjoy, or whatever.

-----
Snow,
I always wished to see.
Isolated to the North
Far, Far away from me.
I wished at length
To be a cloud
And let the wind's strength
Carry me around to you.

I wondered and wandered, hoping for your touch.
And finally,
the whimsical wind blew
me from my home,
all the way to you

I saw you, after so long
Falling down to the earth like an
Angel
With soft, white wings

I reached out, releasing all the tension.
I shivered excitedly, with you about to land
In my hand.
But, unlike I wanted.

You melted in my arms, unwarranted
Your wings, like wax, collapsed in my passion.
And soon, you became one
With my tears.

Then along came the whimsical wind
And dried up my tears.
I searched the traces of my palms
But it as all in vain.
You were gone.

Snow
I wonder if you're still up there.
I wish someday, maybe,
That you'd come back down,
Just for me


-------
Time passes quickly by
And no matter how hard I try.
I can never finish this poem, only sigh
As, once again, time quickly passes by.
There are so little rhymes
And I'm wondering why
That no matter how hard I try
Time quickly passes by.


---------
To write poetry is like
looking into a mirror.
And describing what one
sees or saw.

To write poetry is to take
a sun's warmth and put
it into paper
for everyone to feel.

To write poetry is to freeze
a moment and then
keep it forever
for all to remember.


-----
Sun,
I want to see again.
Always hiding now,
behind a blanket of gray clouds

Where are you,
You're getting too far.
It's no longer fun without you,
My little sun.

The drumming rain is getting old
and the white snow is too cold.
The warmth is gone,
only a chill remains.
The light is gone,
only shadows are around.

It's hard to see, but
What must I do
To have you,
Once more.

-------
The orange sun sets,
once again.
The clouds gather above,
one more time.
And another day
goes to waste.

The sigh of trees
above the dusty desk
brings my attention
back to drying pens and
unopened books.

With each tick and tock,
the clock throws another second
out the window.

***
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 07:16:14
January 21 2008 07:16 GMT
#2
This is critique (try to not to take it personally):

+ Show Spoiler +
To write poetry is like
looking into a mirror.
And describing what one
sees or saw.

To write poetry is to take
a sun's warmth and put
it into paper
for everyone to feel.

To write poetry is to freeze
a moment and then
keep it forever
for all to remember.

IMO this is not really poetry. This is three sentences you broke up into lines, with no apparent logic. Your use of literary devices was almost completely absent (half the reason anyone should ever write a poem is for an excuse to pile up on literary devices).

As for everything else... I dunno. Try to write about more profound emotions. I found them pretty boring (maybe others would enjoy them more).

Sorry :X At least I commented though!
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
micronesia
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States24799 Posts
January 21 2008 07:19 GMT
#3
On January 21 2008 11:19 crazie-penguin wrote:
1: The orange sun sets,
2: once again.
3: The clouds gather above,
4: one more time.
5: And another day
6: goes to waste.

7: The sigh of trees
8: above the dusty desk
9: brings my attention
10: back to drying pens and
11: unopened books.

12: With each tick and tock,
13: the clock throws another second
14: out the window.

4: You are implying that there is a correlation in between the sun setting, and the clouds 'gathering above' even though I'm not aware of one.

6: Why did you choose to make the day ending so negative? This theme seems to be carried throughout the poem, and yet I see no explanation for why you would do that, unless there is an implication that work regarding the unopened books has not been completed.

8: How do you see trees above the desk? Are you outside? Is there a window over the desk overlooking trees?

10: What are drying pens? You using a quill or something?

14: Once again I'm wondering why the negative spin is being placed on the passage of time.
ModeratorThere are animal crackers for people and there are people crackers for animals.
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 07:30:07
January 21 2008 07:28 GMT
#4
--Deleted by user.--
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
prOxi.swAMi
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
Australia3091 Posts
January 21 2008 09:22 GMT
#5
About micronesia's reply, I don't see why he needs a reason for it to be negative any more than he would need a reason for it to be positive.
Oh no
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
OSC
00:00
OSC Elite Rising Star #20
Liquipedia
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
WinterStarcraft700
NeuroSwarm 204
RuFF_SC2 190
ProTech119
StarCraft: Brood War
Rain 2747
GuemChi 1721
Noble 18
Icarus 6
Terrorterran 6
Dota 2
febbydoto31
Counter-Strike
taco 356
Super Smash Bros
hungrybox654
Other Games
summit1g15565
JimRising 834
C9.Mang0331
XaKoH 236
Maynarde108
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick1537
BasetradeTV67
[ Show 12 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• davetesta19
• Sammyuel 1
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• Migwel
StarCraft: Brood War
• Azhi_Dahaki14
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• masondota22242
Upcoming Events
Afreeca Starleague
5h 30m
Soma vs Shuttle
BeSt vs Rush
WardiTV Weekly
6h 30m
Monday Night Weeklies
11h 30m
Afreeca Starleague
1d 5h
Leta vs ggaemo
Jaedong vs Queen
GSL
1d 6h
PiGosaur Cup
1d 19h
Kung Fu Cup
2 days
Replay Cast
2 days
The PondCast
3 days
KCM Race Survival
3 days
[ Show More ]
Escore
4 days
IntoTheTV X SOOP
4 days
CranKy Ducklings
5 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
6 days
RSL Revival
6 days
Replay Cast
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-09-02
PiG Sty Festival 8.0
Big Dog Cup 2026 Div 1

Ongoing

KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 3
K-JUNGMAN
ASL Season 22
Super Anchor Qualifying S3
CSL 2026 AUTUMN (S22)
Acropolis #5
Acropolis #5 - TRS
RSL Revival: Season 6
Calamity Invitational
BLAST Open Fall 2026
Esports World Cup 2026
Esports World Cup 2026: LCQ
BLAST Bounty Summer 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer Qual
Stake Ranked Episode 3
XSE Pro League 2026

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S3: King of Kings
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
Acropolis #5 - GSA
Acropolis #5 - GSB
Acropolis #5 - GSC
SC4ALL II: Brood War
HSC XXX
Stellar Fest 2: Lunar Cup
SC4ALL II: StarCraft II
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
RSL Offline Finals
Stake Ranked Episode 6
BLAST Rivals Fall 2026
IEM Beijing 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 5
PGL Masters Bucharest 2026
1win Private Club #2
Thunderpick World Champ. '26
ESL Pro League Season 24
Stake Ranked Episode 4
1win Private Club #1
Logitech G Play Connect 2026
SL StarSeries Fall 2026
FISSURE Playground #3
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.