• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 15:41
CEST 21:41
KST 04:41
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
TL.net Map Contest #22 - Voting & Ladder Map Selection2Code S Season 2 (2026) - RO8 Preview5[ASL21] Finals Preview: Two Legacies21Code S Season 2 (2026) - RO12 Preview2herO wins GSL Code S Season 1 (2026)7
Community News
StarCraft II 5.0.16 PTR Patch Notes may 26th117Weekly Cups (May 18-25): MaxPax wins doubles0Crank Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League5Weekly Cups (May 11-17): Classic wins double1Code S Season 1 (2026) - RO8 Results2
StarCraft 2
General
StarCraft II 5.0.16 PTR Patch Notes may 26th TL.net Map Contest #22 - Voting & Ladder Map Selection The death of cheese, from a professional cheeser. Code S Season 2 (2026) - RO8 Preview TL Poll: How do you feel about the 5.0.16 PTR balance changes?
Tourneys
Maestros of The Game 2 announcement and schedule ! RSL Revival: Season 5 - Qualifiers and Main Event Crank Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League GSL Code S Season 2 (2026) Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament
Strategy
[G] Having the right mentality to improve
Custom Maps
[D]RTS in all its shapes and glory <3 [A] Nemrods 1/4 players
External Content
The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 528 Infection Detected Welcome to the External Content forum Mutation # 527 Hell Train
Brood War
General
Data needed BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ Quality of life changes in BW that you will like ? Soma's ASL Finals Review FlaShFTW vs A.Alm Grudge Match Event
Tourneys
[ASL21] Grand Finals [Megathread] Daily Proleagues Escore Tournament StarCraft Season 2 [BSL22] WB Final & LB Semis - Saturday 21:00 CEST
Strategy
Any training maps people recommend? Muta micro map competition [G] Hydra ZvZ: An Introduction Fighting Spirit mining rates
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne ZeroSpace Megathread Path of Exile
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Vanilla Mini Mafia Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas TL Mafia Community Thread Five o'clock TL Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Trading/Investing Thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Dating: How's your luck?
Fan Clubs
The herO Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
[Manga] One Piece Anime Discussion Thread [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books
Sports
McBoner: A hockey love story 2024 - 2026 Football Thread TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 Formula 1 Discussion
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread Facing Challenges in Mobile App Development
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Esportsmanship: How to NOT B…
TrAiDoS
Why RTS gamers make better f…
gosubay
ramps on octagon
StaticNine
ASL S21 English Commentary…
namkraft
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 4101 users

Some poems I wrote

Blogs > crazie-penguin
Post a Reply
crazie-penguin
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
United States1253 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 02:22:01
January 21 2008 02:19 GMT
#1
Okay so I just collected all my poems and was hoping if you guys could critique/comment, enjoy, or whatever.

-----
Snow,
I always wished to see.
Isolated to the North
Far, Far away from me.
I wished at length
To be a cloud
And let the wind's strength
Carry me around to you.

I wondered and wandered, hoping for your touch.
And finally,
the whimsical wind blew
me from my home,
all the way to you

I saw you, after so long
Falling down to the earth like an
Angel
With soft, white wings

I reached out, releasing all the tension.
I shivered excitedly, with you about to land
In my hand.
But, unlike I wanted.

You melted in my arms, unwarranted
Your wings, like wax, collapsed in my passion.
And soon, you became one
With my tears.

Then along came the whimsical wind
And dried up my tears.
I searched the traces of my palms
But it as all in vain.
You were gone.

Snow
I wonder if you're still up there.
I wish someday, maybe,
That you'd come back down,
Just for me


-------
Time passes quickly by
And no matter how hard I try.
I can never finish this poem, only sigh
As, once again, time quickly passes by.
There are so little rhymes
And I'm wondering why
That no matter how hard I try
Time quickly passes by.


---------
To write poetry is like
looking into a mirror.
And describing what one
sees or saw.

To write poetry is to take
a sun's warmth and put
it into paper
for everyone to feel.

To write poetry is to freeze
a moment and then
keep it forever
for all to remember.


-----
Sun,
I want to see again.
Always hiding now,
behind a blanket of gray clouds

Where are you,
You're getting too far.
It's no longer fun without you,
My little sun.

The drumming rain is getting old
and the white snow is too cold.
The warmth is gone,
only a chill remains.
The light is gone,
only shadows are around.

It's hard to see, but
What must I do
To have you,
Once more.

-------
The orange sun sets,
once again.
The clouds gather above,
one more time.
And another day
goes to waste.

The sigh of trees
above the dusty desk
brings my attention
back to drying pens and
unopened books.

With each tick and tock,
the clock throws another second
out the window.

***
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 07:16:14
January 21 2008 07:16 GMT
#2
This is critique (try to not to take it personally):

+ Show Spoiler +
To write poetry is like
looking into a mirror.
And describing what one
sees or saw.

To write poetry is to take
a sun's warmth and put
it into paper
for everyone to feel.

To write poetry is to freeze
a moment and then
keep it forever
for all to remember.

IMO this is not really poetry. This is three sentences you broke up into lines, with no apparent logic. Your use of literary devices was almost completely absent (half the reason anyone should ever write a poem is for an excuse to pile up on literary devices).

As for everything else... I dunno. Try to write about more profound emotions. I found them pretty boring (maybe others would enjoy them more).

Sorry :X At least I commented though!
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
micronesia
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States24776 Posts
January 21 2008 07:19 GMT
#3
On January 21 2008 11:19 crazie-penguin wrote:
1: The orange sun sets,
2: once again.
3: The clouds gather above,
4: one more time.
5: And another day
6: goes to waste.

7: The sigh of trees
8: above the dusty desk
9: brings my attention
10: back to drying pens and
11: unopened books.

12: With each tick and tock,
13: the clock throws another second
14: out the window.

4: You are implying that there is a correlation in between the sun setting, and the clouds 'gathering above' even though I'm not aware of one.

6: Why did you choose to make the day ending so negative? This theme seems to be carried throughout the poem, and yet I see no explanation for why you would do that, unless there is an implication that work regarding the unopened books has not been completed.

8: How do you see trees above the desk? Are you outside? Is there a window over the desk overlooking trees?

10: What are drying pens? You using a quill or something?

14: Once again I'm wondering why the negative spin is being placed on the passage of time.
ModeratorThere are animal crackers for people and there are people crackers for animals.
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 07:30:07
January 21 2008 07:28 GMT
#4
--Deleted by user.--
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
prOxi.swAMi
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
Australia3091 Posts
January 21 2008 09:22 GMT
#5
About micronesia's reply, I don't see why he needs a reason for it to be negative any more than he would need a reason for it to be positive.
Oh no
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Monday Night Weeklies
16:00
#54
RotterdaM1421
TKL 539
TaKeTV 452
IndyStarCraft 255
ZombieGrub181
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
ProTech2664
RotterdaM 1421
TKL 539
mouzHeroMarine 505
IndyStarCraft 255
ZombieGrub181
UpATreeSC 119
EmSc Tv 21
StarCraft: Brood War
Dewaltoss 162
firebathero 70
Zeus 58
sorry 45
ajuk12(nOOB) 12
soO 8
Sacsri 7
Counter-Strike
apEX3050
pashabiceps2779
fl0m2172
shoxiejesuss1722
byalli1430
Heroes of the Storm
Liquid`Hasu246
Other Games
Grubby4743
Liquid`RaSZi1827
B2W.Neo414
mouzStarbuck266
Pyrionflax173
KnowMe169
Trikslyr58
Mew2King44
Chillindude28
MindelVK10
Organizations
Other Games
BasetradeTV236
StarCraft 2
EmSc Tv 21
EmSc2Tv 21
Other Games
Algost 4
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
[ Show 17 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• kabyraGe 230
• Reevou 6
• IndyKCrew
• Migwel
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• sooper7s
• intothetv
• Kozan
• LaughNgamezSOOP
StarCraft: Brood War
• blackmanpl 54
• Michael_bg 7
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
• BSLYoutube
League of Legends
• Lourlo770
• Stunt152
Other Games
• WagamamaTV747
Upcoming Events
Replay Cast
4h 19m
Sparkling Tuna Cup
14h 19m
WardiTV Spring Champion…
15h 19m
Maestros of the Game
19h 49m
The PondCast
1d 14h
Kung Fu Cup
1d 15h
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
1d 19h
Maestros of the Game
1d 19h
Replay Cast
2 days
Replay Cast
2 days
[ Show More ]
WardiTV Spring Champion…
2 days
Maestros of the Game
2 days
Replay Cast
3 days
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
3 days
Maestros of the Game
3 days
Replay Cast
4 days
Solar vs Classic
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
4 days
GSL
5 days
herO vs Rogue
Maru vs Cure
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
5 days
BSL
5 days
Replay Cast
6 days
Monday Night Weeklies
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

KK 2v2 League Season 1
RSL Revival: Season 5
Heroes Pulsing #1

Ongoing

BSL Season 22
IPSL Spring 2026
KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 2
Acropolis #4
CSCL: Masked Kings S4
YSL S3
SCTL 2026 Spring
WardiTV Spring 2026
Maestros of the Game 2
2026 GSL S2
Murky Cup 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 2
CS Asia Championships 2026
Asian Champions League 2026
IEM Atlanta 2026
PGL Astana 2026
BLAST Rivals Spring 2026
IEM Rio 2026
PGL Bucharest 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 1
BLAST Open Spring 2026

Upcoming

BSL 22 Non-Korean Championship
CSLAN 4
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
CranK Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League
HSC XXIX
uThermal 2v2 2026 Main Event
Heroes Pulsing #3
Heroes Pulsing #2
Esports World Cup 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer Qual
Stake Ranked Episode 3
XSE Pro League 2026
IEM Cologne Major 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.