• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 12:47
CEST 18:47
KST 01:47
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
[ASL21] Ro16 Preview Pt1: Fresh Flow6[ASL21] Ro24 Preview Pt2: News Flash10[ASL21] Ro24 Preview Pt1: New Chaos0Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - Presented by Monster Energy21ByuL: The Forgotten Master of ZvT30
Community News
MaNa leaves Team Liquid15$5,000 WardiTV TLMC tournament - Presented by Monster Energy5GSL CK: More events planned pending crowdfunding7Weekly Cups (May 30-Apr 5): herO, Clem, SHIN win0[BSL22] RO32 Group Stage5
StarCraft 2
General
MaNa leaves Team Liquid Blizzard Classic Cup @ BlizzCon 2026 - $100k prize pool Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - Presented by Monster Energy Quebec Clan still alive ? BGE Stara Zagora 2026 cancelled
Tourneys
Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament $5,000 WardiTV TLMC tournament - Presented by Monster Energy RSL Revival: Season 5 - Qualifiers and Main Event GSL CK: More events planned pending crowdfunding Sea Duckling Open (Global, Bronze-Diamond)
Strategy
Custom Maps
[D]RTS in all its shapes and glory <3 [A] Nemrods 1/4 players [M] (2) Frigid Storage
External Content
Mutation # 521 Memorable Boss The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 520 Moving Fees Mutation # 519 Inner Power
Brood War
General
[ASL21] Ro16 Preview Pt1: Fresh Flow Leta's ASL Ro24 Review The Korean Terminology Thread ASL21 General Discussion BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/
Tourneys
[ASL21] Ro16 Group A Escore Tournament StarCraft Season 2 [Megathread] Daily Proleagues [ASL21] Ro24 Group F
Strategy
Any training maps people recommend? Fighting Spirit mining rates Muta micro map competition What's the deal with APM & what's its true value
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Battle Aces/David Kim RTS Megathread General RTS Discussion Thread Starcraft Tabletop Miniature Game
Dota 2
The Story of Wings Gaming Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
G2 just beat GenG in First stand
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Vanilla Mini Mafia Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas TL Mafia Community Thread Five o'clock TL Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Canadian Politics Mega-thread European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread The China Politics Thread
Fan Clubs
The IdrA Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
[Manga] One Piece [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books Movie Discussion!
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion Cricket [SPORT] Tokyo Olympics 2021 Thread
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
[G] How to Block Livestream Ads
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
lurker extra damage testi…
StaticNine
How Streamers Inspire Gamers…
TrAiDoS
Broowar part 2
qwaykee
Funny Nicknames
LUCKY_NOOB
Iranian anarchists: organize…
XenOsky
ASL S21 English Commentary…
namkraft
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 2425 users

Some poems I wrote

Blogs > crazie-penguin
Post a Reply
crazie-penguin
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
United States1253 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 02:22:01
January 21 2008 02:19 GMT
#1
Okay so I just collected all my poems and was hoping if you guys could critique/comment, enjoy, or whatever.

-----
Snow,
I always wished to see.
Isolated to the North
Far, Far away from me.
I wished at length
To be a cloud
And let the wind's strength
Carry me around to you.

I wondered and wandered, hoping for your touch.
And finally,
the whimsical wind blew
me from my home,
all the way to you

I saw you, after so long
Falling down to the earth like an
Angel
With soft, white wings

I reached out, releasing all the tension.
I shivered excitedly, with you about to land
In my hand.
But, unlike I wanted.

You melted in my arms, unwarranted
Your wings, like wax, collapsed in my passion.
And soon, you became one
With my tears.

Then along came the whimsical wind
And dried up my tears.
I searched the traces of my palms
But it as all in vain.
You were gone.

Snow
I wonder if you're still up there.
I wish someday, maybe,
That you'd come back down,
Just for me


-------
Time passes quickly by
And no matter how hard I try.
I can never finish this poem, only sigh
As, once again, time quickly passes by.
There are so little rhymes
And I'm wondering why
That no matter how hard I try
Time quickly passes by.


---------
To write poetry is like
looking into a mirror.
And describing what one
sees or saw.

To write poetry is to take
a sun's warmth and put
it into paper
for everyone to feel.

To write poetry is to freeze
a moment and then
keep it forever
for all to remember.


-----
Sun,
I want to see again.
Always hiding now,
behind a blanket of gray clouds

Where are you,
You're getting too far.
It's no longer fun without you,
My little sun.

The drumming rain is getting old
and the white snow is too cold.
The warmth is gone,
only a chill remains.
The light is gone,
only shadows are around.

It's hard to see, but
What must I do
To have you,
Once more.

-------
The orange sun sets,
once again.
The clouds gather above,
one more time.
And another day
goes to waste.

The sigh of trees
above the dusty desk
brings my attention
back to drying pens and
unopened books.

With each tick and tock,
the clock throws another second
out the window.

***
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 07:16:14
January 21 2008 07:16 GMT
#2
This is critique (try to not to take it personally):

+ Show Spoiler +
To write poetry is like
looking into a mirror.
And describing what one
sees or saw.

To write poetry is to take
a sun's warmth and put
it into paper
for everyone to feel.

To write poetry is to freeze
a moment and then
keep it forever
for all to remember.

IMO this is not really poetry. This is three sentences you broke up into lines, with no apparent logic. Your use of literary devices was almost completely absent (half the reason anyone should ever write a poem is for an excuse to pile up on literary devices).

As for everything else... I dunno. Try to write about more profound emotions. I found them pretty boring (maybe others would enjoy them more).

Sorry :X At least I commented though!
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
micronesia
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States24768 Posts
January 21 2008 07:19 GMT
#3
On January 21 2008 11:19 crazie-penguin wrote:
1: The orange sun sets,
2: once again.
3: The clouds gather above,
4: one more time.
5: And another day
6: goes to waste.

7: The sigh of trees
8: above the dusty desk
9: brings my attention
10: back to drying pens and
11: unopened books.

12: With each tick and tock,
13: the clock throws another second
14: out the window.

4: You are implying that there is a correlation in between the sun setting, and the clouds 'gathering above' even though I'm not aware of one.

6: Why did you choose to make the day ending so negative? This theme seems to be carried throughout the poem, and yet I see no explanation for why you would do that, unless there is an implication that work regarding the unopened books has not been completed.

8: How do you see trees above the desk? Are you outside? Is there a window over the desk overlooking trees?

10: What are drying pens? You using a quill or something?

14: Once again I'm wondering why the negative spin is being placed on the passage of time.
ModeratorThere are animal crackers for people and there are people crackers for animals.
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-01-21 07:30:07
January 21 2008 07:28 GMT
#4
--Deleted by user.--
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
prOxi.swAMi
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
Australia3091 Posts
January 21 2008 09:22 GMT
#5
About micronesia's reply, I don't see why he needs a reason for it to be negative any more than he would need a reason for it to be positive.
Oh no
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Monday Night Weeklies
16:00
#47
RotterdaM671
IndyStarCraft 86
SteadfastSC72
BRAT_OK 69
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
RotterdaM 671
Hui .289
mouzHeroMarine 280
TKL 187
ProTech131
IndyStarCraft 86
BRAT_OK 69
SteadfastSC 66
StarCraft: Brood War
Sea 6641
Calm 5349
Bisu 3565
Horang2 2406
Jaedong 1666
Mini 1130
Britney 840
EffOrt 740
BeSt 430
Larva 411
[ Show more ]
Stork 375
Soulkey 214
firebathero 211
ggaemo 174
actioN 156
Rush 150
Dewaltoss 136
Zeus 98
Hyun 76
Barracks 63
Mind 53
zelot 32
ToSsGirL 26
Rock 22
Terrorterran 19
Movie 19
GoRush 13
IntoTheRainbow 10
Sexy 10
Dota 2
qojqva2550
420jenkins236
BananaSlamJamma113
Counter-Strike
fl0m6063
pashabiceps1547
Other Games
Grubby1713
FrodaN1173
B2W.Neo958
hiko845
Beastyqt372
XBOCT325
ArmadaUGS182
KnowMe118
QueenE88
Sick59
Trikslyr35
Mew2King35
Organizations
Counter-Strike
PGL201
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 16 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Shameless 56
• intothetv
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• HerbMon 4
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Nemesis1640
• Jankos1451
• TFBlade1088
Other Games
• Shiphtur190
Upcoming Events
OSC
7h 13m
Afreeca Starleague
17h 13m
Snow vs PianO
hero vs Rain
WardiTV Map Contest Tou…
17h 13m
GSL
19h 13m
PiGosaur Cup
1d 7h
CranKy Ducklings
1d 16h
Kung Fu Cup
1d 19h
Replay Cast
2 days
The PondCast
2 days
WardiTV Map Contest Tou…
2 days
[ Show More ]
Replay Cast
3 days
Escore
3 days
WardiTV Map Contest Tou…
3 days
Korean StarCraft League
4 days
CranKy Ducklings
4 days
WardiTV Map Contest Tou…
4 days
IPSL
4 days
WolFix vs nOmaD
dxtr13 vs Razz
BSL
5 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
5 days
WardiTV Map Contest Tou…
5 days
Ladder Legends
5 days
BSL
6 days
IPSL
6 days
JDConan vs TBD
Aegong vs rasowy
Replay Cast
6 days
Replay Cast
6 days
Wardi Open
6 days
Afreeca Starleague
6 days
Bisu vs Ample
Jaedong vs Flash
Monday Night Weeklies
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Escore Tournament S2: W2
RSL Revival: Season 4
NationLESS Cup

Ongoing

BSL Season 22
ASL Season 21
CSL 2026 SPRING (S20)
IPSL Spring 2026
StarCraft2 Community Team League 2026 Spring
Nations Cup 2026
PGL Bucharest 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 1
BLAST Open Spring 2026
ESL Pro League S23 Finals
ESL Pro League S23 Stage 1&2
PGL Cluj-Napoca 2026
IEM Kraków 2026

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S2: W3
Acropolis #4
BSL 22 Non-Korean Championship
CSLAN 4
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
HSC XXIX
uThermal 2v2 2026 Main Event
RSL Revival: Season 5
WardiTV TLMC #16
IEM Cologne Major 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 2
CS Asia Championships 2026
Asian Champions League 2026
IEM Atlanta 2026
PGL Astana 2026
BLAST Rivals Spring 2026
CCT Season 3 Global Finals
IEM Rio 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.