It was 7-8+ months since I was permanently banned (rightfully so), by the grace of God and the forgiveness of the mods I was let back in, I already know that there will be a long list of people who disagree with their decision, rightfully so. Through therapy, psychiatric help, medication, etc. I finally feel like I am a more balanced person, I finally feel like for the first time in my life that I am beginning to stabilize and have more coherent thoughts. I was diagnosed with extreme anxiety / panic attacks, and possibly depression. I am working with the doctors to get to the root cause of everything, but I believe it had a lot to do with my childhood and the way I grew up. Also, self-medicating most of my life (Cannabis / Alcohol, never any hard drugs).
I am not going to sit here and make excuses for my behavior, rudeness, negativity, pain or any harm or hurtfulness I have caused anyone in this community, I am only sincerely making an attempt through this blog and through future contributing actions to give back to this community that I love dearly.
Over the time I was banned I sat and thought a lot about how I treat / treated people, the persona I carried, and how much of a negative person I was being not only to others, but to myself. I grew up playing StarCraft, I grew up in this community, although I never really felt like a part of the community due to my ridiculous actions, I love the game and I love the community.
I started to realize that I used the game as a way of escape which I'm sure many of us do, but I also used it as a way to vent anger / frustration / anxiety / hatred, etc.... And for that I feel terrible.
I grew up as a child at 2 years old playing NES, then SNES, then N64, then GameCube, and then once I discovered StarCraft I just don't feel the same playing any other game, since I discovered StarCraft I can almost not enjoy any other game. I bought a PS5 to try, and I just cannot receive the same sense of achievement / accomplishment from any other game, then I do from StarCraft. That is just a little back story.
The main point of this blog is to give a sincere apology from the bottom of my heart ot anyone in this community that I have hurt, been rude to, offended, discouraged, or anything negative at all. I know that a lot of you will probably think "Oh look, telecom is making another bullshit blog apology again, and hes saying hes changed again"
I realize that I have apologized before, but this time it is different. I recently had the opportunity to join ROOT gaming, not because I am a pro gamer or even remotely good at SC2, I used to be GrandMasters a few times in HOTS but I am not on the same level as the rest of the team. But it has re inspired me to be a good gamer again, and out of complete respect for CatZ because he is the most chill / relaxed and peaceful gamer I have ever witnessed, that is another reason that has inspired me to change my ways and become not only a different type of gamer, but a different type of person.
I know that forgiveness cannot be purchased or bought, but I have never really given back anything to this community aside from negativity and a few tournaments I was given the amazing opportunity to host through AfreecaTV.
I want everyone to know that I will be hosting cash events for the BW Foreign scene and possibly show matches with the highly skilled players of [WHITE] clan. I have been just working and saving for years now and I finally feel financially stable enough to do something that I know in my heart is the right thing to do.
So again, I would like to sincerely apologize to the entire TL community and especially the BW Foreign community, I hope that the people of this community can find it within themselves to forgive me (or even forgive me again) for the terrible things I have said in the past.
I will honor my word, I am a little busy until after christmas with work / traveling, but beginning in January I will be hosting cash events and beginning with the sums of 500$ - 1K$. Everyone will be allowed to participate, except Koreans players. And I have already spoken to [WHITE] clan master about show matches, I will pay for. So there will be content coming. Aside from the BW Foreign events, I am thinkinking of funding showmatches involving BeSt and some others.
I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving and will have a wonderful Christmas / Holidays with you and yours. I hope you all stay safe from Covid and all the craziness going on in the world right now. I pray all of your forgiveness. Thank you for another chance.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and again, I sincerely apologize to you all.