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In elementary school, I was socially inept. I didn't make many friends and I didn't talk to anybody. Early in high school, I focused solely on academics. 11th grade came around and I started to look beyond school and observed the world around me.
I never had tried too hard to improve my looks but it seemed like many others (in my all girls school) focused a lot on how they look. High school was a time when I learned to think for myself and realized I didn't have to be like everyone else.
I started to develop a hatred for the stereotypes of girly girls. I wanted to go against all of it. I pouted every time there was a special occasion and my sister had to dress me up and do my makeup.
In college, I focused more on taking on what I thought were the cooler hobbies - video games, watching wrestling on tv, and geeking out with math, science and computers. I was on the computer science track and befriended a lot of guys. I didn't really have any female friends. I didn't bother learning how to cook as guys would cook for me.
I had to start caring about clothing since I had to start buying myself clothes to wear. I didn't have this problem before since I wore uniforms for high school. I couldn't rely on my parents this time. This was also around the time when I learned that wearing baggy clothes didn't actual hide my skinniness and I didn't look too bad wearing sleeveless. At this time my sister also managed to get me to wear lipstick. That was the only makeup I would wear on my own.
I only started becoming interested in learning how to put makeup on in late 2005. My boyfriend designated me as a model for Hot Import Nights for his dance company and I felt quite inept trying to be a model without wearing any makeup. When I got back to California, I asked my sister for help and she got some girl at the makeup counter to figure out the right shades of makeup for me and I ended up buying the very basics - eyeshadow, foundation, eyeliner and mascara. Although I had these items, I was pretty clueless about using them. She set aside a time to teach me and I started wearing makeup to train myself to learn how to paint my face faster. From then on, I could pretty myself up whenever there was an occasion.
My rage against girl stereotypes hindered me. I can't mindlessly say no to everything girly. Skills that seem to come naturally to most girls are actually helpful. Perhaps if I hadn't hindered myself from learning I wouldn't be so behind. It is actually quite beneficial to learn how to make oneself look hotter. I have more confidence in myself, I attract my boyfriend more, people are more open and interested in talking to me and paying attention to me, and I end up not hating my pictures so much.
Physical beauty is now something on my things to improve about myself list. It's actually hard work. There is a lot involved:
- Makeup - learning what colors go well with your skin tone, learning the right way of putting makeup on
- Hair - taking care of the hair, maintaining smoothness, silkiness, cleanliness and fragrance, knowing how to style it both for casual and formal occasions, learning how to use the curling iron, flat iron, mouse, gel, hairspray and other styling products, knowing what shampoo and conditioner works best with your hair type
- Body - eating right, eating the right amount of calories and the right type of food, exercising regularly, toning the right muscles, pushing yourself without hurting yourself
- Skin - maintaining clear skin, using cleanser, toner and moisturizer, regularly using lotion, using sun block when needed, taking care of pimples and blemishes with skin care products, removing unwanted hair
- Clothes - wearing the right clothes for the right occasion, having a fashion sense, knowing what looks good on your body type, balancing between slutty and conservative, finding the right colors that complement your skin color
- Personality/Confidence - what's on the inside often shines through on the outside. one needs to learn how to carry herself, stand tall and not slouch. show confidence. know what poses work best in pictures. smile more and be happy.
A lot of these seem to come naturally to most girls since they've been focusing on them since they were younger. I'm still learning and trying hard to improve. It takes a lot of time and even money but I think it can be worth it.
 
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United States5262 Posts
Ahh you should have told me you're taken. I would have hit on you less. *winkwink*
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I sometimes feel its rather unfortunate how people have to be more self-conscious and care how other people think about them as they get older. It's more so girls than guys, and I guess it's all about growing up and being part of the real world.
I'm a hypocrite for caring about looks like every other male, but it seems like even the cool nerdy girls have to eventually conform to guy's expectations.
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i see it more like a skill you can learn. you don't necessarily use it all the time but you can whip it out whenever it is handy. i certainly don't wear makeup every day.
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True, although I remember there were times when I didn't know anything about or ever have to worry about social image. Still feels so... superficial but necessary.
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Well, its not entirely superficial. Its in our nature to want to look better, because it shows that we're confident about ourselves. That confidence could translate to dominance, which is something that animals like lions and greater apes display in order to couple and survive. Survival of the fittest, etc (damn, I didnt want to use that term).
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I've always thought you were pretty, and now that I know you weren't wearing makeup, I think it says a lot. Society tells you that you need to wear makeup.
Useless makes a great point, though. People perceive you differently based on your overall appearance.
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United States4991 Posts
Well, speaking from a guy's perspective:
+ Show Spoiler [The various things to do from the OP] +- Makeup - learning what colors go well with your skin tone, learning the right way of putting makeup on
- Hair - taking care of the hair, maintaining smoothness, silkiness, cleanliness and fragrance, knowing how to style it both for casual and formal occasions, learning how to use the curling iron, flat iron, mouse, gel, hairspray and other styling products, knowing what shampoo and conditioner works best with your hair type
- Body - eating right, eating the right amount of calories and the right type of food, exercising regularly, toning the right muscles, pushing yourself without hurting yourself
- Skin - maintaining clear skin, using cleanser, toner and moisturizer, regularly using lotion, using sun block when needed, taking care of pimples and blemishes with skin care products, removing unwanted hair
- Clothes - wearing the right clothes for the right occasion, having a fashion sense, knowing what looks good on your body type, balancing between slutty and conservative, finding the right colors that complement your skin color
- Personality/Confidence - what's on the inside often shines through on the outside. one needs to learn how to carry herself, stand tall and not slouch. show confidence. know what poses work best in pictures. smile more and be happy.
First of all, let me just say that I realize this is a list for girls, not guys, and so some points are different (e.g., makeup). However, I think the general gist of the list is the same for both sexes. Also, this post is not intended to be a criticism of you, just of the visually focused society of the USA (and probably other countries, although I've never lived there!)
I've always found it hard personally to care much about this sort of stuff. I 100% disagree with useless about feeling a need to look better in order to show we are confident about ourselves. I'm absolutely confident in myself (I'm a huge egotist actually, although I try to avoid letting that play up online as much as feasible), and yet a lot of these things I do very little about (yes, I wash my hair and put on clothes, obviously; I don't, however, put more than cursory time into making my hair look good (mostly it's just "is it sticking up all over the place, if so toss some water on if it's dry and grab a brush for a few swipes"); nor do I know a fucking thing [or care about, really] about fashion ). I've never felt the need to, personally. These things are just really superficial in my opinion, and so fleeting. Will people care who was dressed well 10 years ago when they met? Doubtful (unless they are shallow dumbasses). More likely they'll care about who is of a similar intelligence, who is considerate, accepting, etc. None of these traits have anything to do with physical appearance. Understand, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with adhering to these ideals. Just that there's nothing wrong with not adhering to them either.
ed: sorry for the semi-hijack!
On a completely different note, we should play some BGH this weekend. Haven't had much time recently due to the fact that this is the last week of the quarter :[
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your title sounds transsexual
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United States20661 Posts
On May 31 2007 02:28 {ToT}Strafe wrote:
your title sounds transsexual
Strafe you sound worried there. Bad experience? oO
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stop asking me rhetorical questions, its not appreciated!
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Yes, make those guys cook for you!
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dont worry strafe, its okay to experiment
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is awesome32274 Posts
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Insane made a good point up there. Although it is very hard not to care about how you look if you're as ugly as I am --;
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Personally, from a nonuser, I think that makeup on people who don't normally wear makeup looks strange. People just like what they get used to. And often, makeup doesn't make people look any better anyway, especially when the users aren't chogosu.
Learning to apply makeup, use different hair products, etc. are useful skills if desired, generally for special formal occasions. But I don't think there's a good reason to bother with it normally if you don't already.
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=) i used to wonder whether i should hide my gender. heck zia's announcement was an excellent way of getting rid of the boys stalking/harassing. then again my showing up in offline events would've given me away anyway. i found that tl treats me well enough in general though that i don't have to hide. that's why i discourage other random girls who show up in tl from being vociferous in 'coming out of the closet' saying 'i'm really a girl i'll prove it to you'. the more you emphasize the difference, the more you will be treated differently.
i used to not want to put the time or effort into looking presentable. eh i still do i came in to work pretty much straight out of bed today and all i did was tie my hair into a ponytail. especially since I am still in the learning phase, it is helpful when i put effort into it everyday (kinda like working out every day to keep in shape). its good to train your body for that regular routine so there is steady progress. not only do i end up looking better, i also feel better about myself. i can do more sports, run longer and have more endurance in general. the confidence helps especially in dealing with people. it especially helps earn respect at work and within communities i am part of.
learning about physical beauty is learning how to optimize your looks. there is a need i feel to improve on all aspects of life. this is only one of them. i do want to improve socially, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and i wanna improve my apm, micro and macro. This in particular is helpful at this point in my life for work (NETWORKING is very important, also learning how to act and dress around agencies who work for us and maintaining good relationships, interacting with people within the office, getting higher ups to keep me in mind when they think about promotions, etc), for special occasions (been going to lots of weddings recently, also helps for christmas parties), and just in general wanting to attract my man more =p. he does warn me not to get too wrapped up in it and end up depending on it. at the same time if i didn't work on it at all, i couldn't use the skill when needed. its like learning how to spam or keep your apm up early game so that there isn't a big jump of momentum into late game.
it would probably help if i changed my journal title but when i first wrote this it was after looking at the girl threads, then going into google to find tips on how to be hot hah, then i started wondering about why i went into google for that then i started writing about how i went from tomboy to girlier.
peter, i can't play this weekend i'll be in ny. oh actually maybe i can from wcg us open. i'll be there to cover news (live hopefully). day[9] will be staying with us ^^. i am free to play today though (and possibly tomorrow). play with us? =D
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For some odd reason I didn't think mnm = girl until I read a little bit into the blog, at first I thought it was a guy getting surgery done, so I had to click for some reason; pretty good read thou. :p
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MURICA15980 Posts
Yeah, it rocks being a man. Standards certainly are much more lenient on men, but I think men are having to clean up and upkeep their bodies and keep track of that hair a lot more as time goes on. Maybe the metro trend, but whatever.
And Insane, you say nobody will care 10 years from now how you looked, but they will care 10 minutes from now. Or 10 seconds. And sometimes those initial first impressions are crucially important. If somebody has an overall good initial impression of you, it will definitely help you in all social aspects, which in turn helps you internally. Sure, you may not care what somebody looks like but for a large percentage of the our society, presentation says a lot. There are benefits to caring in our society, and as much as you might avoid it in spite, you're only putting yourself at a disadvantage. If you don't mind that, then sure... but I don't see why put yourself in a less optimal position when it just takes changing a few habits.
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I wish my girlfriend would read your post mnm. She's beautiful... but if she did a bit of exercise, put a bit of make up on etc., she would be stunning...
Maybe I'm just too shallow... but is it that bad if you want your gf to look gorgeous every now and again?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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EPT
