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Hearing Both Sides of a Story

Blogs > Darkhorse
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Darkhorse
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
United States23455 Posts
February 07 2015 04:55 GMT
#1
Hello people of TL! Long time no see. Well sort of.

I've been a bit busy over the past several weeks so I haven't been posting all that much here. I just wanted to share kind of a strange experience for me that happened over the past two days.

So last night I was hanging around in my apartment with my roommates and some of their friends that they invited over. We had a few drinks and were having a good time. I don't have a ton of friends in the city so it was nice to meet all these new people and the night was going really well. One of the people was this girl who for the purposes of this blog we will call Lisa. I was talking with her and her boyfriend Tim who I had already been friends with for awhile and I mentioned in passing that next year I would probably be living with a different group of guys including a guy who we will call Mike.

I noticed that as soon as I mentioned Mike, Lisa got very quiet and wasn't making eye contact with me anymore. Later on I pulled Tim aside and asked if I had said something wrong or if I had upset her. He said that she and Mike had a bit of a history. I felt bad because I assumed Mike was her ex or something and they had a bad breakup. I apologized and let it drop. He apparently told her that I had asked and later she came and found me alone and told me what had made her so upset.

Her, "Sorry I started acting so weird when you mentioned Mike"
Me, "Hey it's not problem. I didn't know the two of you dated. I'm really sorry for bringing him up."
Her, "We never dated. He sexually assaulted me."

Oh fuck. I went from putting my foot in my mouth to swallowing my entire god damned leg up to my thigh. I gave her a hug and apologized about a million times for bringing up what must have been a painful memory. She seemed to want to tell the story so she did. I don't want to go super far into it, but the main point is that he groped her (she stated many times vehemently that they did not have sex, she really seemed to not want me to get the wrong idea) and that the experience was really traumatizing for her and she didn't feel able to tell anyone in any position of authority. I told her that she definitely should and she said it happened over a year ago so there was no way she could prove it now. There were no witnesses.

Needless to say I was certainly not going to be moving in with Mike anymore. It was so weird to me that this guy who I thought was a genuinely nice guy would do something like that. I decided I would confront him about this and see what he had to say for himself. The next day I saw him and started talking to him.

Me, "Hey do you know a girl named Lisa?" this is literally all I said before:
Him, "Yeah I do" (laughs) "I felt her up one night last year"

What the fuck? This girl had just finished telling me how it was such a horrifying experience for her and this guy stood there and laughed? His complete lack of understanding as to what he had done was mind blowing. His immaturity and lack of empathy was ridiculous. When I asked him why he did it he just said, "Because I wanted to and she was into it".

I wanted to break his jaw right there for being so unbelievably thick but I didn't. I just told him I'd find somewhere else to live next year and went home. I started thinking of how experiences can be viewed so differently by two different people. On the one side is a girl who has felt uncomfortable being alone in public ever since and feels utterly degraded and violated. On the other there is a guy who just kind of wanted to grab a girls breasts and the event has no other meaning beyond that point.

I kind of started wondering how certain events are remembered by the people I have experienced them with. I certainly believe I have never hurt someone else that badly but it is troubling thinking about times that I might have left someone hurt forever while I don't think about them anymore.

I dunno maybe I'm rambling at this point. I just thought it was important to note how some things can be totally life changing for some and totally mundane for others.

Thanks for reading.

****
WriterRecently Necro'd (?)
Cricketer12
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
United States13974 Posts
February 07 2015 05:12 GMT
#2
That is pretty crazy but yeah at a different level its amazing how differently people interpret different situations. Hope "Lisa" is okay, and you, considering a friend of yours turned out to...not be who you expected. All the best going forward dude.
Kaina + Drones Linkcro Summon Cupsie Yummy Way
Dalguno
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States2446 Posts
February 07 2015 05:16 GMT
#3
That can be a haunting thought, to wonder if you've ever done something that really offended/hurt someone when you thought nothing of it. I can think of a few stories from my own life but they're super minor, nothing of that sort. Guy's a real jerk, I hate that kind of lack of respect. Things like that mess people's lives up.
"I'm gonna keep making drones cause I'm a baller, and ballers make drones." -Snute
Grobyc
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada18410 Posts
February 07 2015 06:09 GMT
#4
Man, it reminds me of this stupid thing I did when I was really young. Long story short, when I was young, like the 4th/5th grade or something, I used to like watching wrestling and tried a "wrestling move" on a pretty good friend at school because I thought it would be fun/funny. Well I nearly broke the kids arm and he ran away crying.

We parted ways as good friends shortly after that, probably due to what happened. I never even apologized at the time, I thought nothing of it. Some time in middle school I told him I was sorry and that I didn't realize I was hurting him (I legitimately thought he was playing along) and he forgave me pretty easily. He was/is such an innocent person, really really friendly guy, I felt so bad.

Who knows what would have changed if that never happened though. Maybe we'd still be good friends? Kind of scary to find out that something you thought wasn't a big deal was really hurtful to someone else though.
If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a benevolent lizard who helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the ocean.
OtherWorld
Profile Blog Joined October 2013
France17333 Posts
February 07 2015 07:02 GMT
#5
Well tbh you can't be sure his answer was a sign of a lack of understanding of the situation. I mean he's probably perfectly aware that he sexually assaulted her but he won't just tell you "Oh yeah, Lisa. I assaulted her last year, she didn't like that at all but eh, whatever".
Used Sigs - New Sigs - Cheap Sigs - Buy the Best Cheap Sig near You at www.cheapsigforsale.com
TelecoM
Profile Blog Joined January 2010
United States10673 Posts
February 07 2015 07:53 GMT
#6
So basically what it sounds like is you are contradicting yourself within this post by taking the girls side over the guys, without knowing the entire situation, do you think you can believe everything she said over what the guy said? Do you know how many girls cry rape or being molested when really it was just as much there fault as the guys? Sorry but this is childs play....you shouldn't just change your mind about moving in with "Mike" because of what some girl says lol
AKA: TelecoM[WHITE] Protoss fighting
Taf the Ghost
Profile Joined December 2010
United States11751 Posts
February 07 2015 08:12 GMT
#7
Going from just the information you posted, I would assume you got played for sympathy by "Lisa".

The tell-tale part was the insistence that they didn't have sex. That isn't how someone that's actually been assaulted would talk about the situation. The insistence is how someone attempting to cover up the fact they almost blew up their relationship with a fling would talk.

I would also suspect two other things: what happened between Mike and Lisa involved alcohol & Tim + Lisa were dating at that time.

If those two assumptions are true, then the important question is: why would you believe Lisa over Mike? Mike could still be a jerk and Lisa isn't necessarily unfaithful, but alcohol + regret can convince people of many things that aren't true. And it's not like people haven't been believing their own rationalizations since the dawn of Time.
riotjune
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
United States3393 Posts
February 07 2015 10:34 GMT
#8
Seems like another instance of he said she said. I would believe neither zzzz
hymn
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
Bulgaria832 Posts
February 07 2015 10:44 GMT
#9
It's a weird story for sure. All I know is that I've got a daughter and if at some point she comes to me and says "Daddy, some dude tried to fuck me and I refused but he inflicted pain on me...", well, I will then literally torture the guy and break a few ribs before asking him for an explanation. This is so because I actually trust my child would not abuse my trust in her and tell the story in a wrong way. My point is that maybe Lisa is a trustworthy person and Mike's side doesn't matter to Darkhorse.
azk he is the north american player but the titan he is the french stars
OtherWorld
Profile Blog Joined October 2013
France17333 Posts
February 07 2015 11:03 GMT
#10
On February 07 2015 19:44 hymn wrote:
It's a weird story for sure. All I know is that I've got a daughter and if at some point she comes to me and says "Daddy, some dude tried to fuck me and I refused but he inflicted pain on me...", well, I will then literally torture the guy and break a few ribs before asking him for an explanation. This is so because I actually trust my child would not abuse my trust in her and tell the story in a wrong way. My point is that maybe Lisa is a trustworthy person and Mike's side doesn't matter to Darkhorse.

Amazing and heartwarming display of love and justice right there.
Used Sigs - New Sigs - Cheap Sigs - Buy the Best Cheap Sig near You at www.cheapsigforsale.com
CosmicSpiral
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States15275 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-02-07 14:33:23
February 07 2015 14:32 GMT
#11
There are many different reasons why these two people could have such opposing reactions. You don't have enough information to make a judgment on it. Frankly, anything that can be inferred at this point is just conjecture.
WriterWovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
lohdon
Profile Blog Joined September 2014
170 Posts
February 07 2015 14:38 GMT
#12
On February 07 2015 17:12 Taf the Ghost wrote:
Going from just the information you posted, I would assume you got played for sympathy by "Lisa".

The tell-tale part was the insistence that they didn't have sex. That isn't how someone that's actually been assaulted would talk about the situation. The insistence is how someone attempting to cover up the fact they almost blew up their relationship with a fling would talk.


How would you know? I think it's pretty conceivable that you would want to make it clear that there was no sex/rape.

Whatever the details of what happened are and how credible Lisa really is. It's pretty clear that Mike at least is a complete jerk if not even worse.
Djzapz
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada10681 Posts
February 07 2015 15:22 GMT
#13
On February 07 2015 16:53 GGzerG wrote:
So basically what it sounds like is you are contradicting yourself within this post by taking the girls side over the guys, without knowing the entire situation, do you think you can believe everything she said over what the guy said? Do you know how many girls cry rape or being molested when really it was just as much there fault as the guys? Sorry but this is childs play....you shouldn't just change your mind about moving in with "Mike" because of what some girl says lol

That was my reaction also. Two people feel like they're innocent in this situation so she's right because reasons.
"My incompetence with power tools had been increasing exponentially over the course of 20 years spent inhaling experimental oven cleaners"
y0su
Profile Blog Joined September 2011
Finland7871 Posts
February 07 2015 16:03 GMT
#14
On February 07 2015 16:53 GGzerG wrote:
So basically what it sounds like is you are contradicting yourself within this post by taking the girls side over the guys, without knowing the entire situation, do you think you can believe everything she said over what the guy said? Do you know how many girls cry rape or being molested when really it was just as much there fault as the guys? Sorry but this is childs play....you shouldn't just change your mind about moving in with "Mike" because of what some girl says lol

This is how I felt reading it too... I kept expecting read that according to "Mike" it had been a drunken misunderstanding that "Lisa" had accused him of.
Darkhorse
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
United States23455 Posts
February 07 2015 16:42 GMT
#15
On February 07 2015 17:12 Taf the Ghost wrote:
Going from just the information you posted, I would assume you got played for sympathy by "Lisa".

The tell-tale part was the insistence that they didn't have sex. That isn't how someone that's actually been assaulted would talk about the situation. The insistence is how someone attempting to cover up the fact they almost blew up their relationship with a fling would talk.

I would also suspect two other things: what happened between Mike and Lisa involved alcohol & Tim + Lisa were dating at that time.

If those two assumptions are true, then the important question is: why would you believe Lisa over Mike? Mike could still be a jerk and Lisa isn't necessarily unfaithful, but alcohol + regret can convince people of many things that aren't true. And it's not like people haven't been believing their own rationalizations since the dawn of Time.

Hello! Just going to clarify a few things.

Tim and Lisa were 100% not dating when this occurred. Both sides of the story reflect this. I am not aware how much of a factor alcohol was. Both people said that they were at a party when this happened but neither said how much they had to drink. Possibly one or the other or both didn't mention that they were drunk because of shame? Dunno

Her insistence that the two of them did not have sex came from me. I immediately jumped to the conclusion (this is a common thing I do can you tell) that she had been raped by him, and she wanted to make sure I knew that she hadn't.

Thanks!
WriterRecently Necro'd (?)
TelecoM
Profile Blog Joined January 2010
United States10673 Posts
February 07 2015 17:28 GMT
#16
On February 07 2015 19:44 hymn wrote:
It's a weird story for sure. All I know is that I've got a daughter and if at some point she comes to me and says "Daddy, some dude tried to fuck me and I refused but he inflicted pain on me...", well, I will then literally torture the guy and break a few ribs before asking him for an explanation. This is so because I actually trust my child would not abuse my trust in her and tell the story in a wrong way. My point is that maybe Lisa is a trustworthy person and Mike's side doesn't matter to Darkhorse.


Yea i'm sure you would do that lol, the big bad daddy coming to save the day. Get real.
AKA: TelecoM[WHITE] Protoss fighting
CosmicSpiral
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States15275 Posts
February 07 2015 18:56 GMT
#17
On February 07 2015 19:44 hymn wrote:
It's a weird story for sure. All I know is that I've got a daughter and if at some point she comes to me and says "Daddy, some dude tried to fuck me and I refused but he inflicted pain on me...", well, I will then literally torture the guy and break a few ribs before asking him for an explanation. This is so because I actually trust my child would not abuse my trust in her and tell the story in a wrong way. My point is that maybe Lisa is a trustworthy person and Mike's side doesn't matter to Darkhorse.


Every parent believes this. It's one reason why skepticism of rape testimony is so common.
WriterWovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
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