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Either tomorrow or the next day, I'm going to have to deal with an annoying situation in one of several ways. Since I've spent quite a while thinking about solutions and nothing has stood out yet, I figured I might as well poll you guys. I'm not sure what you might get out of this other than inner-peace and prosperity, so I'll just link you to David GIlmour's solo album and hope that makes up for everything (wait until the second song at least).
Here's the deal:
I have a coworker who has mistaken my friendliness to mean that I want to interact with him outside of work on a regular basis. This is a problem for two reasons. Less importantly, I've come to think that he may be interested in me, and while I'm not gay, even if I was I would find that very disturbing (he's 30 years old than me and an all around strange person). Secondly, he's asked me several times if I've wanted to go to dinner with him. If I actually go to dinner with him, my other coworker who I actually enjoy hanging out with will undoubtedly change her opinions about me in several ways. Most importantly, she openly dislikes him, and will see it as an affront to our friendship (it's complicated, but I'll just say she's both paranoid and irrational). I have vested interest in not having this occur, as her husband is also a very good friend of mine, and my ticket to landing my dream job down the road.
Upon him leaving work last week he sprung an exact date and time on me, and I passively said "yeah sure," moments afterward realizing my mistake. The dinner is supposed to be on Thursday night. Naturally this has forced my hand and made an annoying situation very pressing.
Here's where things get very cloudy for me:
I try to do my best to avoid making anyone who I interact with feel bad. There is a very distinct possibility that this coworker is just very lonely and has few arenas whereby he can make friends with people. I can relate to that, as although I've recently developed a wonderful group of friends, that's either been through work or my Brother who attracts awesome people like a magnet. In the event that this is actually the case and I decide to cancel on him and request that we keep our relationship strictly professional, I've just won runner up for cunt of the year (1st place goes to EA of course), in my books. It's also partly my fault by not making it clear to him that such a thing isn't going to happen earlier on. I agreed to go to grab a Coffee with him a while back since he happened to live nearby my old apartment, and I guess that just fanned whatever kind of flame he's got burning.
Anyways, hopefully that's enough details. The way I see it, I've got the following options:
1. Go to Dinner, hope it doesn't escalate in a bad way (I'll drop enough hints to make sure it's not a problem hopefully). Afterwords hope that he never mentions it to anyone and think of some way to hopefully avoid next time. This could backfire really fast, and I don't like leaving my problems up to circumstance.
2. Call him up, cancel the dinner with an excuse. He'll probably be reasonably irritated if this happens, which may make for an annoying work environment. Also, it just postpones the problem and I'm sick of having to deal with this.
3. Call him up, explain to him that our relationship should be professional only, and ask that we keep it that way from then on. While this has the least repercussions down the dream-job-wise, it's almost guaranteed to make for an annoying work environment, and possibly make him feel pretty bad, or at the very least confused about why I'm suddenly saying that.
That's pretty much it. Any thoughts are appreciated. Time for sleep nao.....
 
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Tell your coworker (the girl you actually enjoy being around) the situation. Explain theres no real way for you to get out of it without causing yourself shit in the long run. If she's anything of worth to you, she'll understand, friends do.
Go through with the dinner, drop hints and whatnot that you arent really interested in him sexually or as a friend, be polite.
Once back at work, distance yourself from him so he doesnt get the idea you guys are going to be BFF's. Avoid him casually, brush off conversations and whatnot without seeming conspicuous. This'll also help with the female friend's attitude towards you.
Remember, the whole point of this is to remain polite and make it so they think you are just getting on with your work / life, not explicitly avoiding them or being shitty.
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Omnishrouds solution sounds good. But since I'm here anyway:
You could also cancel the dinner with some excuse but immediatly offer to drink another coffee with him on another day. You have done this before so it's ok.
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Tell him you aren't homosexual.
Tell her she's being paranoid and irrational if she's got a problem with it. She's meant to be your friend?
Lets get this straight (no pun intended) you are going on a dinner date with a guy because you are too polite, does this not set alarm bells ringing.
Whats the next step? Are you going to start a relationship so as not to hurt his feelings? Just nip it in the bud! I go out to get food with male friends but there is no fear it's a secret date...
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On January 22 2014 21:49 Shottaz wrote:
Tell him you aren't homosexual.
Tell her she's being paranoid and irrational if she's got a problem with it. She's meant to be your friend?
Lets get this straight (no pun intended) you are going on a dinner date with a guy because you are too polite, does this not set alarm bells ringing.
Whats the next step? Are you going to start a relationship so as not to hurt his feelings? Just nip it in the bud! I go out to get food with male friends but there is no fear it's a secret date...
This post made me lol
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You have to make rules for yourself to prevent this from happening in the future. My suggestion would be to ask your male 'friend' if your female colleague can join you all for dinner, that way it won't be so awkward.
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On January 22 2014 23:11 NeThZOR wrote:
You have to make rules for yourself to prevent this from happening in the future. My suggestion would be to ask your male 'friend' if your female colleague can join you all for dinner, that way it won't be so awkward.
"Most importantly, she openly dislikes him"
No need to drag her into this mess the op has created. She has made it quite clear she dislikes the guy...
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On January 22 2014 21:49 Shottaz wrote:
Tell him you aren't homosexual.
Tell her she's being paranoid and irrational if she's got a problem with it. She's meant to be your friend?
Lets get this straight (no pun intended) you are going on a dinner date with a guy because you are too polite, does this not set alarm bells ringing.
Whats the next step? Are you going to start a relationship so as not to hurt his feelings? Just nip it in the bud! I go out to get food with male friends but there is no fear it's a secret date...
This.
If this isn't possible, though, be straight with the guy. Odds are he doesn't have very many friends, so he may not be the best at taking hints. You should try to end things if this relationship doesn't appeal to you.
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Netherlands6181 Posts
On January 22 2014 21:49 Shottaz wrote:
Tell him you aren't homosexual.
Tell her she's being paranoid and irrational if she's got a problem with it. She's meant to be your friend?
Lets get this straight (no pun intended) you are going on a dinner date with a guy because you are too polite, does this not set alarm bells ringing.
Whats the next step? Are you going to start a relationship so as not to hurt his feelings? Just nip it in the bud! I go out to get food with male friends but there is no fear it's a secret date...
Ahaha great post. I was/am to a degree one of those people who does stuff I don't want to because I feel bad for the other person. And yes, I have pity dated someone before.  (((
Hoping I haven learned my lesson now though, I am slowly starting to learn to confront people and man up about things I used to let slide.
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Everyone knows if someone takes you to dinner, you gotta put out. Just a quick handjob dude, what's the big deal? Gay for pay isn't really gay.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9933 Posts
remain friendly and offhandedly mention your girlfriend. dinner sounds like an awful idea, ask your coworker friend what she thinks about this terrible situation (doesnt matter if you follow her advice or not, just need to let her know you value her opinion and aren't going behind her back. play up the groaning and moaning.). should be good to go.
edit LOL hawk wanna get dinner?
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Yeah i'll take you to macdonalds hawk np.
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@Omnishroud
Thanks for the input. It's going to be difficult to explain the situation to her and not have her pissed off, but that is entirely due to her being one of the most irrational people I've ever met. She'd probably get over it though.
@Shottaz
If he isn't actually gay, and is just wierd as fuck (he was raised in Germany and I hear they can be pretty weird ;P), I've kinda just been a prick. Dropping hints about my girlfriend is a much better solution imo.
I appreciate what you are saying, but you should be able to tell that I'm not the type of person who deals with situations as you do. I've thought about listing all the reasons why, but it occurred to me that you prefer to cut to the core anyways. Different strokes I guess.
@Hawk
He hasn't offered to pay for the dinner, there's no way in hell I'd put out for such a cheap date. Reread The Rules sister.
@intrigue
Whatever I do, I'll keep her posted. That's a very good way of keeping her involved. and ultimately my biggest concern is having her not pissed at me.
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Dinner date sounds like an awful idea, it's very deliberately a date. You should express your concerns and explicitly state you would rather keep the relationship professional only (the guy is 30 years older than you, wtf?).
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On January 23 2014 02:14 QuanticHawk wrote:
Everyone knows if someone takes you to dinner, you gotta put out. Just a quick handjob dude, what's the big deal? Gay for pay isn't really gay.
Only gay if your dicks touch.
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When I started reading, I genuinely thought you were a woman, until you mentioned, that you are not gay.
If your cunt whore female friend has a problem with who you hang or might hang out with, then she is not your friend anyway. Fuck her and don't be a coward just because you expect the one who's banging her and apparently is an even better friend to you, to suddenly tell you to fuck off because of who you might hang out with. What kind of "friends" do you have man? What the actual fuck?
You don't like that guy? Don't hang out with him. You want to spend time with him, hang out with him. Just because someone asks you to spend time with him/her doesn't mean he wants to shove his meat up your intestines.
User was warned for this post
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Netherlands6181 Posts
On January 24 2014 04:15 Kuni wrote:
When I started reading, I genuinely thought you were a woman, until you mentioned, that you are not gay.
If your cunt whore female friend has a problem with who you hang or might hang out with, then she is not your friend anyway. Fuck her and don't be a coward just because you expect the one who's banging her and apparently is an even better friend to you, to suddenly tell you to fuck off because of who you might hang out with. What kind of "friends" do you have man? What the actual fuck?
You don't like that guy? Don't hang out with him. You want to spend time with him, hang out with him. Just because someone asks you to spend time with him/her doesn't mean he wants to shove his meat up your intestines.
It isn't very nice to call people cunt whores. Especially if you don't know them and she has a legitimate reason for not liking this other guy.
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On January 24 2014 04:15 Kuni wrote:
When I started reading, I genuinely thought you were a woman, until you mentioned, that you are not gay.
If your cunt whore female friend has a problem with who you hang or might hang out with, then she is not your friend anyway. Fuck her and don't be a coward just because you expect the one who's banging her and apparently is an even better friend to you, to suddenly tell you to fuck off because of who you might hang out with. What kind of "friends" do you have man? What the actual fuck?
You don't like that guy? Don't hang out with him. You want to spend time with him, hang out with him. Just because someone asks you to spend time with him/her doesn't mean he wants to shove his meat up your intestines.
User was warned for this post
this post was rude, but he got a point, you should be doing what you want and don t mind too much.......
i think the op like the girl but can t be whit her because she is whit his friend.
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Even though the rational idea is that your friend should let you hang out with who you want... unfortunately girls can be quite irrational and take offense if you hang out with someone you like. In the end she'll have to just get over it, but confronting her about it and saying that she's being paranoid or crazy is probably not the best route to take.
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girls being irrational just because they can
#nothingnew
huehuehue.
On topic though when do you have your date? and did you do the deed?
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EPT
