Time Traveler from 2007 Appalled At Artosis' Use of DTs
Appearing on the TeamLiquid forums today, a user known as FurtadoFan1 posted that, unwilling to wait out the long StarCraft 2 development time, traveled 6 years to the future to see the finished version of the game and the surrounding community.
"It's disgusting," his message opened, "I find out that one of my favorite American Terrans is still playing, only to see him make some invisible bullshit unit." The post went on to describe how Artosis was one of the last true defenders of truth and justice, willing to put up with "god damn Protoss 1a2a3a" and "fucking 2 hatch asshattery," making him among an elite few that play with honor. "At least we still have IdrA," the message concluded, "don't tell me he's given up early too."
Upon seeing a video of Artosis interacting with his girlfriend and daughter, the man responded only with "bnhjyubnhjyubnhjyubnhjyubnhjyubnhjyubnhjyubnhjyu" and has not since continued correspondence.
TLPD, Aligulac Adopt Hellbat Based Rating System
The StarCraft II pro-game databases TLPD and Aligulac.com unveiled their new player rating systems based on the newly devised HELO. Aligulac.com creator TheBB said "it's clear that Glicko and Elo are no longer a valid way to measure player skill in the new HotS environment. After discussing the issue with TLPD admins, we have both decided to convert to HELO, an advanced system based entirely on hellbats." When asked for details on the new HELO system, TheBB responded "Hellbats produced is the primary variable, but we make sure to account for other important factors, such as 'time of first Hellbat' and 'number of Hellbats dropped.'"
Many progamers voiced their approval of the system. "TLPD and Aligulac were more of a gimmick before, because they didn't account for a lot of complications." said Acer's Nerchio. "Seeing ForGG, Strelok, Bunny, and Dayshi on top of the HELO rankings, I know for sure that it's a very accurate system."
28 Year Old Man Yells At Video Game
Today in Dayton, Ohio, Hunter Reinke was heard raising his voice and shaking his fists violently while watching a recent World Championship Series match. Neighbors mentioned that Hunter, an adult male, can often be seen in front of his computer forcefully telling players on the screen to "scout his idiotic tech" or "hit a god damned fungal".
"Sometimes my landlord mentions how loud I'm being," Hunter admitted to the press. "This is actually a thing our grown child does" said Susan Reinke, "he's a good kid, I am so happy he has something in his life he can express himself with," before reminding her son to tone down the obscenities.
At time of print the man was reported to be cleaning his room, to ensure house cleanliness before the Reinke Sunday cribbage game.
MarineKingPrime Victorious in Life-Long Battle Against Good Fashion Sense
At A Glance
· Mike Morhaime Disappointed To See Americans in WCS America
· Incontrol Pours Out Can of Monster For Fallen Homie
· "How The Hell Was I Once Relevant?" Ponders Destiny While Awaiting Surrender Timer.
· Disfigured DreamHack Admin Shoots Lucifron After Coin Flip
Coming to a theater near you...
Commentary
I Am So, So Sorry About Shakuras Plateau
By Sean Mitchell, Team 1
Really, I am. You know when your boss comes to you and says he needs one more 2v2 map for a beta pool? That's what happened, really. I swear, I never expected it to become a 'thing', the team just needed a big map to see what happened in a game with four players.
People kind of liked it and someone said, 'hey how about we see what happens in 1v1' and that seemed good, you know? Like, maybe people could find some cool stuff to do with the weird symmetry. I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I was unleashing on the world. Honest.
But it was good for a while, right? You enjoyed it for a few months? I know it got used for nearly another two years, and I'm sorry, but we had some good time didn't we? It was in TSL3! You remember that tournament, it was fun wasn't it? Sometimes you just need to remember the good times. Maybe it wasn't the best by the time 2012 WCS Finals rolled around, but we all liked it when NaNiwa proxied GoOdy at the DreamHack a year and a half earlier!
And hey, at least when we disabled two of the spawns it let people know they could do that. That's a good thing, isn't it? You got maps that have cross-positions only thanks to that! Some good came of it, I think we all learned something important about maps, and maybe ourselves.
I'm glad I finally got that off my chest. Now let's all have a good time on Daybreak now and forget this whole thing.
This update brought to you by me, WaxAngel, Shindigs, Ibrahim Awwal, and probably some other people I ripped ideas from.
heh all that I can think of is, the hell is that guy complaining about artosis using dts? Hes TERRAN NOW. I think cloaked banshees are a lot scarier than dts coz they can fly
On May 20 2013 02:31 Shellshock1122 wrote: qxc made 10 hellbats at the same time at one point in shoutcraft america yesterday. how far did that boost him up the rankings?
I'd like to apply for an openings at The Pitchfork Preserver. Please find attached examples of my investigative journalism and reporting.
Fans Dismayed by Delay of HuskyStarcraft Video
The recent press release by Mike "Husky" Lamond, prolific Youtube commentator, which expressed his sincerest apologies for the delay of the 24th installment of his Starcraft series, “Bronze League Heroes,” inspired severe outcry from many fans and personalities in the Starcraft scene. In the statement, Mr. Lamond explains that “I want to release a quality, finished product and by no means want to rush this out, so I hope everyone understands why it is delayed.”
Disappointed fans took to reddit, Teamliquid, and Youtube to express their angry and resentment. As Youtube commenter Gdr501071 explained, “as a member of the very punctual Starcraft community, I believe I speak for the entire Starcraft audience when I say that we, as a whole, have come to expect schedules to be kept, promises to be fulfilled, and deadlines to be met when considering all things Starcraft.” Furthermore, one reddit user made the comparison to Blizzard, Team Liquid, and Evil Genuises stating, “look at these organizations who, despite ambitious release dates, manage to put out quality content that exceeds everyone’s highly unachievable expectations.”
David Kim, who contributes at least 5 views towards each episode of “Bronze League Heroes,” stated, “I am extremely unsatisfied by the postponement because I rely on this series to keep to me informed about the game balance at the bronze level.” Though he did not announce a new released date, Mr. Lamond ensured that episode 24 of “Bronze League Heroes” will be released before the 4th quarter of 2015.
In Local News: Mom Saves Esports by Extending Curfew At a Glance: Man Concerned that White-Ra is Everywhere may be Big Brother
With the amount of funny photoshops I see around TL you guys should consider adding a "Photo Finish" section that pairs these pictures with funny captions.
On May 20 2013 07:30 aJackztheRipper wrote: With the amount of funny photoshops I see around TL you guys should consider adding a "Photo Finish" section that pairs these pictures with funny captions.
Not a bad idea! Right now our images are just stupid things that I make to amuse myself, which is why they're so terrible. At The Preserver we will strive for continued improvement.
Whenever I see Artosis streaming I always think about his former hatred of DTs and wonder how he gave in and played Protoss in SC2. Great article
On May 21 2013 02:11 kubiks wrote: The first one was good, this one is even better ! Keep up the good work By the way shouldn't it be in the featured news ?
Artosis article is nothing less than gold. He really needs to see it, hopefully someone shows him.
Better yet, someone should go back in time and show his 2007 self a replay of him cheesing with dark templar in some ladder game against a Terran who clearly had the intention of going into a straight-up macro game.
On May 22 2013 11:52 shizaep wrote: Artosis article is nothing less than gold. He really needs to see it, hopefully someone shows him.
Better yet, someone should go back in time and show his 2007 self a replay of him cheesing with dark templar in some ladder game against a Terran who clearly had the intention of going into a straight-up macro game.
When asked for details on the new HELO system, TheBB responded "Hellbats produced is the primary variable, but we make sure to account for other important factors, such as 'time of first Hellbat' and 'number of Hellbats dropped.'"
EPT
TLPD, Aligulac Adopt Hellbat Based Rating System
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/AszMXaj.jpg)
