If you asked me who my Idol was, who I looked up to, my role model was, I would have a definite answer: me. I am so awesome. Devilishly handsome, wicked smart, and fun to be around. I don't need porn to masterbate, all I need is a mirror. If I had a choice, I would be around myself all the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And I get to be with myself all the time, because guess what? I am me. I love myself.
So what brought on this intense bout of narcissism? This morning I got a package in the mail. I got an offer from nvidia for an internship this summer! They are payig me a handsome amount for a sophmore undergrad, paying for a flight to the SF bay area, paying a stipend for my housing, and most importantly giving me an opportunity to work and learn in their offices.
I love computer graphics. I was introduced to computer graphics when I (for some reason I can no longer remember) picked up Blender 3D in highschool. Every interaction with the subject since then has increased my passion for graphics. So, to me, an internship at nvidia is even better than an internship at Facebook or Microsoft or Google. This is what I want to do with my life.
I am also spending a fair amount of time coding in c++, doing whatever miscellaneous computer graphics stuff I feel like doing. In the past month or so I made a small openGL game (I haven't polished it yet), and a image vectorizing program (that isn't quite fully featured). I made a program for voronoi tesselation, and an octree for the raytracing I'm making for a class. I think today I'll make another program, one to procedurally generate things that look like rivers and valleys and erosion based terrain. I love the feel when you compile a program, and it does what you want it to do. It really feels like magic.
Coding feels like I've finally learned how to run. Like I've been told all these stories of this wonderful land, and now, I'm finally there, and I can walk, run dance through the magic meadows of computer graphics. Algorithms I've only heard of, I can now sit down and create from scratch using nothing but the STL and my own imagination.
I am also appreciating the face that looks back at me when I look in the mirror. Before, it was alright, I didn't hate my face. But I definitely felt like it wasn't quite there, like it hadn't yet reached maturity. Today, I look and I see a face that I can get behind. A face that is really me. Cool. Suave. Powerful.
I haven't quite found a girl for me since terminating the benefits part of my friendship with Storm, but it's only a matter of time. I went out with this one girl once, alexandra, but I'm not sure I want to pursue her. I'm just not feeling anything more than friendship for her. But I've been hanging out with another, Sandra, and I think I could go somewhere with that. We'll see.
Anyway, the point is, I think my life is awesome. Some people may look down on narcissism as a bad thing, but I don't agree. Sure if you spend all day thinking about how pretty you are, or constantly do nothing but brag to your friends, it's bad. But every once in a while, or maybe even once a day, it's good to think to yourself: "I am awesome. There is no one I love more than myself. If I could choose between my life and anyone else's life, I would choose my own."
On March 19 2013 08:03 Mothra wrote: Was waiting for the punchline... didn't arrive.
The twist is that he really hates himself and his life. His passion for computer graphics and programming comes from his desire to be someone else. It has allowed him to create an alternate digital version of himself that represents his own idea of perfection. The "mirror" is really his computer screen.
Really though, I think it's great you're going in the direction you always wanted to after working hard for it. And to do it so young, why would you want to be someone else? Good luck in the future.
I'm confused here. I can't tell if this was supposed to be a joke since the beginning is obviously sarcastically written, while the rest is written in a matter-of-fact way. I can't tell if it is just an unintended after-effect of hubris or a thought out joke that didn't pan out as the writing went on. Either way, I love blender, but I switched to maya (assuming you are being serious) and I like maya much more haha.
To the people asking if this is serious: Yes, there's a little humor, a little levity, a little satire, but for the most part, it's serious. It's a brag blog. I don't know why you were expecting anything but me bragging about how awesome my life is right now.
On March 19 2013 10:15 jrkirby wrote: To the people asking if this is serious: Yes, there's a little humor, a little levity, a little satire, but for the most part, it's serious. It's a brag blog. I don't know why you were expecting anything but me bragging about how awesome my life is right now.
it's not that people didn't expect a brag blog when you clearly title it so. What people don't get it is why you are writing this. There are tons of people who feel great about themselves but they don't go out and spread it to the world, because they don't need to. I'm sure you had a long period where you just hated yourself, so this comes as something liberating to you.
On March 19 2013 10:15 jrkirby wrote: To the people asking if this is serious: Yes, there's a little humor, a little levity, a little satire, but for the most part, it's serious. It's a brag blog. I don't know why you were expecting anything but me bragging about how awesome my life is right now.
it's not that people didn't expect a brag blog when you clearly title it so. What people don't get it is why you are writing this. There are tons of people who feel great about themselves but they don't go out and spread it to the world, because they don't need to. I'm sure you had a long period where you just hated yourself, so this comes as something liberating to you.
It's just a blog. You're over-analyzing it. Good thing happened to person, blog was made. That's it.
If people only ever posted about the bad stuff in their lives, the blog section would be a very depressing place.
On March 19 2013 10:15 jrkirby wrote: To the people asking if this is serious: Yes, there's a little humor, a little levity, a little satire, but for the most part, it's serious. It's a brag blog. I don't know why you were expecting anything but me bragging about how awesome my life is right now.
it's not that people didn't expect a brag blog when you clearly title it so. What people don't get it is why you are writing this. There are tons of people who feel great about themselves but they don't go out and spread it to the world, because they don't need to. I'm sure you had a long period where you just hated yourself, so this comes as something liberating to you.
It's just a blog. You're over-analyzing it. Good thing happened to person, blog was made. That's it.
If people only ever posted about the bad stuff in their lives, the blog section would be a very depressing place.
i know what you are trying to say, but you got me the wrong way. I'm not putting labels on blogs on either brag or sad stories, effectively judging them as good/bad, but maybe people could put something interesting in them? something which changes your outlook on something or gives you new impulses on a matter you deemed figured out. I don't visit the blog section too often, but it seems most are just the same old problems/expectations type rather than something interesting
On March 19 2013 10:15 jrkirby wrote: To the people asking if this is serious: Yes, there's a little humor, a little levity, a little satire, but for the most part, it's serious. It's a brag blog. I don't know why you were expecting anything but me bragging about how awesome my life is right now.
it's not that people didn't expect a brag blog when you clearly title it so. What people don't get it is why you are writing this. There are tons of people who feel great about themselves but they don't go out and spread it to the world, because they don't need to. I'm sure you had a long period where you just hated yourself, so this comes as something liberating to you.
It's just a blog. You're over-analyzing it. Good thing happened to person, blog was made. That's it.
If people only ever posted about the bad stuff in their lives, the blog section would be a very depressing place.
i know what you are trying to say, but you got me the wrong way. I'm not putting labels on blogs on either brag or sad stories, effectively judging them as good/bad, but maybe people could put something interesting in them? something which changes your outlook on something or gives you new impulses on a matter you deemed figured out. I don't visit the blog section too often, but it seems most are just the same old problems/expectations type rather than something interesting
While you are partly right. There have been times where I was less than enthusiastic about myself. While I may have said I hated myself, I didn't really ever mean it. It's just at times I am dissapointed with what I have accomplished, or angry about a mistake I made, or how I made a string of bad decisions that just made my life harder in the end.
Mostly this blog was about why I am happy, and why I am happy with myself. But if there is any particular point, it's that you shouldn't be afraid of loving yourself because that might be narcissistic. Because low self esteem is way worse than being a little bit narcissistic. But pretty much I'm just happy, and I wanted to shout it out as loud as my keyboard can clatter.
EPT
Feeling good about yourself can be great.![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/nlWVkgF.jpg)
