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EDIT2: I've had a conversation with my mom about all the things you guys have said (thanks for the input btw <3) and she said that she doesn't want to make any big moves until either after the winter or after my school year ends. We don't have a car atm, and again she doesn't have a lot of money as well, so she can't buy an apartment or anything and we don't have any other family here in Canada. If she were to divorce we would only be able to go to the shelters which would fuck everything up.
Things seemed to have calmed down and things seem to be working out well now. Thanks for all the advice everybody! I'm still gonna be here doing casts and stuff just a little bit less for the next little while.
Original Post: Hello there might people of TeamLiquid. I am really in need of some help. My father is really, really mentally insane. For the past 5 years he has not been working, and doesn't seem like he wants to anyways. He has started fights with my brother and mother over anything and everything. Most of the time yelling about random crap.
He has this feeling that everyone in the world knows who he is, and wants to destroy him. Even if they have never met him before, or even have a reason to. His entire family always starts fights whenever something happens. One example is that when I was born, my grandparents came from india to help for a few months. When my grandparents go the ticket to go back home, they started fighting with my dad for no reason.
+ Show Spoiler [Weekends events] +Just recently in the first week of this january, I was having internet connection problems so I called Bell Canada asking what was happening and they had no idea. Funny thing is, whenever my father went downstairs to use his computer the internet magically came on, and as he came upstairs it went down. After a week of it, I asked him if he knew what was happening (as I'm 14 so I have no idea whats happening) and then he answered "Oh but you do know what's happening." and kept telling me that over and over. That or "They cut it off when you mis-use it". Then after about 15 minutes of no answers, my mom came and snapped and he finally said that he was the one doing it because I was plotting his downfall and whenever I'm talking to people, I'm talking to them about him. During my casts, playing games with friends, ALWAYS I'm apparently doing it. Well my mom ended up yelling at him for about 4 hours and I cried for the first time about something like this as he had threatened to call the police on me saying that I pushed him and was going to beat him up.
Okay, so yesterday I was casting Assembly. After I was done he burst into the room saying "You were saying issue issue to mom in the kitchen just now right?" When I answered no I hadn't even been to the kitchen, he came right next to me and said "Let's see what you do, working and playing". I was on HugeLOL at the time to cool down, and then he just burst out with the usual "the neighbours are always talking about us" "TJ (GenesisTZ, a friend of mine) is telling you to keep talking and bother me by talking". My mom just told me to stay quiet and not say anything, just keep ignoring him. So that's what I did. He yelled random shit all day long. This morning I was asleep, and he came into the room and continued from last night, and after 3 hours, he said "I NEED A LAPTOP FOR WORK. I DONT HAVE THE MONEY FOR IT BECAUSE YOU WONT LET ME WORK, NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET IT?". My mom instantly stepped in and told him to stop bothering me and stuff. So I just sat here in my room trying to do stuff, but then he marched in and spouted random crap while pointing in my face. He left, 15 minutes later did the same thing. After a while my mom told me to lock my door, so I did. I've been in here all day, and just recently he started going up to the door saying things like "He's masturbating! He doesn't like sex!".
+ Show Spoiler +Just to note again, he hasn't been working for the past 5 years, owes my brother 450$ (and my bro is currently in university paying it off on his own), he has massive debts. ALSO he said this to me exactly today "Until you're legal age you're going to stay here and deal with this. When you're legal age I'm going to chase you away like I did to your brother".
EDIT: Forgot to mention this; my mother doesn't have a lot of money with her, as my father had screwed up her credit score (by opening accs and then freezing them in her name) a few years back. She has considered divorce but it isn't much of an option because of this.
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Well, it seems pretty clear that your dad has at least a mild form of paranoia, possibly even paranoid schizophrenia. The good news is, there are several good anti-anxiety drugs that can help with it. The bad news is, people that are paranoid usually aren't too excited about seeing a psychiatrist and taking their pills.
Your mom probably has the most leverage in the situation, so you should read up a bit on paranoia, then have a talk with her and see if she is willing to try and convince your dad to get some help. If she does, she needs to do it really carefully and deliberately. Phrase things based on the impact that his behavior is having on her and the rest of the family, use language like, it makes me feel scared and frustrated when you are like this, and I want to get some help for you and our family, or something like that. She could even meet with a psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor herself to get advice on the situation.
My dad is South Asian and after my parents divorced went through a period of paranoia, and it was really scary and sucked. But he eventually started exercising more, eating healthier, and just worked his way out of it, but it took a few years. It would have been a lot easier if he had just gotten some professional help.
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I don't know if it's anything that can be helped though, as he's done this kind of stuff to my brother when he was going into high-school. According to my mother he's been doing it for years, and so has his family, it's just the way he's been raised. He is paranoid, but he also seems to be set on ruining my life (as well as my brother's at that). Whenever my mom went to buy either of us medicine because we were sick, he would start arguing that we don't need it.
He's 50+ years old already. He's threatened to send my friend to Child Aid Services and me to the police. It's just really concerning as, my mom and my brother are the only family that lives in Canada and he's trying to take advantage that there isn't really anywhere else I could go until I'm 16 (which is the legal age for somethings).
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Your father sounds like he suffers from something called a persecution complex. I, to some extent, also have one, but more for the fact that people stare at me in real life for being a caucasian that speaks Chinese. Your father, however, I assume is the same race as you and your mother and nothing really stands out about him... I think this is a real case of insanity from the sounds of it. Especially if he is bothering you for doing absolutely nothing. My suggestion to you is that you call the police and tell them that you believe your life is in danger because your father is insane. maybe keep xSplit recording 24/7 on twitch or just record locally whenever he breaks in to your room like that with no apparent reason.
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I'm surprised your mother hasn't considered divorcing him and taking you with her... Here is some basic info about it. http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx37t.htm
I mean, the problem seems pretty clear to me, the question is if you and your mother can do a successful intervention with him that knocks him out of his mood enough to consider treatment.
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I had used RaidCall to record some of it during the long session, but it's all in Hindi (which is why I had chosen not to upload it or anything since it wouldn't help most people). I can't call the police from home since he's here always and I don't have a cellphone, so from school or from a friends house would be my only bet...
mom also said she mightcall the police
its verbal abuse
and hes insane
Thats what my brother told me when I asked if calling the police was even an option as there isn't any physical violence (yet).
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On February 25 2013 09:25 alQahira wrote:I'm surprised your mother hasn't considered divorcing him and taking you with her... Here is some basic info about it. http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx37t.htmI mean, the problem seems pretty clear to me, the question is if you and your mother can do a successful intervention with him that knocks him out of his mood enough to consider treatment.
She has considered divorce, but without any family here, it'd be a gigantic hassle (also since my mother doesn't have a lot of money). OH YEAH, JUST REMEMBERED; my father had messed up my mother's credit score a few years back too.
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Shukrea for the information. Um, as far as recording the conversation in Hindi, the police should be able to consult qualified translators. I know this because I wanted to be a Chinese translator for the FBI.
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On February 25 2013 09:43 Enders116 wrote:
Shukrea for the information. Um, as far as recording the conversation in Hindi, the police should be able to consult qualified translators. I know this because I wanted to be a Chinese translator for the FBI.
I see. That's good to know atleast.
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That sounds close to what is happening, along with dangerous paranoia.
I don't know what he does on the internet other than checking his email(s), and -fake- looking for a job.
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Does he have any friends?
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On February 25 2013 12:11 fight_or_flight wrote:
Does he have any friends?
Not sure, just his classmates from like 30 years ago. That's about it.
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I don't mean to sound alarmist, but considering your story please ensure you take adequate protection to ensure that he is very unlikely to find this thread through your computer.
I wish I could offer some avenue of advice, but I'm unable to. Good luck and stay safe.
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See if you dad can move back to asia/home and get a job where the white man can't keep him down!
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ALLEYCAT BLUES50121 Posts
On February 25 2013 09:28 Master of DalK wrote:I had used RaidCall to record some of it during the long session, but it's all in Hindi (which is why I had chosen not to upload it or anything since it wouldn't help most people). I can't call the police from home since he's here always and I don't have a cellphone, so from school or from a friends house would be my only bet... Thats what my brother told me when I asked if calling the police was even an option as there isn't any physical violence (yet).
I think being a threat to himself and everyone around him is a good enough reason to call the police.
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Go to the Police. Altleast where I come from, there are special places for mothers&children which are offering help. Talk to your mother, Credit Score shouldnt matter. Get some help, it can be dangerous.
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The special places I've heard of before, here in Canada they aren't very good however, as you'd have to bring your own matress, whatever clothes you can get, and you're basically stuck in a giant room full of bunk beds to sleep in. They'd take you anywhere in the province, and you might even have to keep moving from shelter to shelter at times, so that's a no go.
There are counsellors at school, but they're more for career paths then this stuff (for my school anyways).
**He has no idea that teamliquid exists, and we don't share a computer.
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Good luck man, seems like a real shitty situation :/. I wish I knew more about Canadian services but I don't.
Seems like a really scary environment to be in, definitely not good for anyone; I feel like if he's being so abusive, your mom should really consider divorce and moving away from him because if he has only been causing trouble/arguments/fighting he doesn't seem fir to raise you/your brother. I feel like if you're unable to find staff at school to help you out (didn't know you were only 14 O.o), that maybe since your brother is in college, he can help you and your mom get out of this situation by seeking advice/help from the staff on his campus or at least find people that might have connections to the appropriate places you need to get in touch with.
If this has been going on for a while don't suffer if it can be fixed. Best of luck dude D:.
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My mom said that she doesn't want to make any big move (such as divorce) until after the winter, because we don't have a car (courtesy of my father) and again she doesn't have a lot of money to be able to buy an apartment or sustain. Not only that, she atleast wants my school year to be finished so that I don't have to re-do Grade 8 or something. My brother has been a big help (especially in keeping me cool-headed).
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EPT
