EPT1.
I was at a pre-lunar new years party with some friends, and we had decided to do this gift exchange (basically a secret santa). for those of you who dont know, each person brings a gift. the gift is randomly allotted to someone, and that person gets the surprise gift and later finds out who its from. it's pretty fun because of the huge variance in the gifts that people brought - champagne, chocolates, stuffed bear, wine, a keyboard (lolwut), and so on.
anyway, we convinced one of our friends to bring a jar of sa cha sauce (delicious asian sauce) as his gift, knowing that since almost everyone at the party was chinese, they would find the sauce to be a stupidass gift. it'd be like giving a bottle of A1 steak sauce at an american secret santa or similar event.
of course, while the gifts were being randomized by slips of paper in a cup, everyone was talking about the stupid sa cha sauce. you can imagine a bunch of asian girls saying "omg omg someone brought sa cha sauce~ lol~~" and "ahaha i wonder who's gonna get it!!!" and "wow i would hate to be the person who gets it" (jokingly).people were chanting "sauce! sauce! sauce!" when they were reaching into the cup to see what gift they were gonna get. there's this one girl who was particularly adament in her declarations about how stupid the gift was. she reached into the cup, took out a slip of paper, opened it; it read "sa cha sauce" . we laughed at her. a lot.
2.
same gift exchange lunar new year party. there was a couple - john and mary - who each contributed a gift to the exchange. when john picks his slip of paper, he gets mary's gift - a spatula. he grabs the spatula, looks at it, and says "wait a minute, I paid for this!"
3.
it was my good friend's 21st birthday, and he was having a get together at some beer bar. to preface this story, let me explain this guy, lets call him andy. he was my former roommate (no not that one, a different one) and we hang out a lot, so i know him pretty well. and he does not handle alcohol well. he gets red from a single beer (at 5% abv), gets pretty freakin happy with 2, and starts acting strange after number 3. i won't even say what happens when he takes shots.
so we and a couple other friends are at the bar, drinking beer (i had a young's double shocolate stout, a guinness, and something else that were all delicious), chatting, and so on. we stayed there until 2 when the bar closed; some of us went back home. i drove andy and another friend back to the friend's apartment to hang out a bit longer. anyway, andy starts feeling a bit nauseous and tells me to drive more smoothly and slowly cuz apparently it's making him sick. so i try, and then he tells me he was just kidding. i say "wait are you sure? i don't want you throwing up in my car." he says hes fine and i resume driving my normal speed. i start to notice that andy's not saying anything anymore, he's just sitting there, so i open his window just in case. bad idea. andy yells, dude stop the car! i need to throw up! i pull over and he does his thing, and we realize that we're at the japanese embassy. far enough from the main gates that there arent any cameras pointing at us, but who knows.
4.
after he throws up, hes feeling a lot better and we arrive at my friends place. andy and the friend are playing fifa (theyre still drunk), and im chatting with this other friend. the whole time, andy is yelling "DIUUU!!!" and other obscenities in cantonese cuz he's getting schooled by the other friend.
translated convo:
*friend scores another goal"
andy: "fuckkkk"
friend: "take it bitch"
andy: "what the fuck NO"
friend: "well you can suck my dick then"
andy: "suck MY dick??? NO SUCK YOUR DICK"
me and two other friends pause for a moment a exchange glances.
"wait what?"
"that's the best comeback line ever."
