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Ive struggled with titling this blog. what the hell is this problem lol
I have these impulses of wanting to do so many things but in the end, nothing ever gets done. I think its quite tragic because I don't know where to put my mind. I plan on focusing on school (lots of stuff.. Junior year in high school - SAT/ACT, Colleges, GPA, extracurriculars) but i also want to improve my social life and i also would like to practice piano and practice basketball and work out. I've also desired a job so i can make some money for myself. These are the general stuff but there's a ton more that i wish i could do. But all these desires conflict with something i am somewhat satisfied with which is just enjoying my time playing games with my friends. We all enjoy just talking to one another and playing League, Dota, Terraria, Minecraft and some other games we all like. I don't know the more i talk about this, the more i feel i shouldn't involve myself in games. Its not like i dont do anything mentioned but i don't think i do them enough. The more i talk about this, the more shit i feel because it does reflect on how i might/could have been able to accomplish more to reach my goals. I've also said i could slow it down but I feel I'd be a happier person if i were to accomplish them now. That being said, I've valued happiness, maybe even overvalued it. I really enjoy my time playing with my friends but that may be because i don't have anything more enjoyable.
Reflecting on this giant mess i typed up, I feel i just want to be a different person. I'm not particularly proud of who i am honestly. I could be described as boring from first impressions. I could also be described as slacker and underachiever (which i plan on changing..) by the teachers and some of my peers. Although it does irk me, I have also said that people's opinions should not matter to me. But i don't know what to make of this.
I guess thats all i can throw out of my head. I also do see myself coming out as naive and blind but i kinda do want any form of feedback whatever it might be.
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sounds like you know what you want your life to be like. what you need to decide is how fast to change into the image of yourself that you see.
if i were you id start small, starting by playing piano more sounds like an easy first step. try not to worry too much about school, it falls into place eventually, and its an easy thing to be motivated to do because there is so much pressure from outside sources.
Anyways, like i said, starting with piano seems easy, after youve made piano a part of your life and you are comfortable with your new routine, try squeaking something else in, something that is (again) pretty easy, maybe an hour at the gym twice a week? monday and wednesday for example.
what im trying to tell you is to take small steps in the direction you want your life to take. if you look at the big picture all the time it becomes too daunting to do anything about it, so you dont do anything about it, then you become depressed at your inability to change yourself.
You can do it :D
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The first thing I would do is make a list of all the things you need to do, or are very high on your list of things you want to do.
Then try and break it up into a schedule.
When I did that at the beginning of this year I realized how much time I wasted and how feasible it was to do all the things I need to do, and most things I want to do, even including some wasting of time.
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I have/had pretty much the same problem. I realised that I can't work fulltime, write my own game in my freetime, run marathons, be amazing at guitar and play all those games and go out with friends and watch all those movies and series and get back into reading and.....
Nobody has time and energy for that. So I'm fine with my game coming along quite slowly, my marathon times not being below 3 hours, being able to just play a few songs on guitar and not playing all games and being good at them. Can't be amazing at everything.
Just focus on school and use your freetime however you want. For example, unless you plan on being a musician, there is not much to gain for you from practicing hours upon hours of piano, except for fun (and it is fun).
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I feel EXACTLY like that, and have for over 5 years now. So much to do, but the sheer overwhelmingness of it makes nothing get done, cause you feel so overwhelmed. It got really bad for me around 2010, I had no job and just got really depressed and lost my great gf who was there for me through all of it, solely because I thought I needed a change. What I ended up doing, is joining the military which forced me to forget bout everything and become a different person. And it worked, for the first year, I was focused and disciplined, especially in physical fitness.. but I slipped back into my own ways these past 3 months, and Im searching for the answers to get out.
For me, I value musc over everything else, I want to be a master guitar player, not just play a few songs, but literally able to comp any song at any 5 fret span on any 3-4 stringset on the neck. That takes years of work on chordal theory, and thats not even including improvising. Its rough. I did most of my gigging with bass, and I also played alto sax which I wanted to increase to maybe play in parades, but I made the conscious decision that 2013 would be 100% guitar.. I can't juggle 3 instruments practicing, its just too much. As much as Bass pays my bills when it comes to gigs, I just can't do it anymore. (not that I need it now that I have the military job) - THEN the biggest problem for me, gaming. I have this medium-approach especially in terms of SC2 where I know I could attain a good level; ive been GM in the past and beaten many pro players, but I don't have/want to put the 5+ hours a day in to compete, so I focus on wanting to be a coach/manager again for teams (what I did in the past) .. but that desire to just play is always there. Even if Im crappy after a year away from my computer. Then theres other games, like dota 2. Biggest waste of time ever, yet I find it so fun. I think its the casual aspect; I can eat a sandwhich and play it while in SC2, its so intense Im literally sweating in close macro games, and each loss is painful. Dota 2 is relaxing, even when you have a bad team, its like whatever.
So what i've done over this past week, is prioritized whats MOST important in my life. Obviously, my job is taken care of now and Its not even a concern, so Im working with split hours; Past 5pm to around 10pm every day, and the weekends. Guitar is #1, and SC2 is #2. Everything else in my life (dota uninstalled, football season over, no desire for a new gf, other instruments sold, TV cancelled, etc) is not important enough to continue. Hopefully that sticks for at least a few months, and I'll reassess my focus monthly to make sure im not falling off track.
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I should add, I do spend an hour or two even every night playing classic videogames like Zelda/etc, right before bed. So I consider that my "unwind"/fun time. Its ok to have one activity that is a waste of time just for fun, even starcraft to an extent is fun for me (otherwise I wouldnt play it at all) so I definitely value those two as my "happy" activities, where as guitar is really strict practice time. So I definitely think you should continue playing with your friends just limit the time down to no more than 2 hours a day, and the rest of your time actually get busy/do work.
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EPT
