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On August 14 2012 20:24 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On August 14 2012 20:18 Shady Sands wrote:On August 14 2012 20:15 Azera wrote:On August 14 2012 20:10 Shady Sands wrote:On August 14 2012 20:06 Azera wrote:
Wow! That's a pretty intriguing idea. I think I'll start with my circle of friends/peers first. I'll see how that goes.
Does being nice help my reputation? Not the "Sure I'll help you move." type, because I'm confident that will help, but the buy-you-food-just-because-I'm-you're-friend way? I guess what I'm asking is using money a good way to build trust/rapport amongst friends?
You're a pretty interesting individual with a certain air of darkness in your views. It just gives a more in-depth personality IMO.
Cheers! Trust can't be easily bought, though buying people stuff doesn't *hurt*. The simplest way to do this is to think about what your friends around you really *want*. Are they seeking love? Success? Security? Make yourself the provider of what they really want, at as cheap a cost as possible--and become the hub to set up relationships for mutual benefit. For example, if it's success, become their indispensable network buddy, forwarding their resumes to as many senior folks as possible--while also making sure that the senior folks you're bothering are actually the ones who need talent. If it's love, play matchmaker. If it's security, be their safety net--do simple things, like driving them home in the rain, giving them a place to stay on your couch, etc. Sounds pretty Goodfellas-esque! I believe that by adopting a more friendly and approachable disposition will help me to build up trust. If I help people, should I refer to these acts as favours and should I call upon these people for favours whenever I need one? No, not really. You want people to think of you whenever they think of fulfilling their deepest needs--without any guilt attached. Don't call it a favor, call it friendship. Make them feel that their value to you comes from the fact that you've helped them, and that they can increase their value in your eyes by helping you back. And then, they will look to you as a man of respect. Alright, just to check that I understand what you're saying: If I make people think that I am in-expendable an irreplaceable in their lives, it's because I have helped them with things that that are of value to them. Be a valuable friend. Favours = Acts of Friendship. Gifts = Tokens of Friendship.
Yep. But the real key is to figure out what they need. An unnecessary (or clumsily executed) favor or gift can easily backfire.
Consider the following story:
I knew someone who needed the Guangdong provincial tax bureau chief to view him as a trusted friend. So he found out the chief had a thirteen year-old son. He helped the chief's son get into a New England boarding school, writing the application essay (very importantly, this was the only thing that the chief couldn't do himself), and also spent a lot of time with the son to teach him how to fit in at a Western school. He also helped the bureau chief shift some money overseas without attracting a lot of attention. The total cost of all the help? $0. But in the mind of the chief, it was a more unique gift, worth more than any bribe he had ever received.
But what set this deal apart was not this fact alone. It was that the person ended up deferring on the favor, and insisted on paying the full tax for his company anyhow. He did this so that the Party Organizational Bureau would hear about this story and identify the official as someone who was (relatively) clean enough to promoted further upwards. Eventually, the chief realized that both his promotion and his son's education were closely tied to this friend who had helped him. Now, ten years later, the chief works for the national planning ministry (NDRC), critically being able to select allies from amongst the Guangdong cadres for promotions--which meant that those cadres had to give the businessperson favors first, before being able to get promoted anyhow. By using his friend's influence to further his own influence, that businessperson now can get any deal he wants in Guangdong done--as well as having a trusted ally within the government. And he did it all just by playing a slow, long game.
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On August 14 2012 20:32 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On August 14 2012 20:23 Shady Sands wrote:
This is even easier in situations where people are taking away things that other people want.
The co-worker that steals credit from everyone--people will love you if you come up with a scheme to get him fired. The same goes for the boss that treats people cruelly.
The girl or guy who has cheated on all your friends--setting them up with a hooker and posting the sexual encounter on the internet will give you a lot of grudging respect (but you must be careful not to involve yourself too directly, and only do it in response to a legitimate romantic grievance.)
The criminal who is extorting or threatening your friends--getting them arrested by the police (or killed by the triads) will be a simple way to make your friends look to you as the one for protection.
And so on, and so forth. Some sounds illegal and socially unacceptable...
Quite true. This is only in situations where a positive solution cannot be found, where people seek not justice but revenge.
Most of the time, though, one can find a positive solution to the problem.
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Got it. Thanks for your help!
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Me and my girlfriend (4 years of friendship) were in big troubles, each having problems with university and the entire universe. It happen that she told me his insatisfaction, and I tried to help her by helping in things I felt she wanted more (so basically I helped her in her exams, giving her time to study, I tried to not stress her.. etc..). She asked more free time, and I was in a trouble with my family, my exams, so I give it to her. She preferred to leave, instead of help me. After one week, she come back telling me that she kissed another man. My world fall.
In two weeks, I haven't received any message or voice call.
A friend of mine reported me that she still go out with this man and his friend, so yesterday I contacted her and expressed all my rants, about my life destroyed. Then I called her, and she expressed her excuses, that she done the error but I should forget it, because she loves me and nobody other. She cried, and cried. She remembered the beautiful moments we have lived togheter, and that she never wanted to destroy all, and that I should understand her escaping from problems.
I asked why in two weeks she never contacted me, and she replied that she has tried to do it coming under my house but never found the courage to press my door bell. Then, I asked if it was true that in those two weeks she continued to go out with the man, and she replied yes.
I told her that I never want to hear her anymore, and she must disappear from my life.
I want her, but I can't pass over this premeditated cheat, so I'm on these two fires: one want her, the other one say I can't accept that. There is a way to forget everything happened the last month (like a time machine) and revert all things like they was before? Or there is a way to limit my proud without sacrificing my dignity?
Thank you
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On August 14 2012 20:54 StoHazzo wrote:
Me and my girlfriend (4 years of friendship) were in big troubles, each having problems with university and the entire universe. It happen that she told me his insatisfaction, and I tried to help her by helping in things I felt she wanted more (so basically I helped her in her exams, giving her time to study, I tried to not stress her.. etc..). She asked more free time, and I was in a trouble with my family, my exams, so I give it to her. She preferred to leave, instead of help me. After one week, she come back telling me that she kissed another man. My world fall.
In two weeks, I haven't received any message or voice call.
A friend of mine reported me that she still go out with this man and his friend, so yesterday I contacted her and expressed all my rants, about my life destroyed. Then I called her, and she expressed her excuses, that she done the error but I should forget it, because she loves me and nobody other. She cried, and cried. She remembered the beautiful moments we have lived togheter, and that she never wanted to destroy all, and that I should understand her escaping from problems.
I asked why in two weeks she never contacted me, and she replied that she has tried to do it coming under my house but never found the courage to press my door bell. Then, I asked if it was true that in those two weeks she continued to go out with the man, and she replied yes.
I told her that I never want to hear her anymore, and she must disappear from my life.
I want her, but I can't pass over this premeditated cheat, so I'm on these two fires: one want her, the other one say I can't accept that. There is a way to forget everything happened the last month (like a time machine) and revert all things like they was before? Or there is a way to limit my proud without sacrificing my dignity?
Thank you
It sounds like you need to test her. Find a way to test her ability to stay loyal to you--and if she fails that test, then cut her off, no regrets.
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So i just started playing Chono Tigger on snes, awesome game but i never played it before, where can i heal?
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On August 14 2012 22:03 krndandaman wrote:How do I overcome my fear of insects and deal with them? I have these bad boys in my basement and to be honest, I'm terrified: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RhaphidophoridaeI'm worried that when I leave to go live by myself and I come across insects like these I'll be immobilized and rendered helpless.
I myself am afraid of insects, especially moths. For me, the simplest way to deal with it, is to keep your living environment clean and tidy and they won't appear.
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On August 14 2012 23:20 josemb40 wrote:
So i just started playing Chono Tigger on snes, awesome game but i never played it before, where can i heal?
Don't know.
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How do I focus on work and not get distracted for extended periods of time?
Procrastination and lack of focus has been a life-long problem for me, but I'd like to be productive and get a lot of stuff done. I'll wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy and resolve to work hard, and suddenly I find out it's midnight and I've been slightly less productive than a dead cow. And then I resolve at night once again to get it together and work towards success and be productive, but...well the cycle repeats itself.
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On August 18 2012 11:03 Aerisky wrote:
How do I focus on work and not get distracted for extended periods of time?
Procrastination and lack of focus has been a life-long problem for me, but I'd like to be productive and get a lot of stuff done. I'll wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy and resolve to work hard, and suddenly I find out it's midnight and I've been slightly less productive than a dead cow. And then I resolve at night once again to get it together and work towards success and be productive, but...well the cycle repeats itself.
Meth. Find adderall pills from your friends, crush them, and mix them with gatorade. Makes you insanely motivated and focused.
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On August 20 2012 16:53 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On August 18 2012 11:03 Aerisky wrote:
How do I focus on work and not get distracted for extended periods of time?
Procrastination and lack of focus has been a life-long problem for me, but I'd like to be productive and get a lot of stuff done. I'll wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy and resolve to work hard, and suddenly I find out it's midnight and I've been slightly less productive than a dead cow. And then I resolve at night once again to get it together and work towards success and be productive, but...well the cycle repeats itself. Meth. Find adderall pills from your friends, crush them, and mix them with gatorade. Makes you insanely motivated and focused.
What about something that doesn't concern drugs? Any herbs or something?
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On August 20 2012 17:52 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2012 16:53 Shady Sands wrote:On August 18 2012 11:03 Aerisky wrote:
How do I focus on work and not get distracted for extended periods of time?
Procrastination and lack of focus has been a life-long problem for me, but I'd like to be productive and get a lot of stuff done. I'll wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy and resolve to work hard, and suddenly I find out it's midnight and I've been slightly less productive than a dead cow. And then I resolve at night once again to get it together and work towards success and be productive, but...well the cycle repeats itself. Meth. Find adderall pills from your friends, crush them, and mix them with gatorade. Makes you insanely motivated and focused. What about something that doesn't concern drugs? Any herbs or something?
Meditation?
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On August 18 2012 11:03 Aerisky wrote:
How do I focus on work and not get distracted for extended periods of time?
Procrastination and lack of focus has been a life-long problem for me, but I'd like to be productive and get a lot of stuff done. I'll wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy and resolve to work hard, and suddenly I find out it's midnight and I've been slightly less productive than a dead cow. And then I resolve at night once again to get it together and work towards success and be productive, but...well the cycle repeats itself.
Lists. Make lists of what you want to do during your day instead of just telling yourself "I need to do stuff today". Make a list of the things you need absolutely needs to get done that day and do them. When you are done you can go back to your normal self of "I should do more, but now I'm on TL.net doing nothing so meh..." but I'm sure you'll find that when you get started you want to continue doing more.
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On August 20 2012 20:30 Dirkzor wrote:Show nested quote +On August 18 2012 11:03 Aerisky wrote:
How do I focus on work and not get distracted for extended periods of time?
Procrastination and lack of focus has been a life-long problem for me, but I'd like to be productive and get a lot of stuff done. I'll wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy and resolve to work hard, and suddenly I find out it's midnight and I've been slightly less productive than a dead cow. And then I resolve at night once again to get it together and work towards success and be productive, but...well the cycle repeats itself. Lists. Make lists of what you want to do during your day instead of just telling yourself "I need to do stuff today". Make a list of the things you need absolutely needs to get done that day and do them. When you are done you can go back to your normal self of "I should do more, but now I'm on TL.net doing nothing so meh..." but I'm sure you'll find that when you get started you want to continue doing more.
Seriously, Adderall. Crush it, drink it. BOOM 5 hour focus.
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Yeah unfortunately I neither have access to nor want to consume adderall :/ not a one-time thing but an ongoing thing, so I guess there's really no magic bullet in this case.
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I have a pretty nice house in a nice neighbourhood. My house is part of a cul-de-sac, but behind my back fence is a large acreage which is about the same size as the entire cul-de-sac. This is nice because it is quiet and private.
We recently got notice that the acreage has been approved for development. They are going to build another cul-de-sac in there. This is no surprise since the whole area around this acreage is fully developed, but we were enjoying being next to one of the few empty green spaces in the neighbourhood. The new development is bad for my family for a few reasons.
1. We will have ongoing construction for probably two years
2. Once the construction is done we'll have neighbours behind our fence so less privacy
3. This will reduce our property value since we won't be next to green space anymore
The developers stand to make a lot of money as there will be 12-14 houses on the new cul-de-sac and they will probably sell the houses for $500k to $900k each. The acreage is assessed at about a million but obviously its worth a lot more now that it's been rezoned.
I have been basically accepting this since there's probably nothing I can do about it. But then I saw this thread. Any ideas for how I can prevent this major development from happening?
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Looking at this post I feel like he's going to suggest land mines or something more amusing than feasible haha.
Though who knows, interesting problem there 
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On August 22 2012 11:56 ziggurat wrote:
I have a pretty nice house in a nice neighbourhood. My house is part of a cul-de-sac, but behind my back fence is a large acreage which is about the same size as the entire cul-de-sac. This is nice because it is quiet and private.
We recently got notice that the acreage has been approved for development. They are going to build another cul-de-sac in there. This is no surprise since the whole area around this acreage is fully developed, but we were enjoying being next to one of the few empty green spaces in the neighbourhood. The new development is bad for my family for a few reasons.
1. We will have ongoing construction for probably two years
2. Once the construction is done we'll have neighbours behind our fence so less privacy
3. This will reduce our property value since we won't be next to green space anymore
The developers stand to make a lot of money as there will be 12-14 houses on the new cul-de-sac and they will probably sell the houses for $500k to $900k each. The acreage is assessed at about a million but obviously its worth a lot more now that it's been rezoned.
I have been basically accepting this since there's probably nothing I can do about it. But then I saw this thread. Any ideas for how I can prevent this major development from happening?
A couple. First, you have to understand the tight schedules most development companies operate on. This schedule is a result of the 2008 subprime crisis, which all but ensures that financing will be short-term only, and with high penalty/re-fi rates. So any delays you can introduce will be your friend.
If you live in a liberal state, you can do the following:
Given that the development is happening in one of the last untouched parts of your neighborhood, chances are you're not the only one pissed off about it. Find some allies and arrange a meeting for them with a local environmental group, just to get this issue on their radar.
Then go and find out who approved this development. There has to be something in it for them, whether it be improved re-election prospects to straight up cash. If it's the latter, you may want to consider counter-bribing them, or doing some digging to see if you can find any dirt to blackmail the son-of-a-bitch with. But be forewarned that going up against local development interests without substantial local towncred at your own disposal usually does not end well. (Case in point).
The third possibility is to make development of the site unprofitable. You can do this by seeing if there are any endangered species on your property. If you live in the United States, chances are you will find one or two. If you can't find any, did you know that plants can be endangered species too?
Your friend in the zoning dispute.
This opens up the possibility of you buying a few endangered species, and planting them in the open area. Actually, don't just buy up a few, buy a few truckloads of seeds (get your pissed-off neighbors to pitch in as well) and fill up the open space with them, then throw in a few endangered butterflies for good measure. Remember to fill up not only the plot in question, but the rest of the neighborhood as well. Make it a volunteer effort! Every household who doesn't want property values to go down should be interested in this. About one bag of seeds per household should work, scattered in a one or two mile radius around the site.
(Make sure the species you are introducing were originally found in your state. The last thing you need is an evolutionary biologist coming in and ruining your party with inconvenient facts, like "how did X species get from Vermont to Washington state?".) Then you call up the local environmental group and have them look into a "study" of the site. When they find the species, which they will if they're even halfway competent, expect them to make a huge hullabaloo about it, because that's how they attract funding. For better measure, throw in a local ambitious politician or two (preferably one from a different party than the one that currently runs your county) and have them introduce a bill in the state legislature to protect said species (your local environmental group will probably do this without you even suggesting this course of action), and voila, you will likely be able to secure a court order halting development "while the issue is further considered", before the bill even passes, because there is a chance state law may be violated in the future.
The development company may just give up at this point. Arrange a sit down between them and the environmental group, and be sure to notify your environmentalist friends of the tight financing the development company faces beforehand. Maybe call up the bank's loan officer too (only if you know them prior to doing this), just to tell them of the trouble that said project faces, and say that there's a risk the project will never get off the ground at all. Banks hate hearing the word risk, so be sure to repeat that word lots and lots of times in the meeting. You could even throw in an offer for some of your buddies to refinance their home mortgages with said bank at the meeting, just to make them wonder if they might make more money leaving that plot of land untouched.
If you live in a conservative state, start with the bank route. Environmental concerns are likely weaker here, so you may want to go after something else. I'll get back to this thread when I have an idea.
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On August 22 2012 12:53 Aerisky wrote:Looking at this post I feel like he's going to suggest land mines or something more amusing than feasible haha. Though who knows, interesting problem there
See? No murder involved. Although still not sure how to fix this if I'm in a red state.
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EPT
