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so this week i done.......
SUN - squat, bench, dead
MON - dumbell curl, lateral raise, 30 min run
TUES - overheadpress
WED - dumbell curl, lateral raise, power ball
THUR - squat, dead
FRI - bench, dumbell curl, lateral raise
SAT - overheadpress, power clean, few squats
SUN - ??
i worked on 5 of those days and was late only today 5 mins (and didnt care)
my overall mood has been one of daily fulfilment and satisfaction, although 1 or 2 days when i woke up i felt like crying and had massive self-loathing, but it went away
the smoking has been not so great (2 cigs on most days, sometimes 0 sometimes like 4-6)
i went to sleep pretty early on most nights, 1 night i dont think i even had the computer on after work
on monday im gonna go to this place about a new job (which could be awesome money-wise - i thought i pretty much had zero options but suddenly i had a great idea that could pay off).
also monday ive gotta call up and get to the doctor for more cream (for my ongoing sebhorreic dermatitis) and also report that my back is still being lame and my hands are going numb at night and it might be linked ie slipped disc.
my confidence is up and the anxiety is way down. im not looking like a depressed embarrassed freak at work most of the time tho i still get assfucked by some situations. like there is this 1 girl that is always trying to smile and be nice towards me but i inadvertantly feel so ....idk anxious around her (intimidated?) that i freak out and just make her feel awkward. still. anyway not so bothered as i was in the past, which is basically the way to overcoming it anyway.
that is all?
 
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Seeing the lack of replies here, I kinda feel obligated to reply even though I'm not really sure how to respond -.-
Ah, found your post from 25 october, that clears things up, I was wondering why you would randomly post awesome but not so-awesome-I'd-share things you did.
Anyway, good luck with everything; depression is something that's really hard, if even possible, to fight. Keep up the good work!
FFG hfighting!
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Yo keep on trucking ^__^
Good to hear you're doing well. Having confidence is a great thing for freaking sure. If you ever feel depression or self-loathing hit, I'll be here for you mang (actually wait I'm in China right now so sometimes I can't exactly get to the computer :// but in general I'll try to be there for ya), and if you feel particularly depressed, it's insane how TL can just come around guys who are struggling with life and try to cheer people up.
And yeah go get a check-up and if it's something bad, get several professional opinions. GOOD LUCK ON THE JOB, keep us posted~~ super glad to see you're continuing to feel better (about yourself and about life in general I guess)! ^^
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aww that was nice, i was just feeling like pointless subhuman scum after a hard day at work with no reason for living then i got to read your posts
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feeling like pointless subhuman scum after a hard day at work with no reason for living
Sorry, but get a fucking grip. Self-pity is probably one of the most destructive, pointless things in the world and it's not like you're the only one who has it tough.
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On June 25 2012 06:03 Harrad wrote:
Sorry, but get a fucking grip. Self-pity is probably one of the most destructive, pointless things in the world and it's not like you're the only one who has it tough.
The problem is that depression is an actual neurological state, it's not linked to an individual's financial level or his/ her place in society. You might want to read up on this disorder.
'Getting a grip' is unfortunately not really possible.
FFG, keep us posted, remember that things might look bleak, but ... Well... Life sucks^^
Be strong, carry on and try to find at least one thing to make your life worthwhile.
The training and new job still sound awesome, keep that up
Even though I think you're trying to do too much at once, new job, getting fit/ bulking up? AND quitting smoking?
I'm not a professional, but take your time with things and keep us posted
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On June 25 2012 06:03 Harrad wrote:Show nested quote +feeling like pointless subhuman scum after a hard day at work with no reason for living Sorry, but get a fucking grip. Self-pity is probably one of the most destructive, pointless things in the world and it's not like you're the only one who has it tough.
if i feel like shit then im sometimes allowed to say that
considering i have like ZERO friends and an endlessly worthless life and hear voices all the time due to stress
sometimes im allowed to fucking say that somewhere to someone
i didnt want your opinion anyway and thats why i banned you from my blog
no need to pm me calling me pathetic, oh wait you done that already. dont pm me again
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On June 25 2012 20:06 venomium wrote:
Even though I think you're trying to do too much at once
yeah i kinda realised what people meant when they said that (when i posted saying i was gonna do loads of stuff at once). i was supposed to be doing writing for this course and actually couldnt bring myself to do it and was hating on myself so much about not doing it, eventually 2 weeks ago i just said "fuck this shit" and decided it was okay for me to simply not do it. and i felt soooo much better. also trying (failing) to quit smoking when you already feel like shit is just too hard, you're right. sure, its possible, but you just cant be fucked at the end of the day and failing one extra thing just make you feel overall worse off than you otherwise would be. you hear people say stuff like "Oh it was easy, one day i just quit and that was it!" . well probably that was a point in their life where they had loads of support and distractions and a happy life so it was easy at that point anyway.
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EPT
