EPTSeriously, don't play games, read!
Colledge class allows project to be on StarCraftII - Page 3
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blubbdavid
Switzerland2412 Posts
Seriously, don't play games, read! | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32097 Posts
On November 08 2011 06:36 ToDieFoR wrote: This is stupid... I do not know when this went from a guy showing something that he wrote to a bunch of stupid people insulting him. Mr. Day[9] would be so ashamed. OP, it is true, you need to work on your writing. However, you shall not let their insults discourage you. Just keep practicing and you will improve your writing, for sure. I think that making an outline might be a good way to start organizing your ideas. Good luck! If you can't be bothered to even spell check a draft you want people to give serious input on, you deserve shit responses. | ||
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Talin
Montenegro10532 Posts
My advice is to completely scrap everything you wrote, then think long and hard about what points you want to make before beginning to write again. I didn't want to rant about the grammar as many others already did, but obviously that's a huge issue. | ||
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TheLOLas
United States646 Posts
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pubbanana
United States3063 Posts
I really wasn't surprised by his level of grammar and punctuation ... this is how kids write. You can tell he either doesn't spend that much time on the internet or generally doesn't care enough to treat it with any kind of concern (such as when he said 'gtg'). So, sure, his writing is awful and it seems like English isn't his native language, but that's normal for American kids these days and we're just not used to interacting with them, especially not on these forums.  Edit: And since this is TeamLiquid, eighty thousand people will quote this post and tear my asshole apart about how they know several American kids who don't write this like this and all I have to say is that I know quite a few myself and this is absolutely typical. | ||
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Battleaxe
United States843 Posts
First off, is English your first language? I've seen this question asked already, but I'm really curious as to the answer to this. Secondly, what part of the US are you in? Im from the northeast, and I've heard things on the coasts are better then the Midwest, I'd really like to see if this holds true. Also, I think people are confused, you say you're 16, which presumably is 10-11th grade, Is this for an AP class or some sort of partner program your school has with a local school or something? I know you mentioned quarters which sounds like what my HS had (we referred to them as marking periods). Lastly, what are your English grades like up to now? Again a question I'm extremely curious about. Oh one more thing, can you post an example of a "final" paper you handed in for a grade sometime recently for comparison? I know who legitimately will just furiously type, spelling and grammar errors or not for a first draft and do HEAVY revisions later, so again curious to see if you fall into this boat. Without a response, going off the assumption this is normal quality work for a first draft, it might be one of the most unreadable things I've ever seen from a HS student, I'd even go as far to say you should not be in the grade level you are based on what I've seen. I've seen better work from 6th graders, and that's not even touching in content. As far as content, you have a long way to go to make it somewhat cohesive, but I would seriously seek help for the mistakes you already have in spelling an grammar (take some of the suggestions given here!) before revising the content. If you can answer my above questions and would like some help, I would be willing to assist you with what I can because I am honestly dumbfounded at what I read. Send me a PM and I'll do what I can, but again I'd like you to reply to this thread address the questions I had first before I agree to anything. | ||
Seeker
Where dat snitch at?37053 Posts
HOWEVER, You really do have A LOT you need to work on. I couldn't read the thing..... that's how much it needs work. I couldn't understand your main point, or even what the paper was about. Don't take these criticisms as criticisms. Take them as a generous overview of something as opposed to a college professor deciding not even to give you a grade for it, and would probably make you rewrite everything. | ||
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Smoot
United States128 Posts
I refer you to this format so that you can better organize your thoughts. It is very hard to follow your train of thought in the first draft you have provided. NOTE*** This format is probably the bare minimum of what a high school graduate should be capable of, but it offers a foundation from which to improve. ---Intro--- Introduce the subject. What is Starcraft? Why should it interest the audience? 3 Topics which are given coverage in your body. (I think your main topics are Starcaft as an eSport, Improvement in play, and Build timings?) ---Body--- Give your 3 main topics coverage. 1st Paragraph will cover the 1st main topic. 2nd Paragraph will cover the 2nd main topic. 3rd Paragraph will cover the 3rd main topic. ---Conclusion/Summary/Closing --- Summarize the main topics in the paper and close ***Also: For your references. I'm not sure what sort of references you are going to dig up from a library database regarding Starcraft 2. I can assume that two out of the five will be from the internet which is fine. However, you may be hard pressed to find three that come from a library database. Maybe eSports related literature can be found? Still not sure if you could find that though. You'll need to do a LOT of digging. | ||
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TBone-
United States2309 Posts
Some phrases that I would consider restructuring or removing + Show Spoiler + "Casters are units that have mainly abilities and weak attack if any at all they are mainly support for fighters and defenders." I doubt they know what a caster is. "Your goal is to defeat your enemy." Not true, your goal is to destroy all of the enemy buildings "StarCraft II a sport? Yes in many ways it is a sport you have within regions many leagues from bronze to grandmaster. The way it works is that a player is placed as a rank under division under a league under a region which is placed after five placement matches. Like sports pro players spend most of their daily life honing their skills and through sponsors and tournaments make their living. Another thing pro players may do on the side or as a main focus Is streaming that is showing videos to them playing or others playing and commentating on them which is hugely focusing on making you better from watching" Ditch this paragraph, your goal is to explain what starcraft is, not what an esport is. "The simple overview showed you the interface and how it works as how game works. Builds are important as shown timings are effective, improvement are always needed. Computer AI works under difficult programs. Yabot is an effective build improvement. Z33z is a tournament organizer and team liquid is the go-to for information about StarCraft II Pro Players work as hard if not hardier than any other pro at any other sport and make out pretty good for themselves as well. I hope i have given an accurate and just prospective of StarCraft II" Theres so many foreign words in this paragraph that you just didn't explain, try to simplify that. | ||
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Snuggles
United States1865 Posts
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Endymion
United States3701 Posts
On November 08 2011 06:36 ToDieFoR wrote: This is stupid... I do not know when this went from a guy showing something that he wrote to a bunch of stupid people insulting him. Mr. Day[9] would be so ashamed. OP, it is true, you need to work on your writing. However, you shall not let their insults discourage you. Just keep practicing and you will improve your writing, for sure. I think that making an outline might be a good way to start organizing your ideas. Good luck! Get "mr day9" to read it and get his input then, I'm sure day9 would be super excited to read this paper. Sorry about my apostrophe placement in my early post, my lack of grammar knowledge truly rivals the paper which we are discussing. Back to you todiefor, where do get off calling all of us stupid? At a university level this kind of writing is more than appalling, it's disgraceful to the language. The OP himself isn't a disgrace, but he needs to buckle down hardcore to work on it. No one is trying to "discourage" him, we're giving him constructive criticism in the form of telling him to learn the language. However, the mistake we all made and continue to make was that the criticism that he looks for is compliments and support, not "work on your grammar, it's bad." | ||
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Newbistic
China2912 Posts
"Starcraft 2" is way too massive of a subject for a single essay. You seem to be trying to cover everything at once, so your essay jumps all over the place. Considering focusing on explaining a specific aspect of Starcraft 2. Are you trying to teach a beginner how to play the game? Are you trying to introduce the audience to Starcraft 2 as an e-sport? If you wish to explain the graphical user interface of the game, consider including a picture for reference. For an essay of 1000-1500 words, you should really narrow your focus down. Even if you were to solely concentrate on something as narrow as talking about the work Day[9] does as a caster, you should have more than enough material to fill the pages. Stick to one thing, explain it as thoroughly and clearly as you can. | ||
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Omnipresent
United States871 Posts
Even though the draft submitted by the OP is inexcusably bad, he isn't alone. I reviewed and edited a lot (really, a shit ton) of papers when I was in college. This draft isn't that much worse than a lot of the papers I read from some pretty serious students. I want to be clear. I went to a "good" school, read not Ivy League but consistently top 50. For my degree, we had to produce a pretty significant (for undergrad) thesis. This was a serious problem for for a lot of people. There were students in my program who struggled with basic sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation, even after four years of college. I know American schools get a lot of crap for their low scores in math and science, but the real tragedy is that so many students make it out of high school and college without knowing how to express their thoughts on paper. It doesn't mean they're stupid, lazy, etc. It's just that no one ever forced them to learn it, or that they never learned to appreciate how important writing is. @The OP: A lot of people have suggested taking this draft to the writing center at your school. This is a good plan. Most schools have some kind of resource like this, and it's a huge help to a lot of students. In the meantime, focus on what exactly you're trying to say. I'm not sure what point you want to convey to the reader. Why are you writing this (Hint: "for an assignment" is not the correct answer)? Focus on that concept. Be sure to provide the reader with any and all relevant information, and eliminate extraneous or distracting details. Make your intent clear. Even adding a sentence like "This paper explains x, y, and z," can be helpful when you're having trouble getting your ideas across. Over the long term, your university's writing center simply wont be sufficient. You'll eventually be asked to produce longer, more-substantial works. It's impractical to bring multiple drafts of a 20-30 page paper to the writing center, especially when the content is more specialized (it's sometimes hard to edit something you don't understand). You need to be able to produce a respectable product on your own. Take a writing class or pick up some grammar and composition books. Writing is an important life skill. It has ramifications long after you finish school. Learn it. | ||
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BradwMD
United States43 Posts
You started off your paper without a thesis whatsoever, at a college level of writing, or even a high school level, you should have a thesis in your paper that basically introduces what you are going to be talking about in an interesting way that hooks the reader in to want to read it. There was no thesis at all in this paper. By reading the first paragraph, you simply were just describing the menus in starcraft and the interface, which is not interesting at all, you probably shouldn't even include that in your paper because the interface layout does not really go together with what starcraft is as a game and as an esport without making the reader bored. Also you spend about half of the paper explaining the basics of the game; while it is important for people to know the basics of the game, the reader would only want to learn them IF they become interested in the game first. You should focus more on talking about why starcraft is actually interesting, and how it is revolutionizing as an esport, and more importantly, why it is important to you. To be honest with you, if I was in your class listening to you present this to the class, I would likely fall asleep halfway through it before you got to the parts about eSports, idols, Team Liquid, and all of the juicy stuff that we wanted to hear in the first place. With this all being said, I'm going to unfortunately tell you that you probably shouldn't do this paper on Starcraft. I read the requirements for your project, and the requirements of "3 library sources" and "annotated bibliography" combined make writing this paper on Starcraft almost impossible. You will not be able to find 3 library sources on this subject more than likely, and doing the annotated bibliography on them (which is basically just the citations with a brief summary of the article/book/whatever other source it is) is going to be extremely stressful. I would pick a subject that strikes your interest, but is actually doable by the standards of your rubric. Then, if you are given another paper sometime down the road where the requirements actually make a paper on Starcraft doable, then pick Starcraft as your topic. With this all being said, you can still use the advice in this thread as a guideline if you do pick a new topic, which I suggest you do so. | ||
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ZiarDS
United States67 Posts
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Sotamursu
Finland612 Posts
Especially I get that same headache when listening to most Democrats anyways English is my native language I am homeschooled. seems like a guaranteed troll to me. | ||
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ZiarDS
United States67 Posts
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Sc1pio
United States823 Posts
On November 09 2011 02:30 Sotamursu wrote: Am I the only one getting troll vibes from this blog? If he wrote a 1000 word paper in order to troll me then I congratulate him on his effort. | ||
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