EPT
I'm European, I'll give this a go. Even though I'm a little nervous and this ain't completly my thing.
This one time I was in love with this English chick, and I had met her on wow, travelled over there. We had a blast,and it went awesome. I fast forward!!
I'm back home in Norway, on skype, talking with her, and we're talking about things that happened whilst I was there. (The atmosphere was awesome, she was hysterical and in fits, trying to figure out what the hell was going on the first time we did it, and the second time for that matter).
She said she panicked when I accidently tried putting it in the wrong hole, leapfrogged forward and did this twirl, some cussing and an evil stare, freaked when I told her I didn't miss, I thought you were suppose to. (Was my first time lol). And I had been studying watching quite a bit of porno in advance, I even masturbated in her parents bathroom first time I "peed" just in case there would be sex. (To which she abruted me and said "YOU DID WHAT?", but I just ignored that and kept talking, I do that a lot).
I also had no idea of the speed you're suppose to go around doing things. But I felt pretty confident (since I had been studying a lot). So when she first kissed me in her parents sofa, I responded with fingers in her twat, that too caused quite a bit of comotion on her part. Eyes a little something like ÔÔ and a sqwuak. But when she saw I got a bit scared an pulled back, like I did something wrong, she shrugged it off, like thinking "what the hell".
So right about now I'm telling her I had memorized a sequence for sex from a porno movie, and she's literally peeing herself. But I don't quite get it, i'm so eager to tell my story at this point, so I miss the "brb lol, i'm gonna pee myself any second, omg, lol" or something along those lines.
But I'm feeling pretty funny right about now, and I go off on a rant (as I often do), describing in detail what happened, how I had "casually" been trying to get my finger close to her number 2 without her noticing. And the slap I did on her buttocks was a bet I had with a close mate on WoW (Jinx, if anyone wonders, the guy who made this 6 years ago
+ Show Spoiler +
He'd always make fun of me, saying I was such a pussy and I was way to nice and chicken, bet me 1000gold I would never dare to spank her, and we agreed that a slap would be enough.
Anyway, I sidetracked there for a second.
Yeah, as i'm sitting there in this ephoria, telling my super awesome story. I suddenly get awoken by this sharp, loud, terrifying scream. Literally like someone is having a heart attack / choking / death scream. And it keeps going on repeat, like "UUuoowahhææ owfh owffh dear lord unnngghhhh" (close enough).
And I freeze, really trying hard to figure out what the hell is going on. Then I hear another voice, I recognize it, it's her older brother. Trying to calm her down (about now I realize what's happened, she left the room, her mom came in and started listening to me describing how I sexed up her daughter in very explicit detail). So she's having a panick attack, her brother is trying calm her down. He starts screaming for help, her mom keeps going "The Norwegian, The Norwegian"
A few seconds later the 2nd brother comes, and he's laughing his ass off, the first brother trying to calm his mom pissed at the 2nd one being so immature. Then her dad comes running up, panicking aswell thinking it's an emergency. He start screaming too, the immature brother lols and tells him "Marius fucked Xxxxx and mom just found out".
And right around this time she comes out from the bathroom, and for some reason she starts screaming too, actually never heard her cuss and use that kind of language before, but after some comotion and a few minutes she gets everyone out of the room.
And it's just me and her.... (Holy fk I'm scared lol)
Awh man, she was so mad, actually more angry than I think I've ever heard her before. Not sure what she was saying though, wasn't paying attention, too startled her being all mad at me. (Bein all up in my grill, as you rappers would say. Hehe, blink blink Jinro lol).
EDIT 2: They kept saying it was in the wrong forum, so deleted the reddit starcraft thread, and I posted it in some SEX place instead lol http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/m1crf/crosspost_from_rstarcraft_a_gamers_first_time/
