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my biggest dream. my greatest failure.

Blogs > Sp1der
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Sp1der
Profile Joined August 2011
United States96 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-21 01:39:46
October 26 2011 01:32 GMT
#1
(long read) i apologize if my grammar is bad.

"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again."



hello teamliquid community! my name is chris, i am 19 years old and i live in southern orange county california. below is my story, bare with me please. i realize i am not the best storyteller.

when i was a little boy i always played army soldiers in my room. my mom says i would often spend hours setting them up and creating battlefields. i would always spend the little money i had on more and more of these toys until one day my parents decided to buy a computer for the family. my father wanted to buy me math games to further educate me but i insisted that i get the army toy soldier rts game. he wasnt too happy but he surprisingly bought it for me and now the picture of little chris wasnt setting up toysoldiers but commanding them virtually for hours upon end. one day i went over to my older cousins house and he was playing starcraft on his computer. the second i saw the game i became hooked and i spent hours watching the game and taking turns with my cousins/brothers. eventually i got a copy and played but i was never that good and i became frustrated with myself to the point where i would just watch the great names battle it out. i wished i had half the skill they possessed.

as time passed i was a freshmen in highschool and a running back on the jv football team. i was dedicated to football and fitness and starcraft naturally made its way to a box underneath my bed never to be touched. as the years go on, i end up being a star player on the football team leading the division on defense and carrying our team to the playoffs. but one day during the season i overhear kids talking about a starcraft 2 beta and the first thing i did was go home and research it. luckily i got a key and i began to play. i was instantly hooked once again and all my childhood experiences rushed into my head. i felt that same feeling i did when i would watch my older cousin play. soon after i got the beta, i began to tune into streams and vods listening to the great day9 and watching the best play. i became an addict, watching and playing as much as i could and as soon as football season ended all my time was spend on starcraft 2. a day came where i decided i wanted to take this game to the next level and go pro. i had heard of day9s countdown party and i immediatley got a ticket to go. i wanted to meet him and all the players of this great community! i wanted to talk to day9 and get some tips, some pointers, or anything to point me in the right direction.


when i got to the party i made sure i keep an eye out for sean and offcrouse my favorite terran at the time qxc! i had so much to say and i did say everything i wanted to! they were even better then i had imagined, the nicest people in the world and day9 even agreed to play some matches with me online to point me in the right direction. that night we watched the king of the hill beta tournament and i went home the happiest kid in the world knowing that starcraft 2 releases the next morning. so i got the game and instantly began to practice to become a pro and live my dreams. i spent as much time as i could everyday playing and staying at the top of my league crushing the diamond league and always holding that top 3 spot. i made sure i was watching streams and keeping up to date on the meta game day to day as i climbed the ranks. everything was going great when one day i began having horrible horrible wrist/arm pain. it was so bad that i couldnt even play for 30 minutes without feeling a extremely sharp and painful feeling throughout my arm. my doctor diagnosed me with rsi or repetetive stress injury and said i needed to stop playing this game. so i did.

it has been almost a year since my injury and i am still in the same position dealing with the same injury/symptoms. i have taken up to 2 months at a time without playing and i have tried so hard to recover but nothing seems to work. i am posting this message because i am lost in terms of what i should do. this game means everything to me and i love everything and everyone involved in it. i still am a mid master player only playing mybe an hour a week and i am always watching streams/major tournaments online. this game is my passion and i would do anything to be able to pursue my dream. i want to make a commitment to the community in my road to recovery!


RECOVERY PLAN

starting tomorrow october 26th 2011 i am going to begin my recovery plan. it will be about an 8 month plan to heal my arms/hands and begin my quest to go pro. i plan this around the release of hots. i have created a new healthy diet, increased excersise regimen, ice and heat therapy along with massage 3 times per week. to show you how dedicated i am i want to give you some numbers. i go to a community college and take 12 units per semester while working at a gas station for minimum wage making about 6 dollars an hour when its all said and done. i make 150 dollars per week and my therapy costs me 120. the other 30 goes torwards gas and food to get around. i will be working out and stretching religiously in order to recover my hands. and i will be avoiding the pc as much as possible.

guys, i realize i am in a bad spot. i am not even a pro and im investing all my time and resources into just being able to play a game. just to be able to try and go pro, obviously nothing is garunteed. my dad yells at me everyday i go to therapy and my mom is constantly complaining about my decisions but i dont care what people around me tell me and when someone tells me to just "quit that stupid game" i turn around and work 10 times harder. if anything, just know that i am in this to pursue my dreams and i will go a long way after i am tired to see this through. i look to tlo and that is a man who did not back down when things got tough..he overcame!

so i ask for your support and any advice you guys can give me. you guys have no idea how much this means to me. sometimes i feel like crying when i watch events like mlg and blizzcon because i am so happy and also soo very sad that i cant be there as well playing and competeting. but i am holding my tears for the day i become a champion!


"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again."

it has been a year now that i have struggled with this pain(its hurts as i type this) and i am picking up a piece from my shaddered dream and starting over.
"If I don't sweat again today, I will be crying tears tomorrow"
casualman
Profile Joined April 2010
United States1198 Posts
October 26 2011 01:33 GMT
#2
Don't give up.

But give up posting in the starcraft general forum. This should be posted under blogs.
GuMiho <3
Sp1der
Profile Joined August 2011
United States96 Posts
October 26 2011 01:38 GMT
#3
ty! and im sorry for the mistake. can a mod change it for me please?
"If I don't sweat again today, I will be crying tears tomorrow"
Yoshi Kirishima
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States10332 Posts
October 26 2011 01:46 GMT
#4
You sound really motivated and actually capable of this. Go for it!

Remember, even if you fail, you will still have learned many useful things.

Good plan, really take advantage of HotS! Since the game will be a bit reset every expansion, you definitely have time. I think 6 months is a great date. No reason to try to rush your recovery.

Meanwhile you can always analyze pro replays and watch matches and practice things in your mind. That is, going through the thought process. If I'm in X situation, what do I do immediately? Am I remembering to make workers all the time? Etc. You can also use this time to create a good hotkey set up for you that is perfectly optimized. You can practice this in your head as well. Think about where to move your finger and/or what the key is for each kind of unit, and go through different situations like: "I'm gonna die to these mutas, press UFJSAL to make units and run SCVs away" etc. etc.


Keep at it, don't let go of your dream . If you let go, you will never know what could have happened, and you may regret it the rest of your stinking life. If you go for it and fail, at least you know you tried your best. And if you're not trying your best, you should have been trying harder if you really cared! If you fail, you will feel hurt. If you don't try, you will feel hurt.
The only option for you is to try your best

GL HF
Mid-master streaming MECH ONLY + commentary www.twitch.tv/yoshikirishima +++ "If all-in fails, all-in again."
Bonkerz
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States831 Posts
October 26 2011 01:49 GMT
#5
good read i enjoyed it, Just stay passionate!
High masters terran streaming in 720p 60 FPS with commentary and analysis after every game twitch.tv/bonkerz1
Sp1der
Profile Joined August 2011
United States96 Posts
October 26 2011 01:51 GMT
#6
thank you guys soo much! i really appreciate it. yoshi, those r really good tips actually. ill take note of what you said. nice to hear i have ways of improving without playing. and ya i am going to give this my 110 percent effort. i really want to get a chance to talk to tlo.. i know he has recovered well.
"If I don't sweat again today, I will be crying tears tomorrow"
Fighter
Profile Joined August 2010
Korea (South)1531 Posts
October 26 2011 01:53 GMT
#7
Your determination is inspirational... if you've really got that much passion for sc2, then GO FOR IT.

I wish I could offer you advice, but I can't, so I'm just going to say that you sound like someone who won't give up, and if you won't give up then you can make it happen.

You've got my support man!
For Aiur???
djbhINDI
Profile Joined June 2011
United States372 Posts
October 26 2011 01:55 GMT
#8
Good luck, man, respect!
You can't emphasize enough how much you need to be a paradigm shifter. - Savior
ectonym
Profile Joined July 2010
United States147 Posts
October 26 2011 01:56 GMT
#9
I hope you are healed soon and wish you a speedy recovery. Update us on your progress maybe once a month or so, let us know if it's working.
I cannot be what I am so I become money, quarter by quarter, and live as long as I can live. "Why I Play Video Games," by Tony Barnstone. check out my design website, ectonym.com
Sp1der
Profile Joined August 2011
United States96 Posts
October 26 2011 02:05 GMT
#10
thank you guys! thank you for posting! i love this community and this game. you guys truly are awesome! i am going to give it my best!
"If I don't sweat again today, I will be crying tears tomorrow"
Sp1der
Profile Joined August 2011
United States96 Posts
October 26 2011 02:09 GMT
#11
also feel free to skype me, pm me, or email me. i would love to hear advice from people. i have done research but there is always more i can learn. and the experience of people is priceless.

skype info: sc2spider
email: spidersc2@yahoo.com
"If I don't sweat again today, I will be crying tears tomorrow"
phiinix
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States1169 Posts
October 26 2011 03:02 GMT
#12
Please please please please, for the sake of yourself and everyone involved with your life, spend a bit more time not playing sc2 and dedicating your life to it. The growth the e-sports and it's effects of blind sighting people to go pro without the right measures makes me sad. First off you have a very serious impediment into going pro. How many other professionals have rsi? Could be more, but from as far as I know, tlo has it and ever since, he's been struggling to make a name for himself in tournaments. He's a good player, but would be much much better if he could play as much as the other players do. It's holding him back big time, and it will for sure hold you back as well. In essence, you're trying to compete with the best, but you're starting behind (not already being pro) and your improvement rate is slower.

I would like to ask a few questions and hope you ponder them honestly and thoughtfully. If this is already your goal(to pursue being a professional) would you be happy being a complete failure? If you couldn't make it out of the open bracket of an MLG a year and a half from now, would you be content? If you can't get a sponsor, can't be picked up by a team that pays you, don't get enough viewers on your stream to make a living, etc, do you have a back up plan?

One of my greatest joys in life comes from seeing people fulfill for passions and succeed. However one of my greatest pains comes from seeing people face serious situations and refuse to make decisions objectively because they're blinded.
Sp1der
Profile Joined August 2011
United States96 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-26 03:15:05
October 26 2011 03:11 GMT
#13
On October 26 2011 12:02 phiinix wrote:
Please please please please, for the sake of yourself and everyone involved with your life, spend a bit more time not playing sc2 and dedicating your life to it. The growth the e-sports and it's effects of blind sighting people to go pro without the right measures makes me sad. First off you have a very serious impediment into going pro. How many other professionals have rsi? Could be more, but from as far as I know, tlo has it and ever since, he's been struggling to make a name for himself in tournaments. He's a good player, but would be much much better if he could play as much as the other players do. It's holding him back big time, and it will for sure hold you back as well. In essence, you're trying to compete with the best, but you're starting behind (not already being pro) and your improvement rate is slower.

I would like to ask a few questions and hope you ponder them honestly and thoughtfully. If this is already your goal(to pursue being a professional) would you be happy being a complete failure? If you couldn't make it out of the open bracket of an MLG a year and a half from now, would you be content? If you can't get a sponsor, can't be picked up by a team that pays you, don't get enough viewers on your stream to make a living, etc, do you have a back up plan?

One of my greatest joys in life comes from seeing people fulfill for passions and succeed. However one of my greatest pains comes from seeing people face serious situations and refuse to make decisions objectively because they're blinded.



no, i would not be happy being a complete failure. and no i would be heart broken to not overcome the open bracket a 1.5 years from now. and no i wouldn't have a back up plan. i know, i have thought these same things before as well. i face a very very very difficult road ahead and u are right in everything you said. but i will tell you this...Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. i cannot live with myself without giving my all torward this dream. i have been in this state of pain for 1 year now trying to put this game, this dream, behind me. but i cannot. it is something that i must do
"If I don't sweat again today, I will be crying tears tomorrow"
Empyrean
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
16984 Posts
October 26 2011 04:52 GMT
#14
On October 26 2011 12:11 Sp1der wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 26 2011 12:02 phiinix wrote:
Please please please please, for the sake of yourself and everyone involved with your life, spend a bit more time not playing sc2 and dedicating your life to it. The growth the e-sports and it's effects of blind sighting people to go pro without the right measures makes me sad. First off you have a very serious impediment into going pro. How many other professionals have rsi? Could be more, but from as far as I know, tlo has it and ever since, he's been struggling to make a name for himself in tournaments. He's a good player, but would be much much better if he could play as much as the other players do. It's holding him back big time, and it will for sure hold you back as well. In essence, you're trying to compete with the best, but you're starting behind (not already being pro) and your improvement rate is slower.

I would like to ask a few questions and hope you ponder them honestly and thoughtfully. If this is already your goal(to pursue being a professional) would you be happy being a complete failure? If you couldn't make it out of the open bracket of an MLG a year and a half from now, would you be content? If you can't get a sponsor, can't be picked up by a team that pays you, don't get enough viewers on your stream to make a living, etc, do you have a back up plan?

One of my greatest joys in life comes from seeing people fulfill for passions and succeed. However one of my greatest pains comes from seeing people face serious situations and refuse to make decisions objectively because they're blinded.



no, i would not be happy being a complete failure. and no i would be heart broken to not overcome the open bracket a 1.5 years from now. and no i wouldn't have a back up plan. i know, i have thought these same things before as well. i face a very very very difficult road ahead and u are right in everything you said. but i will tell you this...Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. i cannot live with myself without giving my all torward this dream. i have been in this state of pain for 1 year now trying to put this game, this dream, behind me. but i cannot. it is something that i must do


There's a difference between perseverance and quixotism. Don't confuse one with the other.
Moderator
Sp1der
Profile Joined August 2011
United States96 Posts
October 26 2011 04:56 GMT
#15
On October 26 2011 13:52 Empyrean wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 26 2011 12:11 Sp1der wrote:
On October 26 2011 12:02 phiinix wrote:
Please please please please, for the sake of yourself and everyone involved with your life, spend a bit more time not playing sc2 and dedicating your life to it. The growth the e-sports and it's effects of blind sighting people to go pro without the right measures makes me sad. First off you have a very serious impediment into going pro. How many other professionals have rsi? Could be more, but from as far as I know, tlo has it and ever since, he's been struggling to make a name for himself in tournaments. He's a good player, but would be much much better if he could play as much as the other players do. It's holding him back big time, and it will for sure hold you back as well. In essence, you're trying to compete with the best, but you're starting behind (not already being pro) and your improvement rate is slower.

I would like to ask a few questions and hope you ponder them honestly and thoughtfully. If this is already your goal(to pursue being a professional) would you be happy being a complete failure? If you couldn't make it out of the open bracket of an MLG a year and a half from now, would you be content? If you can't get a sponsor, can't be picked up by a team that pays you, don't get enough viewers on your stream to make a living, etc, do you have a back up plan?

One of my greatest joys in life comes from seeing people fulfill for passions and succeed. However one of my greatest pains comes from seeing people face serious situations and refuse to make decisions objectively because they're blinded.



no, i would not be happy being a complete failure. and no i would be heart broken to not overcome the open bracket a 1.5 years from now. and no i wouldn't have a back up plan. i know, i have thought these same things before as well. i face a very very very difficult road ahead and u are right in everything you said. but i will tell you this...Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. i cannot live with myself without giving my all torward this dream. i have been in this state of pain for 1 year now trying to put this game, this dream, behind me. but i cannot. it is something that i must do


There's a difference between perseverance and quixotism. Don't confuse one with the other.



so you say give it up?
"If I don't sweat again today, I will be crying tears tomorrow"
Empyrean
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
16984 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-26 04:59:02
October 26 2011 04:58 GMT
#16
Yes :/

EDIT: Obviously you could still play for fun or watch streams or whatever. I just think it's extremely foolish to attempt to "go pro" or anything along those lines.
Moderator
Sp1der
Profile Joined August 2011
United States96 Posts
October 26 2011 05:01 GMT
#17
i c. ya i know i am being foolish. it just tough man, its hard to just give it up on this dream for me.
"If I don't sweat again today, I will be crying tears tomorrow"
phiinix
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States1169 Posts
October 26 2011 06:22 GMT
#18
These posts come up so often these days that I feel like I'm going to write my own blog about why it's a bad idea..
The problem is that A LOT of people say this is their dream, they would give up everything, they throw away their futures, and in fact a lot of people are going through the same thing(lobber and areshero). It's that people think that they are the most determined, the hardest worker, whatever, and don't acknowledge the fact that making the decision to go pro straight up in sc2 is in a lot of ways a more dangerous career choice than most sports. If you wanted to be a pro basketball player, there's actually a cap on how much time you can spend playing it. Physical sports have wear that shows much sooner. You can't play 7 hours of basketball day in and day out. You CAN play 10-12 hours of sc2 day in and day out. At potentially no gain. The reward at the end of the basketball road pays much greater as well.

Personally I agree with Empyrean, and I think it's incredibly stupid to do without a college degree or a paying backup job. But a true passion is a true passion.
FreaKasparov
Profile Joined March 2011
England14 Posts
October 26 2011 12:12 GMT
#19
OMG Dont give up!! Follow your dreams,, always! In 80 years or so you are gonna be death and everything you've done in your life will become meaningless, so just follow your dreams and live the way makes you happy. And its really important that you try to explain this to the people that surround you.

When you are a professional i'll be your fan
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Sp1der
Profile Joined August 2011
United States96 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-26 17:12:08
October 26 2011 17:11 GMT
#20
i understand what you guys are saying. but i dont want to hear negativity in this post. a tougher path creates a stronger warrior. so i will pray not for a lighter load but stronger shoulders. you can beleive what i say or not. it is your choice but i will back these words. and when i am a champion holding a mic from day9 i will make note of this thread...and you who are watching will remember me.
"If I don't sweat again today, I will be crying tears tomorrow"
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