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For those of you who read my opiate blog, I'll be going through the other type of drugs I had a problem with before I continue with the rest of the story.
I wouldn't be surprised if many of you guys don't know what benzodiazepines are. My D.A.R.E. (what a joke) officer never went over them. Ever heard of Xanax or Valium? It's prescribed for anxiety and has muscle relaxing properties. If the devil can come into the world as a drug, benzos have to be it. They make you do crazy shit you'd probably never do on anything else and the chances are you won't even remember doing it! I've seen many of my peers completely total their cars driving on it, ending up in jail and not remembering why, and even getting rushed to the ER because of the withdrawal symptoms. I'm not exaggerating, they're the worst drugs out there to abuse. The thing about benzos is, once you take a small dose, you don't think you "feel it" (especially for inexperienced users) and always want more. After a couple pills, you're hammered... but you don't realize it, don't remember how many you took and still ask for more.
For a benzo (ab)user, I had pretty good self control...if that says anything. I never completely destroyed my car or ever been to jail. But I did say a lot of stupid shit that I didn't mean to people I care about and did countless things that I regret, and things that I would regret but don't remember. The best way to describe it to people who've never taken it before, it's like being the main character from the movie Memento, except you're slurring, being sloppy, and just don't give a fuck.
A typical day of the morning after a benzo binge goes something like this:
*wake up*
Where am I? Oh I'm home... what happened yesterday?
*check phone*
What the fuck? When did I call him/her? When did I write that text? Can't even read what I wrote.
Oh...I think I remember being at X's house.
Where's my wallet? Did I lose it?
*a friend calls you*
"Hey dude remember what we did yesterday? *insert bad news here* i.e. X is locked up man! Come over right now let's try to put the pieces together"
*then you go over to your friends, try to put the pieces together and there's a lot of confusion, regret, and OH YEAHHHH I REMEMBER*
Once someone else tells you what happened, you might actually remember some of it. In a way, it's kind of funny how other people are telling you the things you did when you have no recollection of doing them whatsoever. But most of the time it's probably bad news. I've also had many days waking up thinking it's Wednesday, when it's really Thursday or Friday because I have no memory of what I did during the past few days.
The benzo I tried the most is alrpazolam (Xanax). I've tried others like diazepam (Valium), clonazepam (Klonopin), lorazepam (Ativan), temazepam (Restoril) and etizolam (Etilaam). Sounds like a lot but there's a whole list of benzos that I didn't try. They all feel similar, but something about Xanax and Ativan makes me do more stupid shit and gives me more memory loss.
The only good things about benzos imo:
*great from coming down from other drugs. after you come down from a stimulant or a psychedelic, you can feel really anxious, edgy, and generally just shitty. benzos take care of all that and can put you right to sleep if you take enough
*good for aborting a trip. if you're friend is freaking the fuck out from LSD or having a panic attack from some other drug, give him some Valium and he'll be okay in a few minutes. now giving him too much might cause more problems like black outs, doing even more stupid shit, etc.
*kicks in fast. I generally feel the effects of most benzos within 15 mins. but like I said before, you have to "know how to feel it"
*it can be fun when you have the right dose and smoke some weed on it
*can help you sleep. I have insomnia so benzos help me with this a bunch
*Lasts really long compared to other drugs. You can wake up the next morning and still feel it sometimes
To me and most people, there's no euphoria from benzos. But I've heard that people who suffer from general or social anxiety feel euphoric simply because the benzos completely rid of all the usual worries and anxiety that they feel. It's very understandable. About 1 hour after dosing, my body feels very relaxed and any trace of worry/anxiety that I had completely goes away. However, I can't stay home and just sit in front of the computer while on it... it's EXTREMELY DULL and boring. I can usually keep myself entertained when I'm sober by listening to music, browsing forums, watching videos, etc. But while on benzos, I HAVE to get out of my house and do SOMETHING. I don't know why I feel this way on it but many others do as well.
The street term for Xanax is "bars" because the highest dosage that they come in (2mg) are shaped like skinny rectangles.
![[image loading]](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ef/Xanax2mg.jpg)
I was trapped behind bars
A person who was always on Xanax was referred to as a "bar head". Another side effect of benzos is what we call "bar rage". For some reason, out of nowhere, you'll feel extremely irritated from something stupid. For example, apparently I had some missed calls from my mom and after she came back from work she asked, "why didn't you pick up you're phone?" I responded by yelling, "YOU DON'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE SOMETIMES EITHER!!!!!! FUCK!" That was literally the first time I ever yelled or cussed at my mom.
On a lighter note, "bar stories" are the best (sometimes). It's obviously a lot funnier if you were there, but I'll share some with you.
To put things in perspective, a person is typically prescribed 0.25mg of Xanax the first time with no tolerance. A bar is 2mg. I was taking 2-5 bars (4-10mg) when I was on them. The most I ever took in a day is 8 (16mg) and that day completely disappeared on me. Now the guys I'm about to tell you about were taking around 10-20bars a day, 20-40mg!!!
We'll call this guy Y, a typical bar head. We were all "barred out" at taco bell. Y was falling in and out of consciousness because he took waaaay too many. He opened up his taco to put some sauce on it and BAM! He face planted into his taco. When he got up there were pieces of lettuce, tomato, and some sour cream stuck to his face lol.
We were once hanging out at some parking lot outside a building. When you're really barred out, your eyes will give it away. So Z had his sunglasses on at night time. He says, "Yo I gotta take a piss" and all of a sudden sprints straight to the building. Like an all out 100m dash sprint. And BAM!!! He runs into a set of glass doors and his broken sunglasses are just hanging from his face.
Those are just a couple from a bunch of stories I have. If you have any benzo stories, post them too.
I wish I can take back some things I said and undo some of the things I did on benzos, but I guess I just learned the hard way.
edit: If you guys watched The Hangover, you're probably familiar with the term "roofies". Roofies are flunitrazepam (Rohypnol), another benzo. They are completely banned in the U.S. as rape date drugs, but I think they're just like every other benzo. I've heard people say that roofies are special and all that but people say the same thing about Restoril but they were like every other benzo when I tried them, was actually very disappointed.
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stories like these and so much more is why shrooms is the hardest shit I'm ever gonna take, and only in pretty strict conditions to a near ritualistic standard. That and DMT, but DMT only last 15 minutes anyway.
That shit sounds reaaaaal scary. I've taken a xanax once before in my life, didn't feel anything, wasn't sure why I even took the pill in the first place, and just haven't even thought taking pills again. Hate pills for the most part really. Ah the things people give you before school under the bridge where we smoked cigarettes. xD
My buddy down in Vegas says he took too many one day after not sleeping for 3 days (literally 0 sleep) and lost that whole night, woke up the next morning and couldn't move his body. He could hear his buddy cooking in the kitchen, but he could also hear his buddy in the corner of the room talking to him. Really weird fucked up shit. He doesn't do that anymore.......Although he has said some shit about some rather frightening cocktails of molly acid and lots of alcohol.
Salt Lake city man, people do a loooooot of ex. And other drugs.
Me though, weed, shrooms, the occasional acid trip......Hasn't taken me off a good path yet, seems to be working just fine.
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Sounds like your friend was just having sleep paralysis. Happened to me on Ambien a couple of times.
I'm glad that you didn't and don't plan on taking Xanax again. I actually have respect for people who stick to psychedelics and not use any other drugs, other than those elitist psychedelic users on their high horses. They're just assholes.
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Hmm, interesting read. Personally I never had any problems like that when I messed with that stuff, I simply didn't find them that enjoyable and they seemed bring you into depression after awhile. Bad stuff imo. To each their own, but people taking that many bar's is just completely over doing it. It all has repercussions later on.
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United Arab Emirates1141 Posts
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On September 17 2011 13:06 hiREvel wrote:
Hmm, interesting read. Personally I never had any problems like that when I messed with that stuff, I simply didn't find them that enjoyable and they seemed bring you into depression after awhile. Bad stuff imo. To each their own, but people taking that many bar's is just completely over doing it. It all has repercussions later on.
Yeah most people don't have much fun on benzos and I didn't as much as I did with other drugs. So why did I take them? I was an irresponsible teenager and I liked getting "fucked up".
A few months after X's incident, X was taken to the ER because of withdrawal symptoms. He was hallucinating, getting delusional and all that. He picked up a water bottle and started talking to as if it were a phone... crazy shit
On September 17 2011 13:12 JesusOurSaviour wrote:
Legendary read.
haha thanks
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I was somehow run over by a boat, causing my back to look like that of a manatee even now. No recollection of the event at all or how I even got out into deep enough water for there to be boats; or how I even left my house for that matter.
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I thought this blog was going to be about cars.....
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I was always sort of curious of taking the harder drugs, I felt like they might help me out with what I've been hungering for, but I think you've kept me off the idea after reading this.
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I took xanax once. Took it at like 5:30pm. I think it was a full bar. I then blacked out and woke up at 3pm the next day with a shit ton of red permanent marker all over me. My other two roommates blacked out, too. We assume alcohol was involved.
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I suffer from social fobia my doctor says. After a while he brought up benzos and was saying that they could help me. After reading your blog im not feeling that i want to switch my problem with another.
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One piece of advice to anyone who'll read it: don't mix benzos with alcohol. Unless you really feel like puking and feeling horrible.
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United States5162 Posts
Generally accurate imo, but a bit exaggerated in a few parts, and I would think heroin or crack is worse, even though I've never done either.
Maybe I was just lucky, but I never said or did anything I truly regret while on Xanax. The worst thing was some bar rage at my mom a couple times, and once I forgot a transaction that caused some friction between my best friend and I.
Speaking of which, the memory loss is a bitch, especially when if you haven't developed a tolerance. And taking them for more then a couple days in a row will wreck your digestive system. On the other hand, I do enjoy the high they give me, though I do agree they are prone to the 'just a little bit more' feeling the OP described.
On September 17 2011 23:48 Symmetry wrote:
One piece of advice to anyone who'll read it: don't mix benzos with alcohol. Unless you really feel like puking and feeling horrible.
Never had that problem myself. I never overdid it though. Generally 1 ladder mixed with a few rum and cokes and a joint led to an excellent feeling.
On September 17 2011 18:40 Weson wrote:
I suffer from social fobia my doctor says. After a while he brought up benzos and was saying that they could help me. After reading your blog im not feeling that i want to switch my problem with another.
You would likely not be prescribed the dosage that most people take when getting high.
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On September 18 2011 00:39 Myles wrote:Generally accurate imo, but a bit exaggerated in a few parts, and I would think heroin or crack is worse, even though I've never done either. Maybe I was just lucky, but I never said or did anything I truly regret while on Xanax. The worst thing was some bar rage at my mom a couple times, and once I forgot a transaction that caused some friction between my best friend and I. Speaking of which, the memory loss is a bitch, especially when if you haven't developed a tolerance. And taking them for more then a couple days in a row will wreck your digestive system. On the other hand, I do enjoy the high they give me, though I do agree they are prone to the 'just a little bit more' feeling the OP described. Show nested quote +On September 17 2011 23:48 Symmetry wrote:
One piece of advice to anyone who'll read it: don't mix benzos with alcohol. Unless you really feel like puking and feeling horrible. Never had that problem myself. I never overdid it though. Generally 1 ladder mixed with a few rum and cokes and a joint led to an excellent feeling. Show nested quote +On September 17 2011 18:40 Weson wrote:
I suffer from social fobia my doctor says. After a while he brought up benzos and was saying that they could help me. After reading your blog im not feeling that i want to switch my problem with another. You would likely not be prescribed the dosage that most people take when getting high.
I honestly would rather be addicted to heroin than addicted to a benzo.
If you think opiate withdrawals are bad, benzo wd's are waaay worse. Yes opiate withdrawals are horrible but they can't kill you. Benzo wd's can
On September 17 2011 18:40 Weson wrote:
I suffer from social fobia my doctor says. After a while he brought up benzos and was saying that they could help me. After reading your blog im not feeling that i want to switch my problem with another.
Yes, please think hard about it before you decide to take benzos. Myles is right about you not being prescribed those doses at first, but your tolerance grows fast. Back then I was able to take a whole bar and not be very effected by it. I drove almost 300 miles on 2 bars and had almost no problems at all due to tolerance (I actually did almost crash because I was nodding off on the wheel but my friends woke me up right before it happened and was luckily able to avoid it) . Memory's a bit fuzzy but that's all. Don't ever drive on benzos! I was just extremely lucky at times.
Ask your doctor if there are other options. Once you take a benzo in a anxious situation and all symptoms are relieved, you're gonna wanna keep taking it every time you feel slightly anxious. Dependence/addiction will catch on quickly. You won't be able to do anything without them.
I forgot to mention mixing benzos with alcohol. They synergize like no other. I didn't mix them too often, was never really a fan of that but the other kids who took them drank on benzos all the time. If you have no tolerance, a bar and a beer will FUCK YOU UP
On September 17 2011 13:58 Sinensis wrote:
I was somehow run over by a boat, causing my back to look like that of a manatee even now. No recollection of the event at all or how I even got out into deep enough water for there to be boats; or how I even left my house for that matter.
Man that sounds pretty bad  What and how much of it did you take?
On September 17 2011 15:22 LambtrOn wrote:
I took xanax once. Took it at like 5:30pm. I think it was a full bar. I then blacked out and woke up at 3pm the next day with a shit ton of red permanent marker all over me. My other two roommates blacked out, too. We assume alcohol was involved.
lol I remember raiding people when they're ktfo from benzos. So easy because it's so hard to wake them up
On September 17 2011 14:26 Roe wrote:
I was always sort of curious of taking the harder drugs, I felt like they might help me out with what I've been hungering for, but I think you've kept me off the idea after reading this.
That's great. Hope my posts can help others think twice about it as well.
If you guys watched The Hangover, you're probably familiar with the term "roofies". Roofies are flunitrazepam (Rohypnol), a benzo. They are completely banned in the U.S. as rape date drugs, but I think they're just like every other benzo. I've heard people say that roofies are special and all that but people say the same thing about Restoril but they were like every other benzo when I tried them, was actually very disappointed.
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Jeez how do you get so much to abuse it with? like i understand getting it from a doctor and abusing it every once in a while. but 20 pills a day? how did you guys usually obtain that? And if from a drug dealer how much was it O_o
Fuck i'm happy if i can get my hands on one bar from a friend to chill out. But my friends aren't hardcore druggies xD
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