EPTWhat do the following species have in common?
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/YtnJN.jpg)
I can hear some people say "they're all murderers!". That's wrong, because those animals are just cute animals that feed on stuff. They only kill with a goal in mind: For ninja's, it's money, for ice bears it's food. Therefore it's rude to tell any of these species that the're just murderers. The term "murdering" also involves killings without a reason or premeditation, and believe me, if a polar bear kills you, it is with a very good reason: You're tasty!
Other people might answer this question with "They all have pointy stuff that can hurt people". This is also very wrong. None of these animals ever hurt you with the intent of hurting you. These species all hurt you with the intention to kill you! If you're able to tell the story of pain and suffering caused by a polar bear mauling your body, you're very lucky. Believe me when I say that the polar bear quite positively intended to just murder you so it can feed. That you got hurt just means that they failed to kill you. And efficient killers hardly ever fail.
The true answer of what the pictures have in common is: They're all endangered species! Everyone pays attention to Panda's being endangered. The Snow Leopard and the Polar Bear also have it very tough. But noone talks about ninja's being endangered! But they are!
So basically, about 30 minutes ago, a very serious world problem came to my attention. Forget about CO2! Forget about nuclear winters! Forget about tsunami's, earthquakes, meteorites! Dear reader, let me ask you another question:
When was the last time you saw a ninja in it's natural habitat?
First of all, I want to give some background information on this topic. Many a person has never seen a ninja, and therefore has no idea what a ninja is. A ninja is, according to many definations, a covert agent from ancient japan. They show shurikens, use everything possible to achieve their missions, and they're stealthy.
Lately however, new sources of information are displaying ninja's as beings that wear orange, fight in daylight on battlefields, with girls, emotions, and weird animals. These facts alerted me that something was very amiss. Ninja's do not have emotions, girls, or weird animals. They just kill stuff because they get paid to kill stuff. Therefore, this disturbing false source of ninja information called Naruto has led me to the following conclusion: Ninja history is being overwritten!
A long time ago, which might or might not have been very long ago, and which might or might not have happened, someone went to ninja school. (I will furtheron refer that someone as the only real-life ninja that noone may or may not know). This someone who shall not be named has explained to me the mechanics of ninja-dom. My informant told me that traditionally, ninja school ninja's abide by several basic rules:
- The first rule is: noone may know who a ninja is, or duplicate what a ninja looks like.
- The second rule is that ninja's do not defend, they just attack sooner.
- The third rule is that if a ninja fails, he wasnt a proper ninja.
- The fourth rule is that people corrupting ninja history should be terminated.
- The fifth rule is that ninja's work for payment.
However, look at this stuff:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Kdk7u.jpg)
Look at that orange stuff. Believe me, that's not a ninja! The problem, however, lies in the fact that people are saying that Naruto IS a ninja. For the people who have never heard of or watched naruto, it's an orange kid who fights a lot and doesnt get paid for it. In Naruto, people don't get killed very often, and you see a lot of "ninja's".
However, in real life, this is simply wrong. Those Naruto characters are not Ninja's! When real life Ninja's attack, someone usually dies. And the person that dies probably did not see the attack coming! Also, in Naruto, they all run around calling themselves and each other Ninja's. Calling yourself a ninja, however, is a very stupid thing to do.
Imagine you walking down the street. Suddenly someone walks up to you and says "Hey, I'm a ninja! You know ninja's are professional killers that can as easily give you a puppy as they can slit your throat?" Well, if that happened to me, I'm not very inclined to trust that person. I'd either be afraid and hire a ninja of my own for protection, or I'd think the dude a complete moron.
Also, if you know that they're ninja's, the best thing to do is to pretend you don't know. You don't feed the monkeys in the zoo, and you don't meddle in ninja-business! If you're like "cool, I have ninja friends!", do not get used to it! Ninja's are about as likely to be your allies as the amount of money you paid them. One day he'll be playing poker with you and drinking a beer, but if someone else pays more, you're probably dead before you can say "yo buddy, that's unfair!". (Although when ninja's are out to assassinate you, you'll probably dead already!)
Also, anyone who calls himself a ninja is violating the first rule of ninja academy: You don't say that you're a ninja! If ninja's know that someone is calling himself a ninja, they will probably kill that someone to protect the fourth rule, and to protect future job perspective. Cuz more ninja's means that there will be a shortage in ninja jobs to go around! And with the pirates and all taking up a good share of the killing as well, the ninja employment market looks a lot less promising than it did in the ancient Japan!
But here comes the problem. I'm writing this piece at the moment, and I did not get killed yet. Naruto also still exists, which means the authors did not get assassinated yet. Also, I'll tell you right now, I'm a ninja!.... Wait 10 seconds.... Nope, I did not get killed yet! This suggests that ninja's do not exist anymore! And that's terrible news!
How could it happen! How can it be that true ninja's have become extinct? There's a very terrible answer to that question. Some time ago, a war started in the ninja world due to lack in jobs. And there's no Ninja's left here and now! Not even the single survivor who killed all competition is around anymore! Where is he!
The answer lies in the fact that ninja's do not defend, but just attack sooner. And because of that, all true ninja's know how to travel back in time! They know how to travel back in time because they live very true to the second rule. In ninja versus ninja wars this means that they will all travel back in time to attack sooner than the other ninja. This can go on for quite some time backwards, as the best ninja's are able to travel back in time for up to 60 million years! The reason why they can't travel back to the future is simply because, according to ninja philosophy, it's useless! Why would you ever want to attack later than your opponent by going to the future? That's stupid! A Ninja might just as well learn how to defend!
Anyway, what happened was that all the proper ninja's were fighting each other backwards in time, until the last man was standing. He was attacking sooner than the second best ninja for over 60 million years backwards! However, when they got 60 million years backwards, they were so exhausted that they failed to kill each other! Probably, after several days of meditation, they resumed fighting with the rules: "No time travel". Remnants of this fight can still be witnessed in the extinction of the dinasaurs. It wasnt meteors, it was just massive ninja attacks hitting each other with a lot of explosions and carnage! In the end, one ninja was victorious, but he's currently sitting 60 million years in the past waiting for the present to happen again, just so he can get his job back.
Ninja's are very important for our natural eco-system. Without ninja's keeping the balance, we suddely get tsunami's, more storms, the sea level rises, the temperature rises. There's noone around anymore who kills tsunami's, assassinates carbon dioxide, destroys the rising sea levels, and keeps the world population in check at the same time! And keep in mind, without ninja's in the world, there might just be a T-Rex sitting around the corner! And T-Rexes are not kind beings that just want to give you a hug!
Therefore, we all have to work together. If everyone puts his mind to it, we can develop a time machine that can both go back in time, and back to the future again! We need to bring back the ninja's, so they can attack all the problems before they happened!
Thank you for your attention.
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We do not actually know if ninja's are people. Maybe Ninjas are turtles living in a sewer! Also, Sasuke shows a lot of emotions. Sources have told me that all ninja's know that emotions have weight and can slow you down. In a fight where you have to attack sooner, ninja's travel back in time. But when you travel back in time, the emotion stays in the present. So when attacking someone out of anger, you may forget that you're attacking out of anger while going back in time, as you're not angry yet. This may confuse you, which will generally result in death.
