Hello TL. This is going to be a long emo post, but I just need to get it off my chest or else I am going to explode. It has a lot of back story. Most of this I have never even told real life friends for fear of them being overly sympathetic or overall just looking at me in a different light.
I am 26 years old and no college degree under my belt. My life is in shambles. I am unemployed, can't find a job, and currently don't have a place to call 'home.' I currently have $46.28 and a suitcase full of clothes to my name. How did I get to this point? Well, here it is:
I was always considered as smart and an underachiever by my family. I come from a broken home, which I think is a huge contributor to my lackluster academic career. When I was 6 years old, my father left my mother, sister, and I. My mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis shortly after I was born and was confined to a wheel chair by the time the divorce was finalized.
My dad was a huge deadbeat. He cheated on my mother. On top of this, he would leave for days at a time, leaving us with no mode of transportation. My mother couldn't drive, which meant we were stranded in our house and sometimes it was without food. He also hit my mother quite a bit, even when she was confined to a wheel chair. I still remember some of the confrontations my father induced. Sometimes my uncle would come over and sleep on the "hidden" floor-side of my bed without my father knowing. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was to make sure that we were safe from my father. My aunt would do the same thing in my sisters room.
Despite all this, I enjoyed my fathers company. I think I was a bit too young to understand how badly he treated my family, but I would always get upset when he would leave. He is, after all, the reason why I am so into computer games. The first game I ever played was "A-10 Tank Killer" courtesy of my father. He always made sure he had the latest and greatest when it came to home computing.
During the divorce, the question of child possession came up. I don't remember if I had to talk to anyone face to face about who I wanted to live with, or how living conditions were; however, I remember overhearing discussions about it between my parents and attorneys. One of the worst things I heard from all that was my father breaking down in tears and saying "All I want is my computer, Entertainment Center, and Lay-z-Boy. He could have given two shits about my sister and I. It completely destroyed me.
Even with my mothers inability to drive or work, the court still ordered her custody of my sister and I. Now that I am older, I am completely surprised and thankful this happened. My mother had no way to provide for us. She collected disability, welfare, food stamps, etc. We were also supposed to receive child support from my father. To this day, he technically owes myself and my sister over 40k each in back child support. Whatever, by the time I was 18 and had seen my father get thrown in jail twice for non-payment, I realized I would never see this money.
After the divorce, I became a huge mommas boy. Growing up, I would constantly worry about my mother. I would sit outside the bathroom while she was taking showers to listen in case she would fall. One of my aunts would always want to take my sister and I on vacations and I would always protest and fight as much as possible due to the fact that I wanted to be there just in case my mother needed any sort of help.
(*Note about my high school*
My uncle went to one of the top rated private high schools in the state. The alumni, especially back when he graduated, keep in close contact. Somehow, the school found out about my unfortunate family circumstance and raised enough money so that I went to school there for free all four years. The high school was known for its rigorous academics.
*End Note*)
Fast forward to high school. My mothers condition was getting worse and worse by the day. My mother basically had the worst case of progressive multiple sclerosis you could think of. In the summer between Freshman and Sophomore year of high school, my sister and I went on a weekend vacation with my aunt. When my aunt dropped us off at home, she was running late to meet someone for dinner. Therefore she didn't go inside and visit with our mom, which she typically did. So my sister and I walk inside the house happy as ever to see our mom after a long weekend. My mother was obviously in the family room on the computer. Due to her condition, things like being on the computer or playing tetris on the gameboy is how she passed time. We drop off our bags of clothes and go into the family room to say hi to our mother. What happened next will forever haunt me. We walk in, and say "Hey mom!" She turned and tried to smile; however, the left side of her face was completely shut down. The right side of her face was smiling while it looked like the left side was frowning. We asked if she was ok, and she was completely oblivious that the left side of her face was shut down. It seriously looked like she had a stroke. My heart started racing a million miles an hour and I rushed into the kitchen and called my Aunt. She turned around and we took my mother to the hospital. It turned out she didn't have a stroke, but she did have a huge MS flare up. After a week or so, she started to recover and got full function of her left side again. However, a month later she had the same type of attack. By this time, the school year was close to starting and it was becoming more and more clear that she was no longer to care for herself. She was constantly in and out of the hospital and would get several house calls.
About a quarter of the way through the school year, my extended family had to hire a full time personal nurse to care for my mother. This, I realized, was just a temporary solution. I knew in the back of my head that she would have to go into assisted living. Sure enough, April rolls around and she has to go to an assisted living facility.
About this time is when my academic performance started to decline. I would go into school extremely tired and unmotivated. I became a recluse, not really wanting to socialize with anyone. Several of my teachers would come up to me and ask me why I wasn't performing the way I had been over the past year and a half. I typically would just shrug my shoulders and walk away. I didn't get a fuck about them. I honestly didn't even want to finish high school. I wanted to just drop out and find a job. I was so tired of living on govt. assistance and hand-me-downs. Always wearing clothes that were too big or too small. School was the last thing on my mind.
For the reminder of Sophomore year, my sister and I basically lived alone in our house while my mother was in assisted living. In the morning, my aunt would stop by on the way to work to make sure we were good to go for school and would come over after work every day around 6pm to make sure we were getting a good dinner. On the weekends, my Aunt and Uncle would alternate either staying with my sister and I, or having us stay at their place.
Once summer hit, My other aunt (We will call her Aunt #2 for distinguishing purposes), who was currently living out of state, was able to convince her employer to transfer her back to Michigan. She got a nice house in a nice neighborhood and my sister and I moved in with her. To this day, I feel bad for Aunt #2 for having to take care of my sister and I. She wasn't married and never raised kids before. She literally had no idea what to do. Combine that with our fucked up situation, and you can really start to guess how hellish it was for her.
Between the summer of Sophomore and Junior year, I got my first job at a movie theater. I worked my ass off 40 hours a week at $5.75 an hour. The idea was to save up for a car. However, most if it went towards meals, clothes, games, etc. Eventually I was able to buy a beat up '93 grand am. This was one of my highlights growing up. I was so fucking proud of myself. I treated that thing like a baby. Once I purchased that car, the majority of my money went back into the car. I got an after market stereo system which cost me a total of $1400. I loved the shit out of that thing. From here on out, I worked at least 30 hours a week for the rest of my high school career.
I honestly don't remember 90% of Junior year at all. For all I know, maybe I didn't even go. My grades sure would have reflected that. The only class in which I got higher than a C was Visual Basic, which I had taught myself when I was in middle school. I ended up knowing more about it than my teacher. I got an award for "outstanding excellence" in that class. I didn't even know. Every year my school would have a private dinner where these types of awards were handed out. I didn't go. Why would I? Why would a C student(at best) receive any type of award? I didn't find out about it until they mailed it to my house. When I saw it, I just threw it away.
Two weeks before senior year started, I got a phone call from my academic advisor at school. He told me I had to come in and talk to him about the classes I had signed up for. I signed up for the bare minimum needed to graduate. Most all of them were blow off classes like keyboarding, Microsoft word, journalism, etc. When I went in, I found myself in a room with my advisor and 6 of my previous teachers. They basically sat me down and said what I was doing was a huge mistake. They told me they saw huge potential in me, and that I should take some classes which will help transition into college. They tried so hard to get me enrolled into classes like Calculus, AP english, AP computer science, etc. Even though I only got C's the previous year, they knew I could handle those types of classes. I was pretty firm with my selection. The only thing I budged on was the AP Computer Science class. It was a one semester class and if I passed the AP test, it would allow me to place higher in computer related college courses. By this time, I was deeply involved into computers. I had taught myself several programming languages, and I even helped design my schools website and helped them maintain the schools network.
Anyways, school started and I once again went in with the "who gives a fuck" attitude. My mothers health was rapidly diminishing and was constantly in and out of the hospital. Every day on the way home from school, I would drop in either at the hospital or assisted living facility and say hi and chat with her a bit. Then came that awful day of November 7th. It was a Wednesday and I had just got out of school. I headed over to the assisted living facility where my mother was. I parked the car, walked inside, signed in, and headed into my mothers room. She was completely out of it. She was hallucinating and completely delirious. I was getting super nervous and uncomfortable, so after about 20 minutes I decided I was going to leave. As I was saying goodbye, my mother snapped back into reality and realized all the things she had been talking about and broke down in tears. I told her it was fine, and that it was probably just the medication she was on. I stayed and talked with her for awhile longer and she snapped back into her delirious state. By this time, I was freaking out. I said my goodbye and went out to my car. I was trembling so hard because I *knew* something was not right. I went out to my car and I cried. I cried for a good 15 minutes wondering what the fuck I was supposed to do. Eventually I collected myself enough to call my Grandpa. I told him about her state and he told me to just head home and that he would make some phone calls.
That night, she went into the hospital. It turned out she had a series of terrible infections. Due to the fact that she was so immobile, her immune system was shutting down and was having difficulty fighting off the infections. My family told me not to worry and that more test results would be available on Thursday. I physically went to school on Thursday, but mentally my mind was just racing and racing and racing. I just knew something was up.
Finally, school was dismissed and I headed home to my aunts house. Two hours later, my entire family headed to the hospital to see my mother. When we got there she was unconscious. She was hooked up to all these machines and had a breathing apparatus on. My Great Uncle, who is a retired priest did the Anointing of the Sick prayer. As soon as I realized what was going on, I sat down onto the floor and started crying. My family kept telling me that everything was going to be OK, but I just couldn't accept it. We were there until about 9pm. As I was leaving I said "Bye Mom, see you tomorrow!" Purposely leaving out the "I love you" because I thought maybe she wouldn't die without hearing those words for a last time. Even though she was unconscious the whole time prior to this, the second I talked to her, she raised her arm and waved bye. I just about lost it.
I went home exhausted. All the emotions I felt at the hospital really did a number on my body. I fell asleep quite rapidly. All of a sudden I heard my name being called waking me up. I opened my eyes and looked at my alarm clock. It was 6:45. 15 minutes before I typically woke up to get ready for school. I heard my name again, so I looked up at the door and it was my Aunt in tears. She told me to get up and come to the living room. I proceeded to get up and head into the living room where she told me that my mother had passed away during the night. Even though I knew it was coming, I was in complete shock and disbelief. I simply said "OK, I am going to get ready for school." I just wasn't ready to face it. She told me "You don't have to go to school today. Take a day off." I replied "OK." and proceeded back into my room and into my bed trying desperately to fall back asleep. I just couldn't. After about 15 minutes, everything started to catch up to me and my emotions took over. I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe what was happening. All I wanted was to see her once more.
The following week was a complete blur. I remember at the wake only going up to the casket once. I was too terrified to go back up to it after that initial viewing. I mainly sat in the back trying to keep to myself. Friends would occasionally show up and offer their condolences. Family would try to come up and offer support, but I wanted none of it. I just wanted to be alone. I became so bitter.
The funeral ceremony was grueling. A lot of people from my school showed up. Even people I never even talked to. I was one of the Pallbearers. As I was leaving the church, I looked up and saw that there were people from my school lined up on both sides. I immediately was filled with anger. Most of these people I didn't even know. I thought "how dare them." It turns out one of my teachers(who I also considered a friend) somewhat orchestrated the whole thing. She talked with my aunts and uncles and they thought it would be a good gesture to kind of show that people were there for me. Looking back, I know it was with good intentions, but at the time I was just filled with anger. I just proceeded to the car I was riding in and locked the door. I didn't want to talk to anyone, especially my classmates.
The remainder of my senior year was filled with a lot of cigarettes, weed, ketamine, and shrooms. What a way to cope, huh?
I honestly should have failed my senior year in high school. Hell, I should have been kicked out. I think a lot of my teachers felt sympathy and basically gave me free grades. My attendance was at 48% for the school year and I didn't do a single piece of homework. I did; however, completely smash my AP Computer Science test. Cool.
In Freshman and Sophomore year, I was an honors student. By the time I was a senior, I was a complete druggy who should have never received a diploma. I did my best to hide everything from my family, and even some friends. Hell, I was pretty successful. I received several lectures from family members regarding my school performance. On the exterior, I was a very strong personality who was seemingly coping with the death of my mother very well. "You can't show weakness" is what I would say to myself. On the inside, I was diving deeper and deeper into depression and anxiety.
I reluctantly signed up for classes at the local community college. Now that I was out of high school with a car, I had pretty much free reign over my schedule. For two years my routine was: -Acquire Syllabus -Skip classes -Show up for Mid Term -Show up for Final
When I was skipping classes, I mostly just drove around. Sometimes I would head up to my work and see a movie, and sometimes I would head to the mall and just walk around like I was doing something important. I also did a fuck ton of drugs.
After two years of dropping classes and barely passing grades at the community college I decided I wanted to get the fuck out of Aunt #2's house. I signed up for FAFSA and received a few grants. I transfered to a University that was two hours away from home and got a house with a few friends that were living out there.
Nothing changed. I still wasn't going to class. I was just collecting syllabii and show up for midterms, essential labs, and finals. Hell, I didn't even buy books. If I felt I wasn't going to get a passing grade, I would just drop the class. After a year of this, I was put on academic probation and lost most of my financial aid until I could dig myself out of probation. The summer after that second year is when I hit my first rock bottom. I stayed out at the university for the entire summer while everyone I knew moved back home. I was severely depressed. Eventually I gave in and started seeing a therapist. I was prescribed some anti-depressants and benzo's to help with my anxiety. I was also 21 by this time and began drinking heavily. Yeah, I was that fucking moron who mixed Alcohol with Anti-Depressants and Benzo's.
Class registration came along for school and I signed up for a full 12 credit hours. I never went to class. Not once. I was so out of it from the alcohol and benzos that I didn't even remember to drop the classes. Sweet. By this time, I am about 10k in debt and nothing to show for it. Just a bunch of withdraws and a couple 2.0s sprinkled in. I ran out of money so I signed up for a few credit cards which I maxed out quite quickly. I was just doing everything in my power to stay away from home. Eventually, I completely ran out of money. I was dead fucking broke. I tried to get my job back at the movie theater, but due to management changes, I was just another application in a sea filled with a bunch of 16-18 year olds who were willing to work for much less than I what I left making.
Eventually I got a job at a Rental Car office. I was a 'Driver.' I would drive cars between fleets and pick up customers from dealerships and other repair shops and take them to the office to get a Rental. The pay wasn't phenomenal, but it was better than nothing. I was working about 45-50 hours a week and with overtime, I was starting to make some serious bank. I slowly started to pay off my debt, which was up to about 15k. My therapy was finally starting to make a difference now as well. I was no longer doing drugs, mixing alcohol with benzos, and I was learning how to deal with my depression and anxiety. Eventually I got off the prescriptions and was living in a 2BR apartment with a friend. It was a shit-hole of an apartment, but it was better than living with family.
Then comes that dreaded day. A week after my 23rd birthday, I was at the bar with a couple friends. I decided to have a couple drinks. I am Irish to the bone and can handle my booze. I knew my limit when it came to driving and was actually very careful with that sort of thing. We decided to leave the bar and head back to my buddys apartment to play some video games and not spend so much at the bar. I hop in my car and turn out of the parking lot. As I am turning, I make eye contact with a police officer who is driving the opposite direction I am heading. I look in my rearview mirror and see him bust a U-Turn. Ugh. I thought 'Whatever. You know your limit, you are fine. You are driving fine." After about a half a mile, my phone rings. I reach into my left pocket to get it and my leg kind of jolted the steering wheel causing a tiny little swerve. IMMEDIATELY the cop whips on his lights and pulls me over. "Why teh fuck did I reach for my phone?" I thought.
The cop asks me if I had been drinking and I responded truthfully. He asked me to step out of the car and he proceeded to give me a field sobriety test. Walk in a straight line, stand one one foot, follow a light with my eyes, etc. I did well on the field sobriety test and he said "Okay, I just need to get your BAC." "Fuck" I thought. I knew there was a good chance I would be really close to the legal limit. Sure enough, I blow a 0.1 and I am handcuffed and taken in. I got the DWI plead down to an OWVI, which is a more minor alcohol offense. However, it still cost a shit ton of money. Around 8k after fines, court costs, and probation expenses.
The day after I was arrested, I went into work and I was freaking out. You needed to maintain a clean driving record and any kind of alcohol related offense was grounds for immediate termination. I just went in and was 100% truthful to my boss. I told him exactly what happened. He told me that I was a great worker and would feel guilty about putting a blemish on my employment history. He told me to put in my two week notice so that I would be finished before my sentencing. I complied and at least avoided a termination.
But now I was unemployed, and my debt was once again raising due to my drunk driving charge. Oh well, time to start over once again!
I scoured around for jobs and a friend of mine was nice enough to put in a good word for me at the restaurant he worked at. I was hired nearly on the spot as a cook. The pay was a shitty $10/hr, but hey. It was something. I learned the job quite quickly and found myself rising up quite fast. I started on the salad station and within months I had mastered the entire line. Eventually, I got promoted to Back of House Key/Assistant Kitchen Manager. I got a nice pay increase and was now making $15/hr with constant overtime pay. However, I really wasn't happy with my job. The roommate I was living with got into a pretty serious relationship and when our lease was up we went our separate ways. I got a single bedroom apartment and slowly became more and more frustrated with where I was in life.
About a year and a half ago, a friend of mine who was living in NYC as a big shot Editor told me I should move out there. He said he could get me a job in the TV business. I would start out low as a PA or Assistant Editor due to having no degree, but he believed with my great computer skills, I would quickly move up. After several talks, I decided I would do it. I saved up as much money as I could and sold all of my belongings minus my computer and clothes. I shipped my PC out there and hopped on a 1-way flight to LaGuardia with high hopes. This was June of this year.
We moved into a small shitty little 2BR apartment so that I could afford rent. One of his friends ended up moving in with us and sleeping on the couch. He was supposed to pay a portion of the rent. He never did. With my buddies pay, he could pay for the apartment for himself; however, with my pride I still wanted to pay half. A month went by and it seemed to me he wasn't really doing anything to help me get a job. Around this time, I decided to expand my employment options and started applying to every place I could think of. I literally spent about 8 hours a day submitting applications and resumes to every place I could find. From restaurants to IT to minimum wage dead end jobs. With the high cost of the city, I was rapidly running out of money. I noticed that my buddy and his friend were increasingly smoking more and more pot. It didn't really bother me too much. However, it was a bit annoying to see my friend baked out on the couch when he promised he would help me out in the job department.
I got a few interviews but nothing really panned out. At the end of September, I had 1300 left to my name. I was getting desperate, but with some good luck, I got a break. I got a promising interview at a restaurant which would pay $14/hr and guarantee overtime. It wasn't quite enough to live off of in NYC, but I just happy to have such a good interview after 3 1/2 months of dead ends. The Kitchen Manager called me and asked if I would be willing to come in and work a shift to see how I do. I was absolutely ecstatic. I went in and did a great job. Even without having all the dishes memorized, I never got behind and didn't receive one complaint. I got home around 11pm and walked in and found both my roommates sitting on the couch doing lines of coke. "Great" I thought. I knew my buddy had dabbled in coke quite a bit in the past, but he had told me before I moved out that he didn't really do that stuff anymore. With my previous drug history, being around this type of shit is bad news.
The next day I got a phone call from the Kitchen Manager at the place I was at the previous day. He told me that I did a fantastic job; however, he had a comparable person who had New York experience and a food handlers permit. He told me if any openings became available, he would call me. Fuck.
I called my sister, who lives in North Carolina and told her about the job, my roommates doing coke, and everything else. Her, being one of the few people who know about my past history with drugs told me to get the fuck out and offered her place to me until I got my feet on the ground.
I did precisely that. I booked a train ticket to NC and shipped my PC via UPS to her house. I was just so upset with how everything turned out. Once again, I found myself broke, unemployed, and no way to pay off the remainder of my debt.
I am writing this on my sisters computer because UPS fucked up my computer in the shipping process and is fighting nail and teeth to do everything in their power to avoid having to pay out the claim even though I insured my computer for $900. I have been here since the first week of October and have yet to find a job. I have no car, no money, no degree, and no local friends.
I honestly have no clue what the fuck I am going to do now. I feel like I am a burden to my sister and am overstepping her hospitality. I feel I am $46 from being on the streets.
I terribly regret moving to NYC. My sister asked me if I am mad at my friend for feeding me false information about being able to get me a job and I really am not. I am more mad at myself for being stupid enough to move out there without a degree and trusting the fact that my buddy would get me a job.
I wish desperately that I would have been more open about how I felt when I was younger so I could have received proper help before I destroyed my academic career.
Wow, this is pretty long. If you managed to read the whole thing, I just want to thank you for being an ear for me to talk to.
I am sorry to hear that you've had to go through a lot of unfortunate incidents in your life. Being in the less than good situation you are in now, the only one that can change it is you. You're still young in the grand scheme of things, and it is not the time to quit now. Through the good and the bad I imagine by now that life has taught you many lessons and words of wisdom. Don't ever give up on making it all work, because the day you do then you should truly feel like a burden.
Keep moving on and don't look back. Goodluck brother.
- Take advantage of your sister's hospitality ... at least until you have enough money to sustain your own rent. I'm sure she can provide more than just a place to sleep but some good advice and an ear to listen to. Also, once you find a job and are making some money ... you can make some arrangements to pay her some "rent". - Finding a job seems like the most important thing to do. It seems smart to find a place to work near your sister's house. Craigslist temp jobs.labor while you find a more permanent job. If you have any skills post up Craigslist for tutoring (musical instruments or visual basic) because you can charge $20 an hour if you really are a decent tutor. - Stay away from drugs and alcohol ... they suck money from you ... money which you don't have and which should go to your rent/food/car. - Maybe get to the point where you can take night classes at a local college. - I dunno how attached you are to your comp ... but consider selling it if you need money. If your sis has a comp you can use, then use it. Local libraries also have comps to use. A lot of time is wasted by surfing the internet which can go into more productive tasks like finding a job.
Sounds like you've had a hard life man. It's good you have family you can rely on at this point, and props for avoiding drugs in NYC. You might consider revisiting your talents in programming and trying school again.
On December 12 2010 08:37 Siffer wrote:
I am writing this on my sisters computer because UPS fucked up my computer in the shipping process and is fighting nail and teeth to do everything in their power to avoid having to pay out the claim even though I insured my computer for $900.
I can offer some advice here. I had the same thing happen and ended up getting UPS to pay the full cost I insured the computer for ($1200)!! It took many, many phone calls, but in the end they asked me to have it looked at professionally and to get a repair estimate. I did so, and actually ended up convincing the repair shop manager to say it was totally fucked even though it was only a busted graphics card. He was willing to exaggerate because he hated UPS too since they broke a couple monitors he had recently tried to ship.
Anyway, I'm not saying you should try to find someone who will exaggerate the damage, but at least that tells you that if they receive a repair order for X amount of $, they'll send you a check for X amount of $. So don't give up on it.
I'm really glad you made the decision to go to a therapist. Obviously it really helped you cope with things. I just want to say that it is never too late to get some sort of further education. Whether you go to a technical school or actually go back and get a degree, trust me IT CAN BE DONE! You'll probably have to work the whole time but it's doable. The good thing (in a weird way) about your situation is that you aren't locked into living in any particular state. I would look up jobs in cities all over America. Find a place that is desperate for people to work, and preferably near a school of some kind. NYC is a bad option because it has so many people, but there are a ton of places with a smaller population who are always hiring. Don't despair, you're still young, and if people before you have made it out of situations like this then so can you.
That's quite a series of shitty events, man. All I can say is, most people will probably be like "keep your chin up, things will turn around!" Well, those people are full of shit, and probably haven't faced anything harder than a microwave dinner. You already know what you have to do, so go do it, and don't make anymore stupid mistakes, k? Your sister won't mind putting you up while you find a job and put your life back together, that's what family is for, so gl hf.
On December 12 2010 09:01 AcrossFiveJulys wrote:I can offer some advice here. I had the same thing happen and ended up getting UPS to pay the full cost I insured the computer for ($1200)!! It took many, many phone calls, but in the end they asked me to have it looked at professionally and to get a repair estimate. I did so, and actually ended up convincing the repair shop manager to say it was totally fucked even though it was only a busted graphics card. He was willing to exaggerate because he hated UPS too since they broke a couple monitors he had recently tried to ship.
Anyway, I'm not saying you should try to find someone who will exaggerate the damage, but at least that tells you that if they receive a repair order for X amount of $, they'll send you a check for X amount of $. So don't give up on it.
Yeah, I have been on the phone with UPS more i the past couple months than anyone else.
I sent in the invoice for all the parts used to build my computer back in 2008. They called me last week and said that a check should be mailed within 10 business days. Yesterday I received a phone call stating that since the invoice is more than a year old, they need an updated estimate for repair. I told them that most, if not all, of the parts in the computer are no longer on the market.
They told me to compile a list of comparable parts or get a repair estimate from a professional. I pieced together a computer worth about the same amount of money; however, I am not sure how they will handle it.
I hope I don't have to go to a professional for an estimate. That will probably cost money that I don't have.
It sounds like you did the right thing leaving New York. No real advice I'm afraid just hope something works out for you. Getting a job is obviously priority number one but I think you know that.
You're gonna have to let you're sister be there for you. It sounds like you have had trouble letting people do stuff and be there for you in the past. Obviously don't take her for granted and try and make the situation as easy for her as possible but shes there for you let her help you.
I read the whole thing man. Well, it's pretty late and I'm after some beers so I don't think I'll be able to find the strength in myself to write all my thoughts about all the things that happened to you.
I will replay after I get some sleep, don't forget to post if anything changes in your life
man, there are many brilliant programmers without degrees...it sucks how the market doesn't hire coders who may be better just cuz of a degree.
with your prowess in coding you WILL find something in IT sooner or later...also if you can find a job i'd suggest trying to freelance on the side.
edit: and i would definitely try to find an it-related job no matter how shitty, you can climb up and show off your skills and potentially get a really nice job
Wow, I really don't know what to say about this because its so fucked up. I've always lived in a really good environment so I don't know if I can even offer any advice, the only thing I would say is do the best you can at whatever you end up doing and stay strong.
I'm going to selfishly say that that was a good read, because, well, it was. Your circumstances are definitely unfortunate, but here's my advice: you have a talent for programming, and you're a hard worker. That is the recipe for success as a web entrepreneur. Learn how developers make modern sites, read news sites like http://news.ycombinator.com , and work hard, you'll be successful. Good luck, man.
I completely agree with Lac29's post. Bro it's not easy to swallow your pride and stay at your sis's place, but you gotta have somewhere to stay man, or you'll really fall down. You won't be a burden if you try hard to look for work and try hard to get yourself back up. The right attitude can change everything, so don't give up on yourself, the past may be already written but if you show your interviewers that you're willing to work hard, you can get a job and earn some money to pay for community college. From there you can get a decent paying job. Yeah man, it won't be easy but it's doable, as long as you put your mind to it. You're still pretty young, so take it step by step and don't give up!
The part where you see your mother and she got a stroke on her left side,reminds me when it was christmas(I was 10) and my mum had a stroke.I asked "whats up mum"? but she just had a empty stare didnt moved or said anything:I worried and said asked "whats up mum" but nothing happend.the worst thing is,we didnt called a doctor.me and my brother told her friend to call one,but he was a stupid guy,and did drugs like her(I dont want to tell my whole story now,because its your thread but it was pretty much fucked up).
But after I read your story,I know I am very lucky and I have nothing to complain.I wish you best of luck man! : / .
On December 12 2010 09:01 AcrossFiveJulys wrote:I can offer some advice here. I had the same thing happen and ended up getting UPS to pay the full cost I insured the computer for ($1200)!! It took many, many phone calls, but in the end they asked me to have it looked at professionally and to get a repair estimate. I did so, and actually ended up convincing the repair shop manager to say it was totally fucked even though it was only a busted graphics card. He was willing to exaggerate because he hated UPS too since they broke a couple monitors he had recently tried to ship.
Anyway, I'm not saying you should try to find someone who will exaggerate the damage, but at least that tells you that if they receive a repair order for X amount of $, they'll send you a check for X amount of $. So don't give up on it.
Yeah, I have been on the phone with UPS more i the past couple months than anyone else.
I sent in the invoice for all the parts used to build my computer back in 2008. They called me last week and said that a check should be mailed within 10 business days. Yesterday I received a phone call stating that since the invoice is more than a year old, they need an updated estimate for repair. I told them that most, if not all, of the parts in the computer are no longer on the market.
They told me to compile a list of comparable parts or get a repair estimate from a professional. I pieced together a computer worth about the same amount of money; however, I am not sure how they will handle it.
I hope I don't have to go to a professional for an estimate. That will probably cost money that I don't have.
they'll reimburse you for the cost of getting the repair estimate when they send the check. hopefully you can get enough cash together to have that done.
I don't see why you had such a "i dont give a fuck" attitude towards school, seeing as it was one of the few ways you could get out of the mess you're in right now. I guess you never know what you lose in the future, and 'hindsight is perfect'
On December 12 2010 11:29 Roe wrote: I don't see why you had such a "i dont give a fuck" attitude towards school, seeing as it was one of the few ways you could get out of the mess you're in right now. I guess you never know what you lose in the future, and 'hindsight is perfect'
I don't see how you don't see how he could have the don't give a fuck attitude after his parent's divorce and his mom passed away.
Make sure that you help out around the house alot and stuff if you're staying at your sister's place! The best way to not wear out your welcome is to not be a burden.
You can also try to find some freelance coding jobs online. One of the best ways to overcome a lack of a degree in programming is to send in samples of your work - unlike in many other fields, it's actually possible to create something at home that's worthwhile as a programmer. This is probably your way out now - you want to be working other jobs not to get ahead (you won't get ahead like that) but to survive and enable yourself to leverage your skills (I assume you're not a spectacular driver or cook).
You're not really moving all that fast, but you are moving in the right direction and that's all that matters. Eventually things will work themselves out even if they don't seem like they will.
On December 12 2010 11:29 Roe wrote: I don't see why you had such a "i dont give a fuck" attitude towards school, seeing as it was one of the few ways you could get out of the mess you're in right now. I guess you never know what you lose in the future, and 'hindsight is perfect'
I don't see how you don't see how he could have the don't give a fuck attitude after his parent's divorce and his mom passed away.
because plenty of people have had that happen and had a better work ethic. also he's a guy on the internet so empathy tends to be reduced
On December 12 2010 11:29 Roe wrote: I don't see why you had such a "i dont give a fuck" attitude towards school, seeing as it was one of the few ways you could get out of the mess you're in right now. I guess you never know what you lose in the future, and 'hindsight is perfect'
I don't see how you don't see how he could have the don't give a fuck attitude after his parent's divorce and his mom passed away.
because plenty of people have had that happen and had a better work ethic. also he's a guy on the internet so empathy tends to be reduced
Way to be a dick.
Thanks for sharing OP. As someone said, you aren't moving fast but moving in the right directions. Definitely try to get some college courses in, but priority wise, start trying to find a job. The market is hard right now but you know your strengths so capitalize on that.
Maybe you could try finding a job as a cab driver? Considering you driven a lot and the earlier incident with the cops doesn't exclude you. You probably already thought of it though.
wow man i just read this whole thing, and i have to say best of luck to you. With your skills in programming you should really look into doing web design or random programming jobs on craigslist.
I gotta say, your life sounds as shitty as mine. I am currently 26, no job, no car, no license, about to have no home (gotta be out by the 15th), no place to even put my stuff, and no support from family or anyone, owe about 1500$ for some bullshit registration thing (which is why my license is suspended), I had a job lined up 100% but my mom fucked up a ticket payment (that I told her not to do) and ended up failing me on my background check for this job, Unemployment runs out next week, I have lost about 30 lbs in the past 6 months because I don't eat (155, 6'2"). Oh and my gf left me.
I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't. Life sucks and then you die.
On December 12 2010 11:29 Roe wrote: I don't see why you had such a "i dont give a fuck" attitude towards school, seeing as it was one of the few ways you could get out of the mess you're in right now. I guess you never know what you lose in the future, and 'hindsight is perfect'
I don't see how you don't see how he could have the don't give a fuck attitude after his parent's divorce and his mom passed away.
because plenty of people have had that happen and had a better work ethic. also he's a guy on the internet so empathy tends to be reduced
Yeah, why don't you try it out and see what happens to you. It's easy to say these things sitting from our side of the screen, so don't say them because what you said doesn't really help him. All I know is it sounds like hes gone through a lot of tough things and is at a point in life where he is about to give up.
Your post makes me realize how unfair life is and how fortunate I am to have grown up in more fortunate circumstances. I can't do much to help you right now as I'm just a broke student but if I could give you some advice, don't risk too much until you've established some sort of stability in your life. What I mean is that I know you may have thought the job at NYC was attractive, but did you think about what would have happened if you didn't get the job? What made you trust your "friend" so much that you forsook everything you had to go to NYC? Sure you current (prior) job as a cook paid $15/hr but given that you have so little to hold onto right now, the consequences of your risks (going to NYC) ending up as failure were far too great and in comparison to your current situation, I bet you wish you were working at that restaurant for medium pay now again.
In the future, if you happen to land upon that kind of job again, I suggest you stick to it, no matter if some "friend" says he/she will trying hooking you up, and keep at it until you are able to sustain yourself and build some asset. Then I would suggest you take night classes at some CC while you work during the day in programming since you seem to have the talent for it (don't quit everything for CC). Sorry if I sound critical, but honestly I just wish the very best for you. You're lucky to have such talent for programming (b/c I sure as heck don't) and I think you should try your best to put yourself in a situation where you can capitalize on your strengths. But it will take time to put yourself in such a situation...whether it takes couple to several years working at some low-medium paying job. We all want good things to happen to us fast but you've got to start somewhere and that somewhere will be low. But if you keep working at it patiently, someday, I'm sure you will be given an opportunity. And when that opportunity arises, you must take it because they don't come again. If this opportunity happens to be the situation where you have established enough stability to attend CC while living independently, well now you will know to not **** up your classes by not showing up to class. When that time comes, work hard, you definitely have the talent to do well. Also, cut the alcohol and drugs. Stay away from "friends" who are into that ****. Also, choose your friends well. It's better to have no friends than friends that stab your back.
Good luck to you and if possible, please update us in the future. I will definitely remember you and hope you make the best of your situation. HWAITING~!!!!!!!
On December 12 2010 10:12 CTStalker wrote: I'm going to selfishly say that that was a good read, because, well, it was. Your circumstances are definitely unfortunate, but here's my advice: you have a talent for programming, and you're a hard worker. That is the recipe for success as a web entrepreneur. Learn how developers make modern sites, read news sites like http://news.ycombinator.com , and work hard, you'll be successful. Good luck, man.
Also agree with CT, you'll be able to find something in the programming sector hopefully and things will begin to work out. Best of luck man ^^
The thing that strikes me the most about your story is how normal your reaction is to it. After such an upbringing and the whole situation with your mother I doubt anyone could focus on school. Although taking drugs is condemnable, it's still easy to understand when you consider your past. You seem like a fine enough guy. When you decide to take a good hard look at everything in your life, I'm sure you'll come out better on the other side and start living a more healthy life. How long that takes - I really don't know. This post shows that at least you have perspective in your life. And the overwhelmingly positive comments suggest that your situation is understandable. There are plenty of deadbeats of all ages around, and once you get a good look at your life I'm sure you'll stand tall above them. Don't rush it and try to get a job as fast as you can. Hit the street and start going into shops asking to speak to the manager about a job. Come back and tell us how it went. Being homeless and hunting cats and rats for dinner isn't going to help anything.
Wow man, what a full on life. To me it sounds as though you would like to work in the IT industry and that you would also be very good at it. My only advice is to follow that line of work even if it means getting a temporary job somewhere else. Best of luck mate, hope things turn out better for you.
Man i don't know what to say after reading that, but coming from a family that will support each other through thick and thin i know that you aren't taking advantage of your sister as long as you keep trying to find work and don't completely abuse her hospitality.
And like other people replied, try find work in programming or IT you certainly seem to have a knack for it and should be able to succeed once you have your foot in the door.
Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement.
I would just like to state that my overall goal is to get back into school. It has been for the past year and a half or so. I am entirely not too sure what exactly I want to focus on in school, however the computer science field has been ranking pretty high as of late. I am not exactly a programming prodigy as maybe my OP might have painted; however, I do have a good mind for it. Ever since I was in 6th grade I was always fascinated with different types of computer software and wanted to figure out how they worked. Over the years, I would spend countless hours downloading source code and picking it apart and trying to figure out what every line accomplished. Eventually I got to the point where I was making simple software like mp3 players, banking assistance software (such as balancing your accounts), etc.
I definitely don't have the knowledge to go out and create a multi-million dollar idea; however, seeing all the programming related responses has lit a fire under my ass to get back into it. Maybe my re-learning project will just be a SC2 related as a way to say thank you to those who have given me words of encouragement and motivation. :>
As for right now, I am just continuing to find a job anywhere I can. I am in no mood to be picky, and have been looking at jobs in both my currently location and my home state. I am hopeful that eventually something will come up and I will be able to get the ball rolling. Craigslist and indeed have been my best friends for the past few months.
On December 13 2010 03:10 Siffer wrote: Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement.
I would just like to state that my overall goal is to get back into school. It has been for the past year and a half or so. I am entirely not too sure what exactly I want to focus on in school, however the computer science field has been ranking pretty high as of late. I am not exactly a programming prodigy as maybe my OP might have painted; however, I do have a good mind for it. Ever since I was in 6th grade I was always fascinated with different types of computer software and wanted to figure out how they worked. Over the years, I would spend countless hours downloading source code and picking it apart and trying to figure out what every line accomplished. Eventually I got to the point where I was making simple software like mp3 players, banking assistance software (such as balancing your accounts), etc.
I definitely don't have the knowledge to go out and create a multi-million dollar idea; however, seeing all the programming related responses has lit a fire under my ass to get back into it. Maybe my re-learning project will just be a SC2 related as a way to say thank you to those who have given me words of encouragement and motivation. :>
As for right now, I am just continuing to find a job anywhere I can. I am in no mood to be picky, and have been looking at jobs in both my currently location and my home state. I am hopeful that eventually something will come up and I will be able to get the ball rolling. Craigslist and indeed have been my best friends for the past few months.
If you have the ability to drive a car and have moderate experience with programming you could consider trying to work for a POS company. If you were still in NYC, I would have recommended trying to get a job with Micros. Basically, you are a "software engineer" for Point-of-Sale systems for restaurants and retail stores. You drive around in a van and hook things up for people and set up their cash registers etc. It's very decent pay from what I've heard. $25/hr I think.
Perhaps in NC there is a similar company. I would definitely look it up as it's not a difficult job at all. POS are very easy programs to learn, you carry a manual around with you everywhere that has step by step instructions on how to do everything, and you get tons of breaks while still on the clock.
Best of luck, you haven't had it easy. And I think going back to school for Comp Sci is a great idea. You might even want to zero in on the cell-phone programming field, as that is the most likely field of programming to boom in the near future.
Thats quiet sad man... maybe you should start playing poker on internet? I mean like, i know its hard and shit like that, but you could get some money... idk, just a suggestion if you really don't find i job...
On December 13 2010 04:51 Dia wrote: Thats quiet sad man... maybe you should start playing poker on internet? I mean like, i know its hard and shit like that, but you could get some money... idk, just a suggestion if you really don't find i job...
anyway, gl in future
haha I am sorry but internet poker is probably the worst possible thing someone in his position could currently start doing.
On December 13 2010 04:51 Dia wrote: Thats quiet sad man... maybe you should start playing poker on internet? I mean like, i know its hard and shit like that, but you could get some money... idk, just a suggestion if you really don't find i job...
anyway, gl in future
haha I am sorry but internet poker is probably the worst possible thing someone in his position could currently start doing.
On December 12 2010 11:29 Roe wrote: I don't see why you had such a "i dont give a fuck" attitude towards school, seeing as it was one of the few ways you could get out of the mess you're in right now. I guess you never know what you lose in the future, and 'hindsight is perfect'
I don't see how you don't see how he could have the don't give a fuck attitude after his parent's divorce and his mom passed away.
because plenty of people have had that happen and had a better work ethic. also he's a guy on the internet so empathy tends to be reduced
Way to be a dick.
Thanks for sharing OP. As someone said, you aren't moving fast but moving in the right directions. Definitely try to get some college courses in, but priority wise, start trying to find a job. The market is hard right now but you know your strengths so capitalize on that.
I wish you the best of luck OP.
Not trying to be a 'dick', I was just asking a question which no one answered. Also I admitted my empathy could be reduced. I guess it's just genetics, some people have more luck getting good genes that force you to do hard work and ignore the worst pains of life and others have to have enough time to find habits and behaviours to deal with having these feelings.
Best of luck to ya OP, your life seems to have taken you all the way to hell itself. If it's any help to you, now that you've experienced the sharpest pains of life you can look upon it with enterprise and rejuvenation. You're better than desperation and destitution. It's not much to say to a man with 47 bucks and a suitcase, but every day is a new day. That goddamn sun will keep rising and give you opportunities to get back on your feet and live life as you want to, as long as you really fight for and want it. As I noted earlier some of us primates get lucky, the rest have to endure the struggle that many great human beings have had to go through. So it's not in vain. You may yet live another day to tell the tale that drifts through the ages.
wow... this was an intense read. you've been through so much -- best of luck in all your future endeavors. don't give up! despite not having a college degree or money to your name, i don't think you should be ashamed at a perceived lack of accomplishments. if anything, your ability to be able to work your way up from the bottom in previous jobs you've worked at, to resist temptation from your room mates, etc are all exceptional achievements in their own right.
I read through your entire post, and I have to say it's really motivational man. I hope shit really works out for you man, you really deserve better in life. Just find something to make life worth living for, otherwise you'll end up breaking down again and again. I don't think I can really offer much advice, but man, you're still alive. You're still here. Standing, breathing, living. Don't give up. You're 26, and you can still change shit around. Just stay away from drugs, and maybe consider working out, lifting weights. Lifting weights and going to the gym has really helped my life out. I hope you make it out of this man. Good luck!
Read your entire story, just wanted to say I grew up in very similar circumstances. My dad left us and our mom who had a brain tumor in the right hemisphere which permenently disabled the left side of her face and hearing. I was really young at the time so I don't remember much (thankfully? I dunno..)
It'd be neat if we could pool all the super talented unemployed TL'ers to form a online business. Someday, right? Anyway, hey! Don't give up dude. Siffer fighting!
wow...good read. you should be really proud that you're at least trying to get your life back on track...I mean most people would've went downwards forever. Also, from what you wrote, I think your uncle and aunts were really helpful (during the beginning) and when you get your life back on track, I think you should thank them (not that you won't )
Hey man! Great post! I read the whole thing and honestly, your life is not too bad! You've got to look at things on a positive note! All I could think as i finished reading your post, and all i could feel was: "wow, he went through all THAT shit and is still going? Amazing!"
Dude let me tell you something, if that hasn't brought you down i don't think anything ever will. I think it truly shows what type of person you are, that despite all the BS life has thrown at you you can still trudge on. Imagine what your MOM would say to you right now? Imagine how she'd feel? shit if I'M proud of you and i don't even know you i cant imagine how proud your mom would be.
It seems to me as if you've really gotten the hardest part of your life out of the way. You've overcome a shit ton of adversity and staying in NYC definitely slowed you down but your intentions as of late seem to be on the right path. Be happy you have such an awesome sister, she shares your pain about your mother and understands you, and you should use your mother as inspiration to get your life in order! All you need is a good gameplan, because you've already shown your pretty determined when you want to accomplish something your willing to put all your effort into it. As for your dad? Fuck him. Seriously lol, fuck him. Sure you probably still love him, but you can be your best despite him. Ive gone through similar things as you, although my mom didnt die or is sick, but as far as money concerns and her losing jobs because she wouldnt fuck her boss and being illegal at the time, shit like that. Also, my dad has never been around either and ive had to learn the shit dads teach you all on my own. And i ALSO fucked up in school during highschool and am making up for it now. I've finally found a balance however, it seems like slow going, but in reality is very good progress towards accomplishing my goal. Same as you. Here's how i see it:
You've finally found stability (your sister's place; no drugs around; good company). So now start working on your goals. 1) Find a job. Dude, become a waiter! I've always wanted to be a waiter because it pays damn good while i go to school but im scared of dropping plates and stuff but it sounds like you've got the experience to do it. Tips will make you alot of money. 2) Move out. Find a place, you could probably find something easy enough to pay being a waiter. Try to find something close to the college or university. Which leads me to my next point. 3) GO TO SCHOOL! Your 26! thats fucking young bro. Star now, decide on a degree and put all your effort into it. Its that simple, it might suck, but you've gotta do it. I'd say start a two year degree, but if you see something you like thats 4 years, fuck it, just do it. My sister graduated at like 29 and she had my dad's help and now shes getting paid. My point is, you need to get some sort of degree, any type of degree so you can start making money and move on from crappy jobs. There's alot of tech degrees that it sounds like you might like and they take 2 years, which would help get your foot in and then you can use your skills to move up. But it all starts with a degree. 4) Get a girlfriend. Seriously lol. But only after you've achieved #'s 2 and 3. Having a good partner by you is a great motivator, and her seeing you working/studying to be someone will be greatly appreciated by her and it will make you feel proud as shit! Just make sure you find a good girl, that shares similar interest, preferably you should meet her in college in one of the courses your taking ;]. Until you find a good enough girl to wife up, dont settle and just date around but nothing serious.
I know it sounds like im just spewing random shit that isnt easy to do but no one said it was easy and it can be rlly hard to just get going. But if you've shown anything its that your resilient and willing to get from point a to point b if you really want to. Its what i've had to do and i'm a better and happier person now than before, so i know it can work for you. Good luck;] and keep us updated! You've got a friend here in miami!
Woah... Not quite sure what to write here. Thank you for sharing. That was a really moving story and I do feel for you. I hope that things work out for you. I wish I had some good advice to give, but I can't even begin to imagine the things you have gone through.
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