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Disclaimer: This is all purely hypothetical. If you are dumb enough to do any of this I am not going to bail you out of jail. Seriously, airport safety is no laughing matter.
So, I was traveling in the airports a few days ago, and started to realize how pointless and boring this all is. Really, we're sitting on a dumb rock called Earth and we're too lazy as a society to walk from place to place, so we had to make some shit fly. But then because as a species we're completely fucked up, you knew that someone was going to use such a great invention in an awful way, so now it takes way to long to get from the parking lot to your plane. There's got to be a way for that to be more interesting.
Of course, do anything too interesting and your ass gets thrown in jail. So instead I will present five things that you can do in a airport to cause general confusion but shouldn't get you arrested.
(1) When the security guard asks if you're carrying any liquids, remind him that most of your body is made of liquids. When just one person does this, you look like a jack-ass. But get a whole group of people...
(2) When the airline is boarding the elite and first class members, ask the attendant if members of the mile-high club get priority boarding.
(3) Take about three poker sets through security. The rows of chips just show up as black cylinders on the X-Ray meaning that those nice "World-Series of Poker" sets look like homemade pipe bombs. There's no danger here, but watch as security runs around like chickens with their heads cut off. Especially if you have like four sets.
(4) Once on the plane, place a large carry on underneath your seat. Eventually, the flight attendants will ask you to move it to the overhead bins. Tell them you can't because you need to feed your pet mice during take-off. When they ask how you got the mice through security, tell them you found them on the Jetway.
(5) I'm just sick enough to think that this might be funny: If you're in a really long security line, pull out a small computer and start playing that one level from Modern Warfare 2. You know the one I'm talking about...
There, those are five things that you can do. I'm really interested in what everyone else thinks. Remember, the goal is not to get arrested...
 
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I'll admit, the last one made me laugh. 
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i really wanna do #5 now...
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You should probably delete this post..
How is any of this funny anyway? You might get pulled aside, strip searched, hours of your day perhaps wasted. You might get your flight delayed, which im sure the other 60 people on the flight would really appreciated.
And you get to have your name in their shiny database so anytime you fly or pass a state/country line you get treated like a criminal.
Oh and I think its a much lazier approch to walk 3000 miles then to invent a machine with millions of parts to fly you there. Yeah im pretty sure ambition is what got us flight..
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
I didn't really find any of them funny. Although it would be interesting to see reactions of security from #3, but really it would be contributing to the long waits which seems to be the problem in the first place, lol.
Regardless, I wouldn't mess with airport security for entertainment. It's just not a smart thing to do.
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Airport story time:
I am walking through an airport in atlanta. I have on a white hoody with the hood up, and a pair of aviators. The aviators are reflective mirror, so really you cannot see my face.
A security guard takes me aside while we are standing in line, and tells me that i need to remove my hood, and take my sun glasses off. I was a little disgruntled, but i decide to obey and take them off. Standing back in the security line, my stuff goes through the x ray machine and while i am putting my flip flops back on, i am asked to step into the back room.
Upon walking inside, i am greeted with 3 guards, and a security attendant. They place my backpack on the table, and she looks at me and says " sir is there anything in here that can cut me if i open this bag?" At this point i am really blown away, and getting annoyed- so i answer, ya i have a few swords in there and possible an ax. Suddenly everyone in the room gets really shifty, and they take my bag like it has a bomb in it. As they slowly open up the zipper to my bag i finally understand why i was detained. I had a NEW tube of toothpaste, and some old spice after shave.
With that 'you know you can't have these on the plane look' they take my items and throw them away. After a stern talking to about how i shouldn't play jokes in an airport they let me on my way. Time from going through security to finally being able to walk through the terminal? 20 min. fml
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On November 25 2009 07:11 nofAcedAgent wrote:
You should probably delete this post..
I'm not going to delete it just because you don't think it's funny. But if I in anyway crossed the lines for TL, I would be happy to remove it if I can be shown what rule(s) I have broken.
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On November 25 2009 07:16 Misrah wrote:
ya i have a few swords in there and possible an ax.
LOOOL
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On November 25 2009 07:19 Kim Jong Tassadar wrote:Show nested quote +On November 25 2009 07:11 nofAcedAgent wrote:
You should probably delete this post..
I'm not going to delete it just because you don't think it's funny. But if I in anyway crossed the lines for TL, I would be happy to remove it if I can be shown what rule(s) I have broken.
Oh it wasnt for my benefit..
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Airport security and airport customs are no joke. Just do what you're told or else they could make your life a living hell. This is more related to customs, but a friend of mine has a common name which apparently is also the name of somebody on the security watch list. Every time she flies to another country and has to go through customs, it's a hassle to try to convince them that she isn't a terrorist. One time, after a particularly terrible flight from NYC to London, she made some snide remark to the customs officer about how she might as well turn terrorist because she's treated like one every time she flies in. The customs guy calls in security and they actually detain her for a couple hours. Her husband, who is at the airport to pick her up, goes into security and testifies that she is in fact his wife and not some terrorist. But by that time, it was too late because they had denied her entrance into the UK. Apparently, once a decision in customs is made, it cannot be undone short of taking it really high up for review (which would have taken days). So she was stuck in a London airport but denied access into the country. The only way she would have been let back in is if she left the country and re-entered. She had to fly back to NYC and fly to London again to finally get into the country...at her own expense. Moral of the story: don't dick around at the airport.
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Braavos36401 Posts
one time i was super late to a flight (it was about to leave in 10 minutes) and there was this HUGE line at security -- maybe 10% chance for me to make it. just as i got to the ID check, i realized i had forgotten my wallet too, which is horrible because it delays me even more. i had my boarding pass though, so the security guy says "oh you forgot your ID? follow me" and they did this intensive search through stuff, which only took about 5 minutes, but by doing that let me skip the entire line, so i barely made my flight. it was pretty awesome.
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You dont wanna mess with airport security nowadays.
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Airport security doesn't fuck around, if you want to get to your destination without any serious problems occurring I'd advise steering clear of anything that might piss them off no matter how small or insignificant it may seem to you.
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When I went to California with my family we got asked some funny questions.
"You say you're all related, but why do you all have different surnames and the same first names?"
"Hong Kong... Is that near Iraq?"
"If you're all related, why does he look different?"
What wasn't so funny was when we weren't allowed to leave the airport because someone's forename matched the surname of a 9/11 terrorist. For some reason it took them a very long time to figure it out.
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
On November 25 2009 07:30 gchan wrote:
Airport security and airport customs are no joke. Just do what you're told or else they could make your life a living hell. This is more related to customs, but a friend of mine has a common name which apparently is also the name of somebody on the security watch list. Every time she flies to another country and has to go through customs, it's a hassle to try to convince them that she isn't a terrorist. One time, after a particularly terrible flight from NYC to London, she made some snide remark to the customs officer about how she might as well turn terrorist because she's treated like one every time she flies in. The customs guy calls in security and they actually detain her for a couple hours. Her husband, who is at the airport to pick her up, goes into security and testifies that she is in fact his wife and not some terrorist. But by that time, it was too late because they had denied her entrance into the UK. Apparently, once a decision in customs is made, it cannot be undone short of taking it really high up for review (which would have taken days). So she was stuck in a London airport but denied access into the country. The only way she would have been let back in is if she left the country and re-entered. She had to fly back to NYC and fly to London again to finally get into the country...at her own expense. Moral of the story: don't dick around at the airport.
Holy shit, that is soooo dumb lol. I am baffled by their reaction.
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Yeah don't dick around the airport. Security is there for reason. Would you like airport personel to be lax about it? Hell no
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#5
what level? 
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On November 25 2009 08:58 Foucault wrote:
Yeah don't dick around the airport. Security is there for reason. Would you like airport personel to be lax about it? Hell no
Did you even read the disclaimer?
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A friend of mine is an airline pilot and actually managed to piss off the security personell severely without getting into trouble:
He was at some airport in France I think, and was going through the empleyee's security check. The security officer was really an asshole, and started saying that he couldn't get through with his shoes, I think they were very suspicious or something. My friend told him that as a pilot, he could very well crash the plane with or without his shoes, so he didn't really see any problem, and it all just took a lot of time. When he finally got through security, he was so pissed that he walked straight to the cockpit of the Boeing 737 he was flying home, and removed a fire axe that was placed behind the pilot's seat. He then walked straight back through the security post with the large fire axe in his hands, and once through he turned around and attempted to get back through the metal detectors and everything. Of course, he was stopped by the same asshole of a security officer, but this time, the security officer had the problem. It turned out (my friend knew all the way), that the airplane isn't allowed to fly without a fire axe in the cockpit, but at the same time, no one is allowed to walk through security with such items. End of story was that my friend got through security once again, without the axe, while the security guard had to personally carry it to a security post outside the terminal, and from there drive it in a car to the airplane, where my friend was waiting with for it.
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
Lmao, what an epic way of putting that security guard in his place.
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hahaha that's pretty epic :D
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lol at Al Kyder and Terry Wrist lololol
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On November 25 2009 09:21 aeroH wrote:#5 what level?
+ Show Spoiler +There is a level in MW2 where you are disguised as a terrorist and you go into a airport terminal and shoot a bunch of civilians.
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On November 25 2009 09:44 iMarshall wrote:
A friend of mine is an airline pilot and actually managed to piss off the security personell severely without getting into trouble:
He was at some airport in France I think, and was going through the empleyee's security check. The security officer was really an asshole, and started saying that he couldn't get through with his shoes, I think they were very suspicious or something. My friend told him that as a pilot, he could very well crash the plane with or without his shoes, so he didn't really see any problem, and it all just took a lot of time. When he finally got through security, he was so pissed that he walked straight to the cockpit of the Boeing 737 he was flying home, and removed a fire axe that was placed behind the pilot's seat. He then walked straight back through the security post with the large fire axe in his hands, and once through he turned around and attempted to get back through the metal detectors and everything. Of course, he was stopped by the same asshole of a security officer, but this time, the security officer had the problem. It turned out (my friend knew all the way), that the airplane isn't allowed to fly without a fire axe in the cockpit, but at the same time, no one is allowed to walk through security with such items. End of story was that my friend got through security once again, without the axe, while the security guard had to personally carry it to a security post outside the terminal, and from there drive it in a car to the airplane, where my friend was waiting with for it.
Now this is what I was looking for when I made this Blog. I'll grant that this is much funnier than any of mine; I'm sure others of you have more good stuff. Keep it coming.
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EPT
