EPTOk, Time for a semi-humorous Guide. Ever get really down? And I mean REALLY down. We all have at some point in our life. Depression, its a shitty deal.
Depression has no single cause; often, it results from a combination of things. Needless to say, Depression usually is a serious disorder, not funny at all.. I hope to change that!
What better way to start off curing Depression, but with LOL Cats relating to Starcraft.
![[image loading]](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2270/1524240721_dabe0280a3.jpg?v=0)
![[image loading]](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2198/1525112230_07536f2f36.jpg?v=0)
![[image loading]](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2034/1525106734_1d26643719.jpg)
Stage One: Clearing your mind
I find the best way to get out of that feeling of wanting to 4pool the world, is to just clear your mind of everything that sucks, and do something VERY distracting. I usually have two methods for doing this. Video games and Masturbation.
Starcraft is great for distracting your mind, especially if you get caught up in a really intense game on ICCUP vs those pesky Koreans, they will never let you have 2 seconds alone to think about how you want to off yourself like a scourge at an overlord birthday party. The key is making sure the game is very challenging for you, You can't be playing BGH or 3v3 Fastest 0clutter maps, because all the time spent sitting in your base, building up will give your mind time to wander, and thus leading you back to sadness.
Other videogames that you always have to think in also, often fast action paced games, will help you forget about the outside world for a few hours and let you cool down.
Stage Two: Buy something REALLY Weird
There is nothing better than buying something REALLY Weird or Expensive, just for the hell of it. I suggest finding the wackiest, craziest thing you can, and buy it. Mainly just to show off to your friends and make them think you are cool/retarded. Don't think about the affects it will have to your bank account, Your happiness is at stake!
A Poncho
![[image loading]](http://www.sillyjokes.co.uk/images/dress-up/fancy/mens/poncho.jpg)
LARGE Swiss Cheese Plant??
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/LARGE-SWISS-CHEESE-PLANT-Monstera-Delicosa_W0QQitemZ390054576849QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_HomeGarden_Garden_PlantsSeedsBulbs_JN?hash=item5ad11082d1&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65:12|66:2|39:1|72:1686|240:1318|301:1|293:1|294:50
Double Decker Bus.. Make sure it's RED!
![[image loading]](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3147/3094570583_ff0aed124b.jpg?v=0)
Real MOOSE POOP Necklace
http://cgi.ebay.com/Real-MOOSE-POOP-5-doo-doo-nugget-NECKLACE-jewelry-WEIRD_W0QQitemZ270382472701QQcategoryZ1469QQcmdZViewItem
Brown Mustache
![[image loading]](http://ny-image1.etsy.com/il_430xN.70750593.jpg)
A Section of Poland
![[image loading]](http://www.wordtravels.com/images/map/Poland_map.jpg)
A TL.net Fan favorite, The Orgasmatron
![[image loading]](http://www.orgasmatron.com.au/page_art/i_01.gif)
![[image loading]](http://www.orgasmatron.com.au/trembler/trem_md.jpg)
Anyone care to add to the list?
Stage Three: Pick up a Fat Chick (not literally.. LOL)
Something that always cures depression (until the next morning).. Is going to a bar and picking up a fat chick. They are often lonely, easy to get and willing to do anything you want. Just make sure to tell them to meet you at a hotel, since you don't want to be seen with them in public. It's a fool-proof plan!
Stage Four: FOOD!
Part of Stage three is hoping the Fat chick would bring some food with her, but if that isn't the case, Go buy some yourself.
I think I can speak for at least some people, FOOD is the number one way to cure depression. The greasier, the better of course.
Heres a few recipes that will be sure to make you forget about losing that last OSL qualifier:
The "Bacon Weave" Wrap filled with Cheese : I forget where I read about this, but this dude took a pack of Bacon, weaved it together to form a platform of bacon, topped it with cheese and pan-fried it. Is this the greatest invention since Fantasy's Mech TvZ? Yes.
![[image loading]](http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/sites/default/files/bacon1.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/sites/default/files/bacon2.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/sites/default/files/bacon3.jpg)
More Info on the "Bacon Weave", including Build order details, Here:
http://www.holytaco.com/if-i-die-bacon-related-death-id-it-be-because
CHEESECAKE! - My favorite treat. Make sure you get "New York Style" Cheesecake, it gives you a wonderful "Cheesecake high" that is unrivaled by other kinds. Let me explain my theory on Cheesecake, and why it is more enjoyable than Weed.
Cheesecake, much like Weed, is a drug that when consumed, gives you this feeling of pure bliss, happiness and relaxation. The difference, is Cheesecake can be lethal in large amounts. It is often recommended to eat at least ONE 7-inch or under Cheesecake in one sitting to attain maximum "effect", while any more will cause a Cheesecake Overdose (in other words, turn your asshole inside out.) Cheesecake should be eaten responsibly.
![[image loading]](http://www.collinstreet.com/files/strawberry_cheesecake.jpg)
HungryMan TV Dinners - These are a great invention for the depression-struck to fill themselves up at a relatively low cost. While not exactly being enough food to get that ecstatic feeling of watching Bisu work his corsair/DT army to victory, it will be enough to leave your wallet and stomach pleased. Make sure to try the Cheese fries and Beer-battered Chicken, it is an instant foodgasm.
![[image loading]](http://www.swansonmeals.ca/gfx/products/hungry_man_spts_beer_chicken.jpg)
The Instant Classic; Pizza! What needs to be said about Pizza? It is the best food available that doesnt contain an amount of sugar that would give an SCV issues carrying it. Pizza is plain AWESOME. Whether you like pepperoni, pineapples, whatever, You can get it on a pizza.
![[image loading]](http://www.pastarecipespizzarecipes.com/assets/images/pizza.jpg)
CANADIAN SPECIAL - DONAIRS! (EDIT: Apparently this is a big Turkish thing too..)
Regardless of where they came from, these have become a HUGE thing in Canada, while they might have a different name in the US and other countries (Gyros? shawarma? doner kabob?) Either way, This Canadian favorite is one food that myself and most Eastern Canadians could NOT live without.
A Donair is made from a piece of Pita bread, filled with delicious meat called "Donair meat" which is often propped up a huge stick and "shaved off". Topped off with a sugary-sweet sauce called "Donair sauce", with your favorite toppings (tomatos,peppers,etc) makes this greasy food the Mass Carriers of the food (and heart-stopping) world. All this wrapped in obligitory tin foil to give it that "Charlie in the chocolate factory" feeling. Note they are often filled up with so much meat that it is impossible to eat it with the pita until you clear off half the meat yourself, and by that time the pita is so soaked with grease, it falls apart worse than Stork in the Finals.
![[image loading]](http://www.revanapizza.com/images/Donair_Front_B_sm.jpg)
Now one to show how it REALLY looks after unwrapping it.. Without the sauce.
![[image loading]](http://www.jeremycaissie.com/images/barrrf.jpg)
And for good measure, A picture of the "Donair Meat Stick" with a stereotypical Italian/Canadian/DirtyFatMan shaving the meat off.
![[image loading]](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2261/1520790296_1847a02860.jpg)
EDIT: Since everyone is getting all mad about the "Donair" being in other countries, Most specifically Turkey, I want to include this quote that Smorrie found.
+ Show Spoiler +
A variation on the döner kebab known as a Donair was introduced in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada in the early 1970s. A restaurant called The King Of Donairs claims to have been the first to serve this version in 1973. The meat in this version is sliced from a loaf made from a combination of ground beef, flour or bread crumbs, and various spices, while the sauce is made from evaporated milk, sugar, vinegar, and sometimes garlic. The meat and sauce are served rolled in pita bread with condiments such as tomato and onion. This version of the donair is very popular in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with many fast food pizza restaurants also featuring donairs on the menu. Many of them also offer a donair pizza featuring all of the donair ingredients served on a pizza crust
Stage Five: Making fun of IdrA
I hope I don't get banned for this.. hah But come on, Its too fun to make fun of everyone's favorite "Progamer". Harry Potter Resemblance aside; The fact that he talks SO much shit and then manages to get owned is so perfect, it almost feels scripted; Like he is losing on purpose to entertain us, because you can't deny, He is QUITE entertaining!
All kidding aside, IdrA seems to of learned his lesson about shutting his mouth lately, and what do you know? He is actually winning public/showmatch games now. Correlation? Most likely. Congrats IdrA. Keep up the good manner!
Stage Six: Streaming Videos
As annoying as the lame Youtube videos of some 12 year old kid with a camera "voicing his opinion" on absolutely EVERYTHING is, Streaming Videos is a great invention. Without Youtube, we wouldn't be able to so instantly relive so many of our favorite moments of Television, Movies, Pro-gaming and everything else.
Here is just a few TOTALLY AWESOME clips that will surely keep you as happy as Tossgirl's Boyfriend must be.
Conan O'Brien is the best! Esp his "Walker Texas Ranger Lever".. Sorry, couldnt find many, the quality on this one sucks but this is a good one haha.
Mad TV, Gangster Fight!
Mad TV, The Soprano's on PAX TV
Stephen Colbert on "Whose Line is it anyways?""
More Whose Line, This is one of the best shows EVER!
Kenny vs Spenny is a GREAT Show, Watch the full episodes, most are on Youtube!
Chappelle's Show, Wayne Brady!
http://www.buzzhumor.com/videos/3273/Chappelle's_Show_Wayne_Brady
Chappelle's Show, Prince Plays Basketball
http://www.pp2g.tv/vYHFxZHY_.aspx
As much as this pains me, since Yellow was my favorite player (Back in the day).. Boxer's 3x Bunker rush is intense.
There are TONS of great videos, I will try to add afew more cause my mind is kinda dead at the moment ahhh. I just know any clips of Mad TV, Chappelle's Show, Conan O'Brien, SouthPark, etc always cheers me up.
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That is my short guide on Things to help overcome Depression! I hope it was slightly comical, and slightly informative. Most importantly, I hope it gets me a SC2 Beta Key =]
So Vote for me! Or least for my actual serious Guide on How to Play Guitar
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=95182
Thanks for reading!
