EPT
Call Tasteless.
YO TASTELESS "OH HEY REKRUL SUP NIGNOG" YO TASTELESS WHAT ARE YOU DOING "NOT MUCH NIGNOG" YO TASTELESS OK COME OVER THEN WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT "OK NIGNOG LOL"
I'm sitting there hungover as fuck from the previous night wondering why I just initiated the action again by bringing my catalyst, Tasteless, into the picture but I was bored home alone and frankly hangovers after 15 days in a row drinking are not a reason to be lazy anymore, they are a reason to drink again.
So Tasteless comes over I take my 5th shit of the day and am eating some left over spicy chicken soup as he sits there saying funny stuff, making fun of Artosis, and asking me "WTF R WE GUNNA DO NIGNOG LOL?" I was really all out of options though. 15 days in a row I had did everything there was to be done. Everyone else was doing nothing and I was friggen REELING from my hangover. I started to realize just how bad it hurt. Then
RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIING. OH MY GOD CRAZY (if you don't know who Crazy is read this: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=86484
I hadn't spoken to Crazy in like half a year. He basically dissapeared off the map. I had been constantly trying to contact him all the time but he was just gone. Crazy being out of Korea for a long time is one thing (he can't get enough of the Korean women), but him not calling me? I tried calling him several times too and he never answered or called back though his phone was on. Thats just flat out weird. I feared he could be dead but his father is a very very powerful and scary man, the kind you want to know but also don't want to know if you know what I mean. So his father could be forcing him to do family business which was the likely scenario, because Crazy is too much of a monster to be dead.
The phone call just came out of the blue and the feeling was amazing. "CRAZYY!!!!!!!!" Tasteless gets up and starts doing jumping jacks and boxing pose punches and my hangover immediately dissapears. WHERE ARE YOU CRAZY LETS MEET! "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! DANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! MY BROTHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!! ARE YOU KOREA????????????????? I CAME TODAY!!!! HAHAHAHA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!! YES WHERE YOU AT "IM CLUB NB COME FAST HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA!" I throw on some retarded hoodie with all sorts of glitz on it on and Tasteless and I head out the door at 1:30 AM fully expecting an amazing all-nighter.
We show up at the outside of this Hip Hop club in Kang-nam called NB. Back in my hayday when I had first come to Korea I used to go there ALLLL the time with my friend Joel back when he was showing me the ropes. Even though that place is just full of poser wanna-be fake thugged out faggots and a few english teachers and/or army dudes the place actually is a nice club and fun and plenty of hot girls and with Crazy in the mix it was gunna be great. I keep trying to call Crazy before we go into the club just incase he left or something and he's not answering. So Tasteless and I are just standing outside there in the cold like idiots and all the Koreans are looking at us probably thinking "What the fuck are these white idiots just doing standing here like retards and why the FUCK does that tall white boy have a hoodie on with so much faggot bling."
Finally Crazy answers. "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN ME NOW LEAVING CLUB OK WAIT." WTF. Oh well in Seoul at 2 AM the options are endless and while I was actually stoked to be going to NB (which would normally be an impossibility--the other clubs I usually go to now are sososososoSO much better) it wasn't really a letdown because fuck it, I was with my brother Tasteless which alone is great but throwing Crazy into the mix? Thaaaank you.
Crazy blasts out the club entrance in his standard outlandish pimptastic outfit throws his arms out in the air bends his knees and throws his back backwards a little bit and screams at the top of his lungs "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!!! NICK? NICCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then runs 20 meters over to us.
Now all those mother fuckers staring at us before are even more confused. Oh shit wait WTF are a Japanese guy and a white guy really speaking Korean to eachother LOL? And if that wasn't enough, Crazy had an incredibly hot girl following him out of the club. Modellesquely tall, large but not too big natural breasts, an amazing curvy yet slender body with a silver gown gripped to it so tightly that all I could think was "FUCK MY LIFE!" Definitely one of the hottest Korean girls I had seen in a long long time.
We are walking down the street and I catch up with Crazy and find out his fathers been wanting him to take over and he's complaining saying "why do I have to do that shit LOL I just want to PARTTTYYY!" Nick follows with Crazy's girl and shes surprisingly personable but seems quite crazy in your face and definitely drunk. We keep walking and Crazy is like so what do you want to do "NIGHT CLUB GO? ROOM SALON GO? I WANT KOREAN GIRL!" I'm like "Hmmm....well anywhere is good but I definitely need to drink." We walk up to a parking lot and what I expect to be one of Crazy's multiple cars was actually a pretty old beat up BMW that belonged to his girl.
Me and Tasteless get in the back seat and surprisingly Crazy gets in the passenger seat and his girl gets in the driver's seat. He asks her in Korean "are you sure you can drive." She says very calmly and confidently "Yes I can drive and it's not that far anyways." We decided to go to some popular big drinking tent in an area where many room salon girls so its always packed with many insanely beautiful women.
She backs up to start going and almost hits a guy walking behind the car but slams on the breaks just in time to not hit him. The back window was kinda foggy and the guy did come out of no where though so whatever. We pull out and start driving and suddenly she starts going bat shit crazy.
"HEY DAN CALL ME NUNA OKAY?" she turns around while driving pretty fast down the road screaming at me in Korean to speak respectfully to her even though I hadn't said a single word to her yet at this point other than "hi." You know normally when someone turns around to say something when they are driving for a second it makes you nervous but its such a short time that it's okay. This time was not okay. She was just driving in traffic turning around yelling at Nick and I randomly and not turning around WTF.
WTF LOOK AT THE MOTHER FUCKING ROAD ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS DRIVE SLOW BE CAREFUL as she turns around and slams on the breaks to barely avoid hitting a car stopped at a red light. Tasteless and I turn and look at eachother eye to eye, man to man, like this could be it and we both grab our seat belts and quickly buckle up. Meanwhile Crazy is in the front seat without his belt on telling her to drive slow and be careful but all the while laughing about it.
Shes swerving as the car wavers back and forth in the lane almost hitting cars next to us, infront of us, and behind us. She keeps turning around screamin psychotic shit saying if we don't respect her she will kill us then taking a hair pin and making a motion with it to insinuate psychotic stabbing. This is all while driving btw. We were scared as fuck and this bitch was on a psycho rampage and I had no idea why. Crazy yells "STOP!!!!" to prevent her from slamming into another car at a red light and as the car comes to a screeching halt and all he does is giggle like a happy school girl. We were almost there though and she was not listening to our demands to stop the car and let us out. Actually I wouldn't have even wanted to even try to escape the vehicle I was just scared for everyone in the outside world that she could possibly kill.
Tasteless and I are freaking out "WTF WE NEED TO STOP THIS BITCH SOMEHOW THIS IS CRAZY." As we look at eachother once again like "Oh my god the world is ending."
"DID YOU SAY BITCH? DID YOU CALL ME A BITCH? BITCH? WHO IS BITCH?" She SLAMS on the accellerator and is flying down the road turning around screaming at us and I see a red light again in the distance and I'm giving her the most desperate look hoping she'll reciprocate saying "STOP LOOK ITS A RED LIGHT!!!" She turns around just in time and SLAMS on the break again it was really really close. Me and Nick fly forward but are caught by our seat belts as is she and Crazy who now had his feet up on the dashboard was able to hold himself from flying through the windshield. People in the surrounding cars are just turning looking at us like "What the fuck....." The girl cowers her head a little bit and Crazy just keeps giggling. I look down and see Tasteless's hand on my leg, and mine on his. We look at eachother with a look of "yeah wtf this is really gay let us never speak of the fact that we grabbed eachother's legs to anyone ever LOL."
We had arrived though and she pulls into a little side street to go park. The street is filled with cars and people and the valet guy is guiding her pointing to the place where she should go park. But she was oblivious that he was even there and kinda hit the accellerator and instead of turning the directly he was pointing she just went straight and he JUMPED like a mother fucking ninja to avoid being hit. She screams because she realizes she just almost killed a guy. We park and I put my hoodie on trying to hide my face as we get out of the car and Crazy is apologizing like mad to the guy and the girl is too much of a coward to get out of the car and apologize to the guy herself just waiting till he goes away to get out of the car.
We get in the place and the psychoticness continues. But god fucking damn was she hot. Sooooo hot. So hot that everyone in the big tent were staring at us for once not because we were white dudes but because this girl was so fine. Good lord. At one point a girl came up to her and asked for her autograph and the crazy girl explained to us that many years ago (she was 30) she was a somewhat famous actress. We are sitting there eating some food and drinking beer as she continues to scream wild shit and Crazy is trying to calm her down but laughing at the same time. She then starts yelling really loudly at him saying "EVERY TIME TO KOREA YOU ONLY MEET ME FOR SEX. YOU DON'T REALLY LOVE ME YOU JUST LIKE TO FUCK ME." Like straight up saying that not even implying it. He's sitting there with a dumbfounded look on his face like "No!" but his expression showed guilt. Everyone was staring and hes like "No no no!" and shes like "WHAT AM I YOUR FUCKING WHORE? YOU DONT EVEN PAY ME I MUST BE THE DUMBEST HOOKER ALIVE."
He semi-calms her down but while there was still definitely chit chatter in the place what was normally a big poppin happening place was now pretty quiet as the rampage continues. "I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM." she then walks into the ladies room. And Crazy says to me:
"Shes hot isn't she." After all this disastrous activity thats all he had to say to me? LOL. "Yes she sure is fine, Crazy."
"I'm leaving to Japan tomorrow again for business, you want to fuck her once while I'm gone?" I would never do such a thing with another guy's girl even if he offered me but she was so hot it almost intrigued me LOL. I translate to Tasteless what I said and he's like "LOL IF YOU DON'T I WILL!"
She then comes back from the bathroom and grabs her shit and storms out. Crazy leaves his stuff and runs after her. Me and Tasteless sit there for like 15 minutes one shotting beers reminiscing on the last 45 minutes of our lives and how it could have easily been over for us or anyone. After waiting for a while Crazy isn't coming back and isn't picking up his phone so Tasteless and I head to a night club and I text Crazy that thats where we'll be. He doesn't reply but 20 minutes after getting to the night club he shows up and is like "Dan did you bring my jacket and wallet?" I was like "No oops I thought you'd get it yourself."
Crazy then pauses and is like "Oh you didn't get it? Hmmm..." He looks around confused like 'whats my play here' then he suddenly throws his arms in the air again with a big smile "OKAY I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!"
He gets back in 10 minutes with his stuff intact he storms into the room and the girls start laughing instantly at his amazingness. Crazy then looks at the two girls Tasteless and I had next to us and is like "WTF the girls aren't very hot here tonight..." The girls then look at eachother and quietly get up and leave the room. Crazy then says "Hmmm actually I have a flight to catch in 5 hours so I'm just going to go meet another different one of my girlfriends then head to the airport, see you guys later!" I'm like "LOL why did you even come here if you knew that?" Then he was like "Hmmm....thats a good question LOL!" he then heads for the door and we are like "bye-bye Crazy"
Before he gets out the door I'm like "Oh hey wait a sec Crazy what ever happened with your girl?"
"I don't know, she got mad and got in her car and drove away."
Tasteless and I then looked at eachother with fear, shock, disbelief, and a little bit of relief that it's not our problem anymore. Once Crazy left the room we said a little prayer, had a moment of silence for any possible victims, clanked our glasses together, and drank the night away.
