EPTSo, during May our neighbours go away every year for the summer. Which is fine and all. They're pretty decent neighbours, the husband's kind of a douche, the wife's sweet and polite. But regardless, a decent lot. Last year, they let an old chipper couple take care of their house next door while they were away. Our houses all side by side, as the term neighbour implies, when I'm out on the porch barbecuing I could wave over and say, "hey!" and enter jovial small talk. This year, they let about six young adults around my age rent the house. That could be kind of cool, they're my age after all, right? Shit, might even have a drink with them if they're cool.
As I write this, it's 4:05 AM.
I wake up, at 2:50 AM to, "lovin', it's what I got!" And I think, what a great summer song! And then I hear a hockey puck smack wood. Somebody's taking slap shots at the side of their deck! Hooray, hockey! Canada's national sport!
Too bad that relaxing summer tune is being butchered by some ugly hippie girl playing guitar with a bunch of annoyingly voiced girls and dirty looking guys in hoody's & bandanna's next door. The kind of girls where not only is their natural voice annoying, but they get louder and more annoying just to command extra attention.
So, they've done multiple times before. On the most recent occasion, I got up, went out onto my porch and said "SHUT UP AND GET INSIDE, PEOPLE NEED TO SLEEP." (I censored myself on this occasion.) Either they were more coherent, or I was louder at that time, but they all obeyed and scampered inside immediately. A few filtered out again later, but when I heard them talking again, all I needed to do was open the door for them to run inside.
As I write this, it's 4:15 AM.
So, anyway, I get dressed, head down to the porch, open the door and step into the night where their sing-a-long sounds worse and their hockey game is a guy and a girl flirting with eachother wrestling over the puck now.
As much as I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs, I didn't. I raised my voice and called over, "Hey!!". No one even sees or notices as i'm yelling from a darkened porch. I raise it up a notch. "HEY!!!". A couple turn and one tries to quiet the others but isn't doing any good at all. So after a brief wait I yell, "HEY!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP". Diplomacy is for regular hours of the day. Half of them turn, the other half too inebriated and still, "Eh, what was that?". I continue yelling like that saying, "SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW". At this time, the less inebriated and the ones possibly held responsible really start to try to quiet their guests.
A short ugly fat girl with lesbian hair pipes in, "Hey suck it buddy!" And a few others start to raise their voices in agreement.
I ignore her and target the tenants and repeat my earlier statement with more force.
A slightly overweight guy in a cap and a green hoody. "Hey, how 'bout I eat the peanuts out of your ass". (That's why I don't party with any of the guys in my town, this accumulates to the extent of their wit). Seriously, any bar in town they are all the same. A good number of decent people, but too many hicks or welfare cases interspersed fucking up the whole atmosphere of the place.
Being too tired for wit I fired off the honest reply, "Hey ugly, no one asked you. Maybe in your skiddy neighbourhood people party next to each others houses at all hours of the night, but people here actually have shit to do other than collect welfare. So shut the fuck up, people are trying to sleep"
At this time, I'm happy (and frankly, really surprised) I got the last word as the tenants actually told them to be quiet and ushered them into the house. Two girls apologize (though of course talk shit later) However, as everyone gets ushered inside, I know I'm in for more. It's a party, there's smoke breaks, and they're not done singing with the hippie who can't play the guitar.
Long story short, the next time they came out more banter ensued and they were ushered inside again. But they eventually kept coming out, it's a party, and smoke breaks are outside. (I called the neighbours who let them rent the house, and with them partying in the background again let them know what was going on, at what hour.)
So, unfortunately, during my exchange to save the rest of the neighbourhood, I had woken my sister up. (Which now makes me the douche).
Regardless, what revenge can I exact on my inconsiderate neighbours?
Plan A: I wake them up with lawn mowers and hammering in a couple hours, at 7:00 AM. I do some extremely loud yard work for a couple hours or more etc... It's ok, because the house on the other side is up early, and does the same thing on occasion and the rest of the houses are farther enough away that they won't hear the noise of a lawnmower if it is inbetween two houses thus muffling the sound.
So TL.Net, help me brainstorm. I'm too tired. When I wake up, hopefully there's a good number of ways to make these last 2 weeks with them as annoying for them as possible.
Rule 1. No damage of property.
Rule 2. There'll probably be a couple more rules by tomorrow when some suggestions go too extreme.
