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Hi everybody! This is my one of my first posts. I feel like a loser posting on the internet where EVERYONE can read it, but I feel like I need to talk to someone - and the internet is my only friend. =( I spent over an hour getting this first paragraph JUST right, so please guys, don't make fun of it.
My name is... Edward and I am 18 years old and a Gemini. I think that once in a while, I get these ideas to do something really crazy, like roll down this big hill in my yard. Whoa is that some crazy stuff. One time I felt so bad I jumped into the pool with all of my clothes on. I could not believe I was such a wild and crazy guy while I sat there in the ice cold pool shivering my balls off.
Speaking of which. I am a guy, okay? Get that straight.
My friends... well I don't think I really have any friends. In 6th grade I felt like I had some friends but then I guess I figured out they just liked me since I was president of the Chess club and they wanted to feel special. That made me sad.
I want to grow up and be a pro wrestler. They have lots of people cheering them on and that would make me feel warm inside. They also have lots of girls. I think I want a girl. I think it was in 2nd grade when I had my last girlfriend. Her name was Young-Yoon and she was a Korean girl who wasn't pretty, but she was a nice person. I think her mom told her to go out with me though. I guess I broke up with her by pushing her off the monkey bars when she called me a ugly hee-soo. Whatever that means. Damn Koreans.
Well, that is my life. I hope being a Gemini will pay off with the planets aligning or whatnot sometime soon, because I need the stars on my side if I'll make anything of myself!
I guess I will go outside now. There is a rare breed of hummingbird outside my window - hummingus birdus is the scientific name I believe, and I want to take pictures!
-E
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Hey again everybody. I am at work right now. I work in New York City and I am a telemarketer. You all hate me. I know. I hate me too.
It's kind of cool what I sell though. I call all these people with the computer (I LOVE COMPUTERS THEY ARE SO SEXY. ESPECIALLY THE NEW iMACS) and I ask them if they want to buy a book on how to make balloon animals with a package of 50 balloons that comes with it for 19.95 + SH. (SH means shipping and handling. Don't worry, it took me a long time to get the jargon down too.)
Anyway, today I was at the water cooler filling up my one liter bottle (the doctor says I have to drink lots of water to be healthy) and the lady who works in the cubicle next to me (her name is Kelly and even though she is older than me she is still the young age of thirty-six and she is a very nice person) she said "Hey, Easy-E." I wanted to scream "I am Easy! Take me now!"
Luckily I was able to restrain myself and go to the potty, where I emptied out the last 2 liters I have had this morning. =)
Anyway. I have sold - 0 - books this morning. Hopefully selling some more later.
My boss is coming, gotta go.
-E
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Hi again everybody. I am leaving work in a few minutes but I wanted to write one more entry before the day is over. In a way, I feel like this is really helping me because some guy I read about said that everyone needs a form of self-expression. Well guys. I think this is mine.
Work was pretty uneventful. I called up the mother of this guy I went to elementary school with and got her to buy a balloon book pretty much out of guilt. But hey - I got my 5% commission.
Oh oh oh! And the best thing is that for lunch, I celebrated my sale with a turkey and mayonaise sandwich (my fave) and a vanilla coke. I used to like Cherry Coke a lot but this Vanilla coke stuff just makes cherry taste like my retainers after I haven't touched them for weeks!
Speaking of which, I should probably wear them every night like my orthodontist says I should. My teeth are starting to move and stuff and they're getting pretty crooked again. I don't like to put my retainers on though because when I wake up the morning after I can't even chew my daily granola bar. Sad.
I gotta run. Star Trek runs in half an hour and it takes 20 min to get home on my scooter.
-E
P.S. - I hope Kelly will come to work tomorrow in something tight and seduce me with some food item of the fruit variety.
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Star Trek was great. It was the episode when Lt. Commander Data discovers all these frozen people on this frozen space module. So what does he do? He beams them all back to the USS Enterprise-D. What an idiot. I mean. Come on. Frozen people = bad news.
Captain Picard was so badass in this episode. The Romulans - see they thought they could be all tough with him and shit but he was like 'phuck that' and he played their game by HIS rules and made the Romulans agree to an alliance they didn't see coming.
According to this episode the Federation has not had contact with the Romulans for over fifty years. How utterly weird. I didn't know that until I saw it today. I guess you learn something every day.
Anyway, after Star Trek: The Next Generation, I was really pumped, so I ate this really big bag of chips. In fact it was baked lays. (I think I can eat about a million bags of those.)
Anyway, I am really tired now (must be those chips), so I think I'm going to go to bed now. Good night, everyone. I'll write more tomorrow.
-E
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I was surfing the internet this morning and I found this online news source called The Onion. My gosh I wonder how they find so many people to go around the nation and cover everything so reliably.
The Onion's photographers also seem to be privy to some "candid shots" of people who are usually inaccessible because there was a shot of Lou Dobbs hosting "Moneyline" from a ledge! I'll bet The Onion photographers are undercover.
It is such a Democrat thing to set things up for ruin for the Republicans just so they can seem successful whenever they come into office. I was thinking "Hey it isn't his fault the economy has gone to poo. George Bush inherited a shaky economy from the democrats."
Today I am wearing green pants and a salmon-colored shirt with two breast-pockets. I like the two pockets because it's like a filing system that I can wear. I keep toothpicks, floss, and a small toothbrush in the left pocket, and paper, pens, post-it notes in the right pocket. Right for writing, left for hygeine, as I always say.
Alright i-gang, time to sell some books now.
-E
P.S. If it weren't for Kelly I'd have quit by now.
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So I was reading your comments everyone, and I noticed that some of you have decided to give me "e-props". Are these good for anything? Can you spend them? If you can win cool prizes by amassing e-props then that would be so cool.
You ever had a bag of doritos? You know how on the back they have "ploids"? Maybe eprops are like that. Maybe I can exchange my eprops for cool stuff. Like 200 e-props for a skateboard. That would rock.
I'm going to mail the Xanga team. (They gave me 1 e-prop) I'm going to ask them if they are spendable, and if so, a list of prizes.
I think Kelly reads this. I mean, I guess in a way I kind of wanted her to, since I put my feelings for her out there and all, but it is one thing to want it, and another to get it, you know? It's kind of scary since I have never initiated anything with a girl.
I like for them to talk to me. It makes them come into MY territory, you know? I mean it's unlikely they will reject you when they take the time to talk to you first. Maybe this is helping me become a new, more agressive Ed. An Ed who talks to girls!
I write all this because Kelly saw me writing in this earlier this morning, evidently, and she came up to me about half an hour ago and said pretty softly "I have something for you later." It's kind of exciting!
I wonder what it is. Is it e-props? That would rock.
Will keep you guys posted,
-E
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4492 Posts
At least you're only spamming one thread...
-Mynock
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Hey guys!!!
The COOLEST thing just happened!
When I got back from lunch I found a piece of white photocopy paper folded neatly in half with my name written in cursive near where the tape held the folded paper closed.
I undid the tape with a pencil and opened it up to see this crazy xerox mess. It took me a while to figure out what it was, but the paper was kind of scented with what seemed to hint at perfume. I studied it for a few minutes and finally figured it out.
->KELLY HAD XEROXED HER ASS FOR ME<-
In the corner, there was this handwriting that read, "You want some of this?"
You guys, this is totally cool. I think I'm gonna get a girl and I didn't even have to do anything! I folded the paper up so my boss can't see it and I put it in my right breat-pocket to save for later.
I'm kind of worried, and not too sure what I can say to her now. I don't know how to respond to her though. Should I talk to her? Should I start something? Or wait until she talks to me again about a time I can see her? This is really confusing, and I really don't know what to do.
Help me out, gang!
On a side note, Xanga mailed me back.
"E-props are not spendable. Sorry."
I think I could almost read, "You dumbass." between the lines.
Boss coming. More to come.
-E
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I talked to Kelly just now. She said she wants to "get together on the weekend for a little party. Just you and me".
I am going to tap a dent in that ass.
Getting on my scooter and high-tailing it home. I wanna work out. Later.
-E
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wtf 
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STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STFU STFU STFU!!!!!!!!!!!
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.... ?
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Korea (South)11595 Posts
umm you got to work and left work both at 13:59 cuz thats when they both were posted.
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1.) Hexa-post
2.) WTF
3.) Let me guess, you alway wanted to know how:
a) to get banned?
b) to get many posts?
c) to get attention?
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Norway28781 Posts
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I am eagerly awaiting the weekend, for my "private party". It just seems that Kelly is looking at me in a different light today seeing as she seems to wink at me whenever I look at her. I'm kind of scared the boss will notice and get pissed off.
Today I am anticipating a great lunch of Chinese Chicken Salad and a root beer. It's already in the refrigerator waiting for me for lunchtime. I can't wait!
-E
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I actually thought it was a semi-clever troll to begin with. Kinda boring now, though.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
nooooo don't ban him i like him =)
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This is actually entertaining! ^^
Keep writing attention whore!!
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On February 14 2006 13:58 e-money wrote:
I ate a sandwich today. It had pesto and honey mustard, two of the condiments I enjoy applying the most. However, it was overcooked. Sigh. Just add that burnt toast to the laundry list of fucked up things in my life. Can anything go right for me? Nobody understands me. I am feeling so insignificant and insignificantly sucky right now. Don't try and talk to me about my many problems or my deep deep pain (but I will leave the option to comment on this entry) as you will never understand my life, which can be compared to a large, black, impenetreble wall that sucks all joy and blocks out the sun. I have put walls up around my heart and they have solidified over time and as a result of this solidification they (the walls) have become impenetrable. Kind of like a black wall that sucks out joy and blocks out the sun. An impenetrable one.
-E
fixed.
(from Hot_bid originally :p)
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hahahaha i cant stop laughing. If any mod closes this thread or bans him there will be reprecussions.
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Lunch was really good. The salad tasted kind of funny but that was probably just because I was in such a hurry to run out the door this morning that I forgot to brush. Oops. =)
Sigh. A little more than a day and the weekend is here. I just called my mom from work and asked her what is for dinner. She says we're having homemade macaroni and cheese. I'm really excited! Mmmm...
Oh yeah. While I'm here. I tried working out last night with some dumbells. I couldn't get past 20 pounds in each arm. I'm so scrawny! I give up. I'll never be buff.
I'm going home now. Take care!
-E
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Hey guys! The weekend is almost here! I'm soooo excited! Kelly has informed me (in a breathy voice) that the "party" is to be held tonight at 8 o'clock sharp. Looks like no weblog entry tonight!
I wonder how I am going to explain things to my mother if things run late though. I can figure that out later.
Today I went to Taco Bell and ordered a beef Meximelt. They are actually really good. Sometimes I like to buy a block of cheese from the supermarket and slice off a chunk, then stick it in the microwave for like 20 seconds. It's really good. Trust me.
I decided (thanks to your comments, whoever you are) to just tell my mom that I was leaving the house for a wild sexual encounter with an older woman from work. She'll understand. That's what moms are for.
Anyway, I gotta go. I am gonna pick up some 10 lb weights on the way home. Hopefully I will be able to heft those. (Probably not! =) ) I will tell you all how it went tomorrow!
Eagerly expecting ecstacy,
-E
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Belgium6775 Posts
LOL
what the hell is happening to teamliquid
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hey guys i figured it cant be real coz it happens too fast :O
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On February 14 2006 14:04 LegendaryDreams wrote:wtf
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hahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahah oh man this is the funniest thread ever ;P
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On February 14 2006 14:12 Yizuo wrote:
hey guys i figured it cant be real coz it happens too fast :O
lol hes making it like hes copying/pasting from some stupid xanga (thats the one with e-props right?)
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lol these are interesting :D keep them coming ^_^
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WTF!!!
1-Get a life. OR
2-Get a livejournal account.
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
is this stimey's next personality?
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still, better than any of mitsy's threads
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On February 14 2006 14:28 DarkFenix wrote:WTF!!! 1-Get a life. OR 2-Get a livejournal account.
Fuck off.
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Baltimore, USA22259 Posts
I'm just waiting for the ninjas to make their appearance in the story.
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doesn't he just do copy & paste? just an assumination(if that word exists )
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I think its entertaining
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looks like an alt. account to me
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On February 14 2006 14:38 Illuvatar wrote:doesn't he just do copy & paste? just an assumination(if that word exists )
assumption
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On February 14 2006 14:38 CocoA wrote:I think its entertaining
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On February 14 2006 14:40 kidd wrote:
&cute ^^
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On February 14 2006 14:40 bsj9 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 14 2006 14:38 Illuvatar wrote:doesn't he just do copy & paste? just an assumination(if that word exists ) assumption
Americans! Well, I stand corrected.
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It's funny, and all the people saying ban or "get a livejournal" are pretty damn stupid to think this is real
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Beyonder
Netherlands15103 Posts
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WTF. LOL
I can't wait to see what happens next episode!
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Baltimore, USA22259 Posts
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lol. it seems tl.net has become the main place for fake threads and to see how ppl react to these kind of stories.
oh well, i dont even know if its a good or bad thing
rofl, title change
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this is hilarios keep on i say
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On February 14 2006 14:57 greatmeh wrote:
lol. it seems tl.net has become the main place for fake threads and to see how ppl react to these kind of stories.
oh well, i dont even know if its a good or bad thing
rofl, title change
The "severe girl problems'" thread was way funnier. Plus; now the joke has been used twice. It's getting old.
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Beyonder
Netherlands15103 Posts
Thought I'd give it a better title!
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would be funnier if you actually waited between posts.
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haha I bet the next post about his sexual encounter will be something like this : that woman he works with is really a man dressed in drag.... It was shocking at first but then he said what the hell and enjoyed it haha
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<3 beyonder :D
On February 14 2006 15:05 Broken.Mind wrote:
haha I bet the next post about his sexual encounter will be something like this : that woman he works with is really a man dressed in drag.... It was shocking at first but then he said what the hell and enjoyed it haha
Almost funny. Oh wait it wasnt even close.
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Cmon Update us E-Money !!!
I must know what happend on your wild night with Kelly
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On February 14 2006 14:47 Into.Love wrote:
It's funny, and all the people saying ban or "get a livejournal" are pretty damn stupid to think this is real
He should have waited between post to make it look real.... As mynock said.. At least he used the same thread for copy paste.
And i think you didn't got right what my (and some others) intenctions were, when we said "get a lifejournal", anyway.. an "update most come right away, since he's a fast-typer. O_o
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Props to Hot_Bid if he actually wrote all of that. Hilarious stuff!
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hah so excited to see what happens happen next
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Braavos36390 Posts
whooooooooooooooooooooooops IVE BEEN DISCOVERED
btw what a fuckin nerd
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EPT![[image loading]](http://www.bostonabcd.org/uhs/images/confused.gif)
