So with all the self-help/help me threads that are going around TL. I\'d like to start one of my own.
Ok.
So I\'m an average guy. How do I get laid? Please tell me a site where I can get tips on getting laid. Or could you Rico Suaves out there help me please. If there are hot girls around and they are willing, I\'m obviously on B.net. I have put two and two together and I figured that although B.net is a good place to learn some of the inner workings of females etc. I came here.
Obviously most of you out there are thinking...\"Hmm I\'ll put aside 20 minutes of my time...and fend off hundreds of women to help this guy.\"
So if you could perhaps post some links on where I could find women under 300 lbs to get \'down and funkay\' with...(I think thats what you cool guys say)then I\'d love you forever...but in a non-gay way because I AM SO NOT GAY.
I\'m really shy but at the same time arrogant. I spend most of my time watching anime and listening to metal...growing my hair. I collect navel fluff COMPETITIVELY and I enjoy my stacks of porno. Porno is really good because in a way...you are having sex...sex of the eyes and ears. But I\'ve been told the real thing is probably better.
Although I am willing to debate that watching an episode of Naruto...or beating a good player in an epic game of SC is better than sex itself...but I wouldn\'t know I\'ve only done two of those things. (AND SEX ISN\'T ONE OF THEM IF YOU DIDN\'T GET THE SUBTLETY!)
So basically..links plz...if you are a girl on TL.net and weigh under 300 lbs...number and pics plz. I need willing women and fast.
So, I never shave...or shower...I don\'t talk to people who I don\'t know. This makes it hard for me to make contact with what some people call \'society\' but I don\'t have to listen to that bullshit. I\'ll wear cotton vests and grow my armpit hair as long as I damn want. I mean...French girls do it...I mean they\'d be right up my alley. (AND I WANT TO BE UP THEIR ALLEY!) Omfg get it! Rofl sorry almost choked on my own shit. I shat myself because that was so funny. (Up their alley...like punani...get it?)
Anyhow...if you\'re a chick who likes navel fluff and hair then good...but if you don\'t I don\'t care a lot...just touch my weener...please?
Anyhow...sorry I was a bit of a sad loser there. That\'s another thing...I\'m always getting down on myself. (in more ways that one OMGCRACKUP) So basically I need to know how to lose depression. I also fucking need a watch...I keep wanting to know the time...but like...then I\'d have to talk to someone...how would I do that? Do you just go up and be all like. \"Have you got the time?\" I mean wtf...that\'s why I never get my hair cut the hairdressers try to TALK to you...holy shit. They are paid to cut hair not to talk. I can\'t believe it...what the hell do I do in situations like that?
I also don\'t know how to cook noodles, please help me. I think you add the egg to the ramen? But how do I boil the water? And what about the egg? Do I leave it in it\'s shell? Life is so fucking confusing. Oh also...I have a lump on my face...it\'s red...and about the size of a pimple. It looks pretty much like a pimple in every way..but it hurts a fraction more. Could it be AIDS? A tumour? The start of some strange African mosquito-borne virus?
Anyhow...I have problems with my crotch. My balls suddenly are much lower than I remember...and my voice changed a bit. I\'m fucking scared. Has this ever happened to any of you guys? It\'s annoying...because when I\'m playing SC...I have this special combination of hotkeys to use and I have to sorta...\'lean\' over a bit and I can feel my balls move. This is the disadvantage I have found so far...and I haven\'t found any advantages.
Sometimes my nose bleeds, wtf is this? Do you guys get nose bleeds? Do you link this to child abuse or bad parents? I think sometimes I want to kill my mother...but in the end I realise that I guess they bought me my computer. But fuck it...it only has 1GB of RAM not 2GB. My parents are such bitches...they brought me up and shit...but they are always nagging me...such trivial bullshit...
\'Go and have a shower you smell!\'
\'Go and get your Dad his insulin!\'
\'Get a job...\'
\'Move out you useless bastard you\'re 28.\'
So annoying...it\'s not like I don\'t do my fair share around the house...I turn the dishwasher on every night....as if that wasn\'t enough I even flush when I use the toilet if I\'m not drunk at the time.
That\'s another issue...if a chick doesn\'t like anal but you give it to her anal and she cries...is it so wrong? Fucking hell...there has never been a woman outside of the home in history...why do they get all bossy in the bedroom?
Oh well...I guess I live a typical life and I only had a few queries.
Plz get back to me quickly on the sex thing...because each day I go on...my dog looks more and more tempting...that\'s another thing...is beastiality wron......nah I\'ll leave that for my next topic I have a large number of funny stories.
dam... just dam... advice i can give: -if ur still at school and u have some sort of popularity, use it to hang around the girls. -stop bw usage. i used to stop playing 100% but since my holiday to korea (my home country) i said to myself "fuck i need to beat these fuckers again" but i only play 3 hrs of bw a wk MAX. -you need to learn to use humour well ( try not to arrogant funny or bragging funny but dont be shy funny) (if that made sense)... -go out there and dont be a bitch (i used to be in ur sitituation)
dude u're 28... still watch anime and a virgin??? RESPECT! u're my hero seriously i sometimes think that i'm 20 and playing bw and watching anime... for how long will it be happening... but if u're 28? i still have awesome 8 years! woohooo! btw sorry i'm not that good as u coz i lost my virginity few years ago cant do anything about it now...
On September 18 2005 02:09 mr2hot4u15 wrote: smurg if you are really serious about getting your life on track and getting laid often then send me an email ... artoflogan@hotmail.com
I wonder when I'll say that this was all a joke.
Probably soon. You were helping rpf earlier...do you have some kind of secret? :o
I guess you can commit suicide. coz like in when ur dead u can have anything u want. u can get laid like 20 or 30 times a day. I guess u can get a job and lke go to Kings Cross if u live in Sydney (Plenty of prosties) , but beware the really good looking ones (there actuallly men) lawl. no joke. If they ask it up the ass then u know its a man. wtf am I doing on this site anyways i play like counter strike.
but y'know what worries me, EVERY time there's some sarcastic/satirical thread, about half of the posters in the thread don't seem to get it. I mean C'MON. Use your brains. How could he NOT have been kidding? Like that thread about the "new gillette with 5 blades" and that one guy goes "so did the CEO really write this?". Some of you people make Baby Jesus cry.
Sometimes there are issues with...people not reading it all, people not being fluent in English or whatever...etc can lead to them being misled.
But apart from that....
So I'm taking a shit...and it was green....what does that mean?
I also have this dilemma with a SMOKING chick...I mean holy shit you could fry eggs on her perfect ass. She really wants to have sex with me...but the thing is...I have an uncircumcised penis...will she still like me? Could I get some stats and stuff on things...and does size really matter? She's got the greatest personality...she's smart...face like an angel...body like a goddess on fire...another thing is...I don't want to go against my parents...they are really religious. I am not in any way but if they found out I had been fornicating with a girl...I'd probably be given a LECTURE. A fucking lecture...I don't know if they would let me go out after 8PM after that...and they'd probably try to get me circumcised...
I don't want my winky in a bandaged slinky. T____T
On September 18 2005 05:47 Smurg wrote: Hmm about 10 mins. Same time it took you to write that then. OMFG I INSULTED YOUR TYPING SPEED. Hah. I'm 1337.
spending 10 minutes on making fun of what others might see as their problems... i guess these were the best spent 10 minutes of your life. OMFG I INSULTED YOUR LIFE. Hah. I'm 1337.
I read the first 2-3 lines, and I was like "Sweet, someone finally posted what I don't have the balls to post, advice without the embaressment, werd" then I realised it was all a joke, I run to my safety corner and cried for ages, I also pissed my self, my safety corner smells funny now..
"Oh also...I have a lump on my face...it's red...and about the size of a pimple. It looks pretty much like a pimple in every way..but it hurts a fraction more. Could it be AIDS? A tumour? The start of some strange African mosquito-borne virus? "
see doctor asap, he will try to ask you questions, but in your situation i wouldn't recommend talking back, just show it to him, i believe you may have contracted malaria
On September 18 2005 00:43 Smurg wrote: So with all the self-help/help me threads that are going around TL. I\'d like to start one of my own.
Ok.
So I\'m an average guy. How do I get laid? Please tell me a site where I can get tips on getting laid. Or could you Rico Suaves out there help me please. If there are hot girls around and they are willing, I\'m obviously on B.net. I have put two and two together and I figured that although B.net is a good place to learn some of the inner workings of females etc. I came here.
Obviously most of you out there are thinking...\"Hmm I\'ll put aside 20 minutes of my time...and fend off hundreds of women to help this guy.\"
So if you could perhaps post some links on where I could find women under 300 lbs to get \'down and funkay\' with...(I think thats what you cool guys say)then I\'d love you forever...but in a non-gay way because I AM SO NOT GAY.
I\'m really shy but at the same time arrogant. I spend most of my time watching anime and listening to metal...growing my hair. I collect navel fluff COMPETITIVELY and I enjoy my stacks of porno. Porno is really good because in a way...you are having sex...sex of the eyes and ears. But I\'ve been told the real thing is probably better.
Although I am willing to debate that watching an episode of Naruto...or beating a good player in an epic game of SC is better than sex itself...but I wouldn\'t know I\'ve only done two of those things. (AND SEX ISN\'T ONE OF THEM IF YOU DIDN\'T GET THE SUBTLETY!)
So basically..links plz...if you are a girl on TL.net and weight under 300 lbs...number and pics plz. I need willing women and fast.
So, I never shave...or shower...I don\'t talk to people who I don\'t know. This makes it hard for me to make contact with what some people call \'society\' but I don\'t have to listen to that bullshit. I\'ll wear cotton vests and grow my armpit hair as long as I damn want. I mean...French girls do it...I mean they\'d be right up my alley. (AND I WANT TO BE UP THEIR ALLEY!) Omfg get it! Rofl sorry almost choked on my own shit. I shat myself because that was so funny. (Up their alley...like punani...get it?)
Anyhow...if you\'re a chick who likes navel fluff and hair then good...but if you don\'t I don\'t care a lot...just touch my weener...please?
Anyhow...sorry I was a bit of a sad loser there. That\'s another thing...I\'m always getting down on myself. (in more ways that one OMGCRACKUP) So basically I need to know how to lose depression. I also fucking need a watch...I keep wanting to know the time...but like...then I\'d have to talk to someone...how would I do that? Do you just go up and be all like. \"Have you got the time?\" I mean wtf...that\'s why I never get my hair cut the hairdressers try to TALK to you...holy shit. They are paid to cut hair not to talk. I can\'t believe it...what the hell do I do in situations like that?
I also don\'t know how to cook noodles, please help me. I think you add the egg to the ramen? But how do I boil the water? And what about the egg? Do I leave it in it\'s shell? Life is so fucking confusing. Oh also...I have a lump on my face...it\'s red...and about the size of a pimple. It looks pretty much like a pimple in every way..but it hurts a fraction more. Could it be AIDS? A tumour? The start of some strange African mosquito-borne virus?
Anyhow...I have problems with my crotch. My balls suddenly are much lower than I remember...and my voice changed a bit. I\'m fucking scared. Has this ever happened to any of you guys? It\'s annoying...because when I\'m playing SC...I have this special combination of hotkeys to use and I have to sorta...\'lean\' over a bit and I can feel my balls move. This is the disadvantage I have found so far...and I haven\'t found any advantages.
Sometimes my nose bleeds, wtf is this? Do you guys get nose bleeds? Do you link this to child abuse or bad parents? I think sometimes I want to kill my mother...but in the end I realise that I guess they bought me my computer. But fuck it...it only has 1GB of RAM not 2GB. My parents are such bitches...they brought me up and shit...but they are always nagging me...such trivial bullshit...
\'Go and have a shower you smell!\'
\'Go and get your Dad his insulin!\'
\'Get a job...\'
\'Move out you useless bastard you\'re 28.\'
So annoying...it\'s not like I don\'t do my fair share around the house...I turn the dishwasher on every night....as if that wasn\'t enough I even flush when I use the toilet if I\'m not drunk at the time.
That\'s another issue...if a chick doesn\'t like anal but you give it to her anal and she cries...is it so wrong? Fucking hell...there has never been a woman outside of the home in history...why do they get all bossy in the bedroom?
Oh well...I guess I live a typical life and I only had a few queries.
Plz get back to me quickly on the sex thing...because each day I go on...my dog looks more and more tempting...that\'s another thing...is beastiality wron......nah I\'ll leave that for my next topic I have a large number of funny stories.
Well the first thing you really have to do is start to meditate. See if you can TRULY picture yourself in those anime videos you're watching, and stroke yourself at the same time, that'd be almost as good as sex.
And no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with fucking your dog. I suggest you go do so immediately. And send me pics plz
lol best way to get laid......... 1. fight every 1 you see chicks like guys that fight alot 2. talk down to chicks (because we all that where better then them and they know it too) 3. when on a date look at other girls that way your date knows that she needs to sleep with you to keep you 4. never i mean never say your sorry it shows that you are weak chicks dont like guys that are weak 5. get a cool car 6. allways have a wingman " a guy to bang the fat chick" 7. never never never have a female "friend" you will never bang her so whats the point 8. no such thing as too old 9. money = sex 10. dont ever listen to what she says
On September 18 2005 05:39 Smurg wrote: Sometimes there are issues with...people not reading it all, people not being fluent in English or whatever...etc can lead to them being misled.
But apart from that....
So I'm taking a shit...and it was green....what does that mean?
I also have this dilemma with a SMOKING chick...I mean holy shit you could fry eggs on her perfect ass. She really wants to have sex with me...but the thing is...I have an uncircumcised penis...will she still like me? Could I get some stats and stuff on things...and does size really matter? She's got the greatest personality...she's smart...face like an angel...body like a goddess on fire...another thing is...I don't want to go against my parents...they are really religious. I am not in any way but if they found out I had been fornicating with a girl...I'd probably be given a LECTURE. A fucking lecture...I don't know if they would let me go out after 8PM after that...and they'd probably try to get me circumcised...
I don't want my winky in a bandaged slinky. T____T
Wow, i just read the first bit of that and couldnt read anymore...its so stupid..yet funny...i congratulate you for taking time out of your day to actually think of something like that..but if you want someone to take you seriously maybe you should tone it down a bit..but i got one word for you..Hookers..
EPT
cant do anything about it now...
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