|
So far, working out and eating right has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. It has improved my posture, given me more energy and made me feel younger. However, all this comes at a price - increased flatulence.
In the past, my farts used to be few and far between. Now they happen several times a day. In the past, my farts used not to smell. Now they are positively lethal with a huge blast radius.
Consider this typical scenario:
I am in the living room. I fart. Both my wife and my dog leap off the sofa and cower in the kitchen.
"It's not THAT bad," I say, hurt.
"It IS that bad," says my wife. "Go somewhere else to fart next time."
When the air has cleared, everyone comes back. I feel the pressure building up again. Quickly, I leave the living room, turn two corners and find myself in the kitchen, about ten meters away. I open the windows wide and fart.
Moments later there is a commotion in the living room.
"You did it again!" screams my wife.
"I did what you told me! I went somewhere else!"
"Go further next time!"
The farting continues through bedtime, when I have to keep getting up every five minutes to sprint a suitable distance out of the room to let rip. The next morning my wife is in a foul mood.
"I couldn't sleep," she says accusingly, "you kept getting up. You kept me awake."
Eventually I mollify her by cooking her breakfast and she gives me a lift to work. In the car, I fart. She reaches out to wind down the windows. It starts to pour. She pulls her hand back and growls.
"Dear, I love you the way you are, muscles or not. Now stop eating that goddamned high protein diet before we all suffocate."
"But it's my resolution," I explain patiently. "I am trying to do something I am not good at, so that I can inspire my students to do well in their English. Besides, it's not that bad," I insist, trying not to show signs of asphyxiation.
She draws in a breath to yell at me again but starts choking. I pat her on her back. She glares at me.
"You farted again."
"I couldn't help it!"
I reach the office and sit down. The chair is covered with fabric so I push my ass down as hard as I can when I fart so that the gas goes into the cushion and is then released slowly, too slowly for anyone to smell (I hope).
The new, pretty, young production assistant walks in.
"Would you like a chocolate?" she asks, holding the box of chocolates just out of reach.
I would like nothing better than to have her chocolate, but that would mean getting up and that would mean having the accumulated farts of the last ten minutes explode out of the chair. I politely decline and watch her as she sashays away.
What good is it to have a nice body when you can't get within sniffing distance of a girl? And it gets worse thanks to my deadlifts.
I used to be really skinny, so skinny that my ass cheeks didn't meet unless I flexed. Which allowed my farts to escape quietly, unheard, unseen and unsmelled, like a completely harmless ninja. Now, thanks to my deadlifts, my ass cheeks have grown to the point where they are perpetually pressed together. Any fart makes them flap and vibrate in a low, bassy rumble, somewhere in the range of the "bomb-baba-bomp-da-dip-da-dip-dip-dada-dang-dada-dang-da-dingadongding" that the Marcels use to kick off their version of Blue Moon.
This makes it very hard to blame it on the dog, since it is a chihuahua cross.
Could it be the increased fibre in my diet? The increased animal protein? Am I lactose intolerant (I am Chinese)? I am at my wits' end, and I turn the problem over to the collective wisdom of TL.net. Here is what I eat on a typical day:
Breakfast
5 egg whites, 1 egg yolk (half boiled till the whites are white but liquid and the yolks are runny. It's a Singaporean thing)
150g low fat yoghurt with 45g untoasted muesli
250ml soy milk
Lunch
This varies... usually rice with vegetables and some kind of meat. Sometimes I stir fry chicken breast with salt and pepper, or soy sauce and sugar.
Snack 1
185g tuna
Snack 2
130g peanuts, 2 slices of wholemeal bread with a slice of cheese
Snack 3
250ml low fat milk
250ml soy milk
Dinner
Again it varies... chicken, fish, steak etc. Doesn't make much difference to my problem, I've noticed. Anyway, I round it off with 250ml low fat milk.
Supper
250ml soy milk
250ml yoghurt
Sometimes another cheese sandwich, depending on how much I ate for dinner
Please help, before someone finds me dead in the shower cubicle, one hand stretched towards the window.
EDIT 1: Okay, maybe "typical day" is the wrong term to use. Sometimes I miss out one of those meals, sometimes my lunch and dinner tend to be a bit lighter and chock full of carbs with not much protein. But overall I'm getting no more than 1.5g/pound of bodyweight.
EDIT 2: I eat bananas and apples as well.
 
|
Man, I don't know. It probably is something new in your diet. Experiment by taking certain things out and use process of elimination.
Also: lol.
edit: Tuna and cheese first. My dad smells like shit and he eats that.
|
you are probably lactose intolerant like i am, and its probably the increase intake of dairy products. its probably the cheese and milk.
|
Cut the cheese.
No really, try cutting cheese out of your diet. All dairy in fact.
(I'm so funny.)
|
I used to always get bad gas/shits when i took my protein supplements...my bodys adjusted now and it doesnt really happen any more
|
On July 12 2009 13:55 BreaK wrote:
Cut the cheese.
No really, try cutting cheese out of your diet. All dairy in fact.
(I'm so funny.)
He is absolutely right. There are very few people who can actually deal with a high dairy diet. Other thing is try to get more veggies. =D Believe me then you'll be fine!
|
you seriously cant hold your farts in with ease? maybe my anal sphincter or whatever is incredibly strong.
|
Like everyone else said, lactose intolerance sounds like the problem here. Raw milk has lactase in it, which normal pasteurized milk lacks. Try eating raw milk and dairy made from raw milk or dairy with lactase added. I think you might even be able to by lactase pills if you want to go that route instead.
Eating a lot of raw vegetables and fiber can cause this too since it increases bacteria growth inside your colon. I remember when I used to eat a lot of raw spinach... Yep.
|
One of my suite mates had this problem when he started seriously working out as well, frequent and absolutely intolerably foul smelling farts. It started almost immediately after he switched to a almost solely milk and egg white diet. He was using protein drinks as well, but he started using those well before the flatulence started.
So I'm not sure if it was the egg whites, the milk, or both but perhaps you might try removing one or the other from your diet and seeing if it helps at all.
Not sure if it matters, but he was Turkish.
|
You need more bacon. Bacon solves everything. Everyone should eat bacon, no matter the time of the day.
|
You do not need to take protein supplements to stay in shape -- you are currently eating like you are weight lifting for sport or you are about to wrestle a bear.
eat like a regular human being, and eat foods high in protein.
you sound like your absoultely ripped based off your diet -- i dont think you need that, and i dont think many women (in this case, your wife) care for over muscled men either.
sorry to sound negative, i think it's great that you've been staying fit though.
just my opinion
|
On July 12 2009 14:51 eMbrace wrote:
You do not need to take protein supplements to stay in shape -- you are currently eating like you are weight lifting for sport or you are about to wrestle a bear.
eat like a regular human being, and eat foods high in protein.
you sound like your absoultely ripped based off your diet -- i dont think you need that, and i dont think many women (in this case, your wife) care for over muscled men either.
sorry to sound negative, i think it's great that you've been staying fit though.
just my opinion
nailed it for me :S
|
I find this amusing, is it really that unbearable? :D
|
On July 12 2009 14:51 eMbrace wrote:
You do not need to take protein supplements to stay in shape -- you are currently eating like you are weight lifting for sport or you are about to wrestle a bear.
eat like a regular human being, and eat foods high in protein.
you sound like your absoultely ripped based off your diet -- i dont think you need that, and i dont think many women (in this case, your wife) care for over muscled men either.
sorry to sound negative, i think it's great that you've been staying fit though.
just my opinion
This was pretty much my response as well.
It really seems like you're overdoing it just for trying to stay in shape.
|
Either you're lactose intolerant, or your body just reacts to a high protein diet by farting. I know that protein can cause that, so i guess thats what it has to be.
|
Your body is obviously not absorbing the protein properly. Your pancreases releases certain enzymes that help in the breakdown of protein and fat, I believe pepsin is the primary enzyme? (someone can correct me here).
There is a certain acid in orange and lemon juice that accelerates the release of those necessary enzymes. Try this for a week, have a slice of lemon, or perhaps even bottled concentrate lemon juice and have a slice or a few drops before your meal, see if you feel any improvements. Also remember to drink tons of water.
Failing that, you might just be consuming more protein than your body can process. Stick to 1-1.5grams of protein per pound of body weight.
Finally, who drinks milk as a snack, seriously? Its probably just milks farts, you might have a lactose issue. Stop drinking so much milk.
|
yeah your diet is really over the top. you really dont need to eat that healthy unless your in a cutting phase or your really endomorphic and put on fat super easily
|
Soy milk? Some would say that the estrogen content can be detrimental to muscle development (I don't know how big you are, so I don't know if this matters) but have been attributed to hormonal problems(?) I won't bother with a source, unless you really want.
Some just say that this is bullshit.
Anyway, maybe it's the eggs? Even though you only have eggs during breakfast.
Get some lactase supplementation. If you really want to go all the way, I know digestive enzymes for foods exist.
250ml = 8 oz?
I drink around a half a gallon to a gallon of *whole* milk a day, and with the lactase, I typically have no problems. It's usually around 16 oz (or 500ml) of milk at a time.
|
Wow, whats up with all the milk, what are you guys, calves?
Unless you're going for a dirty bulk nobody should be drinking that much milk. I only consume 2-300ml a day in total with my oatmeal and meal replacement shake, only because I like the taste more than water.
Sorry, don't mean to sound preachy, I just never understood milk.
|
I know it looks like a shit ton of protein, but it isn't really. I calculate it everyday to make sure I get 1.5g/pound of bodyweight, max. Sometimes I'll miss out one of those meals, or take a little less, but I thought I ought to list every single thing I can think of in case one of them was the problem.
I don't especially like drinking milk as a snack (I don't like drinking milk at all), but I don't want to bring milk to work because it's heavy. So on days when I get home at about 4:30 I force a mug down when I get back because I'm hot and sweating and thirsty and it's that much easier to drink, so I just put it down as a "snack".
I don't think supermarkets here sell unpasteurised milk but I'll take a look around anyway.
So it could be the dairy products? This is an excellent excuse to quit drinking milk, which I hate. Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
