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Active: 606 users

Command and Conquer: Nigerian Wars (Act I)

Blogs > 419
Post a Reply
419
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Russian Federation3631 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-17 09:12:16
January 17 2011 00:34 GMT
#1
"TO HELL WITH YOUR FORMS AND ALL THE N0D MEMBERS"
- Mr. Azu4ka

Welcome to another scam baiting escapade, where email scammers meet comedic justice.

**As always, wall of text warning**

In the two and a half months I've been baiting, this is most definitely the most memorable one. However, I think that the C&C elements of the bait are winding down. He's still very much hooked, but with different story angles, which explains why I'm leetspeaking more than normal.

Introducing Azu4ka, a gold scammer/"minner" supposedly in Accra, but actually in Lagos, Nigeria. He was originally hooked by another baiter, and we've been working together to make his life hell for the last 3 months. He's gotten at least 6 of his bank accounts closed down, filled out about 20 pages of forms, and has been chopped out of over 300,000 (imaginary) USD.

He's not having a good time. But we are!

The plotline is a somewhat bastardized version of Tiberian Sun and C&C3. I hope you will not mind. In addition, I'm only posting my half of the story. I will try to keep the plots consistent with asides, but after Act I things degenerate quickly into a number of intertwined strands: romance, the GDI/Nod war, a safari camp, double-crossers, triple-crossers, an incompetent shipping company, voodoo, a corrupt church, and menage a trois.

The cast of characters reads like a Tom Clancy novel, and has a body count to match. Apologies for the leetspeak, it is a necessary precaution.

Major characters (starred characters played by me)

Act I
-Col. "Pupp0" - Nod Director, Norway
-*Cpt. "McN3il"- GDI Officer, Philadelphia
-*"Kil1an" - Nod Director, Boston
-*"Conl3y" - Nod Boston, Accounting
-T1ny Beav3r - Nod secretary, Norway

Later acts:
-*Alex Rodriguez - GDI Madrid
-Col. "Ox4nna" - Nod Director, Norway
-Father W4nk Ingm4n - Priest in the CH0AD church, possibly Nod affiliated
-*"Buffy" - GDI ZOCOM
-*"Cl4rk" - Nod Boston, Head of Security
-"Rh0des" - Saf4ri Camp owner
-"Sol0mon" - GDI Boston

Minor characters:

-Samu3l - Tour guide.
-"Butsusak3" - Nod Okinawa
-Sk1d and M4rk - Nod hitmen

And some others.

BACKGROUND: "Pupp0", about a week prior, has hooked a gold scammer willing to sell tiberium.

Coincidentally, we end up hooking the same lad. What are the odds? This explains the lad's familiarity with Tiberium.

***

Act One: The World's Only Tiberium Miner


To: ---------
From: Ben Azu4ka


DEAR SIR / MADAM,

GHANA GOLD DUST PRODUCTION,

WE HAVE GOLD DUST IN LARGE STOCK AND WE ARE LOOKING BUYERS ALL OVER THE WORLD.

WE SELL GOLD DUST IN GHANA . 22 CARAT, FINESSE, 96.6% PURITY.
WE ALSO SHIP TO USA, CANADA, EUROPE, ASIA AND UK FOR SALE.
PLEASE, CONTACT BACK FOR MORE DETAILS IF ONLY INTERESTED.

WAITING FOR YOUR SOONEST RESPONSE,
MR. BEN KOFI ADEM.


100% caps is 100% legit.

To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


Mr. Adem,

Thank you for your offer. We are not in need of gold at the moment, however, are you selling any technetium or tiberium?

K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants
"Peace through power"


To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


Attn : K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants.

Thanks for your mail to me, We have in stock tiberium ( BLUE VARIANT AND GREEN VARIANT.

If you are in need of this living being, Please get back to me so that i will give you my offered you my price of selling.

BUT NOT THAT IT IS VERY CONFIDENTIAL BETWEEN BOTH OF US.

Thanks,

Benard Azu4ka Adem.

Yes, yes it is.

To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


Mr. Adem,

We require 1 kg blue variant and 5 kg green variant.

I am authorized to offer you 1250 USD per kg green variant and 2630 USD per blue variant. Please understand that this is company protocol and thus non-negotiable.


K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants
"Peace through power"



To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


It appears I was using outdated policy. The revised pricing is 1725 USD per kg green variant and 3570 USD per kg blue variant.

I apologize for the error.


K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants
"Peace through power"




To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


Attn : K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants.

Many thanks for your mail, and for your price offer, I want to let you know that my offical price of TIBERIUM for Green is $3,950 Us$ per kilo and Blue is $7,999Us$ per kilo.

If you are interested by the price you can go ahead to contact me, But i will send to you a Non discloser agreement that you will sign before i can start with to deal with you.

I wait your urgent reply.

Thanks,

Mr. Ben Azu4ka Adem.



To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar



Mr. Azu4ka,

Do you think we are fools? Do you not think we have alternative supplies of Tiberium? Only a second-rate NOD operative would offer, much less accept your prices. Here is my final offer.

2550 USD Green per kg
5500 USD Blue per kg

This is my final offer.

At least you know about the non-confidentiality agreement. Assuming you still wish to continue with business, fill out the attached form and return it to me.

K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants
"Peace through power"




To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


Attn : K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants.

I did not agreed to your offer, nor to enter into any agreement with you, I will be the person to send you and agreement which you will sign and return to me.

Please i will not sell in that price and i will not complete the form sent to me, If you wise send me your phone numner so that i will call you on this note.

Thanks,

Mr. Ben Azu4ka Adem.



To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


Frankly, if you do not wish to sign the non-disclosure agreement you can take the tiberium and shove it up your ass. I have no time to deal with jokers and amateurs, I have a deadline to hold to.

Also, you asked me for your phone number. If indeed you have previously communicated with the BN than you should know that I am not allowed to divulge phone numbers to outside members. I know the operation in Svalbard, as you indicated you were familiar with, may be somewhat lax in their standards, but know that my division in Boston is quite serious about preventing security breaches.

Good day.

K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants


(referencing previous Nod policy communicated to him)

To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


Attn : K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants.


I got your mail, I told that i have merchandise i have been dealng with NB in Svalbard, and they knows me. they used to buy tiberium when ever they are needed it.

Before i will sign your non discloser agreement, first of all my price of the green is $3,680 per one kg while blue variant is $7,690. per one kg. if you ok with the price just let know, But i will not sell below that price. any thing below that price for get about it.

Regards,

Mr. Ben Azu4ka Adem.



To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


Mr. Adem,

Your terms are acceptable.

To remind you, I need 5 kg green variant and 1 kg blue variant.

K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants




To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka



Attn : K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants.


I got your mail, how do you get the merchandise and how do you get money paid to me, Please i am sorry i have not signed your discloser FORM.

Its is important i know how you will get the tiberium to get to you. and i want to let you know that i will have the 70% of the total money in Advance and once you get the merchandise than you will pay the balance.

Once i get this informations from you, I will return the form within the next 24 hours.

Thanks,

Mr. Ben Azu4ka Adem.





To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


Mr. Adem,

Every time I compromise with you on a demand, it seems you interpret it as weakness.

Let me correct your misperceptions about this matter. What follows is how this business transaction will proceed, in chronological order:

-You sign the confidentiality agreement.
-Your Tiberium handling expert will complete a form documenting the merchandise's acceptability, purity, and characteristics.
-THEN, and ONLY THEN, will you receive the advance.

Our advance fee is generally 40% with these sorts of purchases, so your demands of 70% are obviously unacceptable. As a compromise to expedite this process I'm ready to accept 50%.

As far as pickup, one of our operatives will pick up the merchandise at a place you nominate.


K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants




To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


Mr. Azu4ka
In the interest of expediting the purchase, I accept a 60% advance fee.

I assume you will, of course, be carrying out a separate analysis for the tiberium you are selling to our division?

K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants




To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


Attn ; K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants
I got your mail, i will proceed to carrying out a separate analysis for the tiberium you are selling to our division.

You will get the sign FORM very stortly from me.

Thanks,

Mr. Ben Azu4ka Adem.



To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants


I got the discloser FORM signed and return to you by attachement, I wait your urgent reply and the 60% of the cost of the items from you.

Once i hear from you, i will send you my financial consultant where you will wire my funds and you can tell me when your agent will come for pickup, I have your agent will pay my balance during pickup.

You can send your address if you want shipment by me. PLEASE NOTE : that the cost package will be paid by you and the cost of the soild wooden package will cost $600.

Note the cost of package will include with the 60% advance payment.

Thanks,

Mr. Ben Azu4ka Adem.


[image loading]

Oh right, he's an honest tiberium minner. I won't educate him.

To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


Mr. Azu4ka,

Understood. Our accounting department will process the transfer once you send the tiberium analysis forms. As I said about delivery, our operative will pick up the shipment at a convenient location of your choosing.

About the solid wood package: could you please attach a receipt for it so I can forward it to Accounting as well?

Thank you,

K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants



To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


In addition, Mr. Azu4ka, please send all relevant communications regarding payment to our head accountant, FC Conl3y:

forteincConl3y@gmail.com

While cc'ing me in on all above-mentioned communications.


K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants



To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


Attn : FC Conl3y:
CC, Kane Consultants

I am informed to contact you on the sales of my tiberium , The GREEN VARIANT is $3,680 per one kg while blue variant is $7,690. per one kg.

How many kilo os each do you want to buy. Please note that 60% of the total amount will be paid in advance Plus the the cost package will be paid by you and the cost of the soild wooden package will cost $600.

I hope that you will send to me send the tiberium analysis form, So that i will give you my purity from my expert. OR Do i send you my own form.

Kane Consultants told me that you will need a pick up once the Merchandise is ready from me.

Confirmed many kilo on both tiberium do you want and caculate the price and pay 60% of the Merchandise.

Thanks Best Regards,

Mr. Ben Azu4ka Adem.



To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


Mr. Azu4ka,

The tiberium evaluation form is attached; its the Nod standard.

I will call Conl3y up in accounting and tell him to process this matter ASAP.

K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants



To: Ben Azu4ka
From: FC Conl3y


Mr. Azu4ka,

Items:

5 kg green tiberium = 18400 USD
1 kg blue tiberium = 7690 USD

Subtotal: 26090 USD

Delivery Expenses (one solid box, wooden): 600 USD

Total: 26690 USD
Advance (60%): 15600 USD

Please send us a receipt for the wooden box promptly. We are happy to compensate you for this expense, but we would like a receipt for our records.

FC Conl3y, Accounting
Kane Consultants



To: FC Conl3y
From: Ben Azu4ka


FC Conl3y, Accounting
Kane Consultants,

Thanks for your email regarding on this matter, I will forwards The tiberium evaluation form togather with my financial consultant account where you will wire the total 60% funds of $15600 USD.
The receipt for the wooden box will be send to once we received your payment. NOTE that we have not yet get the box ready. The box will ready when the the Merchandise about packaging.

I will forwards the tiberium evaluation form to my expert to complete latest by tomorrow it will be out and its will be send to you maybe in evening.

Thanks for your urgent repy.

Regards,

Mr. Ben Azu4ka Adem.



To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


Attn : FC Conl3y:
CC, Kane Consultants

You tiberium is ready please can you come for the pick up at GHANA - ACCARA KUMASI ROAD.

You will pay at pick up point, no need os advance payment since money dont go out from your account and you dont pay ( WU or GM )

When are you coming, the date is what i mean.

Thanks,

Mr. Ben.




To: Ben Azu4ka
From: Kil1an Q4tar


Mr. Azu4ka,

I don't wish to appear rude, but you promised to return the Tiberium evaluation form from your analyst soon. Without it I can't formally approve the release of the advance fee from our corporate account.

K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants

To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


Dear Sir,

I will send it to you before the end of tomorrow as my expert is coming to office today but if he get it done i will send it to you.

Thanks,


Mr. Ben.



To: FC Conl3y
From: Ben Azu4ka


Att: FC Conl3y, Accounting
Kane Consultants
Attn ; K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants,

I just got the signed form from my expert, attached is the form,
Please find below is the my finanacial consultant account where you will wire the 60% of the agreed amount,your agent will pay the full amount on shipment.

PLEASE WIRE THE 60% FEE TO THE ACCOUNT BELOW.

BELOW IS THE ACCOUNT TO WIRE THE FUNDS WITHOUT ANY DELAY.

**AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sent off to the proper authorities**

Once you have make the payment send the wire slip to me by attached for confirmation.

Thanks and happy to do deal with you.

Mr. Ben Azu4ka.


[image loading]

[image loading]

Victory!


To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


Attn: FC Conl3y, Accounting
Kane Consultants,

I hope that you gotten the attached form which i sent to you. I was informed that you will send the details of the transfer to me.

I wait to hear from you.

Regards,

Ben.



To: Ben Azu4ka
From: FC Conl3y


Mr. Azu4ka,

Yes, we have received the form and have obtained final approval for purchase. I will make the bank transaction personally either today or tomorrow.

Fortein CC, Accounting
Kane Consultants



To: Ben Azu4ka
From: FC Conl3y


The bank transfer has been made. Expect it to clear within 3-4 days.

I have mailed the requisite documents upstairs to Ms. Q4tar.

Pleasure doing business with you.



To: FC Conl3y
From: Ben Azu4ka


Fortein CC, Accounting
Kane Consultants

I got your mail, thanks and i wait for the banking transaction (eg) the transfer slip for my refferance.

Thanks,

Mr. Azu4ka Ben.



To: FC Conl3y
From: Ben Azu4ka


Attn: FC Conl3y, Accounting
Kane Consultants,


I got your mail that the transfer had made yesterday and it will clears in three to four time, BUT in the moment i have not received the transfer payment slip from Ms. Q4tar.

Please informed him to send it without any delay to me by attached mail today so that i will forwards to my financial consultant for confirmation. Without the slip my consultant for confirmation will not confirmed the said funds to me.

Its very urgent you send it to me fast.

Thanks,

Mr. Ben Azu4ka Adem.



To: Kil1an Q4tar
From: Ben Azu4ka


Att: FC Conl3y, Accounting
Kane Consultants
Attn ; K. Q4tar, VP
Kane Consultants,


Sir, till today i have not heard from you, If you need the marchandise, your reply is needed.

regards,

Mr. B.A. Adem.



To: Ben Azu4ka
From: FC Conl3y


Mr. Azu4ka,

Ms. Q4tar is out of the office today--one of our operatives went missing today. The transfer should have cleared by now, though.

Fortein CC

I sent the following to Azu4ka from my GDI email address:

AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE GENERATED FROM GLOBAL DEFENSE INITIATIVE NOTIFICATION SYSTEM (GDINS)

CASE NUMBER 1M4-D0UCH3-B4G

On 11/19/2010, a wire transfer totaling 15600 USD originating from P&F LLC (CONFIRMED SUBSIDIARY OF BROTHERHOOD OF NOD) to destination STANDARD CHARTERED BANK SINGAPORE was intercepted and rerouted to UNGDI IMPOUNDMENT FUND.

Based on the amount of transfer and parties involved in the the transaction, your case has been assigned the priority/threat level: MAGENTA

Your case officer is: Cpt. Michael McN3il, residing at Office Central, Philadelphia, PA

END

------------------

Mr. Ben Azu4ka:

You might wonder how we got your contact information. We've been keeping tabs on Kane Consultants for a while, as part of the United Nations Global Defense Initiative's investigation of the Brotherhood of Nod. We've also quite aware of Kil1an Q4tar's attempts to acquire large stocks of tiberium, for whatever purpose, and it seems you have been caught in the crossfire.

Maybe you know about Nod's true activities. Maybe you don't. That is partly what I've been tasked to figure out. If you don't know, the Brotherhood of Nod has been long-suspected of orchestrating ten separate terrorist attacks over the last two decades. Furthermore, Nod has been implicated in arms and drug smuggling operations spanning the continents of Asia, Europe, Africa, and North America. These are dangerous people you have been dealing with, Mr. Azuak4.

This is the first time you've appeared in our files, which is why I'm convinced you had no idea about Nod's criminal underside. If that's true, we have no particular interest in impounding your funds; they will be released as soon as we are confident that you are willing to cooperate with us in our activities against Nod. You will, of course, have to be cleared via our internal security procedures first, and then undergo a short debriefing about your contacts with Nod members.

If you do not respond in the next 7 days, I will assume you were a willing collaborator with Nod and the UNGDI will impound the funds indefinitely.

Michael McNe3il, Cpt.
UNGDI Central
Philadelphia, PA

Shit is about to get serious. Who will Azu4ka betray in pursuit of the Tiberium funds?

Find out next time (and I hope you enjoyed!)

PS For Teamliquid, I'm working on a BW-themed project, though its very much in the preliminaries phase. However, I think I have a decent plan going forward. Looking forward to unveiling it.

*****
?
d3_crescentia
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
United States4054 Posts
January 17 2011 00:59 GMT
#2
Oh my lord, I'm loving this series. Can't wait for our next exciting installment.
once, not long ago, there was a moon here
Zim23
Profile Joined August 2010
United States1681 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-17 01:00:35
January 17 2011 01:00 GMT
#3
Wow this is awesome as per usual. I love that he was the one who actually brought up the green and blue, craziness. By the way in the third email you didn't type the name with leet speak, fix that ASAP!
Do an arranged marriage if she's not completely minging, and don't worry about dancing, get a go-kart, cheers.
Advocado
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Denmark994 Posts
January 17 2011 01:21 GMT
#4
Haha this is hilarious man.
http://www.twitch.tv/advocadosc2
TyranoS_NiveK
Profile Joined April 2010
United States177 Posts
January 17 2011 02:16 GMT
#5
Well done!
The best has yet to come.
419
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Russian Federation3631 Posts
January 17 2011 04:49 GMT
#6
On January 17 2011 10:00 Zim23 wrote:
Wow this is awesome as per usual. I love that he was the one who actually brought up the green and blue, craziness. By the way in the third email you didn't type the name with leet speak, fix that ASAP!

Its partly because he was dealing with another "Nod member" at the time, who was also looking to buy blue and green tiberium.

And fixed. <3
?
Dieoxhide
Profile Joined November 2010
Denmark53 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-17 23:14:08
January 17 2011 23:10 GMT
#7
This is EPIC trolling. I love it.

What happens next?

'Ex nihilo nihil fit'
FractalsOnFire
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Australia1756 Posts
January 18 2011 14:30 GMT
#8
Pure Tiberium =P

Man this is awesome can't wait for the next installment.
Ciryandor
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States3735 Posts
January 18 2011 17:47 GMT
#9
Khaydarin crystals must be in the SC themed counter! [and a reference to mercenary work by Mr. R4yn0r himself.
에일리 and 아이유 <3 - O Captain 박재혁 ・゚✧*:・*゚+..。✧・゚:*・..。 ✧・゚ :・゚* ゜・*:・ ✧・゚:・゚:.。 ✧・゚ SPARKULING ・゜・:・゚✧*:・゚✧。*゚+..。 ✧・゚: ✧・゚:*・゜・:・゚✧*::
419
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Russian Federation3631 Posts
January 19 2011 03:20 GMT
#10
For one of my BW-themed projects, I could really use some help. Specifically, I could use pictures of people dressing up as various Starcraft units (for certain reasons Protoss is preferred, with Zealots being optimal, but whatever help you can give is appreciated). Posted pictures and links would be appreciated, and perhaps could even earn you a trophy sign written with your own personally selected message!

I am also still looking for an mp3 of the banelings song.

@Ciryandor: Indeed, there a scammer ostensibly selling puls4r rifles is currently caught in the middle of a spat between Jim Raynor and Infested Kerrigan. He hasn't really bitten yet, partly because he's too dumb to figure out what's going on.
?
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