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So far, learning to code has been painful. So was SC when I started it, as was DotA. But reflecting, I think passion is derived of effort and mastery, it's not some intrinsic quality that magically underlies particular pursuits as determined by destiny. It's a routine application of rituals which apply and appease specific characteristics we find in ourselves.
I work at a pizza place part-time right now, and it's fantastic. Awesome coworkers, I get to toss pizza dough for kids and take home a pizza from every shift (plus great deals on it in general). But I can already see the dead end, so to speak. It's not like sushi, there's only so much I can improve here. And it's fucking pizza.
I took up programming at the urging of my dad, he wants me to get a technical skill I can get paid for. But coding isn't just a skill you can pick up and get paid for, to be truly good it's something you have to work hard at it and be it.
I graduated, sampled tons of different classes and got a degree in communication. But through it all, I didn't find "my passion." But here I am, living in my parents basement post-graduation maybe for maybe two months at this point, I got a tide-me-over job but basically I'm here with no direction in my life. The problem isn't the world, I'm not going to magically know or somehow think my way to it, the problem is me. So I'm giving programming two years -- I'm going to immerse myself in coding and dedicate my thinking and reading time to it instead of the scattershot of interdisciplinary material I currently do + dota stuff.
These are my rules:
1) I will immerse myself in my work
2) I will fall in love with my work
3) I will never complain about my job
4) I will dedicate the next two years to mastering programming. At this point, I'll be allowed to reconsider.
Here is my vision. A programmer is a person who explains to technology how to solve a problem. But I want to be more, take a more universal approach to this. I want to identify problems and be capable of solving them through technology for people. Not 9-5 code monkey, but contributing real value and ease to other people. In two years, I want to dream about coding and new ways of solving problems.
I've learned I can only truly code for so many hours a day before my brain just can't take it anymore. But I also know ideas don't come from thinking in your room by yourself, they come through reading, experiencing, looking and asking. Instead of reading dota guides, I need to start reading trade journals, books, publications. If you know anything about this area, specifically SaaS, please point me towards resources on it.
Because right now, as I am, I'm nothing. I'm worthless. I don't need anything, I just want luxury. There is no honor or success in my life. I don't deserve anything because I've lacked the dedication and work. But my parents and girlfriend are so good to me, I can't let them down.
No more excuses, no more mental "take today off" days, this is my direction and I will learn to become ruthless with myself. Show me shit, think the old "Pimpest Plays" series for BW - fucking marine shock squadron. But about technology, coding, potential and hope. Blow my mind. Hit me. I know willpower is a battery and I'll need to recharge
I will immerse myself. But truly the first step is learning to want. Deep down I don't know if I'm good enough, I don't know if I'll be anything, I am so full of shit and I feel worthless and undeserving. I'm fundamentally sad, extremely angry, full of problems and slave to an addiction, but worst of all, I don't really care. but far deep down, beneath everything, under all the choices that have led me to this point, its okay. i trust myself. there is a part of me nobody can ever touch or break. I'm a fundamentally weak person, but from this part I can grow to be strong. I know there is no better way to desire greatness than to bask in it.
Tomorrow, 9:30 a.m., I sit down and continue. But this time, for real.
  
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Good shit. Best of luck, man.
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Honestly it sounds a little forced. The majority of successful programmers are successful because they love programming. There are plenty of other fields that aren't programming, maybe you should experiment with some other stuff first.
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i disagree; delve into something and you will become passionate about it.
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I agree with memcpy, it sounds forced. No worries, you can become good at programming if you want, forced or not, but one has to wonder if that's such a great idea... 2 years of your life dedicated to something hardcore, at the urging of your dad? Sounds to me like a good time to sit down and think about what YOU want to do with your life.
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@tobberoth: that's what I did all through college. it didn't work.
9:29, boom
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I'm back to this post to give some results:
- passed a ruby on rails class
- acquired knowledge roughly equivalent to a cs degree
- Just passed the OCJAP exam today. I'm certified, baby!
Next up on my agenda of "you must do these":
- Get an entry-level job somewhere
- Develop an app my dad can use related to local public transit services
On the agenda of "this seems really cool so I hope I have time:"
- Get into some data science
- Finish an sql/database class
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congrats!! always nice to see someone post a blog and actually pull through!
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Thanks QuanticHawk. I thought I'd come back, read this post and be like "well I'm crazy" (that usually happens) but my op was surprisingly lucid.
And over the past 6 months, I've realized programming is surprisingly reminiscent of the logic course I took. Solving those puzzles was satisfying to me in a way most other classes didn't rival, so I'm thinking more and more this is a good fit.
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I've been hesitant to put my name in the recruiter's circle, but I finally found some I think I can trust. Met with them yesterday, they were up front about everything, honest, and entirely knowledgeable about job situations in the area. and they basically told me, "you're doing everything right. keep doing it, and make sure to let us know about any side projects you're working on." I'll have an android app deployed by sept 25 that me and friend will be giving a presentation on. They also told me that I'm great at interviewing, so their goal is basically to put me in contact with organizations they think would be a culture fit. So I've already got 2 new contacts with hiring managers
Just took a coding test for a bigger company today and they're sending it off. We'll see what happens!
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bookmarked and noted. I'm currently working through so many different resources that I've got an entire journal devoted to tracking my progress in those, so hopefully I'll get around to this in a month or two!
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Hi Kurtis,
Can you elaborate more on what you consider to be "roughly the equivalent of a CS degree?"
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What I mean specifically is that I'm familiar with a wide variety of topics, so when I go to user groups and technical talks they'll talk about O(n) or O(1) and I actually know exactly what that's about and why it's important. Beforehand, I had no idea what most of the stuff I went to was about, but after just diving in for long enough I can go to a presentation of x technology and walk away knowing how to implement whatever I went to see (say doing object-oriented javascript through some funky design patterns).
Thing is, having been through college, I know that a "self"-education can really compare by content alone, but that's because what's truly important isn't the content, but the ideas and approaches and the people you meet, the other connections you make, and the stuff you're forced to do that you hate at first but realize after you can do it that it's totally awesome. You're paying for the environment and the exposure to people who are way smarter than you so you can see how they work. Trust me, being able to call somebody up and say "hey I'm having a problem with x, could you take a look at it?" is a big deal.
So "roughly equivalent" = I can have a conversation with a CS major about a given topic, and actually know what they're talking about and hold my own. Now of course, I'm talking specifically everything related to programming...there could be other areas, but I don't even know that I don't know them.
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Just landed a 3 month contract-to-hire spot at an awesome startup. Here's to hoping I'm good enough!
edit some context: 500+ applicants. 200+ interviews. 117 selected for potential placement and of those 47 actually placed. For me, multiple interviews. Personally told by the silicon valley royalty running this whole thing that I was one of the top placements.
I also turned down an offer (separate from the aforementioned placement process) from one of the top 2 consulting firms in the area to pursue this. let's see how good I really am
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i guess some other relevant updates too:
-basic version of aforementioned travel app running on android
-just gave a talk at a college about developing on android. there were a bunch of cs guys there and they were really into it
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and also, triple post if the edit timer doesn't kick in, if a mod reads this could you change the title of my blog to something more relevant like "becoming a software developer"? I feel that would attract attention of people in the same boat as me, and I'd love to share what I've learned with people who want to know
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2 weeks in, has gone fantastic. my coworkers are good, and I'm learning straight business along with coding. within the next 2 months i will become a ruby on rails master & the place I'm working for is about to fucking tear up this city because nobody else is on our level.
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- learned a lot of ruby very quickly
- I'm like "novice" level at ruby on rails now (think lvl 25-49 TES scale) (I'm at like 43)
- deployed my first update to production code for an internal app today
- been doing mad reading, thinking and learning. gave a presentation on how we should drive the next 3-6 months of our marketing/business strategy to the whole firm
- everybody thought it was awesome so my ideas are driving next 3-6 months of business strategy
- turned down more offers from other companies, they're saying "let me know if anything changes" 
- although contract-to-hire, they've referenced putting me on projects that extend well after my time expires. I'm in. fuck yeah.
- realized what confidence is, and how its different from cockiness. even looking at some of my posts in this thread = cringeworthy
I've done a series of blog posts on the experience, pushed em up into the company website and they've been driving in a fair amount of traffic/getting tweeted quite a lot around my city.
Since I've received minimal feedback about the process here, this will be the final post unless that magically turns around and people actually start asking questions which I can provide helpful answers for. bye!
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EPT
