EPTToday I had a moment of learning. Enlightment would be more poetic, but wildly exaggerated.
It's about social norms and my personal freedom and why I didn't quite understand what my personal freedom actually is.
The "Spießer"
Spießer is a funny word. It's german and it doesn't quite have its equal in the english language. I looked, but the closest ones are:
"square" as seen in "fair and square"
"bourgeois" which is just fancy talk with middle class
or several figures of speech like "to be a stuffed shirt", "to be stuck up" and "to have a broom up one's behind"
The german wikipedia has a quite fitting description, which I translated as best as I could
"Spießer" is a derogatory term for narrow-minded people, characterized by mental immobility, distinct conformity with social norms and aversion to change their usual life environment
Being a spießer has many bad and a few good connotations. Being spießig is opposite to spontaneous, adventurous and rebellios.
It is kinda expected to be less adventurous if you get older, and likewise a spießer is someone who is more cautious and more domestic/homely than is average for his age, family or group of acquaintances.
Why am I talking about this?
Because of social norms.
That is the part which is seen as good or bad about spießers, depending on who you ask. If you say spießer you talk about a person that has a home as textbook as he can make it. He has a living room with seats on couches and armchairs for everyone he lives with plus several more just for guests. If he has a family with kids, he also has at least one pet like a cat, dog or a hamster for his kids. If he has an aquarium then his fishes are of the boring or beatiful kind, like goldfishes or guppies. He will own the house he lives in, or at the very least try to own an apartment. He may be member of one or several vereins(hobby clubs, its a thing in germany), like community garden clubs, yoga/aerobic classes, shooting clubs, dance groups etc.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/xiMcUvg.jpg)
German shooting clubs ("Schützenverein") have little to do with actual shooting. Most members shoot with air rifles at the annual festival and drink beer all other times of the year.
In short he tries to live up to what is expected of him, the social norm. A soccer mom is similar to a spießer, but a german spießer would not buy an SUV, because SUVs have bad mileage
The key thing is, a spießer tries to live this textbook live, according to the social norm. It is a wonderful environment to raise kids, no doubt about that. But this also stands for being unflexible, cautious, boring or, at worst, not being a fun person to be around.
Things are on one hand often marketed as "not spießig" for young people, like bubble gum, sodas and adventure holidays. On the other hand banking investment plans are marketed as "spießig" when they are low risk
So, what did I learn?
This concept is so common in german society that it is part of our self-perception how much of a spießer oneself is, whether one actively thinks about it or not.
I consider myself to be quite much not a spießer. I perceive myself as someone who does not give a fuck. Very, very much not give a fuck. And this is where didn't understand my own freedom.
To give my current situation in brief words, I had trouble with my sister and (it's a real long story) now have almost no contact to my dead mother's side of the family because of it. I was talked into moving into a smaller flat and had kinda expectedly trouble with my father(he's a difficult person).
While I am by no means perfect I chose to be angry and disgusted about the way people messed with my life.
So after over a year of living in this flat, I have unpacked not even half of my old household. I use 1-2 sets of dishes only, I don't cook and instead eat open sandwiches and ovenready meals, I sleep on the couch because there are bags of clothes my bed is full of clothing, some still packed from the move, some washed but unlaundered.
I did and still do so out of defiance. As expression of me not giving a fuck anymore.
Just as I run around with the wrong type of clothing. I wore sandals during all days above freezing during winter and for short trips even on days below freezing.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/de8ZQ9N.jpg)
The obvious reason for this is because I want to be non-conformist, but the less obvious reason is that I can't stand the feeling of wearing shoes without socks and I sometimes had trouble finding more than 1 clean sock.
The thing is, by simply defying the spießer social norms I actually conformed(knowingly even) to other social expectations: one type or rebel, the mid twenties student with alternate views on either politics, society or both.
While there are worse things one can do, I just a couple of hours ago came to the conclusion that I could.....do stuff. It's a bit difficult to explain.
To make more of my freedom to not give a fuck.
There are certain extents I will never go too, like running around naked in public. That is in my opinion more begging for attention, as it serves no purpose and I value my dignity more than being naked.
No, what I'm talking about is things I did actively refuse to do for the sake of making a statement. While I personally don't give a high priority to some things, like warm self-made meals or having my clean clothes in my wardrobe instead of thrown over several chairs and boxes(or not having a dozen moving boxes still lying around in every room while all the cupboards are empty), there are things in my mind that nudge me in directions I don't want.
Like the ever so soft voice thought in the back of my mind that I do things a certain way so people understand I don't care about living the normal, "spießig" life.
Or many other ways of thought which are collectively often called "commons sense". Common sense is a fun thing really. It is a mass of habits and unspoken rules and concepts of decency and moral values along with guidelines for risk evaluation. Some parts of what common sense is I do value highly, some others I already threw out the window long ago.
And today I decided to not give a fuck about yet another heap of these conceptions of common sense. And because of that I unpacked 3 of my moving boxes. And I took out my garbage out at 3 in the morning, undressed and barefoot. Not because I am crazy or want people to think I'm crazy. Not because I want to be "random" either.
But because I chose to give a fuck. That has a poetic ring to it, but it is actually quite down to earth.
Giving a fuck is a choice.
By choosing to not give a fuck whenever given the option I actually limited myself. And right now and the last, how many was it, 3 hours(what took me so long) I actually wanted myself to learn for my exams this thursday and friday. The sun has risen not even an hour ago. "Fuck sleep" is an old hat for me. But "Fuck myself" is entirely new even for me.
In the end, choices are so common, so everyday, that we sometimes fail to grasp the extent of our possible choices. Not only can we choose yes or no and sometimes a stance somewhere in the middle. We can choose to not care, if our mind lets us do that. But we can also always choose to suddenly give a fuck, for no reason. Its a beautiful thing.
And I will write this sentence, because I feel like trying to make reason out of and explain such simple and yet wide rediscovery tarnished the simple beauty of it.
