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So last year I went on a cruise with friends over spring break - drunken shenanigans and adventures naturally ensued. I hit it off with a cute girl and ended up bringing her back to my cabin one night. We don’t have sex but naturally everyone assumes we do, and the story inevitably gets out. I never mention it because I don’t really care about spreading stuff like that. If I had my choice I’d let it die out, but I don’t really care if it gets out either.
Having said that, my friends retell the tale to some classmates, and things naturally get exaggerated and embellished on. The spring break story (its not really even a story, I know) spreads and before long a lot of people ‘know’ it. I don’t really care – I kind of enjoy letting people spread what they want whether it’s true or not. If someone asks me I just joke around and say something like “oh, did I? I dunno..” or “really? How cute was she?” as if I’m talking about someone else’s hook-up.
Now, I was out to lunch today talking with a major gossip spreader. She brings up the cruise teasingly to me and I just joke back. Then she lets me know that a friend asked her about it and was like “did he really have a one night stand with some random cruise trash? I thought he was a nice guy…” (‘I guess not LOL, what an asshole’ is what is inferred). So I’m thinking ha, isn’t that funny, I’ve just been judged and thought poorly of by a friend for something that didn’t happen.
Which leads me to think how stupid it is for someone to base an opinion on gossip that like. People love to assume the worst, and in this case it’s a completely wrong assumption. This is why people hate gossip in the first place.
So anyways, you’re saying this is boring catty shit calgar, why do you associate with people who gossip like high schoolers on a reality TV show? The point is, I start to think about how it’s shitty of someone to make an assumption and judge someone based on gossip like this.
I keep thinking about it, and then I realize, OH SHIT, I just kind of did that to a girl I recently met. She seemed cool but I believed some random shit people tell me about her and think poorly of her afterwards. So now I’m the pot calling the kettle black, well shit heh. I’m glad this whole roundabout realization happened so I can try and fix that about myself.
TLDR: I realize I’m a shitty person for judging people based on stupid gossip that likely isn’t true only after it happens to me. Hence, a free lesson.
 
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I think the lesson is that it is worth to strive for accuracy in all things, so it probably would have been best for you to set the record straight with your friends, and then (assuming they respect your wishes) it wouldn't have gotten out of hand and come back to reflect negatively on you.
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I can't believe your entire school is talking about something as totally uninteresting as that lol
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This kind of thing happens. It sucks when you're on the receiving end. You're actually pretty lucky that you've gotten this far through life without it happening to you before. Or maybe it has happened before and you just didn't catch on?
You have successfully made the jump from talking-about-people to talking-about-ideas, an important step in realizing your true potential as a rounded human being.
Now, shall we talk and think about another idea? Judging people based on almost anything is a negative experience. Most people can change, as you've just demonstrated. Unspoken criticism is a double-edged sword. Better to not criticize. Failing that, better to speak your criticism kindly so that the other person can demonstrably correct your perception, or so that the other person can come into a new personal paradigm.
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On March 06 2013 11:36 B.I.G. wrote:
I can't believe your entire school is talking about something as totally uninteresting as that lol
Actually, I kind of agree with this. When I went on a couple cruises, both times I pretty much didn't do shit. One was a disney cruise (for my fam) and I made a bunch of friends and it was pretty fun, the other was a carnival cruise and holy shit did shit get crazy. Drinking, my friend who controlled the alcohol flow got constant blowjobs. Pretty sure he fucked some chick. I got asked if I wanted to buy 3 girls to take to my cabin by some Mexican dude. None of that ever got out lol. I'm surprised this spread so quick at your school O.o. That said, never pre-judge people, it is the quickest way to miss out on some of the best life has to offer in people; on the flip side, people get reputations for deservedly in most cases, so be wary.
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LOL yes I have to agree. I'm surprised your classmates would be so into something as silly as that. The sad thing is that you never really get out of high school though (in the sense that the people you meet often sort of suck). It is kind of stupid when rumors get blown way out of proportion until they're nothing like the original truth, yeah.
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I think the lesson is that High School drama is silly and you shouldn't worry about it. Once everyone gets out of their little High School world, they won't even recall, or make significance of the dumb shit they did back in High School.
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I think it's pretty normal that you half-wanted the attention by perpetuating the rumors by not telling people what happened originally, and never clarifying it afterwards. You secretly wanted the attention, but it bit you in the ass. Oh well.
On March 06 2013 11:36 B.I.G. wrote:
I can't believe your entire school is talking about something as totally uninteresting as that lol
Kids thrive on drama, and sex is the new, big thing at the high school level. Who's hooking up with who is all anyone talks about nowadays.
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On March 06 2013 22:31 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
I think it's pretty normal that you half-wanted the attention by perpetuating the rumors by not telling people what happened originally, and never clarifying it afterwards. You secretly wanted the attention, but it bit you in the ass. Oh well. Heh, interesting theory about me. I would argue though that there's a difference between wanting the attention, in which case I could actively perpetuate it, and trying to 'stay above the fray' so to speak. Is it really worth my time trying to dispel rumors? Not when I don't care is my stance. I'm beginning to realize how catty that whole thing is so I would rather not be goaded into wading into things.
Anyways, maybe you're right and I'm a closet attention whore. But it didn't bite me in the ass; it made me a better person by revealing a flaw in that I am too quick to judge others based on poor reasoning. I'm glad it happened. Maybe if this were a corporate environment with career reputations at stake it would be a different case, but I think caring too much about what others think can be dangerous.
On March 06 2013 13:27 hp.Shell wrote:
This kind of thing happens. It sucks when you're on the receiving end. You're actually pretty lucky that you've gotten this far through life without it happening to you before. Or maybe it has happened before and you just didn't catch on?
Now, shall we talk and think about another idea? Judging people based on almost anything is a negative experience. Most people can change, as you've just demonstrated. Unspoken criticism is a double-edged sword. Better to not criticize. Failing that, better to speak your criticism kindly so that the other person can demonstrably correct your perception, or so that the other person can come into a new personal paradigm. I don't really know if it's happened before. It's kind of just the first time I've become consciously aware of it.
I guess we're referring to judging in a specifically negative connotation here, but even so I'm not sure I agree that it's always negative experience. Couldn't someone genuinely deserve a poor outlook in some cases, like if you know actually know them and they really are a shitty person? If you don't actually know them and it's based on poor information then I'll agree. Criticism can be constructive, so if used in that light I would say it's better than being unspoken.
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EPT
