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I have never dealt well with the giving and receiving of compliments. For some reason, those innocuous, little expressions of praise have always brought out the most unappealing and immature parts of me, leaving me feeling awkward and socially inept.
When receiving compliments I have an unfortunate tendency towards false or tactless modesty. I oftentimes realize mid conversation that I've downplayed something that I have achieved in the interest of fishing a few more positive words out the other person. I've done this so much that I don't even notice that I'm doing it until it's too late. Furthermore, I am frequently modest in situations where it is actually very rude to be so; for example, if someone who, say, isn't as good at clarinet or singing as I am compliments me for one of those things, is it really appropriate for me just to shrug it off? While I am hardly stellar at either of those activities, saying, "Oh, I'm really not very good at all," seems to make me a bit of an ass when the other person is worse than me still. Perhaps most puzzling about the entire issue is that the solution is fairly clear. Looking someone in the eye and saying, "thanks," seems like a pretty simple thing to do, but why do I find it to be so difficult?
I also feel like I do not give enough compliments. Despite my difficulties with dealing with them, getting compliments feels good, even when it comes from a random person whom I hardly know. However, I frequently feel scared to compliment others, and typically give into that fear, and stay silent. I am a very inward person, and spend far too much time worrying about whether or not people like me or want to talk to me. I worry about whether people want to be reached out to, whether they are enjoying their solitude more than I worry about them being lonely. In fact, for a decent chunk of time I felt afraid to "like" any posts on facebook that weren't made by my closest friends, because I worried that I would be thought of as weird, or be seen as overstepping some obscure boundary of acquaintanceship. Needless to say, this is a silly attitude; when someone comes up to me and starts a conversation with me, I don't think that they're being terribly bizarre, so why would someone think that of me if I were to do the same?
And so I am resolved to give more compliments. While most of the things that I've done so far seem fairly trivial, such as saying a friend looks nice when she did something with her hair or "liking" someone's profile picture on facebook, I'm hoping that this will help me be a little more outward and confident with other people.
  
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Yeah I suffer from the exact same thing. I don't remember ever saying "thanks" to a compliment. It would feel kinda weird. I guess for the normal folks out there, if you gave someone a compliment, would you feel more comfortable if they said "thanks" or if they were modest about it?
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It's rude to refuse a compliment.
Always, always, always accept a compliment graciously. Always.
When they're given to you, they're given to you in good faith, because it was actually worthwhile for them. Saying no doesn't seem like a big deal, but you're basically throwing their good will right back at their face. Accepting the compliment and being humble is not at all like shrugging it off. "ahaha, thank you for noticing. -smile-" or maybe, "Thank you, I really appreciate it. It's actually not that hard though."
Give compliments willingly, genuinely, and with an open heart. Giving a compliment should take nothing out of you. It should be given with no strings attached, and with no ill intent. It's all about you. You've noticed something interesting, now compliment them for it because it's cool and it drew your attention. "Wow, your hair looks really good today. Did you do something to it?" "Whoa, a new hairstyle, it looks cool."
Liking a post on Facebook is absolutely nothing compared to commenting and going, "holy shit, that's awesome". Likes are kind of desensitized nowadays, and you shouldn't pay them any attention to be honest.
I know like, accepting and giving compliments might feel weird, but it's just a really nice thing to do and learn to do, and once you do a lot, it doesn't feel so awkward anymore. Plus, as long as you're not just making stuff up, you're making people happier, and that's always good.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
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On February 25 2013 15:56 krndandaman wrote:
A more awkward situation with compliments is when it kind of offends you.
For example:
"Hey you actually really look nice today!"
"..."
YES this is sooo awkward.
...happens to me sometimes and it's kind of depressing lol. I've had someone say pretty much exactly that ;__;
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On February 25 2013 18:01 Aerisky wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 15:56 krndandaman wrote:
A more awkward situation with compliments is when it kind of offends you.
For example:
"Hey you actually really look nice today!"
"..."
YES this is sooo awkward. ...happens to me sometimes and it's kind of depressing lol. I've had someone say pretty much exactly that ;__;
Classic backhanded compliment, passive aggressive. Whether that's intentional or not, sort of says alot about their thoughts of you. That sort of 'compliment' can be taken with a shifty eye and skepticism.
Back on topic: I used to be afraid of giving compliments, I usually took them with an ounce of skepticism too. I think it was because I thought it was 'manipulative' or 'sucking up to people'. Nowadays I accept them graciously and I give them out when I want to.
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EPT
