EPT
. This is going to be a very simple, straight forward treatise on how I feel my life has changed in the last couple weeks.A Philosophy of Little Things
Friends are the backbone of just about everything I do. Unfortunately I have been unable to text the ones that are long distance, stay as in touch with my girlfriend, and keep my friends at school. This seems terrible, but it has made me realize something. I am not actually having any of this. Total mindfuck, I know, but its about being a teenager. An incredibly stupid teenager at that.
Texting may seem like a little things, but since I have so many friends that are far away from me, it tends to mean a lot to me. Last year I had about 12 people that I was constantly texting, and I mean constantly. Some of these were girls, which my friends would give various derogatory names, as growing upstanding adults do, but to repeat I was in constant contact with most of them. Then this year I just couldn't keep it up, my year has been so hectic as an IB student, which means study until you drop dead and only then can you ask questions. I thought that I was drifting completely away as I couldn't spare the time to text everyone and talk to the most important girl/non-family memnber in my life (gf). Finally this climaxed in a friend of mine at home, which I wrote a blog about calling me a chode.
At first I thought this was something that simply just happens. People, no matter how close begin to change around. They begin to change what they want, they find something that they simply tolerated to be something that is just intolerable such is life, at least i thought. Then I realized that my friends out burst isn't that simple, that my friends being distant isn't that simple. That my GF suddenly having a day where she simply was void of emotions, not the least bit due to stress in her life, is not cut and dry either. As a
I've come to find that in life, its not about how you live, its more about what you live. That is to say, life is a constant game of give and take. The way you live your life, carry yourself, rather the way you would carry yourself had you the opportunity to execute said lifestyle. If we follow this almost Romanticist philosophy about living life in a certain manner, by Romanticist I mean with an affinity for a certain level of perfection, there is a lot of efficiency required. In this sense I really can't agree with that lifestyle. I've started to move toward a less perfect, more humanistic style of thinking to cope with what this year "hath wrought" so to speak.
After getting into a verbal argument with my Physics teacher of 2 years, and then both of us apologizing to each other, I see that its a lot more about perception than perfection.
The end is nigh for me as a highschooler, in a matter of mere months I'll be out of my highschool and tossed into the wonderful world of College. I tend to be a pretty chill person, though my blogs may change how that trait seems over the internet. I'm just starting to realize that everything that people do to me is not a direct result of what I do to them. It has a lot to do with complex social statuses and interactions (we live in the South, it just happens) that define who we should be, rather than who we are. The reason that all these things have happened to me, besides personal "tragedies" are not all my fault and I should not internalize all of them.
I love philosophy, and above all, the philosophy of life. I love the contrast between Existentialist thinking and Romanticism. Despite this, I never realized how much philosophy was dominating the relationships around me, even more so that Psychology had been; That is to say, the difference between someone going balls to the wall or someone chilling out, napping around aren't just simple personality differences, but also enormous personal life philosophy differences.
TL, its an epiphany I had, I had this after having an argumetn with my physics teacher, going through a tough month (not so terrible I'd kill myself by any means), and being not as happy as I should be. I realize now that is not the job of a boy to measure his own accomplishments by what he has accomplished now, but by what he strives to accomplish. Even more than that, it is not the purpose of a boy to feel that he must accomplish something or be casted out to inanity, cursed to repeat some kind of less-perfect-life choice over and over again; Rather, it is the purpose of the boy to enjoy the ride because when he dies thats all he really had.
Thanks for reading if you finished my ramblings. Its like 11 here and I'm actually really tired -_-;;; stupid IB work. Also for anyone wondering about the IB, this is exactly how I feel about it.+ Show Spoiler +
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There will be a regular Friday blog as always, I have something fun planned for this weekends blog, either something very serious, or something not at all serious
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