EPTI made my previous blog a week ago with specific goals in mind, and am happy to say to a pretty large degree I've stuck to these goals and find myself with more motivation to keep going forward and do more, however I'd first like to address what I've done this week.
Music: I said I was going to learn to sing, learn a new song everyday, and write a song by the end of the week. Well, I succeeded. I've learned a few Porcupine Tree songs, a veil of maya song (really fuckin hard) and a few classic rock songs. I also made a video of one of them to mark my starting point so I can see how much I improve my vocals as I start training my voice.
By the way, I cut my hair for the first time in middle school last week to make my physical appearance a little better and I shaved my full beard. Before that I had 11 inches of hair and quite a full beard. I'm not sure I like my new hair but I will keep playing with it untill I figure out a good style.
I also wrote a song complete with drums, bass, guitars, and vocals with lyrics I wrote. The lyrics reflect a conversation I had with someone, and while parts are a little metaphorical I feel it explains how I felt about a lot of things leading up to deciding to be a more successful person. The lyrics are in the spoiler for length.
+ Show Spoiler +
Do you believe, in your freedom
Do you trust, in logic and reason
Can you tell me why
At the end of our lives
Our words are gone
Lost on to everyone
As you drift off
Nothing to become
Do you believe, in love in hate
Do you trust a god to choose your fate
How can we live with ourselves when we're constantly at war
When our lives are torn and you can't even trust the mirrors anymore
(and) My words are gone
Lost on to you
You've drifted off
Nothing I can do
I'm drowning in the Shallows
And I can't wake up
Do you believe in an afterlife
Heaven and hell. or something else, when we die
Are we just dust and bones
Forgotten memories on diary notes
(but) Your words are gone
Lost on to me
I've drifted off
Theres nothing here for me
I'm drowning in the Shallows
And I can't wake up
Do you trust, in logic and reason
Can you tell me why
At the end of our lives
Our words are gone
Lost on to everyone
As you drift off
Nothing to become
Do you believe, in love in hate
Do you trust a god to choose your fate
How can we live with ourselves when we're constantly at war
When our lives are torn and you can't even trust the mirrors anymore
(and) My words are gone
Lost on to you
You've drifted off
Nothing I can do
I'm drowning in the Shallows
And I can't wake up
Do you believe in an afterlife
Heaven and hell. or something else, when we die
Are we just dust and bones
Forgotten memories on diary notes
(but) Your words are gone
Lost on to me
I've drifted off
Theres nothing here for me
I'm drowning in the Shallows
And I can't wake up
First time writing lyrics, I don't think they're the best but I think they successfully get the message I want across and fit the song I wrote very well. When I mix the song and have it prefect perhaps I will post it.
Also this week, I got my first test back in my college algebra class. Got my first A on a test in college, a 94, and I have a solid 97 average in that class. I'm pretty excited about that honestly. I figure if I can pull out that success I have room for more improvement. I'm not going to let myself get stuck in a rut again where I'm happy with only a certain amount of will to do things so I will add things to my list starting today for things I want to learn or make part of my life.
1.) Cooking - I've cooked 3 times last year, and not once this year until this week. I'm twenty and if I got kicked out i probably would starve. That's not acceptable to me so I've decided to learn to cook. But I don't want to learn how to cook simple things, I really want to learn to cook restaurant quality meals. My goal is to cook myself breakfast and lunch several times a week, and at least one 'high quality' dinner a week. As time permits and as I become a better cook I would like to cook more then that. Either way here's what I learned to make this week and I think it came out pretty good.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/LFLtV.jpg)
I made some wienerschnitzel with german potato salad. I wish I had the multitasking to make a third vegetable dish as I think red cabbage would've gone quite well with this dish, but I opted to make canned corn just so that I made sure I had time to cook the other things perfectly. It came out quite well, I'm not sure why it looks so dark in the picture it was closer to a golden brown color but anyways, I made this for my family and they absolutely loved it. It was actually really fulfilling to know even something as simple as a meal, helped them out. It saved them time from making dinner after their long day of work and I hope it was a pleasant treat from the relatively simple meals they make during the week.
2.) Girls - This is not a fucking girl blog, but when looking at yourself, and who you're trying to impress, generally a big underlying factor is that you're trying to make yourself a better person for yourself and so that you can find a partner. This is also true for me. I'm not asking for girl advice, I actually am fairly good with girls and have had a few long term relationships, however after about age 19 I kind of said fuck it and stopped caring about how I looked, really got myself a grungy look because I thought I was gonna be the next big thing and go on tour with my metal band. Obviously that happened and I'm rich right now, but I digress. This kind of ties in with my physical appearance goals, and right now I'm toying with the idea of gelled hair, but I guess I should really talk about my actual goal. I'd like to have a girlfriend possibly by the end of the year. I think this is my most long term goal, because I don't want to try and get into a relationship until I'm healthier, until I can treat her right. I need a job with income and I want my body to be more built. This isn't out of insecurity, I just really want to focus on me right now first and make sure I get all of my stuff together before I start trying to deal with making someone else happy. Honestly, there is a girl I like quite a bit but it honestly makes me feel like a stalker, and I doubt anything will ever happen. But we went to high school and we used to talk every now and then, honestly she was gorgeous in high school and I would've killed to go out with her but she had a really long term relationship with someone so I never pursued it. I really want to pursue trying to get to know her but I doubt she remembers me, and the only way I know of to contact her is facebook and that always seemed desperate to me. I'm not set on this girl in particular, but I do find her to be really attractive and I know she's very smart. I think by the time I've reached some of my other goals I'll figure out a way to get to know her again, even if I have to figure out some way through facebook that doesn't make me seem like a loser.
3.) Job - This is my final and hardest goal. I have to motivate myself to actually go look for a job. I think this is going to be the toughest of all my goals because I feel so damn lazy all the time and everywhere i've applied in the past has not hired me (obviously). However, I really need the income and I really need to start saving for college. There's really not much else to say, I've never had a job and I just need to put myself in more situations to get hired. I'm hoping by spring break I have a job but I don't know how fast I can get one. Oh well.
All in all, I feel really good this week. Last week I was feeling extremely depressed when writing my blog but I think it helped a lot. I got a lot more positive feedback then I was expecting and met some extremely nice people who pm'd me with there own stories. Thanks for reading and I hope to get more accomplished this week.
