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WARNING: This blog is relatively pointless ranting about how I was a retard as a teenager. I recommend you just don't read it an move on. It's probably fairly boring for the general audience, so this is more of a personal piece.
My TL blogging isn't the first blogging I ever did. Once upon a time, I posted blogs on Xanga. These were posted when I was 14-16 years old, and, I'll tell you, there is nothing more horrifying than reading blogs you wrote 7 years ago, especially when you were a crazy, hormone raging teenager.
My father once eloquently described hitting puberty as "suddenly doing drugs... 24-7."
Of course, when you're a angsty teenager, you don't realize how much of a angsty teenager you are. You think you're very awesome for using big words and talking about mature concepts, but you just end sounded arrogant and semi mentally disabled.
Many of my old blogs were intended to be meaningful or revolutionary, though others seem to be simply about my day or the classes I was currently taking. I'm quite ashamed of any where I talk about boys. I wrote one blog about how I needed to suppress my "primal urges," which, as I was a virgin then, means "stop wanting to nom on the face of the cute boy I like." Oh, the arrogance in that post is painful... so... painful...
Speaking of guys, I forgot my best friend had convinced me to like "pretty boys" back then. The scene kids without a scrap of facial hair, who wear eyeliner and look like sticks in girl jeans. Now-a-days, I love the rugged man look! Like Rugged Garen! I would do that man... so much.
Rugged Garen
![[image loading]](http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110809200314/leagueoflegends/images/4/45/Garen_RuggedLoading.jpg)
ANYWAY, back to the subject.
I must apologize, due to the absolute shame I have of my old blogs on Xanga, I switched the account to private, so I will let you laugh at my shame in the crazy "primal urges" blog. Here's a taste of it. Please, laugh away:
+ Show Spoiler +I have now made a formal decision to try to restrain my physical wants. Yes, I'm talking about carnal ones. It seems I have recently led myself astray, following the primal urges of my body, instead of listening to my mind (I shall still exclude my emotions in any decisions as of right now, since they still seem to be fucked up, confused, and partically non-existant when it comes to others). Of course, most of my friends know me as a very "flirty" person. This will not change. In fact, I doubt that most of you will see any difference. I guess I have been trying to hint as my true decision without saying it, but I will lay it out for the world: I will trying to stop lusting after a jerk who seems to have no more than physical interests in me, though he often able to convince me otherwise.
Well, now I'm terribly embarrassed, but I hope at least someone found that entertaining and giggled at it or something.
:/
Now... I think I'm going to go write a blog about PAX and conventions, because I suddenly find myself embarrassed and ashamed.
  
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I'm laughing at your primal carnal urges.
... But also at myself.
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LOL, oh Xanga...my old one from high school is still up as well. I don't know if I want to dig it up now while I'm at work but maybe I'll find a suitably embarrassing post to share here later so you won't feel so alone in your shame. We were all that pretentious, dramatic little adolescent once. The internet just makes sure that you never, EVER forget it. TT
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Haha yep, thats xanga. Looking back at mine is a lesson in being humble.
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i forgot the username i used for mine, thankfully.
i'm sure i was a pretentious little shit.
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On August 18 2011 01:09 Rudiment wrote:
Haha yep, thats xanga. Looking back at mine is a lesson in being humble.
Yeah, seriously. I regret everything I ever wrote on mine. Ugh.
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I don't think any of what you posted is embarrassing at all. It is heartfelt and sincere, if a bit naive.
I'm sure there are people way more regretful of what they said. Many of them are probably in prison somewhere.
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i can relate to everything you said but garen still sucks
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its always a good thing to see a girl realize they were dumb in trying to restrain the open flow of their sexuality.
more girls of all ages need to realize this.
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On August 18 2011 02:13 annul wrote: its always a good thing to see a girl realize they were dumb in trying to restrain the open flow of their sexuality.
more girls of all ages need to realize this.
![[image loading]](http://files-cdn.formspring.me/profile/20110331/n4d94d1fe07de1_medium.png)
In all seriousness, the internet is eternal and everything you ever write on it will always exist!
Careful kids!
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On August 18 2011 02:02 turdburgler wrote:
i can relate to everything you said but garen still sucks
off topic:
Please don't make uninformed posts like this. Garen especially after buff is super strong solo top because he destroys most melees and people figured out to build mostly AD on him. (not unlike new pantheon)
Also, I thought rugged garen seemed ugly compared to classic look. I guess I'm not what they are marketing at, lol.
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oh god every month i think "man i was such an idiot a month ago"
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On August 18 2011 00:47 Riku wrote:+ Show Spoiler +I have now made a formal decision to try to restrain my physical wants. Yes, I'm talking about carnal ones. It seems I have recently led myself astray, following the primal urges of my body, instead of listening to my mind (I shall still exclude my emotions in any decisions as of right now, since they still seem to be fucked up, confused, and partically non-existant when it comes to others). Of course, most of my friends know me as a very "flirty" person. This will not change. In fact, I doubt that most of you will see any difference. I guess I have been trying to hint as my true decision without saying it, but I will lay it out for the world: I will trying to stop lusting after a jerk who seems to have no more than physical interests in me, though he often able to convince me otherwise.
After reading this, I found myself frowning and making a 'wtf' face.
I've had to ask myself, "What did I just read?" several times. I still don't get it. @___________@
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I wonder if he'd scream DEMACIAAAA in bed?
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
You're so ashamed and embarassed at your old blog about your 'carnal desires' that you decided to blog about it again.
And for what it's worth you can't really expect a guy to truly respect you and not just 'use' you when you constantly post pictures of yourself naked and/or half-naked on the internet (not that I have anything against that.)
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Interesting blog but
Riku, please post more visual content again, thanks 
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This is something I can totally relate to. The last time I looked up shit I posted in high school I made myself uncomfortable just reading it... It was awful lol.
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Teenage males and females have different ways to be complete idiots during that particular time.
Males... usually don't blog or else it's just a faggotryfest with poems or emo BS.
Females... want to feel special, want attention.
About the carnal desires, I remember that a lot of girls thought it was cool to pretend being sexually hyperactive. They used sexuality as a means to receive love and attention, which is one of the saddest possibles attitudes in my eyes, at that point of life.
I mean, even in the forums there was always the group of virgin girls who claimed to be sluts. Wtf?
But that attitude in real-life led to pretty, nice girls being shagged by the first boys to come around just because the were desperate for someone to care about them.
Not implying this is your case, this just made me think about it.
And everyone thinks they were little pricks as teens. But when I read what I wrote, I think to myself, man, nice prose.
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On August 18 2011 03:19 Haemonculus wrote:
I wonder if he'd scream DEMACIAAAA in bed?
Actually I'm thinking more that HUAAAAAGH sound he makes when he ults.
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On August 18 2011 04:08 Slayer91 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 18 2011 03:19 Haemonculus wrote:
I wonder if he'd scream DEMACIAAAA in bed? Actually I'm thinking more that HUAAAAAGH sound he makes when he ults.
Or when Lux ults ^^
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Beyonder
Netherlands15103 Posts
On August 18 2011 03:26 Rekrul wrote:
You're so ashamed and embarassed at your old blog about your 'carnal desires' that you decided to blog about it again.
And for what it's worth you can't really expect a guy to truly respect you and not just 'use' you when you constantly post pictures of yourself naked and/or half-naked on the internet (not that I have anything against that.)
Yeah, what he said.
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geez you're so ashamed about THAT? .. please try not to beat yourself up too much, things like this can so easily be sooo much worse. i don't even dare looking at the stuff i wrote back when i was stupid (which was not even two years ago .. ). Admittedly, it's not something written for public but for someone specific, but omg i think i would die if i read that again today.
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On August 18 2011 04:40 Beyonder wrote:Show nested quote +On August 18 2011 03:26 Rekrul wrote:
You're so ashamed and embarassed at your old blog about your 'carnal desires' that you decided to blog about it again.
And for what it's worth you can't really expect a guy to truly respect you and not just 'use' you when you constantly post pictures of yourself naked and/or half-naked on the internet (not that I have anything against that.) Yeah, what he said.
you know, sometimes you feel like sharing something that embarrasses you; i often finds it helps you realize those things that embarrass you aren't so bad after all. Just because you might suppress and hide everything that you think someone else might think lesser of you for doesn't mean you should go around telling other people how ridiculous they are for being open about stuff.
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On August 18 2011 03:31 Klaca wrote:Interesting blog but Riku, please post more visual content again, thanks On August 18 2011 03:26 Rekrul wrote:[...]And for what it's worth you can't really expect a guy to truly respect you and not just 'use' you when you constantly post pictures of yourself naked and/or half-naked on the internet (not that I have anything against that.) LOL. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do... to get people to read her blog. Awkward sex talk is so in right now.
I'm Jelly i can't get this many comments in a thread I spent hours researching and polishing.
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If it was possible, I would suggest setting fire to that old blog you gave us an excerpt of.
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Do you even play starcraft?
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Lol Xanga...was hilarious, full of underaged kids posting nude/half nude photos on a daily basis. gg no re
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I read this blog backwards in paragraphs for some reason, it made for a very interesting read.
The next blog you write you should flip the paragraphs without changing a word and see the end result imo.
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Oh Riku, you're so adorable.
<3
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I'm a rugged man.
lol j/k
Although my activities this weekend did consist of chopping down a tree and splitting all the wood, same I'm doing in the picture, only shirtless.
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On August 18 2011 13:36 Chairman Ray wrote:
Edward or Jacob?
Team Van Helsing
On August 18 2011 19:38 Seratonin wrote:
Oh Riku, you're so adorable.
<3
Uhhh... thanks?
O.o
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On August 18 2011 03:26 Rekrul wrote:
You're so ashamed and embarassed at your old blog about your 'carnal desires' that you decided to blog about it again.
And for what it's worth you can't really expect a guy to truly respect you and not just 'use' you when you constantly post pictures of yourself naked and/or half-naked on the internet (not that I have anything against that.)
I don't think lowly of porn stars , strippers, or even chicks at bikini bars. I dunno maybe that's just me. I have a sister who has a kid who works at a bikini bar because its the best money she can make right now. And besides that, some chicks, just like guys, have strong sexual/exhibitive side and it has to be released some how. Nothing wrong with that really. Other girls are always talking shit on chicks who are like this, but I've always noticed the girls that talk shit on it are either fat, ugly, or insecure with themselves. they try to play it off like its morally disgusting or whatever but they jelly.
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there is nothing wrong with being sexual as a female.
the same males that treat females like shit will do so regardless of if they are open, semi-open, or closed with their sexuality. so you may as well be open with it, because if you find one of us that doesn't treat females like shit, then at least you're giving us something nice to experience in appreciation for what we do.
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On August 18 2011 02:17 Zorkmid wrote:Show nested quote +On August 18 2011 02:13 annul wrote: its always a good thing to see a girl realize they were dumb in trying to restrain the open flow of their sexuality.
more girls of all ages need to realize this.
![[image loading]](http://www.nydailynews.com/img/2008/08/16/amd_ivy_bean2.jpg)
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On August 18 2011 04:40 Beyonder wrote:Show nested quote +On August 18 2011 03:26 Rekrul wrote:
You're so ashamed and embarassed at your old blog about your 'carnal desires' that you decided to blog about it again.
And for what it's worth you can't really expect a guy to truly respect you and not just 'use' you when you constantly post pictures of yourself naked and/or half-naked on the internet (not that I have anything against that.) Yeah, what he said.
That sounds more like the old Dan I know.
For a second I thought you went soft with the TLO love fest.
More on topic.
From reading some of the stuff you wrote I really don't see much of a change with regards to some of the traits you outlined. For example, you sound very arrogant when you wrote about your workplace and working the line. Then again, you probably don't know any better considering your just starting an actual career opposed to a job. I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
Furthermore, blogs are one of the most self-serving things ever (not to the extent of a Facebook or Twitter, but it comes pretty close).
Look, it doesn't matter how attractive you are. You could be the ugliest woman on the face of the earth and still know how to flirt even though you aren't aware of it. In many circumstances it doesn't hit you until the other person starts to make an advance. Especially if you are friendly and like to chat a lot. It happens naturally.
With that said, I know many people laugh at what they did as a teenager. I know I sure as hell did. Nothing out of the ordinary here.
To paraphrase my cousin: She was silly and stupid back then. After she hit 25 she was just silly.
She's almost 40 and she's still silly.
As a writer I store most of what I write for various reasons. Rarely is it for reflection. In most cases its projects I had to put on back burner. I would never read the stuff I wrote as a teenager. There's only a few things I kept from that period lmao.
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On August 20 2011 13:40 annul wrote:Show nested quote +On August 18 2011 02:17 Zorkmid wrote:On August 18 2011 02:13 annul wrote: its always a good thing to see a girl realize they were dumb in trying to restrain the open flow of their sexuality.
more girls of all ages need to realize this.
Haha. Touche.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/148674_742507428227_122611594_42898321_7178455_n.jpg)
