EPTBelow is a post I made in response to my blog, but I want to share it with the entire world!
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/KsFvO.jpg)
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Groningen, 16-06-2011
Dear Medivac Academy
I was under the impression that medivacs can only fly when they are fully loaded. I understand that they are highly technological vessels, but how can they stay balanced in the air when there's uneven amounts of marines in them? I thought that when there's like 3 marines on 1 side, and 1 marine on the other side, they could topple over, and everyone would die? I know this question might seem unimportant, but I like to play with terran, and I don't want my medivacs to fall out of the sky! Cuz they cost 100 gas you know... Could you answer my question?
-- Meborg
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Korprulu sector, 16-06-2684
Dear mister Meborg
As a valued customer, we are very happy to answer your question. We cannot give away too many details for we noticed that your heart is not exclusively to the terran dominion, but also to the random camp. After appealing to the board of directors, however, we concluded that zerg and protoss have no reliable way to duplicate our technological superiority, so we decided to give an answer.
Medivac balance issues can be solved in two very simple ways. First of all, we never allow marines to sit next to each other, but only in a line behind each other. They all have to sit very still, for any movement can upset our Circular Levitational Orbit Wonder Nucleus Systems, our CLOWNS.
As balance is still an issue with uneven spacing we solved this problem by hiring a few clowns on small bicycles. These clowns are very good at tightrope walking, so they're constantly adjusting balance by cycling around the medivac on tightropes. This is also the reason why thors have to hang underneath the medivacs. If they're inside the cargohold, they take up so much space that they block the tightrope CLOWNS system. In the past this was solved by not having thors, but since we're in the future now this was no longer an option. Therefore we have several claws beneath the medivac now, which can grasp thors and units. We are also very proud that we actually managed to install 9 of these claws, instead of 8. We bolted medics to the 9th claw, so they no longer have to walk around while healing.
The biggest flaw in this technology are the protoss high templars. These elusive protoss academians have studied our ways in the future and the past alike. Because these beings are so clairvoyant, they developed and are developing a technique (We do not understand protoss space-time relation and dimensional warp theorem) to counter our medivac system before and after they are existing. Because of their secret feedback technique, however, they can very specifically target the medic which hangs underneath the 9th claw.
Feedback targets the medics very specifically. As everyone knows that energy and mass are related, we have the medics eat a lot all the time, to give them energy (and mass). However, when they are targeted by feedback, they feed backwards! This means they stop feeding backwards in time, but the clowns do not understand this. The time-space-weight discrepancy happens instantaniously, and our clowns simply cannot react in time! The sudden balance issues confuse our clowns, so they fall down the tightropes, destabilizing the medivac. And we all know: Lack of balance results in instant explosions!
We're training clowns at secret laboratories by letting them balance around hybrid zerg-protoss units. Clown #4647 and Hybrid Subject #8823 are very good friends, and were very succesful at their training! But then a rebel called Jim Raynor destroyed one of these facilities, and set back our clown training for decades. Our clowns cried a lot.
Thank you for your concerns however, and feel free to ask us questions related to the terran dominion!
Yours truly,
Sara Jerrycan, Head of customer service of the Marine Medivac Academy
Edit: An implementation of clowns in 21st century airplanes:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/H0y6B.png)
Edit:
On June 17 2011 09:47 Onioncookie wrote:
This is gold :D ... so how does a collosus walk without losing balance with just 4 legs?
This is gold :D ... so how does a collosus walk without losing balance with just 4 legs?
Well that's a very difficult problem... I tried to ask a few protosses by email for the answer, but this is what he replied to me:
wweee ddddddddo noooootttttttttttttttttttt ttttttttttttttyyyyyppeeeeeeeeeee ee-maaill, wwweeeeeeeee a--moooove
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/s6nVY.png)
Skype didnt work either, cuz he can't open his mouth, and apparently psionics don't work on long-distances..
